1 00:00:52,927 --> 00:00:54,804 ♪ Listen carefully ♪ 2 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,432 ♪ This is for my favorite band Of human beings ♪ 3 00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,018 ♪ The faithful, the graceful, The tragic, the classic ♪ 4 00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:02,562 ♪ The evidence of things unseen, The book of light ♪ 5 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,315 ♪ The mansions of the moon The bones are for their own ♪ 6 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,901 ♪ Recently discovered And everything but no ♪ 7 00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:11,112 ♪ The doubtest doubts about it Never made it unsure, life! ♪ 8 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,324 ♪ The gift, peace out the pressure Can't remember how you came ♪ 9 00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:16,367 ♪ When I am better, How you exit from the start ♪ 10 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,745 ♪ The only thing certain is the end ♪ 11 00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:21,081 ♪ Promise to all and none, Knowing not when ♪ 12 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,666 ♪ Heartbreak from yesterday, A fret for tomorrow ♪ 13 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,127 ♪ I leave you now filled with anxiety And hollow ♪ 14 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,880 ♪ If you break don't worry, If you worry don't break ♪ 15 00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:31,424 ♪ My homie told it to me Just the other day ♪ 16 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,927 ♪ From the tall castle walls To the mean teeth streets ♪ 17 00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:37,180 ♪ I hope you get what you are And that you are what you need ♪ 18 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,348 Thank you. 19 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:43,478 Everybody have a seat, be comfortable, relax. 20 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:48,399 I got to tell you... let's go. 21 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:02,872 Thank you. 22 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,921 I need you guys to know something. 23 00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:12,507 And I'm gonna tell you the truth, and don't get freaked out. 24 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,676 This is going to be my last special for a minute. 25 00:02:17,428 --> 00:02:20,932 It is all good. Listen to me. 26 00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:23,852 I did it in Detroit for that reason. 27 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:28,940 That's right. 28 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,277 You wanna know why? 29 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:35,697 'Cause I talked so much shit about Detroit in the first special 30 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:39,117 I figured, I might as well, do the last special here. 31 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,246 Sorry about that, by the way. 32 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:49,586 First of all, before I even start, I'm gonna say that "I'm rich and famous." 33 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,424 And the only reason I say that 34 00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:58,136 is 'cause the last 17 months were hell, and I cannot imagine 35 00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,345 what everybody went through. 36 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,597 Well, I'm happy to see you 37 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,267 and I'm happy you're well and I hope everyone you love is okay. 38 00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,901 I don't want you to worry about me, I'm... 39 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,403 vaccinated, I... 40 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:19,532 got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. 41 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:25,598 I got to admit, that's probably the most 42 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,957 niggaish decision I've made in a long time. 43 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:34,631 I walk in to the doc like, "Give me the third best option." 44 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,259 I'll have what the homeless people are having. 45 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,515 So far, so good. 46 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,812 And I know you probably heard on the news, I did get coronavirus. 47 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,064 And it was something else. 48 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:54,067 Like, okay first of all, when the doctor told me I had coronavirus 49 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:57,028 I got to tell you, I was surprised how it made me feel. 50 00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:02,909 I felt dirty. 51 00:04:04,953 --> 00:04:06,246 I felt gross. 52 00:04:06,996 --> 00:04:08,790 'Cause I've been walking around Texas 53 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:12,168 just touching door knobs and shit, hands all moist. 54 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:17,173 Tipping niggas with cash. "Here, take this to your family." 55 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,720 I must have killed thousands of people. 56 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,904 Just trying to get tonight's show together 57 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,766 so I hope you appreciate it 58 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:29,185 'cause a lot of niggas died for me to get this one off. 59 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,986 I hadn't felt that dirty in a long time. 60 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,823 Last time I can remember, feeling dirty like that, 61 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,616 man, I must have been a little boy. 62 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,452 I was being molested by a preacher. 63 00:04:48,663 --> 00:04:50,707 But don't feel bad for me, I liked it. 64 00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:56,170 I used to get a kick out of cumming in that fellows face. 65 00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:02,510 Well, he asked me to do it. 66 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,688 They make you quarantine. 67 00:05:14,188 --> 00:05:15,940 I had to quarantine for ten days at least. 68 00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:18,294 They said "You're gonna have to stay in the room," I didn't go nowhere. 69 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,446 And it started making me nuts, 'cause I would just sit in the room 70 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:23,406 and watch videos all day. 71 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:25,074 Now, do you know what I was watching? 72 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,785 And I hate to say this, but there was a lot of videos 73 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,788 sadly, of Black people... 74 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:34,292 beating up Asians for no reason. 75 00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,521 These attacks were unprovoked, I couldn't believe it. 76 00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,421 And I was sitting in the room 77 00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,024 watching this shit, it would stress me out. 78 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,924 I was stressed already because the whole time 79 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,427 when you get coronavirus, at least the first five days 80 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:47,221 you wait, and see how sick you're gonna get. 81 00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,391 And it turns out, and this is true... 82 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:52,935 I didn't get sick at all. 83 00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:58,107 Not a cough, not a booger, not a fever, nothing. 84 00:05:58,941 --> 00:05:59,942 Look at me 85 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:04,113 I am the Magic Johnson of coronavirus. 86 00:06:09,994 --> 00:06:12,538 I just sat in the crib and got stronger all week. 87 00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:18,169 But I was stressed, 'cause I kept watching these videos of my beloved Black people 88 00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:21,089 beating up my beloved Asian people, and being so cruel. 89 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,984 And the whole time I watched those videos, this is fucked up 90 00:06:24,008 --> 00:06:25,593 but I couldn't help but feel like... 91 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,346 When I saw these brothers beating these Asians up. 92 00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,682 It's probably what's happening inside of my body. 93 00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:43,694 I didn't get sick. 94 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:52,912 I also saw a lot of videos of UFOs. 95 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,665 I mean, what the fuck has been going on with that shit? 96 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:56,874 This niggas are here. 97 00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:58,584 These UFOs keep coming to Earth 98 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,753 and it made me think of an idea for a movie. 99 00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,755 Sounds dumb, but hear me out. 100 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,590 In my movie idea 101 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,968 we find out that these aliens 102 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:09,095 are originally from Earth. 103 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,015 That they are from an ancient civilization that achieved interstellar travel 104 00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:16,477 and left the Earth thousands of years ago. 105 00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:18,312 Some other planet that they go to 106 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,982 and things go terrible for them in the other planet 107 00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:22,525 so they come back to Earth 108 00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:26,404 and decide that they want to claim the Earth for their very own. 109 00:07:26,487 --> 00:07:28,406 It is a pretty good plotline, huh? 110 00:07:28,489 --> 00:07:29,490 Yeah! 111 00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,160 I call it Space Jews. 112 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,002 Space Jews. 113 00:07:41,085 --> 00:07:43,838 - We loved it! - Alright. 114 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,757 It's going to get worse than that, hang in there. 115 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,304 It is going to get way worse than that. 116 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,476 Then I thought of an idea for a children's book. 117 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,480 I actually wrote it. It is coming out soon. 118 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:04,275 The book is designed to help parents, teach their children about racism 119 00:08:04,358 --> 00:08:06,611 which, if you're a parent you know 120 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,822 is an impossible concept to teach to a child. 121 00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:12,241 But I'm doing it. 122 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:17,288 The book is about a big, strong beautiful Black man 123 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:20,374 with a benign, regular-ass White name... 124 00:08:21,292 --> 00:08:24,086 and he has a White speaking voice. 125 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,591 So whenever this motherfucker calls to get a reservation at a restaurant, 126 00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,801 oh, he gets the reservation. 127 00:08:33,262 --> 00:08:35,473 That name and that voice, who could resist him? 128 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:41,771 Now I should tell you, this Black man is literally an actual giant. 129 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,731 And he is a strong dude. 130 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:47,818 And when he shows up to them restaurants they see that big giant Black dude 131 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:51,531 they say "You can't come in here." And they call the police. 132 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:56,702 And then every installment of the book 133 00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:59,872 the police come, and they always shoot him. 134 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:07,421 But remember, no, remember this guy is a giant, 135 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:10,258 these bullets don't kill him, they don't even hurt him. 136 00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:12,677 They just break his heart. 137 00:09:15,304 --> 00:09:18,474 It is called Clifford, the Big Black Nigga, anyone? 138 00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,742 This is my last special, because I have an objective tonight. 139 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,205 I came here tonight... 140 00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:46,002 because this body of work, that I've done on Netflix 141 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:48,504 I'm going to complete. 142 00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:50,028 All the questions you might have had 143 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:52,800 about all these jokes I'd said in the last few years 144 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:54,260 I hope to answer tonight. 145 00:09:55,136 --> 00:10:00,725 And I would like to start by addressing the LBGTQ community, correct. 146 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,000 And I want every member of the community to know 147 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,026 that I've come here tonight in peace. 148 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:15,281 And I hope to negotiate the release of DaBaby. 149 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,418 Sad story! 150 00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:32,048 DaBaby was the number one streaming artist 151 00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,633 until about a couple of weeks ago. 152 00:10:35,176 --> 00:10:39,513 Took a nasty spill onstage, and said some... 153 00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:43,893 said some wild stuff about the LBGTQ community 154 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,187 during a concert in Florida. 155 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,731 Now you know, I go hard in the paint 156 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,525 but even I saw that shit was like, "God damn, DaBaby." 157 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,406 He pushed the button, didn't he? 158 00:10:58,115 --> 00:11:00,076 He pushed the button. 159 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:04,372 Punched the LBGTQ community, right in the AIDS. 160 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,876 Can't do that. 161 00:11:11,128 --> 00:11:12,463 Can't do that. 162 00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,552 But I do believe and I'll make this point later 163 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,139 that the kid made a very egregious mistake. 164 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,432 I will acknowledge that. 165 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:28,729 But, you know a lot of the LBGTQ community doesn't know DaBaby's history, 166 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,064 he's a wild guy. 167 00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:37,113 He once shot a nigga... and killed him, in Walmart. 168 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,740 Oh, this is true, Google it. 169 00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:43,411 DaBaby shot and killed a nigga in Walmart in North Carolina. 170 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:46,831 Nothing bad happened to his career. 171 00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,754 Do you see where I am going with this? 172 00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:59,802 In our country, you can shoot and kill a nigga 173 00:12:00,719 --> 00:12:03,264 but you better not hurt a gay person's feelings. 174 00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:12,940 And this is precisely the disparity I wish to discuss. 175 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:19,655 I have a question for the audience 176 00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,575 and this is a real question, I am not joking around. 177 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:29,123 Is it possible, that a gay person can be racist? 178 00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:33,461 Yes! Yeah! 179 00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:37,256 - Do you really think so? - Yeah! 180 00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:40,509 Of course it is possible. Look at Mike Pence. 181 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:51,479 I am guessing, but I bet you, he is gay. 182 00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,063 - Yeah. - Oh my God. 183 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:57,776 And he is not pride parade gay either, he is sad gay. 184 00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,696 I feel bad for him. 185 00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,533 He looks like one of them gays that prays about it. 186 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,249 Jesus, please take these dirty feelings out of my heart. 187 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,421 Please Jesus, make these buttholes ugly to me. 188 00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,799 I don't want to keep on tasting these dicks. 189 00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:27,972 Funny. 190 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:33,521 You guys are confusing your emotions. You think I hate gay people 191 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,940 and what you're really seeing 192 00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:38,776 is that I'm jealous of gay people. 193 00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,612 I'm jealous, 194 00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,323 I'm not the only Black person, that feels this way. 195 00:13:44,406 --> 00:13:46,301 We Blacks, we look at the gay community and we go 196 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,828 "God damn it! Look how well that movement is going." 197 00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:55,084 "Look how well you are doing." 198 00:13:56,669 --> 00:14:00,297 And we've been trapped in this predicament for hundreds of years. 199 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:03,425 How the fuck are you making that kind of progress? 200 00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,846 I can't help but feel like 201 00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:11,392 if slaves had baby oil and booty shorts... 202 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:16,105 ...we might have been free a hundred years sooner. 203 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:17,188 You know what I mean? 204 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:21,795 If Martin Luther King was like, 205 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:24,196 "I want everybody to get up on them floats. 206 00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:28,075 Get your bodies good and shiny." 207 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:42,047 I don't hate gay people at all, I respect the shit out of you. 208 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:43,382 Well, not all of you. 209 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,469 I am not that fond of these newer gays. 210 00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:51,348 Too sensitive, too brittle. 211 00:14:52,308 --> 00:14:56,312 Those aren't the gays that I grew up with, I missed them old school gays, nigga. 212 00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,441 Them Stonewall niggas, them the ones that I respect. 213 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,821 They didn't take shit from anybody, they fought for their freedom. 214 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,741 I respect that shit, I'm not even gay 215 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,285 and I want to be like a Stonewall nigga. 216 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,580 Them old school, gangster gays. 217 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:17,124 Them glory hole niggas, them the ones I like. 218 00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:24,840 These new gays don't even know what the glory hole is. 219 00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:30,220 It's a hole in the wall, that gay contractors build. 220 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,660 You want to know why they put that hole in the wall? 221 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:37,484 I'll tell you, there is no nice way to say it. 222 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,606 'Cause when they want to have some fun 223 00:15:40,689 --> 00:15:44,568 they will put their penises in that hole 224 00:15:45,986 --> 00:15:47,446 and hope for the best. 225 00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:50,616 I respect that shit. 226 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,537 It's a lot of courage on both sides of that hole nigga. 227 00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:00,960 I'm not even gay 228 00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:04,088 and I want to try that glory hole out. 229 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,265 What if Martin Luther King had to integrate the glory hole? 230 00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:19,561 "I don't care if it is Black lips back there or White lips back there 231 00:16:20,521 --> 00:16:22,064 a mouth is a mouth. 232 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,150 A warm wet mouth." 233 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,030 I'm going all the way. 234 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,034 I got into a fight. 235 00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,036 I almost got into a fight, it is complicated. 236 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,414 I was in a bar in Austin, with my wife 237 00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:44,712 and it was during Covid, and a woman came to our table 238 00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,382 and she was maskless, and this bitch came over, no mask, 239 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,927 all "H" words. "Hi, how are you?" 240 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,098 Droplets was coming out of this bitch's face. 241 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,600 We all covered our drinks. Ew! Baby, what are you doing? 242 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,656 Now I looked over the table that she came from, and I peeped game. 243 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,200 The men at the table were filming me. 244 00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,036 This happens when you're famous. 245 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,371 People will come over and try to rattle your cage 246 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,415 and get you to say something stupid or dumb 247 00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,083 so that their buddies can film it 248 00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,586 and get a video of you embarrassing yourself. 249 00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,549 And clearly I said, "This is what is happening." 250 00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,091 And these dumb motherfuckers thought, it was my first rodeo. 251 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,313 Sadly it worked. 252 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,318 I ran right over there, I said... I pointed right in the camera 253 00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,154 I said, "You is a bitch-ass nigga for doing this to me." 254 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,288 And the dude was shocked that I said it. He said "Huh?" 255 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,832 And when he did like this, I've seen all his fingernails 256 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,918 is painted and I realized like, "Oh-oh." 257 00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,883 "This fellow is gay." 258 00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,554 Yeah, you know how I talk. I call everybody a bitch-ass nigga. 259 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,722 You know what I mean? 260 00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,353 But that is not a right thing to do if they're gay. You know what I mean? 261 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,061 And now I was in trouble 262 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,563 and not only that, the motherfucker was huge. 263 00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,649 He stood up, he was towering over me. 264 00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:32,152 He must have been 6' 5", a big White corn-fed 265 00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,905 Texas homosexual, this nigga was ready to fight. 266 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:40,494 And he started barking on me, but I stood my ground, I wasn't scared. 267 00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,704 How could I be scared? 268 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,541 This motherfucker's shirt was tied up in a knot like this. 269 00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,127 Oh, fuck this guy. Let's go, nigga, let's go. 270 00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,441 I thought we were going to come to blows. 271 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,510 I was ready and then 272 00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,388 right when you think we would fight, guess what he did? 273 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,350 He picked up his phone and he called the police. 274 00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,479 And this, this thing I am describing 275 00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,691 is a major issue that I have with that community. 276 00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:15,404 Gay people are minorities, until they need to be White again. 277 00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,372 I'm being very brutally honest, so we can solve this problem. 278 00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,582 I'm telling you right now 279 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,959 a Black gay person would have never done that to me. 280 00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,545 'Cause a Black gay person knows, when the police shows up 281 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,755 they're not going to care who called 'em. 282 00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,592 They don't show up like, "Which one of you niggers is Clifford?" 283 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,512 We're all Clifford. 284 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,436 This happens far too often. 285 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:51,773 Another time, about six years ago, there was a lesbian woman 286 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,818 that tried to sell a story about me to TMZ. 287 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,906 Thank goodness, TMZ could see right through the sham of that story. 288 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,409 This woman claimed that I beat her up in a night club 289 00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,496 because she was a lesbian. That is fuckin' crazy. 290 00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,790 Bitch, I didn't even know you was a woman. 291 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,132 Thank God! TMZ didn't believe that 292 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,928 because I did beat the shit out of her, I am not gonna lie. 293 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,808 It was her fault, I had no choice. 294 00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,561 I came into the club minding my own business 295 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,747 and a woman came up to me, and she goes 296 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,481 "Oh my God, Dave Chappelle." 297 00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,124 And I was just being reciprocally nice. 298 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,026 "Hey, miss, how are you?" Blah, blah, blah. 299 00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,655 Benign talk, nothing to it. And all of a sudden 300 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,741 this lesbian fellow stepped between us. 301 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,452 "Hey nigga, that's my girl!" 302 00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,455 I said, "Yo, my man, back up." Like that. 303 00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:53,502 She said, "I ain't backing up off shit, nigga, that's my girl!" 304 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,422 I said, "Bro, you gonna have to give me three feet, like this." 305 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,885 She said, "Stop calling me a man, motherfucker." 306 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,305 - I am a woman." - I said, "What?" 307 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,814 And then I looked deep in this nigga's cheek bones. 308 00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,442 And I said, "Oh my God, you are a woman." 309 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,821 This is too much for me to even wrap my mind around 310 00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:23,615 but I tell you what, I un-balled my fist immediately 311 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,243 and I softened my posture 312 00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,453 so that she would know, she is in no danger. 313 00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,497 I even changed the tone of my voice. 314 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,171 I said softly, sweetly, like a pimp might say. 315 00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,802 "Bitch, I'm 'bout to slap the shit out of you." 316 00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,187 I should have done it. 317 00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:56,440 Oh, I wish I didn't say that. 318 00:21:56,523 --> 00:22:00,652 She dropped that foot back, she was in a perfect southpaw stance. 319 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,487 Her shoulders were angled correctly, 320 00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,198 her head movement was good, I said "Oh, no! 321 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,868 this bitch boxes for real." 322 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,413 She threw a wild hook at me 323 00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:14,249 and I saw it coming from yesterday, so I slipped it like this... 324 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:19,379 I had no choice, I had to go to work. 325 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:23,592 I let that jab go, you should have seen me go nigga. 326 00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,888 I tenderized them titties like chicken cutlets. 327 00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,146 I whooped the toxic masculinity out of that bitch. 328 00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,533 That is why I don't go out no more. 329 00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:53,914 Just trying to chill, I'm just trying to live a peaceful life. 330 00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:57,167 That's why I live in Ohio, you know, I live in a little town in Ohio. 331 00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,670 Must be like 3700 people, small hippie town. 332 00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:04,382 Culturally you might feel like, like Ann Arbor to you. 333 00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:10,305 You know what I mean? Bunch of hippies and shit like that. 334 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,756 And niggas always ask me like, 335 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,410 "Dave, why do you live in that hippie town?" 336 00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,269 And I'd be embarrassed to tell 'em the truth. 337 00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:17,813 Well, you know why I live there? 338 00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:22,442 Because Yellow Springs, Ohio has the most beautiful women in the world. 339 00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:24,837 And a lot of people might disagree with me 340 00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:28,115 but, you got to see them for yourself, they're gorgeous. 341 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,598 But it all depends on what you're into. You know what I mean? 342 00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:33,495 I like White bitches with dirty feet. 343 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,506 If I had a strip club in Yellow Springs, I would have called that shit "Strippies." 344 00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,925 All naked hippies, all the time. 345 00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,302 And I would only hire girls with long titties 346 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:53,306 and long vagina head that looks like they slept on it. 347 00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,105 And I would keep a pile of dirt, right next to the stage. 348 00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,817 I'd come up like, "Bitch get your feet in that dirt and get up there 349 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:05,986 and give those people what they came to see." 350 00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,238 "Chalk up, bitch." 351 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:24,588 Couple of years ago I was in Ohio, at a shopping mall. 352 00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,175 An old White lady... This is true, 353 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,468 she was following me around the mall. 354 00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:34,472 Which sounds paranoid, but I'm sure she was following me. 355 00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,724 Mean lady too. 356 00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,934 You ever see a woman with lines on her face? 357 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,036 That just tell you like... 358 00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,220 even if she's smiling, it would look like it would hurt 359 00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,648 the muscles in her face. 360 00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:46,544 I knew she was following me, 'cause she was at places 361 00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,587 that had nothing to do with her 362 00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:50,047 I'd be looking around like, "What is this old bitch doing in Gamestop 363 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:52,449 and Footlocker and all the places I like to go?" 364 00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:55,818 Every time I see her, she'd just be looking mean on me. 365 00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,623 And eventually I forgot about it. 366 00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:01,041 So, then after, I am shopping 367 00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:03,004 I go all the way to the back of the parking lot, 368 00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,353 I'm parked all the way in the back 369 00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:07,464 and as soon as I open my car door I hear a voice go, 370 00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:08,840 "David Chappelle." 371 00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:10,550 Just like that. 372 00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,552 I didn't even have to look, I knew it was her. 373 00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:16,097 And I looked back and sure enough there she was, that face. 374 00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:20,560 To be honest with you, she probably wasn't even that old. 375 00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,063 She's probably around my age. 376 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,317 But she was a White woman, this bitch looked terrible. 377 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,532 I'm going all the way. 378 00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:40,121 I kept my cool, I was nice. I said, "Hello, miss." 379 00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:43,124 And she didn't say anything back, all she said was 380 00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,335 "I watch your comedy." 381 00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,296 I said "Oh-oh." 382 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,383 And then she says, this is true, she goes, 383 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,385 "Sounds to me... 384 00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,139 like you, hate women." 385 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:04,688 I said, "Well, you know what, miss? It's art." 386 00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:08,191 You are free to interpret this art however you like 387 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:11,152 but I can tell you as the maker of this art 388 00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,780 that I don't believe that I feel that way. 389 00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,449 And she said, "Well, I think..." 390 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,036 And I said, "Shut up, bitch! Shut the fuck up!" 391 00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:23,999 "Before I kill you and put you in the trunk. 392 00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:25,667 Ain't nobody around here." 393 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,508 I'm just kidding, I didn't say that. 394 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,761 I felt that way, but that's not what I said. 395 00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,181 I was more clever than that. You know what I said? 396 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,534 And this is exactly what I said, I said, 397 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,227 "Miss, before you finish that statement, let me ask you a question. 398 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,603 Where did you see me? 399 00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,899 Did you buy a ticket to a concert I did, I doubt that. 400 00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:55,030 Or, maybe you watched one of my specials on Netflix. 401 00:26:55,113 --> 00:27:01,328 Or... Or... Did I follow you to your car and do my act?" 402 00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:03,455 She said, "What?" 403 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:07,625 I said, "Keep it in the comments section, bitch, this is real life, ta-ta." 404 00:27:15,675 --> 00:27:17,093 And then I drove off. 405 00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:19,637 And now I got to tell you 406 00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:22,474 and this is gonna surprise some people here, but not everybody. 407 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:25,060 People say things to me all the time 408 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:27,771 but what you don't know, is it does affect me. 409 00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,439 I think about it. 410 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,150 And that one bothered me a lot, I was driving home, 411 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,153 couldn't stop thinking about what this woman said 412 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,197 because she is not the first woman that said that to me. 413 00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,033 It's puzzling. You know what I mean? 414 00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,952 Like, what could I possibly be saying... 415 00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:47,540 that would make these bitches think, I hate women. 416 00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,213 Couldn't figure it out. 417 00:27:54,881 --> 00:27:56,132 So, you know what I did? 418 00:27:57,258 --> 00:27:59,969 I Googled the dictionary definition of a feminist 419 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,223 just to make sure, I was talking about the right thing. 420 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,642 And do you know, sir, 421 00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:08,978 what the dictionary definition of a feminist is? 422 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,148 I didn't either, listen to this. 423 00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:16,027 Webster's defines a feminist 424 00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,781 as a human being, not a woman, 425 00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:25,829 a human being, that believes in equal rights for women. 426 00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081 I was shocked, 'cause that is what that meant 427 00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:29,707 'cause by that definition 428 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,879 I would consider myself a feminist, and I didn't even know that at the time. 429 00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:45,598 All these years, I thought it meant frumpy dyke. 430 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,691 Well, that seems always talking to be some... chick in overalls, 431 00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,151 "Men are trying to rape us." 432 00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:58,319 "Ah, not you bitch, will you please..." 433 00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:12,500 I know, look, listen, I support the feminist movement, I do 434 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,252 in my own ways. 435 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:17,964 Well, you guys did the women's march, I tried to go and support you 436 00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,508 and none of my friends would go with me. 437 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,677 I asked all the fellows, none of them wanted to go. 438 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:25,030 I tried everything. "Come on y'all, there's gonna be bitches there." 439 00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:25,972 They was like, "Nope." 440 00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:31,728 So what I did is, I called my friend Anj. 441 00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,856 Anj is a Black woman who is a comedy writer and she's dope. 442 00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,941 A matter of fact, a matter of fact, 443 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:40,069 she's the only woman, that I know personally 444 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,697 that pays her ex-husband alimony. 445 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:45,825 And she sounds just like a man when she does it. 446 00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:48,828 "Fuck that broke motherfucker" and all that, she says all that shit. 447 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,709 So I hit Anj up, I hit her on the text 448 00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,073 and all I did, I texted. I said, 449 00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:58,588 "Anj, are you going to the women's march?" 450 00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:02,509 And she texted me back, and this is a real text, she said... 451 00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:07,013 she said, "I hope those White bitches get tear gassed." 452 00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:20,527 There is a problem in that feminist movement, isn't there? 453 00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,822 From its inception in America 454 00:30:23,905 --> 00:30:25,949 there has always been a racial component. 455 00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,576 When Susan B. Anthony was having that meeting 456 00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,454 and Sojourner Truth's Black ass showed up. 457 00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:34,040 Read your history books. 458 00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:37,794 All the White women asked Sojourner Truth not to speak. 459 00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:41,673 They didn't conflate the issues of women's rights and slavery. 460 00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,760 But you know how Black bitches are, so Sojourner Truth went up there anyway. 461 00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:56,563 She did a famous speech, she said "Ain't I a woman?" 462 00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,773 "Ain't I a woman?" 463 00:30:59,399 --> 00:31:02,402 That's right. And listen, listen, listen. 464 00:31:02,485 --> 00:31:07,824 I supported the "Me Too" movement, but the whole time, the whole time 465 00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:10,910 I thought that the way they handled it was stupid. 466 00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,917 It was, it was White, it was like... 467 00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:24,215 they were doing shit, like going to the Golden Globes 468 00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,819 and all of them would be like "Let's all go to the Golden Globes 469 00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,428 and wear black dresses. 470 00:31:28,511 --> 00:31:30,179 And give these men a piece of our minds." 471 00:31:30,263 --> 00:31:31,931 Bitch, that is not gonna work. 472 00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:34,660 You think Martin Luther King is gonna be like, 473 00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:38,396 "I want everybody to keep riding the bus, but wear matching outfits." 474 00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,610 You got to get off the bus and walk. 475 00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:46,905 It's real talk. 476 00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:49,449 A real talk, that was a silly movement. 477 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,784 "I want everybody to wear crochet pussy hats 478 00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:53,328 so they know we are serious." 479 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,332 What the fuck was y'all doing? 480 00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:02,003 And then I said something about it in one of my specials 481 00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,464 and all these women actresses came after me. 482 00:32:04,547 --> 00:32:06,257 I said, "Man, fuck y'all too, you canceled. 483 00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,760 I ain't jerking off to none of your pictures again." 484 00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:16,726 They were like, "Who is he to tell us anything?" 485 00:32:16,809 --> 00:32:18,728 I'll tell you exactly who I am. 486 00:32:20,229 --> 00:32:22,982 I'm the one that got off the bus 487 00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:26,736 and left $50 million on the bus and walked. 488 00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:36,829 I agreed with these women. 489 00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:42,251 I just didn't agree with what they were doing about it. 490 00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:47,882 Right. Right. No, it was annoying as fuck... 491 00:32:49,550 --> 00:32:52,470 because if these women were serious, you know what they would have done? 492 00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:55,014 They all would have fired their agents. 493 00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,450 And they would have went to the mailroom 494 00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:58,434 of one of these big agencies and found a woman 495 00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:02,230 that was bustin' her hump in there and said, "If you want to talk to us 496 00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:03,982 then you have to talk to her." 497 00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,275 And if they did that, 498 00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,653 then she would be big, and they would be big 499 00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:11,197 and nobody would get fed to Harvey Weinstein. 500 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,657 But did they do that? 501 00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,784 - No! - No. 502 00:33:15,284 --> 00:33:17,954 Was that their idea? No. 503 00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:20,248 Surprisingly it was mine. 504 00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:26,587 What I think, the feminist movement needs to be very successful... 505 00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:29,549 is a male leader. 506 00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:34,636 I'll do it. 507 00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,766 I will. I will lead you women to the promised land. 508 00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:42,228 I will make sure you will get equal pay for equal work. 509 00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:45,606 I will make sure that nobody harasses you or fucks with you on the job. 510 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,650 I will protect all of your interests. 511 00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:50,153 And all that I ask for in return... 512 00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:53,322 is that you suck my dick. 513 00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,578 And now, we're right back to square one, aren't we? 514 00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,760 And now we get to the core of the crisis. 515 00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:16,386 What... 516 00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:18,473 what is a woman? 517 00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,850 What is that, in this day and time? 518 00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:24,145 Is there even such a thing as a woman or a man or anything? 519 00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:25,938 Hmm. Hmm? 520 00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,608 Seems to be a question nowadays. 521 00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,486 Now listen, women get mad at me 522 00:34:32,153 --> 00:34:34,155 gay people get mad at me, lesbians get mad at me, 523 00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:36,318 but I'm gonna tell you right now, and this is true... 524 00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,117 these transgenders... 525 00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:41,287 the niggas want me dead. 526 00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:46,751 I've gone too far, I've said too much. 527 00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:51,023 But I got to tell you, I'm very worried about it. 528 00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:52,381 I'm not even joking with you. 529 00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:54,675 Every time I come out onstage, I be scared. 530 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,513 I be lookin' around the crowd, searching. 531 00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:00,640 For knuckles and Adam's apples 532 00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:02,975 to see where the threats might be coming from. 533 00:35:08,481 --> 00:35:10,167 A nigga came up to me on the street the other day. 534 00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,193 He said, "Careful, Dave, they after you." 535 00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:13,444 I said, "What?" 536 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,283 "One they, or many theys?" 537 00:35:32,171 --> 00:35:34,090 Before I even say anything about that community 538 00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:36,592 you must know and I hope you all feel the same way 539 00:35:36,676 --> 00:35:39,303 I am not indifferent 540 00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:41,556 to the suffering of someone else. 541 00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,725 There's laws, the mean laws in our country. 542 00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,477 North Carolina passed a law once. 543 00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:49,647 They said a person in North Carolina must use the restroom 544 00:35:49,730 --> 00:35:53,234 that corresponds with the gender they were assigned 545 00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:54,777 on their birth certificate. 546 00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:57,572 No, no, no, no. 547 00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:02,326 No, that is not a good law. That is a mean law. 548 00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:06,789 No American should have to present a birth certificate 549 00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:10,126 to take a shit at Walmart, in Greensboro, North Carolina 550 00:36:10,209 --> 00:36:12,378 where DaBaby shot and killed a motherfucker. 551 00:36:17,925 --> 00:36:20,511 You have to ask yourself, if you're thinking about it, 552 00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,055 who are these laws designed to protect? 553 00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,350 Like let's say they designed this law to protect me, 554 00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:30,813 my interests, transphobic comedian, Dave Chappelle. 555 00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:38,404 Let's say I'm in Walmart, doing a little shopping with my family. 556 00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,698 Now I should tell you 557 00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:43,701 if that ever happens in real life, you should know 558 00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,746 my dreams didn't work out. 559 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,178 Well let's say something goes horribly wrong 560 00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:55,171 and there I'm in Walmart with the poor Whites 561 00:36:55,254 --> 00:36:58,883 rummaging around for mediocre goods and services. 562 00:37:04,096 --> 00:37:05,723 And then I got to go to the restroom. 563 00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,268 So, I excuse myself from my family. I go to the men's room. 564 00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:11,646 Now I'm standing at the urinal, taking a leak. 565 00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,482 And this is what this law is gonna do. 566 00:37:15,149 --> 00:37:17,735 And suddenly a woman 567 00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,612 walks into the men's room. 568 00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:21,739 I'm like, that's strange. 569 00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:26,118 And then she stands shoulder to shoulder 570 00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:28,889 with me at the urinal, I'm gonna be like, "Bitch, what's going on with you?" 571 00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:32,875 And then she hikes her skirt up 572 00:37:33,709 --> 00:37:38,089 and she pulls a real live, meaty dick out! 573 00:37:40,716 --> 00:37:42,593 What do you think I am going to say? 574 00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:47,932 Thank God, she's in here with me. 575 00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:52,728 At least now I know my family is safe. 576 00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:56,190 Mm-mm. 577 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:59,194 No, I'm not gonna feel that way at all, I'm gonna feel very uncomfortable. 578 00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:03,447 I would feel better if it was a man with a vagina 579 00:38:05,574 --> 00:38:07,702 that backed up to the urinal next to me. 580 00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,168 I wouldn't even think about that, I'd just be like, "That's funny." 581 00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:21,007 "This guy is peeing out of his butt for some reason." 582 00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:27,430 "Oh my God, he must be a Veteran, thank you for your service." 583 00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:40,526 I'm not indifferent to people's suffering 'cause I know it's hard to be everybody. 584 00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:43,612 We Blacks, we just got our first big holiday in a long time. 585 00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:46,157 Happy belated Juneteenth to the Blacks. 586 00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,499 Juneteenth is a strange holiday, isn't it? 587 00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,626 - Yes. - It commemorates 588 00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:01,005 when Black people in Texarkana area of the country 589 00:39:01,088 --> 00:39:02,673 first found out that they were free. 590 00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:06,385 But remember, they were free when they found out. 591 00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:09,347 They just didn't know it yet. 592 00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,184 Very interesting holiday. 593 00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:14,602 You know, I learned something 594 00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:17,188 This is a wild story. 595 00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,900 I learned this past Juneteenth of a story, this is true. 596 00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:23,903 And it's that there was a Black man who was in South Carolina 597 00:39:23,986 --> 00:39:25,446 during slavery 598 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:30,117 who somehow got granted his freedom by his so-called master. 599 00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:33,079 And when his master granted him the freedom 600 00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:34,705 he also gave him a plot of land. 601 00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:36,582 Now it turns out, this brother was brilliant. 602 00:39:36,665 --> 00:39:39,502 He had a good eye, good knack for farming. 603 00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:42,546 And he farmed this plot of land very successfully 604 00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:46,217 and made a lot of money, and this is where the story gets crazy. 605 00:39:46,967 --> 00:39:48,511 When he got all that money... 606 00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:53,641 this nigga brought some slaves. 607 00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,728 Have you ever heard this before? This is a true story. 608 00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,856 Not only was he a slave owner, he became a slave breeder. 609 00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,109 And employed tactics that were so cruel 610 00:40:03,192 --> 00:40:07,154 even White slave owners were like, "Yo, my man." 611 00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,157 He was a wild dude, but he did it 612 00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:13,285 just because that's what successful people did at the time. 613 00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:16,997 He just wanted to be down, what a fuckin' tragedy. 614 00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:18,791 How can a person 615 00:40:18,874 --> 00:40:20,334 that went through slavery 616 00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,796 perpetuate the same evil on a person that looks just like him. 617 00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:25,005 It's mind blowing. 618 00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:29,093 And shockingly, they're making a movie about him. 619 00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:34,598 Ironically... it is called Space Jews. 620 00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:42,440 Space Jews. 621 00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:51,740 The point of that story is 622 00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,326 this person was invested in a construct. 623 00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,745 That was the construct of successful people 624 00:40:56,829 --> 00:40:59,582 and he just followed the roadmap of successful people. 625 00:40:59,665 --> 00:41:02,877 He followed what they called "an incentive." 626 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,629 Now, everyone struggles 627 00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:08,299 but I'm very invested 628 00:41:09,758 --> 00:41:12,636 in the gender construct, personally. 629 00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,598 'Cause I'm a man with kids, and a wife, and 630 00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:20,519 I like that warm, wet soft pussy that my wife has. 631 00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,903 This does not mean that I feel like another point of view 632 00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,739 can't exist. 633 00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,618 I was doing a night club in Oakland, 16 years ago 634 00:41:35,701 --> 00:41:37,161 and this was the first time 635 00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:39,788 that the trans community ever got mad at me that I knew about. 636 00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,166 And then I was nobody, I had just quit Chappelle Show. 637 00:41:42,249 --> 00:41:44,168 It was like a nothing hole in the wall club 638 00:41:44,251 --> 00:41:48,172 and I was doing some transgender jokes in Oakland, it was 16 years ago. 639 00:41:48,255 --> 00:41:51,050 My pronoun game was not as nice as it is today. 640 00:41:52,092 --> 00:41:53,802 I went too far, I said things like 641 00:41:53,886 --> 00:41:56,847 tranny and shit I didn't know these words were bad, and a woman stood up 642 00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,557 and just gave me the business. 643 00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:00,660 Started screaming at me, and I'm sure it was a woman. 644 00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:04,104 But she kept calling me transphobic and all this shit 645 00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:06,982 I had never even heard these words before, it was really weird. 646 00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:08,943 I didn't trip, I just gazed at Security 647 00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:11,195 to look like, "Go on, get that bitch out of here." 648 00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:16,450 I kept it moving. 649 00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:18,327 And then she went to the press. 650 00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,246 The next day one of the gay papers wrote 651 00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:23,791 all of the same things she had said to me, about me in the paper. 652 00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:26,502 Misquoted the jokes, and was calling me transphobic 653 00:42:26,585 --> 00:42:28,879 you know, these words, I had never heard them before but 654 00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:32,299 every time that I talked with anybody from the community since 655 00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:35,052 they always repeat the talking points from that article. 656 00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:38,305 My least favorite of which being, I hate this phrase 657 00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:42,726 they say, "I was punching down on them." 658 00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,855 "Punching down", what the fuck does that mean? 659 00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,984 Now fast forward. 660 00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:52,653 It is 2019. 661 00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:56,991 And I am in a restaurant in Ohio, very nice restaurant. 662 00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:58,701 It's Thanksgiving week. 663 00:42:59,618 --> 00:43:02,830 And to be honest, it is not a very nice restaurant, but 664 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,875 it is a nice restaurant, if you're a White person from Ohio 665 00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,752 that has never been anywhere before. 666 00:43:10,379 --> 00:43:11,880 Picture Chili's. 667 00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,555 I'm sitting in the bar, I'm having a drink by myself 668 00:43:19,638 --> 00:43:22,766 and the only other person in the bar is a woman, a couple of stools down. 669 00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:25,686 And she was alone, and she was older, and that made me feel sad, 670 00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:27,313 'cause it was the holidays. 671 00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:30,524 So, I told the bartender, "Send that woman a drink on me." 672 00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:33,402 Just trying to spread the cheer, and I wish I didn't. 673 00:43:35,195 --> 00:43:36,655 This woman wanted to talk. 674 00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:40,492 She wasn't mean, she was nice, but she just wanted to talk about shit 675 00:43:40,576 --> 00:43:42,178 that you know, I mean a nigga just trying to get drunk 676 00:43:42,202 --> 00:43:44,472 don't want to hear about this bitch remodeling in her bathroom. 677 00:43:44,496 --> 00:43:46,457 And I'm sitting there, trying to be polite. 678 00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,667 Oh, subway tiles? Word. 679 00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:53,839 But then she hits a lick. 680 00:43:55,257 --> 00:43:56,759 Piqued my interest. 681 00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,137 She says, "My daughter is coming home for the holidays." 682 00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:02,981 Like, "Oh, that is great news, I'm glad you're not going to be alone." 683 00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:06,477 And then she goes on and on about how great her daughter is. 684 00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,772 I guess her daughter got a new agent and she is out in Hollywood, 685 00:44:09,855 --> 00:44:12,566 she's in movies and on television and all this stuff 686 00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,028 and as she's telling me this, I'm thinking, this woman is so sweet. 687 00:44:16,111 --> 00:44:18,447 She probably doesn't even know who I am. 688 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:20,949 Or what I do for a living 689 00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:23,243 because I know 690 00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:26,789 what your daughter's is out in Hollywood doing. 691 00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,521 And then she goes, "Would you like to see her picture?" 692 00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:35,106 "Oh now I don't want to see this woman's picture, 693 00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:35,964 but what am I gonna do?" 694 00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:38,550 I'm like, "Okay sure, I'd love to see the picture." 695 00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:42,012 And I grab the picture and this is all I say, this is all I say, 696 00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,597 "Oh... 697 00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,433 she is very beautiful." 698 00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:48,811 And as she puts the picture away 699 00:44:48,894 --> 00:44:53,273 she... looks mean all of a sudden, like she caught me in some kind of trap. 700 00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:57,528 "What did that face mean?" And then she goes, "She's transgender." 701 00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:03,951 And I think to myself, "Oh, this bitch does know who I am." 702 00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:12,668 I really resented that trap 703 00:45:12,751 --> 00:45:14,837 because that trap doesn't let me be honest. 704 00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,606 If I was honest, I wouldn't have fallen for it. 705 00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,340 I'd have just looked at the picture like, 706 00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:22,136 "Look at that big chiseled jawline, that big thick Joe Rogan neck. 707 00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:23,887 Is that a dude? 708 00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,890 Is your daughter a man?" 709 00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:30,185 Can't say that shit. 710 00:45:32,312 --> 00:45:33,814 It's really annoying. 711 00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,528 Fast forward, now it's a couple of days later. 712 00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:42,030 It's the Wednesday... 713 00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:46,034 before the Thursday that's Thanksgiving, 714 00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:47,703 and I'm in a totally different bar 715 00:45:47,786 --> 00:45:51,665 and this bar, trust me, is not a nice place. 716 00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:55,335 It's foul, it's one of those bars where the top shelf 717 00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,503 should be under the sink. 718 00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,843 This is where the poor Whites drink. The Tiki torch Whites. 719 00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:06,722 You know what I mean? Them White people, they believe in "Q" 720 00:46:06,805 --> 00:46:10,100 and they love Trump. You know what I mean? Like Michigan White people. 721 00:46:20,402 --> 00:46:23,197 I remember I was at this bar one time, it was that kind of bar it is. 722 00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,840 I was in there one time, I was fucked up 723 00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:26,617 and I turned around to everybody in the bar 724 00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,596 and go "Hey everybody, I am going to buy everyone in the bar a round of drinks." 725 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,914 And all the motherfuckers was like, "Hurrah!" 726 00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,225 And the bartender knew I was drunk, so she pulled me aside. 727 00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:37,211 "Mr. Chappelle, are you sure about that?" 728 00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:40,839 That's going to be 16 dollars. 729 00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:47,721 Tough time for the Whites. 730 00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,244 And this was a holiday weekend. You know what I mean? 731 00:46:53,268 --> 00:46:55,687 These motherfuckers were having a rootin' tootin' time. 732 00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:57,981 They was in there partying, making all them noises. 733 00:46:58,065 --> 00:47:01,068 "Ooh! Ow! Yeow!" 734 00:47:01,151 --> 00:47:03,171 You know all them noises White people make before lynching? 735 00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:04,738 They was doing all that shit. 736 00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:10,827 I was drunk. 737 00:47:12,079 --> 00:47:14,790 I looked over my shoulder, I thought I was trippin'. 738 00:47:14,873 --> 00:47:16,250 Guess who was in the bar? 739 00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:19,086 I thought I was seeing things, I looked across the room 740 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,046 and I saw... 741 00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:24,758 the trans-bitch from the picture. 742 00:47:26,969 --> 00:47:28,428 I couldn't believe it. 743 00:47:28,512 --> 00:47:31,265 I said "What is a trans person, doing in a place like this? 744 00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,475 This is very dangerous behavior." 745 00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:40,315 And she was with, two big, buff, gay Black dudes. 746 00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:42,609 I didn't know these dudes, but I know they was gay. 747 00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,172 If they had a dick in their mouth, they wouldn't look any gayer 748 00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:47,507 than they did just sitting there. 749 00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,785 They had 1980s gay face. You know what that is? 750 00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:52,703 Remember in the '80s 751 00:47:52,786 --> 00:47:54,586 when gay people looked surprised all the time. 752 00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:04,475 "Close your mouth, nigga, what is surprising", you know what I mean? 753 00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:08,135 But they was huge, they looked like Jussie Smollett's trainers. 754 00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,442 And I am thinking, "Man these motherfuckers are in a lot of trouble." 755 00:48:14,474 --> 00:48:16,101 So what I do is I stand up 756 00:48:16,184 --> 00:48:19,187 and everybody in the bar likes me, so I make a big show of it 757 00:48:19,271 --> 00:48:20,814 to make sure that everyone can hear me. 758 00:48:20,897 --> 00:48:22,482 Now, I walk right up to her, and I go 759 00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:26,236 "Hey! I just met your mother the other night 760 00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,673 and she told me all the great things you're doing in Hollywood. 761 00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:30,032 And I cannot believe that someone 762 00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,783 from a podunk place like this 763 00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:34,411 can achieve all that, I'm so proud of you. 764 00:48:34,494 --> 00:48:35,704 Welcome home." 765 00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,123 And the whole bar said "Hurrah!" 766 00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:41,335 And I said "Phew." 767 00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:44,254 "That ought to buy her some time." 768 00:48:46,089 --> 00:48:47,132 You know what I mean? 769 00:48:47,215 --> 00:48:49,551 A couple of more drinks and these fellows are gonna start 770 00:48:50,135 --> 00:48:52,512 asking her for some pussy, she might not have. 771 00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:01,938 And she was very gracious. 772 00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:04,191 She said "Thank you so much", and we shook hands 773 00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:07,736 and as she was shaking my hand, her face turned mean, like her mom's. 774 00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:14,159 And she said, "Do you mind, not punching down on my people?" 775 00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:16,203 Oh, I don't like that. 776 00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,997 Normally, I would've let it go, but I was drunk. 777 00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,959 I said, "What might you mean, bitch?" 778 00:49:25,879 --> 00:49:28,799 I was careful to call her a bitch, 'cause I didn't want to blow her cover. 779 00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,054 Turns out she wasn't hiding. 780 00:49:34,805 --> 00:49:36,348 She was loud, she was proud. 781 00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:38,684 She let me have it in front of everybody. 782 00:49:38,767 --> 00:49:41,061 Screaming at me, all the talking points from that article. 783 00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:42,646 You transphobic, this and that. 784 00:49:42,729 --> 00:49:44,272 Kept clapping her hands in my face. 785 00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:45,691 "Let me tell you somethin'." 786 00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:47,502 I said, "Where did you learn this from, Black bitches?" She kept going, 787 00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:50,404 "Let me tell you something, honey." 788 00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,948 So annoying. 789 00:49:55,283 --> 00:49:58,078 She kept calling transgenders, her people. 790 00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,373 Ain't that weird? "My people this, my people that." 791 00:50:01,456 --> 00:50:03,417 I said, "What do you mean, your people?" 792 00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:07,170 Were you all kidnapped in Transylvanian, brought here as slaves? 793 00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:16,888 She said, "My people have struggled for decades, honey, decades." 794 00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:19,683 And I looked at them gay Black dudes, like. 795 00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:22,728 "Is there anything you niggas need to tell this bitch? 796 00:50:23,937 --> 00:50:25,439 Clifford, Clifford?" 797 00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:33,989 I am exaggerating, she is actually a very nice person 798 00:50:34,072 --> 00:50:37,909 and I'm cool with her now, but boy, that shit got on my nerves. 799 00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,262 And it got on my nerves because, whenever someone says that to me 800 00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:44,958 I know they have never seen me for themselves, they just repeat 801 00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:46,376 what they've heard. 802 00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:49,588 Any of you, who have ever watched me know 803 00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:55,177 that I've never had a problem with transgender people. 804 00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,889 If you listen to what I'm saying, clearly 805 00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:03,018 my problem has always been with White people. 806 00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:13,195 I've been arguing with the Whites my entire career. 807 00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:15,840 Just when I thought I had you guys on the ropes 808 00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:16,698 you changed all the rules. 809 00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:17,949 "Oh yeah?" 810 00:51:18,033 --> 00:51:20,243 - Yeah, motherfucker! - "Well." 811 00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,748 I am a girl now, nigger. You must treat me as such. 812 00:51:28,710 --> 00:51:30,420 "Call me a girl, nigger." 813 00:51:33,882 --> 00:51:35,509 It's annoying as fuck. 814 00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:39,679 No, no, go back, go back 815 00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:42,724 tonight after the show, watch every special I did on Netflix. 816 00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:45,268 Listen to everything I've ever said about that community. 817 00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:46,269 I'll go through 'em. 818 00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:49,064 I said, "How much do I have to participate in your self image?" 819 00:51:49,147 --> 00:51:51,375 I said, "You shouldn't discuss this in front of Black people." 820 00:51:51,399 --> 00:51:54,337 I said, "I know niggas in Brooklyn that wear high heels just to feel safe." 821 00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:57,280 I asked you "Why is it easier for Bruce Jenner 822 00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:58,657 to change his gender 823 00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:01,827 than it is for Cassius Clay to change his name?" 824 00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:10,919 If you listen to what I'm saying, I'm not even talking about them, 825 00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:16,591 I'm talking about us and "they don't listen." 826 00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,387 It's very annoying. 827 00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:25,267 And they have canceled people, more powerful than me. 828 00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,353 They canceled J.K. Rowling, my God. 829 00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:31,773 J.K. Rowling wrote all the Harry Potter books by herself. 830 00:52:33,483 --> 00:52:36,236 She sold so many books, the Bible worries about her. 831 00:52:39,614 --> 00:52:41,634 And they canceled it because, she said in an interview 832 00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:44,661 and this is not exactly what she said, but effectually she said 833 00:52:45,328 --> 00:52:47,080 that gender was a fact. 834 00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,083 And then the trans community got mad as shit, 835 00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:52,043 they started calling her a TERF. 836 00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:53,920 I didn't even know, what the fuck that was. 837 00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:58,925 But I know that trans people make up words to win arguments. 838 00:53:02,846 --> 00:53:04,014 So I looked it up. 839 00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,142 TERF is an acronym. 840 00:53:07,225 --> 00:53:09,936 It stands for Trans-exclusionary radical feminist. 841 00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:12,105 This is a real thing, this is a group of women... 842 00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,441 that hate transgender. 843 00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:15,918 They don't hate transgender women but 844 00:53:15,942 --> 00:53:17,110 they look at trans women 845 00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:19,404 the way we Blacks might look at Black face. 846 00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:23,033 It offends them like, "Oh, this bitch is doing an impression of me." 847 00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,415 Now I shouldn't speak on this 848 00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:34,586 because I'm not a woman nor am I a trans. 849 00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,005 But as we've established... 850 00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:40,008 I am a feminist. 851 00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:43,011 That's right. 852 00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:49,809 I'm team TERF. 853 00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:51,978 I agree. 854 00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,773 I agree, man. 855 00:53:54,856 --> 00:53:57,108 Gender is a fact. 856 00:53:57,192 --> 00:54:00,070 You have to look at it from a woman's perspective. 857 00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:02,364 Look at it like this, Caitlyn Jenner 858 00:54:02,447 --> 00:54:04,491 whom I have met, wonderful person. 859 00:54:04,574 --> 00:54:10,038 Caitlyn Jenner... was voted, woman of the year. 860 00:54:10,538 --> 00:54:13,333 Her first year as a woman. 861 00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:14,501 Ain't that something? 862 00:54:14,584 --> 00:54:17,837 Beat every bitch in Detroit. She's better than all of you. 863 00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:21,841 Never even had a period, ain't that something? 864 00:54:23,468 --> 00:54:26,471 I'd be mad as shit if I was a woman. I'd be mad if I was me. 865 00:54:26,554 --> 00:54:28,741 If I was in the BET awards, sitting there and they're like 866 00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:33,728 "And the winner for nigger of the year... Eminem." 867 00:54:33,812 --> 00:54:34,813 My man. 868 00:54:43,029 --> 00:54:44,739 Gender is a fact, this is a fact. 869 00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:47,909 Every human being in this room, every human being on Earth 870 00:54:47,993 --> 00:54:51,830 had to pass through the legs of a woman to be on Earth. 871 00:54:51,913 --> 00:54:55,208 That is a fact. 872 00:54:57,460 --> 00:54:58,461 Now... 873 00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:06,302 I am not saying that to say, that trans women aren't women. 874 00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:10,849 I'm just sayin, that those pussies that they got... 875 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,978 You know what I mean? 876 00:55:22,318 --> 00:55:25,280 I'm not saying it is not pussy, but that's like 877 00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:28,366 Beyond Pussy or Impossible Pussy. You know what I mean? 878 00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:32,162 It tastes like pussy but that's not quite what it is, is it? 879 00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,248 It's not blood, that is beet juice. 880 00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:45,842 Oh buddy, I'm in trouble now. 881 00:55:54,267 --> 00:55:55,953 Before I go, I want to share this story with you 882 00:55:55,977 --> 00:55:57,771 because it is important to this point. 883 00:56:00,482 --> 00:56:03,777 I want your community to know that one of the coolest people I ever met 884 00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:05,820 was a transgender woman. 885 00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,281 And this is not a man that I knew 886 00:56:08,364 --> 00:56:12,368 that became a woman, this woman was trans when I met her. 887 00:56:12,452 --> 00:56:15,580 Lived in San Francisco, Daphne Dwarman is the name. 888 00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:19,125 I would do 18 shows in the Bay Area 889 00:56:19,209 --> 00:56:22,128 sometimes in Oakland and Dirty Hood night club 890 00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:25,048 and she would be there, white trans woman, laughing 891 00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:27,759 loud and hard, at everything I said. 892 00:56:27,842 --> 00:56:30,678 Especially the trans jokes, very puzzling... 893 00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:34,516 because she was obviously trans. 894 00:56:36,518 --> 00:56:38,686 And one night after one of the shows I met her. 895 00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,690 And what it was, turns out 896 00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:45,401 it was her dream to be a comedian. 897 00:56:45,944 --> 00:56:47,737 And I was her hero. 898 00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:48,696 It was very moving. 899 00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:52,992 I could not dislike somebody that felt that way about me. 900 00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:54,619 We became fast friends. 901 00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:57,622 And when I made that special Sticks and Stones 902 00:56:57,705 --> 00:57:00,708 right as it was coming out, I happened to be in San Francisco 903 00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:02,085 and I wanted to do a show. 904 00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:04,712 But I needed an opening act, and I remembered... 905 00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:08,675 that trans woman I had met, so I called her on the phone. 906 00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:11,010 And I called her myself, 907 00:57:11,094 --> 00:57:12,696 I said, "Hey Daphne, this is Dave Chappelle." 908 00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:14,264 She couldn't believe it. 909 00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:16,099 And I go, "I'm in San Francisco." 910 00:57:16,182 --> 00:57:18,810 And then she started saying a bunch of wild stuff, I was like 911 00:57:18,893 --> 00:57:21,354 "Relax now, I don't want any pussy, I was... 912 00:57:27,026 --> 00:57:30,321 I'm just calling, because I'm doing a show and I need an opening act. 913 00:57:30,989 --> 00:57:32,709 And I was wondering if you'd open the show?" 914 00:57:32,782 --> 00:57:34,826 And she was like, "Fuck, yeah." 915 00:57:34,909 --> 00:57:38,329 Now... I didn't know this at the time 916 00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:42,292 but this woman had only done stand up comedy eight times in her life. 917 00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:44,377 This was little to no experience 918 00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:48,756 and now she's about to open a show for what many call the GOAT. 919 00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,899 She's an amateur in stature, but 920 00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:08,193 in practice, she was very professional. 921 00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,487 She showed up early, which is something I appreciate 922 00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:12,322 'cause I like people to be on time. 923 00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:15,408 She was dressed to the motherfuckin' nines, I mean, 924 00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:18,578 I'm transphobic and even I was like, "You look nice." 925 00:58:23,791 --> 00:58:27,003 Went up on the stage with all the swag of a professional comedian, 926 00:58:27,086 --> 00:58:29,464 grabbed that mic and walked right down the middle 927 00:58:29,547 --> 00:58:33,009 and looked at the crowd like a gangster. Man, you should have seen her work. 928 00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:36,638 This bitch bombed for 45 minutes, straight. 929 00:58:38,973 --> 00:58:42,519 And I'm not exaggerating, young man. That show was terrible. 930 00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:44,770 Stunk. 931 00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:48,357 Stunk. 932 00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,443 And then she brings me on, and you know, 933 00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:52,862 I was like a glass of water after a handful of salt. 934 00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:54,614 The crowd was happy to see me. 935 00:58:54,697 --> 00:58:55,697 I was killing it. 936 00:58:58,117 --> 00:58:59,661 But here is what impressed me. 937 00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:04,374 Any other comedian I've ever seen, if they had bombed as bad as she did, 938 00:59:04,457 --> 00:59:07,919 would have snuck out of the back of the theatre and went home and cried 939 00:59:08,002 --> 00:59:09,438 or something, but she didn't do that. 940 00:59:09,462 --> 00:59:11,005 Not only did she not leave, 941 00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,675 she found a seat, right up in front. 942 00:59:13,758 --> 00:59:16,761 You know, when a new comedian watches an experienced comedian 943 00:59:16,844 --> 00:59:18,846 in comedy we call this "taking class." 944 00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,766 And this bitch took my whole class, she sat up there 945 00:59:21,849 --> 00:59:24,852 and was laughing as hard as she always laughs 946 00:59:24,936 --> 00:59:27,188 as if nothing bad had even happened to her. 947 00:59:27,272 --> 00:59:30,692 And I saw her show. Something bad happened to her. 948 00:59:35,446 --> 00:59:36,489 She was drunk. 949 00:59:38,032 --> 00:59:40,201 So she starts talking to me, while I'm onstage 950 00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:43,538 but the way a person would talk to a television when they were alone. 951 00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:44,539 She was talking to me like that. 952 00:59:44,622 --> 00:59:46,249 That didn't bother me 'cause I knew her. 953 00:59:46,332 --> 00:59:48,876 But the crowd didn't like that shit at all 'cause she sucked. 954 00:59:51,629 --> 00:59:53,673 And a guy in the back of the room stood up 955 00:59:53,756 --> 00:59:56,259 and Daphne's hair was dyed blonde at the time 956 00:59:56,342 --> 00:59:59,429 and the guy screamed out, and his energy felt wild as fuck. 957 00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,407 He said, "Hey Daphne!" and everybody got clamped, 958 01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:02,473 they got tense. 959 01:00:02,557 --> 01:00:05,643 We didn't know who was a heckler or active shooter, and... 960 01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:10,398 ...he said, 961 01:00:11,107 --> 01:00:13,651 "Does the carpet match the drapes?" 962 01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:16,654 It was fucked up. 963 01:00:16,738 --> 01:00:20,867 The whole crowd kind of groaned, 'cause it was so like, mean. 964 01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:23,911 Everybody groaned, except for Daphne. 965 01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,289 She kind of laughed, which was weird. 966 01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:28,333 And she didn't even look all the way back. 967 01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,002 She said, "Sir, I don't have carpets 968 01:00:31,085 --> 01:00:33,296 I have hardwood floors." Just like that. 969 01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:36,215 Just like that. 970 01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:43,222 Boy, when she said that shit, it blew the roof of the place. 971 01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:47,268 Cut through all the tension, with that one joke. 972 01:00:47,352 --> 01:00:51,147 She had made up for 45 minutes of a stinker of a show. 973 01:00:53,399 --> 01:00:55,401 And after that, she could do no wrong. 974 01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,696 And I kept on rocking, and she kept on talking to me. 975 01:00:58,780 --> 01:01:03,034 And then the show became something cooler than a show. 976 01:01:03,117 --> 01:01:04,535 It became like a conversation 977 01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,579 between a Black man and a White trans woman 978 01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,456 and we started getting to the bottom of shit. 979 01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:11,668 All of them questions that you think about that you'd be afraid to ask, 980 01:01:11,751 --> 01:01:13,002 I was just asking them 981 01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:15,880 and she was answering them and her answers were funny as shit. 982 01:01:15,963 --> 01:01:17,674 The crowd was falling out of their chairs 983 01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:20,343 and at the end of the show, I go, "Well, Daphne"... I said 984 01:01:20,426 --> 01:01:21,427 "Well, that was fun." 985 01:01:21,511 --> 01:01:23,971 I go, "I love you to death, but I have no fuckin' idea 986 01:01:24,055 --> 01:01:25,431 what you're talking about." 987 01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,475 The whole crow laughed 988 01:01:27,558 --> 01:01:29,143 except for Daphne. 989 01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,146 Man, she looks at me like I'm not her friend anymore. 990 01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:35,733 Like I'm something bigger than me, like I'm the whole world in a guy. 991 01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:39,195 Then she said, "I don't need you to understand me." 992 01:01:39,278 --> 01:01:40,405 I said, "What?" 993 01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:42,907 She said, "I just need you to believe..." 994 01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:46,828 Just like that she goes, "...that I'm having a human experience." 995 01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:48,913 And when she said it 996 01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,666 the whole crowd kind of gasped. 997 01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,711 And I gave the Fight Club look. 998 01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:58,840 I said, "I believe you, bitch." 999 01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:03,886 Because she didn't say anything about pronouns. 1000 01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:06,639 She didn't say anything about me being in trouble. 1001 01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:09,892 She said, "Just believe I'm a person and I'm going through it." 1002 01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:14,063 I know I believe you, because it takes one to know one. 1003 01:02:25,908 --> 01:02:28,661 Then I told the crowd "Good night." And they started going crazy 1004 01:02:28,745 --> 01:02:30,830 and before the applause gets to it's crescendo 1005 01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:33,750 I was saying, "Don't forget my opening act, Daphne." 1006 01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:35,710 And the crowd stood up. 1007 01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,671 And I looked at her, tears came out of her eyes 1008 01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:40,757 she couldn't believe it was happening. 1009 01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:44,010 I couldn't believe it was happening 'cause her show stunk. 1010 01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:48,514 And it was a great night. 1011 01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:50,683 And I remember, the late great Paul Mooney was there 1012 01:02:50,767 --> 01:02:52,810 bunch of flyers, comedy niggas was there. 1013 01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:58,733 And we all went backstage 1014 01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:00,794 and was just drinking and talking shit and laughing 1015 01:03:00,818 --> 01:03:03,696 and Daphne stole the room, she had everyone cracking up. 1016 01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:07,200 Spinning the yarn, telling us all these crazy stories about shit, she'd be into. 1017 01:03:07,825 --> 01:03:09,118 We all laughing real hard, 1018 01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:10,804 and there she is telling us and everyone is laughing. 1019 01:03:10,828 --> 01:03:13,456 I'm looking around, I'm like, "Oh my God, she is funny." 1020 01:03:14,415 --> 01:03:16,250 I pulled her aside, I said, "You're hilarious. 1021 01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:18,628 I didn't know that when you were onstage." 1022 01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,567 I said, "You're doing some things wrong but I can help you." 1023 01:03:23,591 --> 01:03:26,431 I said, "Anytime I'm in San Francisco why don't you open the show for me 1024 01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,155 and I'll just try to give you some pointers 1025 01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:29,656 and see if you can work this thing out." 1026 01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:31,641 She said, "Are you serious?" 1027 01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:32,975 I was like, "Yeah." 1028 01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:37,605 And she grabbed me real tight, hugged me, squeezed me. 1029 01:03:38,105 --> 01:03:41,442 And I pushed her off violently, 'cause I'm transphobic. 1030 01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:44,153 I said "Boundaries, bitch!" 1031 01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:54,705 When Sticks and Stones came out... 1032 01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:58,876 a lot of people in the trans community were furious with me and 1033 01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,920 apparently they dragged me on Twitter. 1034 01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,422 I don't give a fuck, 'cause Twitter is not a real place. 1035 01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:16,310 And the hardest thing for a person to do 1036 01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:18,020 is go against their tribe 1037 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,607 if they disagree with their tribe, but Daphne did that for me. 1038 01:04:22,316 --> 01:04:25,862 She wrote a tweet that was very beautiful and what she said was 1039 01:04:25,945 --> 01:04:27,655 and it is almost exactly what she said. 1040 01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:32,034 She said, "Punching down on someone, requires you to think less of them 1041 01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:34,245 and I know him, and he doesn't. 1042 01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,957 He doesn't punch up, he doesn't punch down 1043 01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:43,045 he punches lines, and he is a master at his craft." That's what she said. 1044 01:04:50,636 --> 01:04:54,098 Beautiful tweet, beautiful friend, it took a lot of heart 1045 01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:57,143 to defend me like that, and when she did that 1046 01:04:57,226 --> 01:05:01,689 the trans community dragged that bitch all over Twitter. 1047 01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:06,235 For days, they was going in on her, and she was holding her own 1048 01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:07,445 'cause she's funny. 1049 01:05:07,987 --> 01:05:11,699 But six days after that wonderful night I described to you 1050 01:05:11,782 --> 01:05:15,119 my friend Daphne killed herself. 1051 01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:20,207 Oh yeah, this is a true story, my heart was broken. 1052 01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,960 Yeah, it wasn't the jokes. 1053 01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,313 I don't know if was them dragging 1054 01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:25,564 or I don't know what was going on in her life 1055 01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,298 but I bet dragging her didn't help. 1056 01:05:28,424 --> 01:05:30,968 I was very angry at them, I was very angry at her. 1057 01:05:31,802 --> 01:05:33,220 I felt like Daphne lied to me. 1058 01:05:33,304 --> 01:05:35,473 She always said, she identified as a woman. 1059 01:05:35,556 --> 01:05:37,934 And then one day she goes up to the roof of her building 1060 01:05:38,017 --> 01:05:40,853 and jumps off and kills herself. 1061 01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,229 Clearly... 1062 01:05:42,980 --> 01:05:45,816 only a man would do some gangster shit like that. 1063 01:05:48,819 --> 01:05:49,987 Hear me out. 1064 01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:53,407 As hard as it is to hear a joke like that 1065 01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:56,911 I'm telling you right now, Daphne would have loved that joke. 1066 01:05:56,994 --> 01:05:59,121 That is why she was my friend. 1067 01:06:09,423 --> 01:06:11,175 I was reading her obituary 1068 01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:15,846 and I found out, she was survived by a daughter. 1069 01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,935 And the moment I found that out, and this is true 1070 01:06:21,018 --> 01:06:23,938 Anderson Cooper from CNN texted me. 1071 01:06:25,022 --> 01:06:26,458 And all he says, it's very nice, he said, 1072 01:06:26,482 --> 01:06:28,359 "I'm sorry to hear about your friend." 1073 01:06:28,442 --> 01:06:32,238 And I texted him right back. "New phone, who this?" 1074 01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:37,511 He said, "It's Anderson Cooper." 1075 01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:40,788 Oh, I said, "Anderson, look I need to find her family." 1076 01:06:40,871 --> 01:06:42,331 And he texted me right back 1077 01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:44,959 with all the phone numbers and all this information. 1078 01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:47,482 I say this to say, if you ever want to know about anything gay 1079 01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,964 call Anderson Cooper from CNN. 1080 01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:52,591 This nigga is faster than Google. 1081 01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,057 What I did is, I got in touch with her family 1082 01:07:00,141 --> 01:07:02,768 and I started a trust fund for her daughter 1083 01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:06,022 'cause I know that is all she ever really cared about. 1084 01:07:15,156 --> 01:07:17,175 And I don't know what the trans community did for her 1085 01:07:17,199 --> 01:07:18,951 but I don't care, because I feel like 1086 01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:21,829 she wasn't their tribe, she was mine. 1087 01:07:21,912 --> 01:07:24,040 She was a comedian in her soul. 1088 01:07:28,669 --> 01:07:31,672 The daughter is very young, but I hope to be alive 1089 01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:34,008 when she turns 21 1090 01:07:34,091 --> 01:07:36,927 'cause I'm going to give her this money myself. 1091 01:07:37,011 --> 01:07:38,304 And by then, 1092 01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,640 by then, I'll be ready to have the conversation 1093 01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:44,101 that I'm not ready to have today. 1094 01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:46,312 But I'll tell that little girl, "Young lady, 1095 01:07:47,104 --> 01:07:48,689 I knew your father... 1096 01:07:51,817 --> 01:07:53,611 ...and he was a wonderful woman." 1097 01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:10,795 Empathy is not gay. Empathy is not Black. 1098 01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:17,510 Empathy is bi-sexual. It must go both ways. 1099 01:08:19,178 --> 01:08:21,472 It must go both ways. 1100 01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:28,938 Remember, taking a man's livelihood is akin to killing him. 1101 01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,651 I'm begging you, please do not abort DaBaby. 1102 01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:50,459 Kevin Hart dreamt his entire life of hosting the Oscars 1103 01:08:50,543 --> 01:08:54,338 and when he finally got the job they just took it! 1104 01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:56,090 It's not fair. 1105 01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:59,510 They didn't kill him, Kevin is a strong guy. 1106 01:08:59,593 --> 01:09:02,680 But I'm sure it broke old Clifford's heart. 1107 01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:07,476 It's over. 1108 01:09:08,477 --> 01:09:12,314 LBGTQ, L-M-N-O-P-Q-Y-Z, it is over. 1109 01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:15,359 I'm not telling another joke about you 1110 01:09:15,442 --> 01:09:19,029 until we are both sure, that we are laughing together. 1111 01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,409 I'm telling you this is done. I'm done talking about it. 1112 01:09:23,492 --> 01:09:27,663 All I ask from your community, with all humility 1113 01:09:27,746 --> 01:09:31,125 will you please stop 1114 01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:33,878 punching down on my people? 1115 01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:36,839 Thank you very much and good night. 1116 01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:46,765 ♪ First I was afraid, I was petrified ♪ 1117 01:09:47,308 --> 01:09:51,228 ♪ Kept thinking I could never live Without you by my side ♪ 1118 01:09:51,312 --> 01:09:53,647 ♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪ 1119 01:09:53,731 --> 01:09:56,901 ♪ Thinking how you did me wrong, and I grew strong ♪ 1120 01:09:57,443 --> 01:09:59,403 ♪ And I learned how to get along ♪ 1121 01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:01,197 ♪ And so you're back ♪ 1122 01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,282 ♪ From outer space ♪ 1123 01:10:03,365 --> 01:10:05,492 ♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪ 1124 01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:07,661 ♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪ 1125 01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,747 ♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪ 1126 01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:11,874 ♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪ 1127 01:10:11,957 --> 01:10:15,836 ♪ If I had known for just one second, You'd be back to bother me ♪ 1128 01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,588 ♪ Go on now go ♪ 1129 01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:19,256 ♪ Walk out the door ♪ 1130 01:10:19,924 --> 01:10:21,967 ♪ Just turn around now ♪ 1131 01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,803 ♪ You're not welcome anymore ♪ 1132 01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:28,349 ♪ Weren't you the one who tried to Hurt me with goodbye ♪ 1133 01:10:28,432 --> 01:10:32,186 ♪ You think I'd crumble You think I'd lay down and die ♪ 1134 01:10:32,269 --> 01:10:36,482 ♪ Oh no not I I will survive ♪ 1135 01:10:36,565 --> 01:10:40,527 ♪ Oh as long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive ♪ 1136 01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:44,698 ♪ I've got all my life to live I've got all my love to give ♪ 1137 01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:48,661 ♪ I'll survive I will survive ♪ 1138 01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:50,704 ♪ Hey hey ♪ 1139 01:10:50,788 --> 01:10:52,748 ♪♪ 1140 01:11:05,344 --> 01:11:07,346 ♪ It took all the strength I had ♪ 1141 01:11:07,429 --> 01:11:09,056 ♪ Not to fall apart ♪ 1142 01:11:09,139 --> 01:11:13,102 ♪ Kept trying hard to mend the pieces Of my broken heart ♪ 1143 01:11:13,185 --> 01:11:17,398 ♪ And I spent oh-so many nights Just feeling sorry for myself ♪ 1144 01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:19,316 ♪ I used to cry ♪ 1145 01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:23,487 ♪ But now I hold my head up high And you see me ♪ 1146 01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:24,905 ♪ Somebody new ♪ 1147 01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:29,576 ♪ I'm not that chained-up little Person still in love with you ♪ 1148 01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:33,914 ♪ And so you felt like dropping in And just expect me to be free ♪ 1149 01:11:33,998 --> 01:11:37,960 ♪ Well, now I'm saving all my lovin' For someone who's loving me ♪ 1150 01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,005 ♪ Go on now, go Walk out the door ♪ 1151 01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:46,552 ♪ Just turn around now You're not wanted anymore ♪ 1152 01:11:47,136 --> 01:11:50,723 ♪ Weren't you the one who tried to break me with goodbye ♪ 1153 01:11:50,806 --> 01:11:54,184 ♪ You think I'd crumble You think I'd lay down and die ♪ 1154 01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:55,268 ♪ Oh no, not I... ♪