1 00:00:02,084 --> 00:00:04,878 Upbeat theme playing... 2 00:00:04,963 --> 00:00:06,965 ♪ Ba‐ba‐ba‐ba, ba‐ba‐ba‐ba ♪ 3 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:12,137 ♪ Ba‐ba, da‐da‐da‐da‐da‐da da‐da‐da ♪ 4 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,435 ‐ Son, this is the story of the time 5 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:22,063 I tried to help someone else fix all their dating problems 6 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,982 through the magic of photography. 7 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,106 I feel like we've derailed. 8 00:00:26,568 --> 00:00:29,446 I gave you life. You give me one night. 9 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:33,032 Now, back in 2022, 10 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,578 having the perfect profile photo was a very big deal. 11 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,164 ‐ Ugh. All my photos are terrible. 12 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,124 Forget it! I'm not joining Tinder. 13 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,501 I'll just die alone or with Sid. 14 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,964 ‐ What? No, dude. Hannah and I plan on dying at the exact same time at 98... 15 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,591 mid‐penetrayshe. 16 00:00:49,675 --> 00:00:52,510 - And you were not invited to that party. - That's fine! 17 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,512 Alone it is. Anything's better 18 00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,973 - than joining these ridiculous apps. - Why? 19 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,142 You'd do great on the apps. 20 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,144 You're a cool, handsome musician. 21 00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,688 ‐ Well, thank you, but no. 22 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,317 Actually, what I am is a part‐time music teacher who drives Uber 23 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,445 and is internet famous for his rejected marriage proposal. 24 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,822 ‐ Look, if I join Tinder, I'm just going to get a bunch 25 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,950 of mean messages from people that recognize me as the Proposal Fail Guy. 26 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:19,621 I mean, I‐I‐let's just take a glimpse at my Instagram DMs, shall we? 27 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,165 Uh... "You don't deserve to have balls." 28 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,502 Uh, "LOL, you suck." 29 00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,837 But "suck" is spelled with five k's. 30 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:30,298 Uh, "You have kind eyes." 31 00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,022 Okay, well, that one doesn't count 'cause it's from our Aunt Karen. 32 00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,971 ‐ You know, who cares about random internet trolls? 33 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,600 Jesse, I've been out with 87 app guys this year. 34 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:41,684 ‐ 88. 35 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,646 Oh, it was 87 before you struck out with Ian, 36 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,065 so now, technically, it's 88. 37 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,775 ‐ Oh, got it. Thanks. 38 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,486 88 guys, okay, 39 00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:53,613 and I haven't given up on finding someone. 40 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:56,116 I refuse to let you quit before you've even gotten started. 41 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,909 - I don't know... - I say 42 00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,036 if you don't want to join Tinder, don't join. 43 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:00,787 ‐ Thank you! 44 00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,540 ‐ You can always spend your Saturday nights with... 45 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:05,500 Postmates and Pornhub. 46 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,584 ‐ Ugh, stop. 47 00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,795 ‐ Your Kung Pao shrimp in one hand, 48 00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:09,879 your man shrimp in the other... 49 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,466 ‐ Soy sauce dripping on your downtown dumpling‐‐ 50 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:16,344 Okay! Fine! I'll join! 51 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,264 ‐ You know what? I'm going to help you crush on Tinder. 52 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,891 If there's one thing I know from my 87‐‐ ‐ 88. 53 00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,435 ‐ We get it! You can count! 54 00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:26,396 88 app guys, 55 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,399 it's how to create a profile that makes a girl swipe right. 56 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,192 Let me do this for you, Jesse. 57 00:02:31,276 --> 00:02:32,318 Repeat after me. 58 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:36,281 "Today is the first chapter of my next great love story." 59 00:02:36,365 --> 00:02:38,450 ‐ Okay. I'm never going to say that, 60 00:02:38,534 --> 00:02:40,618 but I will accept your weird offer. 61 00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,162 ‐ Great! Okay, first, 62 00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:45,123 I have to take the greatest photo of you ever for your profile. 63 00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,249 ‐ Mm‐hmm. 64 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,876 ‐ You're gonna be drowning in internet honeys. 65 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,503 You're going to be like, "I can't breathe! There's too many honeys!" 66 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,838 Okay. 67 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,256 Uh, well, I teach music classes tomorrow, 68 00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,799 but maybe we could do it during my lunch break? 69 00:02:54,883 --> 00:02:56,552 ‐ Perfect. I'll meet you there. 70 00:02:57,261 --> 00:03:00,221 - Jesse, life's gonna be alright. - Mm‐hmm. 71 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,057 ‐ Life's a nightmare. 72 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,726 ‐ Aw, babe. No luck apartment hunting? 73 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,312 ‐ No. Turns out, searching for apartments in this city 74 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,439 without access to your trust fund's impossible. 75 00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,941 I have no idea how you poors did it. 76 00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,778 ‐ Charlie! We've talked about using "poor" as a noun. 77 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,488 Charlie's right. 78 00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:18,156 I'm looking for a place, too. 79 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,326 I just got my harvest check from the farm I share with my ex. 80 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:24,288 Our love may have wilted, but our butter lettuce is poppin'. 81 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,831 ‐ Wait, you still get farm money? 82 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,208 Why aren't you paying us rent? 83 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,418 ‐ Because I'm on my way out. 84 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,419 I gotta be. 85 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,754 Mikey! 86 00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,131 You tell your mom your bedtime is bullshit, okay? 87 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,009 ‐ Stop crying, Mikey! 88 00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:39,928 ‐ Why don't you and Charlie shack up? 89 00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,097 Because you can afford a way better place with a roommate. 90 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:44,390 ‐ Oh my god, let's do it! Alright. 91 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,393 Should we get a grand piano or a normal piano? Hm? Who am I kidding? 92 00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,270 If you're going to get a piano, you might as well go big. 93 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:50,898 - Alright, grand it is. - Sorry. 94 00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:54,109 ‐ I'm not really a... roommate person. 95 00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:57,153 ‐ All good, you know. 96 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,615 Because I very much see myself as a lone wolf anyway. 97 00:04:00,282 --> 00:04:02,784 Solitary and... and serious. 98 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,244 Often nude... 99 00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,663 ‐ I'm sure you can find someone else to be your roommate‐‐ 100 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,248 ‐ I did say, "all good." 101 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,754 ‐ Let's do this! 102 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,297 Okay, repeat after me. "Today is the first chapter" ‐‐ 103 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,841 ‐ Never gonna say it. 104 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,928 ‐ Well, relax your body. 105 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,055 Shake it out a little. 106 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,724 - Angle towards me. - Alright, ready? How's this? 107 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:32,480 ‐ Um, why are you looking up? 108 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,023 ‐ It's my go‐to look. 109 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,442 I have a really prominent Adam's apple, 110 00:04:35,526 --> 00:04:37,110 which I have heard on good authority women 111 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,778 find irresistible. 112 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,072 ‐ What women? 113 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,116 ‐ Not my mom, if that's what you're thinking. 114 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,994 ‐ Okay. Maybe posing is not our friend. 115 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,455 Let's‐let's do something, like, a little more natural. 116 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,666 We could, um... 117 00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,710 And you're unpacking hummus. 118 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,837 ‐ Yeah. Let's get some of me snacking, right? 119 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,130 And make sure you get the backpack, 120 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,048 so it's clear that I packed this hummus myself 121 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,718 because backpack hummus says that I'm prepared, 122 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:04,096 frugal, and health conscious. 123 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,047 ‐ Your mom tell you that, too? 124 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,017 ‐ Fine. No hummus. 125 00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,311 But just make sure to get my teeth, okay? 126 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,689 I didn't do two rounds of Invisalign for nothing. 127 00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:23,406 - What's that? - Package from Hannah. 128 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,866 Probably our HelloFresh meal for tonight. 129 00:05:24,950 --> 00:05:28,286 We do weekly FaceTime cooking dates to stay connected. 130 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,704 I think tonight we're making baked cod. 131 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,707 ‐ That's your secret to a happy long‐distance relationship? 132 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,751 Watching each other eat fish? 133 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,670 ‐ "Thought we could spice things up tonight." 134 00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:39,756 Hm, spice things up? What is this? 135 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,341 A last‐minute switch to Thai? 136 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,594 She is so bad. 137 00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:48,724 The Vyper Ace Interactive Male... Stroker? 138 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:50,767 What is this? 139 00:05:51,476 --> 00:05:54,145 She sent you a sex toy. And not just any sex toy. 140 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:57,107 That is the Birkin bag of sex toys. It has... 141 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:58,608 three motors. 142 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,527 - So fire. - What? 143 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,153 ‐ Hey, I gotta record my podcast. 144 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:04,239 - I'll be back in, like, three hours. - Okay... 145 00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:08,118 ‐ This thing? Game changer. 146 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,494 So, there's a separate toy for her, 147 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:12,080 and you can control each other's devices with an app. 148 00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:15,041 I don't know. I'm not really a sex toy guy. 149 00:06:15,125 --> 00:06:16,918 I'm not even a toy guy. 150 00:06:17,002 --> 00:06:20,213 I had a bad experience with a Lego astronaut as a kid. 151 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:23,007 He got lost... inside me. 152 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,301 ‐ Look... I don't care 153 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,804 if you stuffed a Lego astronaut up your butt when you were little. 154 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:30,473 - What? I didn't do that. - I swallowed it. 155 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,600 ‐ With your butt? 156 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,187 ‐ I'm just gonna text Hannah and tell her I can't do this. 157 00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:37,605 ‐ Uh‐uh‐uh! Sid, 158 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,942 Hannah is trying to keep things fresh and fun and hot 159 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,360 from 3,000 miles away! 160 00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:45,447 She is putting herself out there, so you need to put yourself in there. 161 00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,826 ‐ Yeah, you're right, you're right. Okay. 162 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,870 Okay. Okay! 163 00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:53,997 So, what? Li'I Sid just... 164 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,623 goes into the black tube? 165 00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:58,209 ‐ Your nickname for your penis has the word "li'I" in it? 166 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,338 ‐ Yeah. It's ironic 'cause he's comically large. 167 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:07,761 ‐ Ellen? 168 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,764 ‐ Oh... Hey. 169 00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,599 ‐ I guess we have the same taste in apartments, huh? 170 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,770 ‐ Hey. Maybe we should be roommates, after all. 171 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,773 Just kidding. I know that roommates aren't your thing. 172 00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:23,193 ‐ Hi. I'm Ralph, Ellen's new roommate. 173 00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,780 ‐ See, I thought that I... I get it. 174 00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:29,741 Well, Ralph must be, like, your best childhood pal or something. 175 00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,284 ‐ I met him on Craigslist an hour ago. 176 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,870 ‐ Wow. Okay, well, that is hurtful. 177 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,956 And also dangerous. That man could be a... 178 00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,541 Pervert. 179 00:07:38,625 --> 00:07:40,627 ‐ Hey, I'm a good guy. 180 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:42,880 I'm going to go test out the bathtub. 181 00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,217 ‐ Look, Charlie, the truth is 182 00:07:47,301 --> 00:07:49,135 I just don't think we'd be a good fit to live together. 183 00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,637 I'm brand new to New York. 184 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,223 I need to live with someone who isn't so... 185 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,684 - clueless. - Clueless? 186 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,728 I know my way around this city. 187 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,231 I even learned to keep my mouth closed on the subway. 188 00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,609 ‐ Open your mouth for a treat. 189 00:08:05,694 --> 00:08:06,820 ‐ Ah! 190 00:08:06,904 --> 00:08:09,197 That was not a treat! 191 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:12,784 Yes, I got very drunk trying to disinfect my tongue, but I learned! 192 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,248 ‐ I'm sorry, what is this now? 193 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,417 ‐ It's the Karate Kid. 194 00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:22,461 Alright, break's over. You think we got it? 195 00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,254 ‐ Do you think we got it? 196 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:26,297 - Jesse! - Yeah? 197 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:29,551 ‐ I've practicing my Twinkle Twinkle, and it's getting really good! 198 00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:32,470 ‐ Great! I know you've been working really hard, and it's a complicated song. 199 00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,473 Some might say poetic. 200 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,309 ‐ Hey, kid. Do me a favor. 201 00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,728 Hold this light reflector up for me? 202 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,231 Come on, I'll give you an Altoid. 203 00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,195 Here we go. Quick. I don't wanna miss this shot. 204 00:08:45,984 --> 00:08:48,486 ‐ Uh, uh, Sophie, please stop photographing me and this child. 205 00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,530 ‐ Okay, but this could actually work. 206 00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,283 Okay, you, this cute kid? This is money! 207 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:54,826 Jesse! 208 00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,578 ‐ Drew. 209 00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:58,329 Hi. Sophie, 210 00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,081 this is Drew. 211 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,791 The vice principal. 212 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,294 - What's going on here? - Oh... 213 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:07,088 Jesse needs a date, real bad, 214 00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:09,675 and this little boy's the only hope we've got. 215 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,179 ‐ Where's my Altoid? 216 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,895 ‐ Drew, listen‐‐ ‐ Let me explain. 217 00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:23,897 We're taking these photos for Tinder. 218 00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:26,608 No, no, no, no, no. 219 00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,651 For Jesse's Tinder! 220 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,571 To get him dates! We are not trying to get children dates. 221 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,282 I am very much against children dating. 222 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,701 ‐ So, this was all just to get Jesse a new Tinder profile pic? 223 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,537 - Yes. - Good luck with that. 224 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,999 Jesse's signature looking‐up face ruined the faculty photo this year. 225 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:46,002 It‐it was like he was seeing an airplane for the very first time. 226 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,545 I know, right? 227 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,798 "My god, a flying machine. 228 00:09:49,882 --> 00:09:51,841 Whatever will they think of next?" 229 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,930 - Hey, have we met before? - You‐you look familiar. 230 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,517 - I don't think so. - I have one of those faces. 231 00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,394 ‐ Oh, I‐I don't think you have one of those faces. I... 232 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,147 I think you have a singularly great face. 233 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:09,734 Uh, I should go. 234 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,486 Sophie, it's very nice to meet you. 235 00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:15,740 I do need to ask you to leave the premises immediately. 236 00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326 But it was very nice meeting you. 237 00:10:17,826 --> 00:10:20,996 You, too. I understand. 238 00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,792 ‐ Wow. He was super into you, 239 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,628 even though you were giving off strong Amber Alert vibes. 240 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,506 ‐ Really? You think so? 241 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:34,384 - Doesn't matter. - Today is "help Jesse find love" day. 242 00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,386 ‐ Yeah, Jesse's done, okay? 243 00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:39,598 ‐ Stop. Okay, okay, maybe the apps aren't your vibe. 244 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,642 Legend has it, occasionally, 245 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,353 people still meet in real life. 246 00:10:44,770 --> 00:10:46,980 Come on. Let's go to a bar. I'll be your wingman. 247 00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:47,897 ‐ I can't. 248 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,066 ‐ Stop making excuses, and let me help you. 249 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,067 ‐ I'm not making excuses. 250 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:53,987 It's 1:30 PM on a Tuesday. I'm at work. 251 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:55,572 ‐ Right. 252 00:10:56,740 --> 00:10:57,991 Okay. We'll go later. 253 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,080 Normal work hours are so random. 254 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:08,042 Remember, the camera adds 10 pounds, 255 00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:10,838 so your best angle naked is from high up. 256 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,341 But, not too high! You don't want Li'I Sid to get too li'I. 257 00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,801 ‐ Okay. Wow. 258 00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,179 I mean, you could give a TED Talk on cross‐country coitus. 259 00:11:19,263 --> 00:11:20,889 ‐ Aw, you're sweet. 260 00:11:20,973 --> 00:11:22,849 I've been in a ton of LDRs. 261 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,214 I was in a pretty serious one with the ambassador to Peru. 262 00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:28,272 And then, I had a very hot thing with a Polish pilot. 263 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,857 It is true what they say about the Polish. 264 00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:34,444 - No idea what they say, but wow. - You have lived a life. 265 00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,529 ‐ Alright! 266 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,449 I think my work here is done. 267 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,204 - Ah! - Get it! 268 00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,580 - I'm trying! - Well, try harder! 269 00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:48,125 ‐ Well, I didn't think it'd play hard to get! 270 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:51,879 ‐ Good day. 271 00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,924 ‐ I know that you have many interested parties, such as her, 272 00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,093 but I want this apartment so much, 273 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,595 I'm prepared to pay a year's cash upfront 274 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:02,890 and five percent over the asking. 275 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,726 ‐ Let me think about that‐‐ Okay, yes, deal. 276 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,314 ‐ I thought you said you didn't have any money. 277 00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,526 ‐ Well, I realized that I can pawn my gold spoon. 278 00:12:14,610 --> 00:12:16,569 ‐ This is exactly what I was talking about. 279 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,863 I don't want to live with some clueless rich guy 280 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:22,868 who was born with a literal gold spoon in his mouth! Come on, Ralph! 281 00:12:23,744 --> 00:12:24,912 ‐ Not cool. 282 00:12:26,038 --> 00:12:27,497 ‐ I wasn't born with it in my mouth. 283 00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:30,876 It was gently placed in my hand while I napped in my diamond crib. 284 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,923 You can't put a gold spoon in a baby's mouth. 285 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,633 Choking hazard. 286 00:12:45,307 --> 00:12:47,434 ‐ It's Drew. He's asking for your phone number. 287 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,270 - Really? - Yeah, should I give it to him? 288 00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,607 - Nah, no. He's not really my type. - Really? 289 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:56,568 You guys were all giggling and smiling 290 00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:58,570 and talking about how singular your face is. 291 00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:02,199 ‐ I said I'm good. Now, stop trying to change the subject, okay? 292 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,201 Go talk to her. 293 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:06,995 ‐ And say what? 294 00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:09,915 ‐ How about, uh... "Hey! 295 00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,960 - I think you're gonna like me." - So, lie to her? 296 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:15,546 Fine. 297 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,760 - Hey! - Hey. 298 00:13:23,387 --> 00:13:25,221 ‐ I think you're gonna like me. 299 00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:26,557 ‐ Oh, am I? 300 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,392 ‐ Honestly, it could go either way. 301 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,060 I mean, some people think that I'm charming, 302 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,563 but other people kind of find me, like, to be a lot. 303 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,939 Uh... 304 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,649 I could buy you a drink if you're interested 305 00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:38,819 in figuring out which category you fit into. 306 00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:41,738 ‐ Sure. I'll have a margarita. 307 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:42,948 ‐ Okay. 308 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,496 ‐ She will have a margarita. 309 00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,839 - Hey, babe. - Hey. Whoa, 310 00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,550 you look amazing! Great angle. 311 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:05,804 ‐ Really? 'Cause I didn't even think about my setup. 312 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:08,723 ‐ Okay, I'm turning mine... 313 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,141 on. 314 00:14:10,225 --> 00:14:12,143 ‐ Okay, well, watch out 'cause soon I'll be turning you on. 315 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,023 Uh... Wait, something's wrong with mine. 316 00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,611 God, the WiFi in here is so bad. 317 00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,364 Come with me. 318 00:14:27,743 --> 00:14:29,244 Anyone home? 319 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,623 Alright. 320 00:14:33,332 --> 00:14:35,333 Yeah, the signal's way better in here 321 00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:37,586 Okay. 322 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,883 Let me just open the app that controls your toy... 323 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:46,219 Today on The Daily... 324 00:14:46,303 --> 00:14:48,012 - This thing has a speaker! - ...the survivor 325 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,597 of a rare bacterial infection... 326 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:52,058 - Is that... The Daily? - ...talks to us about losing 327 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,394 - all his limbs... - Yeah, I'm trying to turn it off. 328 00:14:54,478 --> 00:14:56,187 ...and most of his lower face. 329 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,730 I'm Michael Barbaro. 330 00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:00,775 ‐ Okay. 331 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:02,068 ‐ Okay. 332 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:04,320 Where were we? 333 00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:10,574 Yeah. Hannah, I can't do this. 334 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:14,038 Alright, Li'I Sid's stuck in a Chinese finger trap. 335 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,332 Big Sid can't stop thinking about flesh‐eating bacteria. I mean, 336 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,252 this sucks even more than cooking FaceTime fish! 337 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,536 Which I have to pretend to be psyched about once a week. 338 00:15:22,047 --> 00:15:23,965 ‐ I know it sucks. 339 00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:26,718 Long‐distance relationships suck, 340 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:29,137 but at least I'm trying! 341 00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:35,685 Here's what else you need to know today. 342 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,730 ‐ No! There's nothing else I need 343 00:15:38,814 --> 00:15:40,106 To know today! 344 00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,400 Michael! 345 00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:44,527 Uh, another drink? 346 00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,405 - I'd love that! - Okay, great. 347 00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:54,621 ‐ Siri. Text Fort Greene Girls. 348 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:58,416 "OMG. You will not believe was hitting on me right now!" 349 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,794 All caps. "Proposal Fail Guy. 350 00:16:00,878 --> 00:16:03,421 "I literally cannot! I'm dying! 351 00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:06,633 I'm gonna try to get him to sing me his sad proposal song." 352 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:07,759 L‐O‐L, exclamation, 353 00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,595 skull face, exclamation, L‐O‐L, exclamation, skull face, 354 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,389 exclamation, L‐O‐‐ ‐ Excuse me. 355 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,476 ‐ We're getting drinks from the bar, but I'll have a water and fries. Thank you! 356 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,895 ‐ I'm not your waitress. 357 00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,649 Okay, I get the confusion. 358 00:16:23,066 --> 00:16:25,568 But, this is about my friend Jesse, okay? 359 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,946 And he is not some punchline for you to tell 360 00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,948 your dumb friends about at boozy brunch. 361 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,700 He's an incredible guy, and I am killing myself 362 00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:34,786 to make him believe that he will find love. 363 00:16:35,287 --> 00:16:38,164 Do you know how hard it is to believe that? 364 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:41,960 Do you know what it's like to go on 87 first dates? 365 00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,378 No, 88. 366 00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:45,755 88 first dates and have none of them lead 367 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:48,342 to anything even close to a real relationship? 368 00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,136 Have you ever met a totally cute, 369 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,846 nice vice principal who wants to take you out, 370 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:54,556 and all you can think about is why? 371 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:55,849 What's the point? 372 00:16:55,933 --> 00:16:58,184 If I say yes, he's inevitably just going to turn into 373 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,770 failed date number 89! 374 00:17:00,646 --> 00:17:03,440 ‐ Yes. Actually, I know exactly what you mean. 375 00:17:03,524 --> 00:17:05,525 Dating in this city is killing me and seriously‐‐ 376 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:08,695 ‐ No! No, no, you do not get to be relatable right now. 377 00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:12,157 - Okay, look. - Yes, I was texting my friends 378 00:17:12,241 --> 00:17:14,451 about meeting Proposal Fail Guy, 379 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:16,369 but I still wanted to sleep with him. 380 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,830 Uh, is the "sleeping with me" thing 381 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,540 still on the table or... 382 00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:23,418 ‐ No. Your mean waitress friend ruined it! 383 00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:25,462 ‐ Waitress? 384 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,260 ‐ I think you're gonna like me. 385 00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,854 ‐ Hey. Thanks for letting me borrow all this. 386 00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:45,607 - How'd it go? - Very, very poorly. 387 00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:48,401 ‐ I can tell. If you'd used the Vyper Ace correctly, 388 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:50,487 you wouldn't be walking right now. 389 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,822 Talk to me. 390 00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,073 ‐ Um... 391 00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:55,992 When Hannah took the residency in LA, 392 00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:58,745 we promised each other we wouldn't be like other long‐distance couples. 393 00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:01,456 Like, we'd make time for our relationship, but... 394 00:18:02,583 --> 00:18:05,001 between her surgery rotations and me trying to keep this bar afloat, 395 00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,805 it's just harder than I thought it would be. 396 00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:08,547 To feel close to her. 397 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,425 And I hate it. I just miss her. 398 00:18:12,718 --> 00:18:14,719 I just want to cook dinner in the same room as Hannah. 399 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,431 Or, like, read the newspaper with her on a Sunday. 400 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,809 Have sex with her human vagina. 401 00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,895 ‐ That is so romantic. 402 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,898 - I have an idea. - Yeah? 403 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:27,941 ‐ God, you are lucky you met me! 404 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:35,198 - I'm sorry about tonight. - That's okay. 405 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,493 Camilla didn't look like she was very good at sex anyway. 406 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,830 - Yeah, she did. - Yeah, she did. 407 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,753 All that stuff you said to her, that was, uh... 408 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:49,713 kind of intense, huh? 409 00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,091 ‐ You remember that night when we met at the bar, 410 00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:56,428 and you guessed that my parents had a really happy marriage? 411 00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:59,515 - I'm so sorry about that. - Valentina told me I was way off. 412 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:01,558 ‐ Yeah. 413 00:19:02,476 --> 00:19:03,477 You were. 414 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,312 Hm. 415 00:19:08,065 --> 00:19:10,567 My childhood was kind of a mess. 416 00:19:11,443 --> 00:19:15,239 It was just my mom and I bouncing around from one boyfriend's house to the next. 417 00:19:16,532 --> 00:19:19,826 We were more like, you know, sisters than mother‐daughter. 418 00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:23,163 - And I was the big sister. - Oof. 419 00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,498 ‐ Always... 420 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,333 picking up the pieces after every breakup. 421 00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,380 And I got really good at fixing her. 422 00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:36,844 So, fixer became my go‐to mode. 423 00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:41,032 Especially when I can't figure out how to fix things for myself. 424 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,436 ‐ Uh, fix things for yourself, you mean... 425 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:49,940 ‐ You know, like, find my person. 426 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:53,651 I want to so bad, 427 00:19:53,735 --> 00:19:57,030 and it just... keeps not happening. 428 00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,033 ‐ Okay. Sophie... 429 00:20:00,701 --> 00:20:04,162 Repeat after me. "Today is the first chapter 430 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:07,416 of my next great love story." Come on. 431 00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:12,754 ‐ Today is the first chapter of my... 432 00:20:12,838 --> 00:20:15,757 - next great love story. - Next... Love story. Hell yeah. 433 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,678 ‐ Alright, this is me. 434 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,973 - Good night, Sophie. - Good night, Jesse. 435 00:20:30,814 --> 00:20:33,316 ‐ Open your mouth for a treat. 436 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:34,902 ‐ Not tonight, Frank. 437 00:20:40,824 --> 00:20:42,326 ‐ Hi. 438 00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:46,079 ‐ Hi. 439 00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,916 ‐ How how's your amazing new apartment? 440 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:52,002 ‐ Didn't exactly work out. 441 00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:54,838 Smile and say, "new apartment"! 442 00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,633 ‐ Alright, that was fun. 443 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,385 How about that year of rent you promised? 444 00:21:00,886 --> 00:21:02,053 ‐ On it. 445 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,723 Ah! 446 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:06,850 ‐ Ugh. 447 00:21:06,934 --> 00:21:09,895 Well, if makes you feel any better, my day wasn't great, either. 448 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,730 ‐ Hi. I'd like to open a line of credit. 449 00:21:12,814 --> 00:21:16,276 My name's Ellen, and my social security number is... 450 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:19,529 ‐ He bought a camcorder, a bra, and three jars of honey 451 00:21:19,613 --> 00:21:21,323 before I could cancel the credit card. 452 00:21:21,782 --> 00:21:23,534 He was definitely a pervert. 453 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,496 ‐ Look, Ellen, I'm really sorry I tried to steal the apartment. 454 00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:31,166 ‐ I'm sorry for lying to you about wanting a roommate. 455 00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:34,210 Maybe I don't need a grizzled New Yorker to show me the ropes. 456 00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:36,629 Maybe I just need a good person 457 00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,381 who won't steal my identity, 458 00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,260 and we can figure out how to crush the city together. 459 00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:44,554 I mean, if you'd still have me? 460 00:21:44,638 --> 00:21:47,807 ‐ Absolutely. Together, we will take this city by storm. 461 00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,268 We are not afraid of you, New York. 462 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:52,271 ‐ We're the bravest people in the city! 463 00:22:01,238 --> 00:22:02,948 - Hey. - Hi! 464 00:22:03,615 --> 00:22:05,241 What are you doing here? 465 00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:07,828 ‐ This is me, uh, trying. 466 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,628 That is so sweet. 467 00:22:16,712 --> 00:22:19,672 But, that last‐minute flight must have cost you a fortune. 468 00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:23,009 ‐ Not really. I mean, it's a long story, but I got hooked up. 469 00:22:23,093 --> 00:22:25,220 I have this friend who was in a long‐distance relationship 470 00:22:25,304 --> 00:22:27,306 - with a Polish pilot. Yeah. - Huh... 471 00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:30,850 ‐ Like I said, back in 2022, 472 00:22:30,934 --> 00:22:34,270 having a great profile photo was essential, 473 00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:37,315 but it wasn't everything. You also had to be willing 474 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:38,942 to put yourself out there, 475 00:22:39,026 --> 00:22:41,236 time and time again, 476 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,531 even when you just wanted to curl up under a blanket 477 00:22:44,615 --> 00:22:46,491 with a box of Froot Loops, 478 00:22:46,575 --> 00:22:48,368 a box of wine, 479 00:22:48,452 --> 00:22:51,204 and some unboxing videos. 480 00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:53,290 What the hell is an unboxing video? 481 00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:56,668 ‐ For a brief time, when I was younger, 482 00:22:56,752 --> 00:22:58,711 everyone was very into watching 483 00:22:58,795 --> 00:23:01,006 other people open stuff on camera. 484 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,967 - Sounds dark. - Mm, it was. 485 00:23:04,051 --> 00:23:05,844 ♪ You by benny blanco, Marshmello, and Vance Joy ♪ 486 00:23:05,928 --> 00:23:07,471 But, anyway... 487 00:23:07,846 --> 00:23:10,432 ♪ In the moments when I hear my voice ♪ 488 00:23:10,516 --> 00:23:13,810 ♪ But don't feel like myself, wish I could hold you ♪ 489 00:23:14,645 --> 00:23:16,188 ♪ Yes, only you ♪ 490 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:20,150 ♪ In the moments when I walked these city streets ♪ 491 00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:23,445 ♪ With someone else, I wish I told you ♪ 492 00:23:23,987 --> 00:23:25,489 ♪ It's only you ♪ 493 00:23:26,490 --> 00:23:28,908 ♪ Oh, you ♪ 494 00:23:28,992 --> 00:23:30,994 ♪ Only you ♪ 495 00:23:31,078 --> 00:23:32,829 ♪ When the night is over ♪ 496 00:23:32,913 --> 00:23:35,331 ♪ Out of all the places I could choose ♪ 497 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,084 ♪ I go to you ♪ 498 00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,795 ♪ Only you ♪ 499 00:23:40,379 --> 00:23:43,465 ♪ Feel you just below the surface, darling ♪ 500 00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:49,220 ‐ Hello? 501 00:23:49,304 --> 00:23:52,390 ‐ Hi, Drew. It's Sophie, 502 00:23:52,474 --> 00:23:54,017 Jesse's photographer friend. 503 00:23:54,101 --> 00:23:55,853 ‐ Oh. Hi. 504 00:23:56,937 --> 00:24:00,231 ‐ Jesse said that you asked for my number, so... 505 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,484 well, I thought I'd beat you to the punch. 506 00:24:02,568 --> 00:24:05,195 - Oh, amazing. - You know, I was going crazy 507 00:24:05,279 --> 00:24:06,780 trying to figure out where I know you from, 508 00:24:06,864 --> 00:24:08,656 and then I realized that we met 509 00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,617 at Sid and Hannah's engagement party. 510 00:24:10,701 --> 00:24:12,118 ‐ We did? 511 00:24:12,202 --> 00:24:14,496 ♪ All I wanna do is go to you ♪ 512 00:24:14,580 --> 00:24:16,080 Excuse me! You wouldn't happen to have 513 00:24:16,164 --> 00:24:17,832 a cell phone charger handy, would you? 514 00:24:17,916 --> 00:24:21,044 - Oh, uh, yeah. - Never leave home without it. 515 00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:22,754 ‐ Thanks! 516 00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:24,923 ‐ Yeah. Yeah, Hannah's a college friend. 517 00:24:25,007 --> 00:24:26,925 ♪ Feel you just below the surface ♪ 518 00:24:27,009 --> 00:24:29,219 So, uh, what are you doing Friday night? 519 00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:31,429 ‐ Having dinner with you. 520 00:24:31,513 --> 00:24:33,973 ♪ Holding on until forever ♪ 521 00:24:34,057 --> 00:24:36,935 ♪ Doesn't seem to feel so far away ♪ 522 00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:40,605 ♪ Oh, you ♪ 523 00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:42,482 ♪ I go to you ♪ 524 00:24:45,319 --> 00:24:47,029 ♪ I go to you ♪ 525 00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,155 ♪ I go to you ♪ 526 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:54,077 ♪ I go to you ♪ 527 00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,288 ♪ I go to you ♪ 528 00:24:58,749 --> 00:25:00,751 ♪ Ooh, I go to you ♪ 529 00:25:03,378 --> 00:25:05,380 ♪ Ooh, I go to you ♪