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♪ Listen carefully ♪
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♪ This is for my favorite band
Of human beings ♪
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♪ The faithful, the graceful,
The tragic, the classic ♪
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♪ The evidence of things unseen,
The book of light ♪
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♪ The mansions of the moon
The bones are for their own ♪
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♪ Recently discovered
And everything but no ♪
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♪ The doubtest doubts about it
Never made it unsure, life! ♪
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♪ The gift, peace out the pressure
Can't remember how you came ♪
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♪ When I am better,
How you exit from the start ♪
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♪ The only thing certain is the end ♪
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♪ Promise to all and none,
Knowing not when ♪
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♪ Heartbreak from yesterday,
A fret for tomorrow ♪
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♪ I leave you now filled with anxiety
And hollow ♪
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♪ If you break don't worry,
If you worry don't break ♪
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♪ My homie told it to me
Just the other day ♪
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♪ From the tall castle walls
To the mean teeth streets ♪
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♪ I hope you get what you are
And that you are what you need ♪
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Thank you.
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Everybody have a seat,
be comfortable, relax.
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I got to tell you... let's go.
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Thank you.
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I need you guys to know something.
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And I'm gonna tell you the truth,
and don't get freaked out.
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This is going to be my last special
for a minute.
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It is all good. Listen to me.
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I did it in Detroit for that reason.
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That's right.
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You wanna know why?
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'Cause I talked so much shit about
Detroit in the first special
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I figured, I might as well,
do the last special here.
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Sorry about that, by the way.
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First of all, before I even start,
I'm gonna say that "I'm rich and famous."
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And the only reason I say that
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is 'cause the last 17 months were hell,
and I cannot imagine
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what everybody went through.
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Well, I'm happy to see you
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and I'm happy you're well
and I hope everyone you love is okay.
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I don't want you to worry about me,
I'm...
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vaccinated, I...
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got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
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I got to admit,
that's probably the most
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niggaish decision
I've made in a long time.
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I walk in to the doc like,
"Give me the third best option."
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I'll have what the homeless
people are having.
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So far, so good.
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And I know you probably heard on the news,
I did get coronavirus.
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And it was something else.
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Like, okay first of all, when the doctor
told me I had coronavirus
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I got to tell you,
I was surprised how it made me feel.
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I felt dirty.
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I felt gross.
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'Cause I've been walking around Texas
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just touching door knobs and shit,
hands all moist.
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Tipping niggas with cash.
"Here, take this to your family."
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I must have killed
thousands of people.
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Just trying
to get tonight's show together
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so I hope you appreciate it
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'cause a lot of niggas died
for me to get this one off.
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I hadn't felt that dirty
in a long time.
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Last time I can remember,
feeling dirty like that,
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man, I must have been a little boy.
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I was being molested by a preacher.
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But don't feel bad for me,
I liked it.
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I used to get a kick out of cumming
in that fellows face.
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Well, he asked me to do it.
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They make you quarantine.
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I had to quarantine for ten days at
least.
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They said "You're gonna have to stay
in the room," I didn't go nowhere.
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And it started making me nuts,
'cause I would just sit in the room
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and watch videos all day.
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Now, do you know what I was watching?
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And I hate to say this,
but there was a lot of videos
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sadly, of Black people...
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beating up Asians for no reason.
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These attacks were unprovoked,
I couldn't believe it.
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And I was sitting in the room
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watching this shit,
it would stress me out.
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I was stressed already
because the whole time
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when you get coronavirus,
at least the first five days
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you wait, and see
how sick you're gonna get.
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And it turns out, and this is true...
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I didn't get sick at all.
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Not a cough, not a booger,
not a fever, nothing.
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Look at me
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I am the Magic Johnson of coronavirus.
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I just sat in the crib
and got stronger all week.
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But I was stressed, 'cause I kept watching
these videos of my beloved Black people
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beating up my beloved Asian people,
and being so cruel.
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And the whole time I watched those videos,
this is fucked up
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but I couldn't help but feel like...
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When I saw these brothers
beating these Asians up.
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It's probably what's happening
inside of my body.
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I didn't get sick.
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I also saw a lot of videos of UFOs.
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I mean, what the fuck has been going on
with that shit?
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This niggas are here.
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These UFOs keep coming to Earth
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and it made me think of an idea
for a movie.
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Sounds dumb, but hear me out.
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In my movie idea
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we find out that these aliens
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are originally from Earth.
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That they are from an ancient civilization
that achieved interstellar travel
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and left the Earth
thousands of years ago.
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Some other planet that they go to
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and things go terrible
for them in the other planet
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so they come back to Earth
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and decide that they want to claim
the Earth for their very own.
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It is a pretty good plotline, huh?
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Yeah!
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I call it Space Jews.
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Space Jews.
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- We loved it!
- Alright.
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It's going to get worse than that,
hang in there.
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It is going to get way worse than
that.
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Then I thought of an idea
for a children's book.
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I actually wrote it.
It is coming out soon.
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The book is designed to help parents,
teach their children about racism
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which, if you're a parent you know
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is an impossible concept
to teach to a child.
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But I'm doing it.
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The book is about
a big, strong beautiful Black man
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with a benign,
regular-ass White name...
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and he has a White speaking voice.
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So whenever this motherfucker calls
to get a reservation at a restaurant,
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oh, he gets the reservation.
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That name and that voice,
who could resist him?
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Now I should tell you, this Black man
is literally an actual giant.
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And he is a strong dude.
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And when he shows up to them restaurants
they see that big giant Black dude
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they say "You can't come in here."
And they call the police.
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And then every installment of the
book
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the police come,
and they always shoot him.
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But remember, no,
remember this guy is a giant,
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these bullets don't kill him,
they don't even hurt him.
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They just break his heart.
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It is called Clifford,
the Big Black Nigga, anyone?
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This is my last special,
because I have an objective tonight.
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I came here tonight...
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because this body of work,
that I've done on Netflix
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I'm going to complete.
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All the questions you might have had
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about all these jokes
I'd said in the last few years
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I hope to answer tonight.
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And I would like to start by addressing
the LBGTQ community, correct.
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And I want every member
of the community to know
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that I've come here tonight in peace.
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And I hope to negotiate
the release of DaBaby.
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Sad story!
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DaBaby
was the number one streaming artist
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until about a couple of weeks ago.
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Took a nasty spill onstage,
and said some...
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said some wild stuff
about the LBGTQ community
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during a concert in Florida.
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Now you know, I go hard in the paint
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but even I saw that shit was like,
"God damn, DaBaby."
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He pushed the button, didn't he?
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He pushed the button.
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Punched the LBGTQ community,
right in the AIDS.
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Can't do that.
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Can't do that.
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But I do believe
and I'll make this point later
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that the kid
made a very egregious mistake.
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I will acknowledge that.
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But, you know a lot of the LBGTQ community
doesn't know DaBaby's history,
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he's a wild guy.
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He once shot a nigga...
and killed him, in Walmart.
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Oh, this is true, Google it.
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DaBaby shot and killed a nigga in
Walmart in North Carolina.
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Nothing bad happened to his career.
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Do you see where I am going with
this?
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In our country,
you can shoot and kill a nigga
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but you better not hurt
a gay person's feelings.
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And this is precisely the disparity
I wish to discuss.
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I have a question for the audience
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and this is a real question,
I am not joking around.
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Is it possible, that a gay person
can be racist?
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Yes! Yeah!
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- Do you really think so?
- Yeah!
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Of course it is possible.
Look at Mike Pence.
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I am guessing,
but I bet you, he is gay.
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- Yeah.
- Oh my God.
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And he is not pride parade gay either,
he is sad gay.
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I feel bad for him.
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He looks like one of them gays
that prays about it.
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Jesus, please take these dirty feelings
out of my heart.
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Please Jesus,
make these buttholes ugly to me.
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I don't want
to keep on tasting these dicks.
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Funny.
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You guys are confusing your emotions.
You think I hate gay people
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and what you're really seeing
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is that I'm jealous of gay people.
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I'm jealous,
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I'm not the only Black person,
that feels this way.
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We Blacks,
we look at the gay community and we go
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"God damn it!
Look how well that movement is going."
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"Look how well you are doing."
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And we've been trapped in this predicament
for hundreds of years.
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How the fuck
are you making that kind of progress?
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I can't help but feel like
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if slaves had baby oil
and booty shorts...
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...we might have been free
a hundred years sooner.
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You know what I mean?
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If Martin Luther King was like,
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"I want everybody
to get up on them floats.
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Get your bodies good and shiny."
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00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:42,047
I don't hate gay people at all,
I respect the shit out of you.
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Well, not all of you.
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I am not that fond of these newer
gays.
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Too sensitive, too brittle.
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Those aren't the gays that I grew up with,
I missed them old school gays, nigga.
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Them Stonewall niggas,
them the ones that I respect.
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They didn't take shit from anybody,
they fought for their freedom.
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I respect that shit, I'm not even gay
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00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,285
and I want to be like a Stonewall
nigga.
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Them old school, gangster gays.
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Them glory hole niggas,
them the ones I like.
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These new gays don't even know
what the glory hole is.
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It's a hole in the wall,
that gay contractors build.
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You want to know why
they put that hole in the wall?
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I'll tell you,
there is no nice way to say it.
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'Cause when they want
to have some fun
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they will put their penises in that
hole
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and hope for the best.
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I respect that shit.
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It's a lot of courage
on both sides of that hole nigga.
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I'm not even gay
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and I want to try that glory hole
out.
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00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:15,265
What if Martin Luther King
had to integrate the glory hole?
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"I don't care if it is Black lips
back there or White lips back there
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a mouth is a mouth.
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A warm wet mouth."
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I'm going all the way.
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I got into a fight.
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00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:36,036
I almost got into a fight,
it is complicated.
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00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,414
I was in a bar in Austin, with my
wife
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and it was during Covid,
and a woman came to our table
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00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:48,382
and she was maskless,
and this bitch came over, no mask,
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00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:51,927
all "H" words. "Hi, how are you?"
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00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,098
Droplets was coming out
of this bitch's face.
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00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:58,600
We all covered our drinks.
Ew! Baby, what are you doing?
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00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,656
Now I looked over the table that she came
from, and I peeped game.
243
00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:15,200
The men at the table were filming me.
244
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:17,036
This happens when you're famous.
245
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,371
People will come over
and try to rattle your cage
246
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,415
and get you
to say something stupid or dumb
247
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,083
so that their buddies can film it
248
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,586
and get a video
of you embarrassing yourself.
249
00:17:25,669 --> 00:17:27,549
And clearly I said,
"This is what is happening."
250
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:31,091
And these dumb motherfuckers thought,
it was my first rodeo.
251
00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:44,313
Sadly it worked.
252
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:49,318
I ran right over there, I said...
I pointed right in the camera
253
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:52,154
I said, "You is a bitch-ass nigga
for doing this to me."
254
00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,288
And the dude was shocked
that I said it. He said "Huh?"
255
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,832
And when he did like this,
I've seen all his fingernails
256
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,918
is painted and I realized like,
"Oh-oh."
257
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:12,883
"This fellow is gay."
258
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:17,554
Yeah, you know how I talk.
I call everybody a bitch-ass nigga.
259
00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:18,722
You know what I mean?
260
00:18:19,473 --> 00:18:22,353
But that is not a right thing to do
if they're gay. You know what I mean?
261
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,061
And now I was in trouble
262
00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,563
and not only that,
the motherfucker was huge.
263
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,649
He stood up, he was towering over me.
264
00:18:28,732 --> 00:18:32,152
He must have been 6' 5",
a big White corn-fed
265
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,905
Texas homosexual,
this nigga was ready to fight.
266
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:40,494
And he started barking on me,
but I stood my ground, I wasn't scared.
267
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,704
How could I be scared?
268
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,541
This motherfucker's shirt was tied up
in a knot like this.
269
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:48,127
Oh, fuck this guy.
Let's go, nigga, let's go.
270
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:53,441
I thought we were going
to come to blows.
271
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:56,510
I was ready and then
272
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:59,388
right when you think we would fight,
guess what he did?
273
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,350
He picked up his phone
and he called the police.
274
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:07,479
And this, this thing I am describing
275
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,691
is a major issue
that I have with that community.
276
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:15,404
Gay people are minorities,
until they need to be White again.
277
00:19:21,743 --> 00:19:25,372
I'm being very brutally honest,
so we can solve this problem.
278
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,582
I'm telling you right now
279
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,959
a Black gay person
would have never done that to me.
280
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:31,545
'Cause a Black gay person knows,
when the police shows up
281
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,755
they're not going to care
who called 'em.
282
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,592
They don't show up like,
"Which one of you niggers is Clifford?"
283
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,512
We're all Clifford.
284
00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:47,436
This happens far too often.
285
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:51,773
Another time, about six years ago,
there was a lesbian woman
286
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,818
that tried to sell a story
about me to TMZ.
287
00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:58,906
Thank goodness, TMZ could see
right through the sham of that story.
288
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:02,409
This woman claimed
that I beat her up in a night club
289
00:20:02,492 --> 00:20:06,496
because she was a lesbian.
That is fuckin' crazy.
290
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,790
Bitch, I didn't even know
you was a woman.
291
00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:17,132
Thank God! TMZ didn't believe that
292
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,928
because I did beat the shit out of her,
I am not gonna lie.
293
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,808
It was her fault, I had no choice.
294
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:29,561
I came into the club
minding my own business
295
00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:30,747
and a woman came up to me,
and she goes
296
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,481
"Oh my God, Dave Chappelle."
297
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,124
And I was just being reciprocally nice.
298
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:36,026
"Hey, miss, how are you?"
Blah, blah, blah.
299
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,655
Benign talk, nothing to it.
And all of a sudden
300
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,741
this lesbian fellow stepped
between us.
301
00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,452
"Hey nigga, that's my girl!"
302
00:20:45,535 --> 00:20:48,455
I said, "Yo, my man, back up."
Like that.
303
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:53,502
She said, "I ain't backing up off shit,
nigga, that's my girl!"
304
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:57,422
I said, "Bro, you gonna have to give me
three feet, like this."
305
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:01,885
She said, "Stop calling me a man,
motherfucker."
306
00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:05,305
- I am a woman."
- I said, "What?"
307
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:13,814
And then I looked deep
in this nigga's cheek bones.
308
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,442
And I said, "Oh my God, you are a
woman."
309
00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:20,821
This is too much for me
to even wrap my mind around
310
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:23,615
but I tell you what,
I un-balled my fist immediately
311
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:26,243
and I softened my posture
312
00:21:26,326 --> 00:21:28,453
so that she would know,
she is in no danger.
313
00:21:28,537 --> 00:21:30,497
I even changed the tone of my voice.
314
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,171
I said softly, sweetly,
like a pimp might say.
315
00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:43,802
"Bitch, I'm 'bout to slap
the shit out of you."
316
00:21:52,769 --> 00:21:54,187
I should have done it.
317
00:21:55,105 --> 00:21:56,440
Oh, I wish I didn't say that.
318
00:21:56,523 --> 00:22:00,652
She dropped that foot back,
she was in a perfect southpaw stance.
319
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,487
Her shoulders were angled correctly,
320
00:22:02,571 --> 00:22:05,198
her head movement was good,
I said "Oh, no!
321
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,868
this bitch boxes for real."
322
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,413
She threw a wild hook at me
323
00:22:11,496 --> 00:22:14,249
and I saw it coming from yesterday,
so I slipped it like this...
324
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:19,379
I had no choice, I had to go to
work.
325
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:23,592
I let that jab go,
you should have seen me go nigga.
326
00:22:24,593 --> 00:22:27,888
I tenderized them titties
like chicken cutlets.
327
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:36,146
I whooped the toxic masculinity
out of that bitch.
328
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,533
That is why I don't go out no more.
329
00:22:50,911 --> 00:22:53,914
Just trying to chill,
I'm just trying to live a peaceful life.
330
00:22:53,997 --> 00:22:57,167
That's why I live in Ohio,
you know, I live in a little town in Ohio.
331
00:22:57,250 --> 00:23:00,670
Must be like 3700 people,
small hippie town.
332
00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:04,382
Culturally you might feel like,
like Ann Arbor to you.
333
00:23:06,593 --> 00:23:10,305
You know what I mean?
Bunch of hippies and shit like that.
334
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,756
And niggas always ask me like,
335
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:14,410
"Dave, why do you live
in that hippie town?"
336
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:16,269
And I'd be embarrassed
to tell 'em the truth.
337
00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:17,813
Well, you know why I live there?
338
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:22,442
Because Yellow Springs, Ohio
has the most beautiful women in the world.
339
00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:24,837
And a lot of people
might disagree with me
340
00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:28,115
but, you got to see them
for yourself, they're gorgeous.
341
00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:30,598
But it all depends on what you're into.
You know what I mean?
342
00:23:31,034 --> 00:23:33,495
I like White bitches with dirty feet.
343
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:44,506
If I had a strip club in Yellow Springs,
I would have called that shit "Strippies."
344
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:46,925
All naked hippies, all the time.
345
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,302
And I would only hire girls
with long titties
346
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:53,306
and long vagina head
that looks like they slept on it.
347
00:23:57,394 --> 00:24:00,105
And I would keep a pile of dirt,
right next to the stage.
348
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,817
I'd come up like, "Bitch get your feet in
that dirt and get up there
349
00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:05,986
and give those
people what they came to see."
350
00:24:06,945 --> 00:24:08,238
"Chalk up, bitch."
351
00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:24,588
Couple of years ago I was in Ohio,
at a shopping mall.
352
00:24:26,298 --> 00:24:28,175
An old White lady... This is true,
353
00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,468
she was following me
around the mall.
354
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:34,472
Which sounds paranoid,
but I'm sure she was following me.
355
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:35,724
Mean lady too.
356
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:37,934
You ever see a woman
with lines on her face?
357
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,036
That just tell you like...
358
00:24:39,060 --> 00:24:41,220
even if she's smiling,
it would look like it would hurt
359
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:43,648
the muscles in her face.
360
00:24:44,774 --> 00:24:46,544
I knew she was following me,
'cause she was at places
361
00:24:46,568 --> 00:24:47,587
that had nothing to do with her
362
00:24:47,611 --> 00:24:50,047
I'd be looking around like,
"What is this old bitch doing in Gamestop
363
00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:52,449
and Footlocker
and all the places I like to go?"
364
00:24:53,658 --> 00:24:55,818
Every time I see her,
she'd just be looking mean on me.
365
00:24:58,079 --> 00:24:59,623
And eventually I forgot about it.
366
00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:01,041
So, then after, I am shopping
367
00:25:01,124 --> 00:25:03,004
I go all the way to the back
of the parking lot,
368
00:25:03,043 --> 00:25:04,353
I'm parked all the way in the back
369
00:25:04,377 --> 00:25:07,464
and as soon as I open my car door
I hear a voice go,
370
00:25:07,547 --> 00:25:08,840
"David Chappelle."
371
00:25:09,382 --> 00:25:10,550
Just like that.
372
00:25:10,634 --> 00:25:12,552
I didn't even have to look,
I knew it was her.
373
00:25:13,261 --> 00:25:16,097
And I looked back and sure enough
there she was, that face.
374
00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:20,560
To be honest with you,
she probably wasn't even that old.
375
00:25:21,228 --> 00:25:23,063
She's probably around my age.
376
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:27,317
But she was a White woman,
this bitch looked terrible.
377
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:34,532
I'm going all the way.
378
00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:40,121
I kept my cool, I was nice.
I said, "Hello, miss."
379
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:43,124
And she didn't say anything back,
all she said was
380
00:25:43,208 --> 00:25:45,335
"I watch your comedy."
381
00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,296
I said "Oh-oh."
382
00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:51,383
And then she says,
this is true, she goes,
383
00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,385
"Sounds to me...
384
00:25:54,386 --> 00:25:58,139
like you, hate women."
385
00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:04,688
I said, "Well, you know what, miss?
It's art."
386
00:26:05,272 --> 00:26:08,191
You are free to interpret this art
however you like
387
00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:11,152
but I can tell you
as the maker of this art
388
00:26:11,236 --> 00:26:13,780
that I don't believe
that I feel that way.
389
00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:16,449
And she said, "Well, I think..."
390
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,036
And I said, "Shut up, bitch!
Shut the fuck up!"
391
00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:23,999
"Before I kill you
and put you in the trunk.
392
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:25,667
Ain't nobody around here."
393
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,508
I'm just kidding, I didn't say that.
394
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,761
I felt that way,
but that's not what I said.
395
00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,181
I was more clever than that.
You know what I said?
396
00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,534
And this is exactly what I said,
I said,
397
00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,227
"Miss, before you finish that statement,
let me ask you a question.
398
00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,603
Where did you see me?
399
00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,899
Did you buy a ticket to a concert
I did, I doubt that.
400
00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:55,030
Or, maybe you watched one of my specials
on Netflix.
401
00:26:55,113 --> 00:27:01,328
Or... Or... Did I follow you to your car
and do my act?"
402
00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:03,455
She said, "What?"
403
00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:07,625
I said, "Keep it in the comments section,
bitch, this is real life, ta-ta."
404
00:27:15,675 --> 00:27:17,093
And then I drove off.
405
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:19,637
And now I got to tell you
406
00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:22,474
and this is gonna surprise
some people here, but not everybody.
407
00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:25,060
People say things to me all the time
408
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:27,771
but what you don't know,
is it does affect me.
409
00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,439
I think about it.
410
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,150
And that one bothered me a lot,
I was driving home,
411
00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,153
couldn't stop thinking
about what this woman said
412
00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,197
because she is not the first woman
that said that to me.
413
00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,033
It's puzzling. You know what I mean?
414
00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,952
Like, what could I possibly be saying...
415
00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:47,540
that would make these bitches think,
I hate women.
416
00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,213
Couldn't figure it out.
417
00:27:54,881 --> 00:27:56,132
So, you know what I did?
418
00:27:57,258 --> 00:27:59,969
I Googled the dictionary definition of a
feminist
419
00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,223
just to make sure,
I was talking about the right thing.
420
00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,642
And do you know, sir,
421
00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:08,978
what the dictionary definition
of a feminist is?
422
00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,148
I didn't either, listen to this.
423
00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:16,027
Webster's defines a feminist
424
00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,781
as a human being, not a woman,
425
00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:25,829
a human being, that believes
in equal rights for women.
426
00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081
I was shocked,
'cause that is what that meant
427
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:29,707
'cause by that definition
428
00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,879
I would consider myself a feminist,
and I didn't even know that at the time.
429
00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:45,598
All these years,
I thought it meant frumpy dyke.
430
00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,691
Well, that seems always talking
to be some... chick in overalls,
431
00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,151
"Men are trying to rape us."
432
00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:58,319
"Ah, not you bitch, will you please..."
433
00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:12,500
I know, look, listen, I support the
feminist movement, I do
434
00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,252
in my own ways.
435
00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:17,964
Well, you guys did the women's march,
I tried to go and support you
436
00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,508
and none of my friends would go with
me.
437
00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,677
I asked all the fellows,
none of them wanted to go.
438
00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:25,030
I tried everything. "Come on y'all,
there's gonna be bitches there."
439
00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:25,972
They was like, "Nope."
440
00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:31,728
So what I did is,
I called my friend Anj.
441
00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,856
Anj is a Black woman
who is a comedy writer and she's dope.
442
00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,941
A matter of fact,
a matter of fact,
443
00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:40,069
she's the only woman,
that I know personally
444
00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,697
that pays her ex-husband alimony.
445
00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:45,825
And she sounds just like a man
when she does it.
446
00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:48,828
"Fuck that broke motherfucker"
and all that, she says all that shit.
447
00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,709
So I hit Anj up, I hit her on the
text
448
00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,073
and all I did, I texted. I said,
449
00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:58,588
"Anj, are you going to the women's
march?"
450
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:02,509
And she texted me back,
and this is a real text, she said...
451
00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:07,013
she said, "I hope
those White bitches get tear gassed."
452
00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:20,527
There is a problem
in that feminist movement, isn't there?
453
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,822
From its inception in America
454
00:30:23,905 --> 00:30:25,949
there has always been a racial
component.
455
00:30:26,032 --> 00:30:28,576
When Susan B. Anthony
was having that meeting
456
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,454
and Sojourner Truth's
Black ass showed up.
457
00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:34,040
Read your history books.
458
00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:37,794
All the White women
asked Sojourner Truth not to speak.
459
00:30:37,877 --> 00:30:41,673
They didn't conflate the issues
of women's rights and slavery.
460
00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,760
But you know how Black bitches are,
so Sojourner Truth went up there anyway.
461
00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:56,563
She did a famous speech,
she said "Ain't I a woman?"
462
00:30:57,230 --> 00:30:58,773
"Ain't I a woman?"
463
00:30:59,399 --> 00:31:02,402
That's right. And listen, listen, listen.
464
00:31:02,485 --> 00:31:07,824
I supported the "Me Too" movement,
but the whole time, the whole time
465
00:31:07,907 --> 00:31:10,910
I thought that the way
they handled it was stupid.
466
00:31:15,707 --> 00:31:17,917
It was, it was White, it was like...
467
00:31:21,379 --> 00:31:24,215
they were doing shit, like going to
the Golden Globes
468
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,819
and all of them would be like
"Let's all go to the Golden Globes
469
00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,428
and wear black dresses.
470
00:31:28,511 --> 00:31:30,179
And give these men
a piece of our minds."
471
00:31:30,263 --> 00:31:31,931
Bitch, that is not gonna work.
472
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:34,660
You think Martin Luther King
is gonna be like,
473
00:31:34,684 --> 00:31:38,396
"I want everybody to keep riding the bus,
but wear matching outfits."
474
00:31:41,691 --> 00:31:43,610
You got to get off the bus and walk.
475
00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:46,905
It's real talk.
476
00:31:46,988 --> 00:31:49,449
A real talk, that was a silly
movement.
477
00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,784
"I want everybody to wear
crochet pussy hats
478
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:53,328
so they know we are serious."
479
00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,332
What the fuck was y'all doing?
480
00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:02,003
And then I said something about it
in one of my specials
481
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:04,464
and all these women actresses
came after me.
482
00:32:04,547 --> 00:32:06,257
I said, "Man,
fuck y'all too, you canceled.
483
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:08,760
I ain't jerking off
to none of your pictures again."
484
00:32:13,431 --> 00:32:16,726
They were like,
"Who is he to tell us anything?"
485
00:32:16,809 --> 00:32:18,728
I'll tell you exactly who I am.
486
00:32:20,229 --> 00:32:22,982
I'm the one that got off the bus
487
00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:26,736
and left $50 million
on the bus and walked.
488
00:32:34,994 --> 00:32:36,829
I agreed with these women.
489
00:32:36,913 --> 00:32:42,251
I just didn't agree
with what they were doing about it.
490
00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:47,882
Right. Right. No, it was annoying as
fuck...
491
00:32:49,550 --> 00:32:52,470
because if these women were serious,
you know what they would have done?
492
00:32:52,553 --> 00:32:55,014
They all would have fired their
agents.
493
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,450
And they would have went
to the mailroom
494
00:32:56,474 --> 00:32:58,434
of one of these big agencies
and found a woman
495
00:32:58,518 --> 00:33:02,230
that was bustin' her hump in there
and said, "If you want to talk to us
496
00:33:02,313 --> 00:33:03,982
then you have to talk to her."
497
00:33:04,691 --> 00:33:06,275
And if they did that,
498
00:33:06,359 --> 00:33:08,653
then she would be big,
and they would be big
499
00:33:08,736 --> 00:33:11,197
and nobody would get fed to
Harvey Weinstein.
500
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,657
But did they do that?
501
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,784
- No!
- No.
502
00:33:15,284 --> 00:33:17,954
Was that their idea? No.
503
00:33:18,037 --> 00:33:20,248
Surprisingly it was mine.
504
00:33:22,583 --> 00:33:26,587
What I think, the feminist movement needs
to be very successful...
505
00:33:27,964 --> 00:33:29,549
is a male leader.
506
00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:34,636
I'll do it.
507
00:33:36,097 --> 00:33:38,766
I will. I will lead you women
to the promised land.
508
00:33:39,392 --> 00:33:42,228
I will make sure
you will get equal pay for equal work.
509
00:33:42,311 --> 00:33:45,606
I will make sure that nobody harasses you
or fucks with you on the job.
510
00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,650
I will protect all of your interests.
511
00:33:47,734 --> 00:33:50,153
And all that I ask for in return...
512
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:53,322
is that you suck my dick.
513
00:33:56,534 --> 00:33:58,578
And now, we're right back to square one,
aren't we?
514
00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,760
And now we get to the core
of the crisis.
515
00:34:15,386 --> 00:34:16,386
What...
516
00:34:17,013 --> 00:34:18,473
what is a woman?
517
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,850
What is that, in this day and time?
518
00:34:20,933 --> 00:34:24,145
Is there even such a thing
as a woman or a man or anything?
519
00:34:24,228 --> 00:34:25,938
Hmm. Hmm?
520
00:34:26,689 --> 00:34:28,608
Seems to be a question nowadays.
521
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,486
Now listen, women get mad at me
522
00:34:32,153 --> 00:34:34,155
gay people get mad at me,
lesbians get mad at me,
523
00:34:34,238 --> 00:34:36,318
but I'm gonna tell you right now,
and this is true...
524
00:34:36,616 --> 00:34:38,117
these transgenders...
525
00:34:39,660 --> 00:34:41,287
the niggas want me dead.
526
00:34:44,457 --> 00:34:46,751
I've gone too far,
I've said too much.
527
00:34:49,253 --> 00:34:51,023
But I got to tell you,
I'm very worried about it.
528
00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:52,381
I'm not even joking with you.
529
00:34:52,465 --> 00:34:54,675
Every time I come out onstage,
I be scared.
530
00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:58,513
I be lookin' around
the crowd, searching.
531
00:34:59,138 --> 00:35:00,640
For knuckles and Adam's apples
532
00:35:00,723 --> 00:35:02,975
to see where the threats might be
coming from.
533
00:35:08,481 --> 00:35:10,167
A nigga came up to me on the street
the other day.
534
00:35:10,191 --> 00:35:12,193
He said, "Careful, Dave, they after you."
535
00:35:12,276 --> 00:35:13,444
I said, "What?"
536
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,283
"One they, or many theys?"
537
00:35:32,171 --> 00:35:34,090
Before I even say anything
about that community
538
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:36,592
you must know and I hope
you all feel the same way
539
00:35:36,676 --> 00:35:39,303
I am not indifferent
540
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:41,556
to the suffering of someone else.
541
00:35:42,140 --> 00:35:44,725
There's laws, the mean laws
in our country.
542
00:35:44,809 --> 00:35:46,477
North Carolina passed a law once.
543
00:35:46,561 --> 00:35:49,647
They said a person in North Carolina
must use the restroom
544
00:35:49,730 --> 00:35:53,234
that corresponds with the gender
they were assigned
545
00:35:53,317 --> 00:35:54,777
on their birth certificate.
546
00:35:56,445 --> 00:35:57,572
No, no, no, no.
547
00:35:59,031 --> 00:36:02,326
No, that is not a good law.
That is a mean law.
548
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:06,789
No American should have
to present a birth certificate
549
00:36:06,873 --> 00:36:10,126
to take a shit at Walmart,
in Greensboro, North Carolina
550
00:36:10,209 --> 00:36:12,378
where DaBaby shot and killed
a motherfucker.
551
00:36:17,925 --> 00:36:20,511
You have to ask yourself,
if you're thinking about it,
552
00:36:20,595 --> 00:36:23,055
who are these laws
designed to protect?
553
00:36:23,764 --> 00:36:26,350
Like let's say they designed this law
to protect me,
554
00:36:26,434 --> 00:36:30,813
my interests, transphobic comedian,
Dave Chappelle.
555
00:36:33,482 --> 00:36:38,404
Let's say I'm in Walmart,
doing a little shopping with my family.
556
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:40,698
Now I should tell you
557
00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:43,701
if that ever happens in real life,
you should know
558
00:36:44,827 --> 00:36:46,746
my dreams didn't work out.
559
00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,178
Well let's say
something goes horribly wrong
560
00:36:52,210 --> 00:36:55,171
and there I'm in Walmart
with the poor Whites
561
00:36:55,254 --> 00:36:58,883
rummaging around
for mediocre goods and services.
562
00:37:04,096 --> 00:37:05,723
And then I got to go to the restroom.
563
00:37:06,599 --> 00:37:09,268
So, I excuse myself from my family.
I go to the men's room.
564
00:37:09,352 --> 00:37:11,646
Now I'm standing at the urinal,
taking a leak.
565
00:37:11,729 --> 00:37:14,482
And this is what this law is gonna do.
566
00:37:15,149 --> 00:37:17,735
And suddenly a woman
567
00:37:18,361 --> 00:37:19,612
walks into the men's room.
568
00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:21,739
I'm like, that's strange.
569
00:37:23,616 --> 00:37:26,118
And then she stands
shoulder to shoulder
570
00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:28,889
with me at the urinal, I'm gonna be like,
"Bitch, what's going on with you?"
571
00:37:31,165 --> 00:37:32,875
And then she hikes her skirt up
572
00:37:33,709 --> 00:37:38,089
and she pulls a real live,
meaty dick out!
573
00:37:40,716 --> 00:37:42,593
What do you think I am going to say?
574
00:37:46,222 --> 00:37:47,932
Thank God, she's in here with me.
575
00:37:50,309 --> 00:37:52,728
At least now I know
my family is safe.
576
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:56,190
Mm-mm.
577
00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:59,194
No, I'm not gonna feel that way at all,
I'm gonna feel very uncomfortable.
578
00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:03,447
I would feel better if it was a man
with a vagina
579
00:38:05,574 --> 00:38:07,702
that backed up
to the urinal next to me.
580
00:38:13,165 --> 00:38:16,168
I wouldn't even think about that,
I'd just be like, "That's funny."
581
00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:21,007
"This guy is peeing out of his butt
for some reason."
582
00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:27,430
"Oh my God, he must be a Veteran,
thank you for your service."
583
00:38:36,314 --> 00:38:40,526
I'm not indifferent to people's suffering
'cause I know it's hard to be everybody.
584
00:38:40,609 --> 00:38:43,612
We Blacks, we just got
our first big holiday in a long time.
585
00:38:43,696 --> 00:38:46,157
Happy belated Juneteenth
to the Blacks.
586
00:38:53,039 --> 00:38:55,499
Juneteenth is a strange holiday,
isn't it?
587
00:38:55,583 --> 00:38:57,626
- Yes.
- It commemorates
588
00:38:57,710 --> 00:39:01,005
when Black people in Texarkana area
of the country
589
00:39:01,088 --> 00:39:02,673
first found out that they were free.
590
00:39:02,757 --> 00:39:06,385
But remember, they were free
when they found out.
591
00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:09,347
They just didn't know it yet.
592
00:39:10,306 --> 00:39:13,184
Very interesting holiday.
593
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:14,602
You know, I learned something
594
00:39:15,644 --> 00:39:17,188
This is a wild story.
595
00:39:18,522 --> 00:39:20,900
I learned this past Juneteenth
of a story, this is true.
596
00:39:20,983 --> 00:39:23,903
And it's that there was a Black man
who was in South Carolina
597
00:39:23,986 --> 00:39:25,446
during slavery
598
00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:30,117
who somehow got granted his freedom
by his so-called master.
599
00:39:31,035 --> 00:39:33,079
And when his master granted him
the freedom
600
00:39:33,162 --> 00:39:34,705
he also gave him a plot of land.
601
00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:36,582
Now it turns out,
this brother was brilliant.
602
00:39:36,665 --> 00:39:39,502
He had a good eye,
good knack for farming.
603
00:39:39,585 --> 00:39:42,546
And he farmed this plot of land
very successfully
604
00:39:42,630 --> 00:39:46,217
and made a lot of money,
and this is where the story gets crazy.
605
00:39:46,967 --> 00:39:48,511
When he got all that money...
606
00:39:51,389 --> 00:39:53,641
this nigga brought some slaves.
607
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:57,728
Have you ever heard this before?
This is a true story.
608
00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,856
Not only was he a slave owner,
he became a slave breeder.
609
00:40:00,940 --> 00:40:03,109
And employed tactics that were so
cruel
610
00:40:03,192 --> 00:40:07,154
even White slave owners were like,
"Yo, my man."
611
00:40:08,531 --> 00:40:10,157
He was a wild dude, but he did it
612
00:40:10,241 --> 00:40:13,285
just because that's what successful people
did at the time.
613
00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:16,997
He just wanted to be down,
what a fuckin' tragedy.
614
00:40:17,081 --> 00:40:18,791
How can a person
615
00:40:18,874 --> 00:40:20,334
that went through slavery
616
00:40:20,418 --> 00:40:23,796
perpetuate the same evil
on a person that looks just like him.
617
00:40:23,879 --> 00:40:25,005
It's mind blowing.
618
00:40:25,089 --> 00:40:29,093
And shockingly,
they're making a movie about him.
619
00:40:30,177 --> 00:40:34,598
Ironically... it is called Space Jews.
620
00:40:40,980 --> 00:40:42,440
Space Jews.
621
00:40:50,531 --> 00:40:51,740
The point of that story is
622
00:40:51,824 --> 00:40:54,326
this person was invested
in a construct.
623
00:40:54,410 --> 00:40:56,745
That was the construct
of successful people
624
00:40:56,829 --> 00:40:59,582
and he just followed the roadmap
of successful people.
625
00:40:59,665 --> 00:41:02,877
He followed what they called
"an incentive."
626
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,629
Now, everyone struggles
627
00:41:06,797 --> 00:41:08,299
but I'm very invested
628
00:41:09,758 --> 00:41:12,636
in the gender construct, personally.
629
00:41:12,720 --> 00:41:15,598
'Cause I'm a man with kids,
and a wife, and
630
00:41:16,474 --> 00:41:20,519
I like that warm, wet soft pussy
that my wife has.
631
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,903
This does not mean that I feel like
another point of view
632
00:41:30,237 --> 00:41:31,739
can't exist.
633
00:41:33,616 --> 00:41:35,618
I was doing a night club in Oakland,
16 years ago
634
00:41:35,701 --> 00:41:37,161
and this was the first time
635
00:41:37,244 --> 00:41:39,788
that the trans community
ever got mad at me that I knew about.
636
00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,166
And then I was nobody,
I had just quit Chappelle Show.
637
00:41:42,249 --> 00:41:44,168
It was like a nothing
hole in the wall club
638
00:41:44,251 --> 00:41:48,172
and I was doing some transgender jokes
in Oakland, it was 16 years ago.
639
00:41:48,255 --> 00:41:51,050
My pronoun game
was not as nice as it is today.
640
00:41:52,092 --> 00:41:53,802
I went too far, I said things like
641
00:41:53,886 --> 00:41:56,847
tranny and shit I didn't know these words
were bad, and a woman stood up
642
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,557
and just gave me the business.
643
00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:00,660
Started screaming at me,
and I'm sure it was a woman.
644
00:42:00,684 --> 00:42:04,104
But she kept calling me
transphobic and all this shit
645
00:42:04,188 --> 00:42:06,982
I had never even heard these words before,
it was really weird.
646
00:42:07,066 --> 00:42:08,943
I didn't trip, I just gazed
at Security
647
00:42:09,026 --> 00:42:11,195
to look like, "Go on,
get that bitch out of here."
648
00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:16,450
I kept it moving.
649
00:42:17,034 --> 00:42:18,327
And then she went to the press.
650
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,246
The next day one
of the gay papers wrote
651
00:42:20,329 --> 00:42:23,791
all of the same things she had said to me,
about me in the paper.
652
00:42:23,874 --> 00:42:26,502
Misquoted the jokes,
and was calling me transphobic
653
00:42:26,585 --> 00:42:28,879
you know, these words,
I had never heard them before but
654
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:32,299
every time that I talked with anybody
from the community since
655
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:35,052
they always repeat the talking points
from that article.
656
00:42:35,135 --> 00:42:38,305
My least favorite of which being,
I hate this phrase
657
00:42:38,389 --> 00:42:42,726
they say, "I was punching down on
them."
658
00:42:43,435 --> 00:42:46,855
"Punching down",
what the fuck does that mean?
659
00:42:48,357 --> 00:42:49,984
Now fast forward.
660
00:42:50,901 --> 00:42:52,653
It is 2019.
661
00:42:53,779 --> 00:42:56,991
And I am in a restaurant in Ohio,
very nice restaurant.
662
00:42:57,074 --> 00:42:58,701
It's Thanksgiving week.
663
00:42:59,618 --> 00:43:02,830
And to be honest,
it is not a very nice restaurant, but
664
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,875
it is a nice restaurant,
if you're a White person from Ohio
665
00:43:06,959 --> 00:43:08,752
that has never been anywhere before.
666
00:43:10,379 --> 00:43:11,880
Picture Chili's.
667
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,555
I'm sitting in the bar,
I'm having a drink by myself
668
00:43:19,638 --> 00:43:22,766
and the only other person in the bar
is a woman, a couple of stools down.
669
00:43:22,850 --> 00:43:25,686
And she was alone, and she was older,
and that made me feel sad,
670
00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:27,313
'cause it was the holidays.
671
00:43:27,396 --> 00:43:30,524
So, I told the bartender,
"Send that woman a drink on me."
672
00:43:30,608 --> 00:43:33,402
Just trying to spread the cheer,
and I wish I didn't.
673
00:43:35,195 --> 00:43:36,655
This woman wanted to talk.
674
00:43:37,489 --> 00:43:40,492
She wasn't mean, she was nice,
but she just wanted to talk about shit
675
00:43:40,576 --> 00:43:42,178
that you know, I mean a nigga
just trying to get drunk
676
00:43:42,202 --> 00:43:44,472
don't want to hear about this bitch
remodeling in her bathroom.
677
00:43:44,496 --> 00:43:46,457
And I'm sitting there,
trying to be polite.
678
00:43:46,540 --> 00:43:48,667
Oh, subway tiles? Word.
679
00:43:52,296 --> 00:43:53,839
But then she hits a lick.
680
00:43:55,257 --> 00:43:56,759
Piqued my interest.
681
00:43:57,885 --> 00:44:00,137
She says, "My daughter is coming home
for the holidays."
682
00:44:00,220 --> 00:44:02,981
Like, "Oh, that is great news,
I'm glad you're not going to be alone."
683
00:44:03,599 --> 00:44:06,477
And then she goes on and on
about how great her daughter is.
684
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:09,772
I guess her daughter got a new agent
and she is out in Hollywood,
685
00:44:09,855 --> 00:44:12,566
she's in movies and on television
and all this stuff
686
00:44:12,650 --> 00:44:16,028
and as she's telling me this,
I'm thinking, this woman is so sweet.
687
00:44:16,111 --> 00:44:18,447
She probably doesn't even know who I
am.
688
00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:20,949
Or what I do for a living
689
00:44:21,742 --> 00:44:23,243
because I know
690
00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:26,789
what your daughter's
is out in Hollywood doing.
691
00:44:31,669 --> 00:44:33,521
And then she goes,
"Would you like to see her picture?"
692
00:44:33,545 --> 00:44:35,106
"Oh now I don't want to see
this woman's picture,
693
00:44:35,130 --> 00:44:35,964
but what am I gonna do?"
694
00:44:36,048 --> 00:44:38,550
I'm like, "Okay sure,
I'd love to see the picture."
695
00:44:38,634 --> 00:44:42,012
And I grab the picture
and this is all I say, this is all I say,
696
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,597
"Oh...
697
00:44:44,973 --> 00:44:46,433
she is very beautiful."
698
00:44:47,267 --> 00:44:48,811
And as she puts the picture away
699
00:44:48,894 --> 00:44:53,273
she... looks mean all of a sudden,
like she caught me in some kind of trap.
700
00:44:53,357 --> 00:44:57,528
"What did that face mean?"
And then she goes, "She's transgender."
701
00:45:00,197 --> 00:45:03,951
And I think to myself, "Oh, this bitch
does know who I am."
702
00:45:11,125 --> 00:45:12,668
I really resented that trap
703
00:45:12,751 --> 00:45:14,837
because that trap
doesn't let me be honest.
704
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,606
If I was honest,
I wouldn't have fallen for it.
705
00:45:16,630 --> 00:45:18,340
I'd have just looked at the picture
like,
706
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:22,136
"Look at that big chiseled jawline,
that big thick Joe Rogan neck.
707
00:45:22,219 --> 00:45:23,887
Is that a dude?
708
00:45:25,139 --> 00:45:26,890
Is your daughter a man?"
709
00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:30,185
Can't say that shit.
710
00:45:32,312 --> 00:45:33,814
It's really annoying.
711
00:45:37,276 --> 00:45:39,528
Fast forward,
now it's a couple of days later.
712
00:45:40,446 --> 00:45:42,030
It's the Wednesday...
713
00:45:44,283 --> 00:45:46,034
before the Thursday that's Thanksgiving,
714
00:45:46,118 --> 00:45:47,703
and I'm in a totally different bar
715
00:45:47,786 --> 00:45:51,665
and this bar, trust me,
is not a nice place.
716
00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:55,335
It's foul, it's one of those bars
where the top shelf
717
00:45:55,419 --> 00:45:56,503
should be under the sink.
718
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:02,843
This is where the poor Whites drink.
The Tiki torch Whites.
719
00:46:04,052 --> 00:46:06,722
You know what I mean?
Them White people, they believe in "Q"
720
00:46:06,805 --> 00:46:10,100
and they love Trump. You know what I
mean? Like Michigan White people.
721
00:46:20,402 --> 00:46:23,197
I remember I was at this bar one time,
it was that kind of bar it is.
722
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:24,840
I was in there one time,
I was fucked up
723
00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:26,617
and I turned around
to everybody in the bar
724
00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,596
and go "Hey everybody, I am going to buy
everyone in the bar a round of drinks."
725
00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,914
And all the motherfuckers
was like, "Hurrah!"
726
00:46:31,997 --> 00:46:34,225
And the bartender knew I was drunk,
so she pulled me aside.
727
00:46:34,249 --> 00:46:37,211
"Mr. Chappelle, are you sure about
that?"
728
00:46:38,003 --> 00:46:40,839
That's going to be 16 dollars.
729
00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:47,721
Tough time for the Whites.
730
00:46:51,225 --> 00:46:53,244
And this was a holiday weekend.
You know what I mean?
731
00:46:53,268 --> 00:46:55,687
These motherfuckers
were having a rootin' tootin' time.
732
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:57,981
They was in there partying,
making all them noises.
733
00:46:58,065 --> 00:47:01,068
"Ooh! Ow! Yeow!"
734
00:47:01,151 --> 00:47:03,171
You know all them noises
White people make before lynching?
735
00:47:03,195 --> 00:47:04,738
They was doing all that shit.
736
00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:10,827
I was drunk.
737
00:47:12,079 --> 00:47:14,790
I looked over my shoulder,
I thought I was trippin'.
738
00:47:14,873 --> 00:47:16,250
Guess who was in the bar?
739
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:19,086
I thought I was seeing things,
I looked across the room
740
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:21,046
and I saw...
741
00:47:22,422 --> 00:47:24,758
the trans-bitch from the picture.
742
00:47:26,969 --> 00:47:28,428
I couldn't believe it.
743
00:47:28,512 --> 00:47:31,265
I said "What is a trans person,
doing in a place like this?
744
00:47:31,348 --> 00:47:33,475
This is very dangerous behavior."
745
00:47:34,685 --> 00:47:40,315
And she was with, two big, buff,
gay Black dudes.
746
00:47:40,399 --> 00:47:42,609
I didn't know these dudes,
but I know they was gay.
747
00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,172
If they had a dick in their mouth,
they wouldn't look any gayer
748
00:47:46,196 --> 00:47:47,507
than they did just sitting there.
749
00:47:49,199 --> 00:47:51,785
They had 1980s gay face.
You know what that is?
750
00:47:51,868 --> 00:47:52,703
Remember in the '80s
751
00:47:52,786 --> 00:47:54,586
when gay people looked surprised
all the time.
752
00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:04,475
"Close your mouth, nigga,
what is surprising", you know what I mean?
753
00:48:05,340 --> 00:48:08,135
But they was huge, they looked like
Jussie Smollett's trainers.
754
00:48:11,722 --> 00:48:14,442
And I am thinking, "Man these
motherfuckers are in a lot of trouble."
755
00:48:14,474 --> 00:48:16,101
So what I do is I stand up
756
00:48:16,184 --> 00:48:19,187
and everybody in the bar likes me,
so I make a big show of it
757
00:48:19,271 --> 00:48:20,814
to make sure that everyone can hear
me.
758
00:48:20,897 --> 00:48:22,482
Now, I walk right up to her,
and I go
759
00:48:22,566 --> 00:48:26,236
"Hey! I just met your mother
the other night
760
00:48:26,320 --> 00:48:28,673
and she told me all the great things
you're doing in Hollywood.
761
00:48:28,697 --> 00:48:30,032
And I cannot believe
that someone
762
00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:31,783
from a podunk place like this
763
00:48:31,867 --> 00:48:34,411
can achieve all that, I'm so proud
of you.
764
00:48:34,494 --> 00:48:35,704
Welcome home."
765
00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,123
And the whole bar said "Hurrah!"
766
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:41,335
And I said "Phew."
767
00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:44,254
"That ought to buy her some time."
768
00:48:46,089 --> 00:48:47,132
You know what I mean?
769
00:48:47,215 --> 00:48:49,551
A couple of more drinks
and these fellows are gonna start
770
00:48:50,135 --> 00:48:52,512
asking her for some pussy,
she might not have.
771
00:48:59,895 --> 00:49:01,938
And she was very gracious.
772
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:04,191
She said "Thank you so much",
and we shook hands
773
00:49:04,274 --> 00:49:07,736
and as she was shaking my hand,
her face turned mean, like her mom's.
774
00:49:09,613 --> 00:49:14,159
And she said, "Do you mind, not punching
down on my people?"
775
00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:16,203
Oh, I don't like that.
776
00:49:16,828 --> 00:49:18,997
Normally, I would've let it go,
but I was drunk.
777
00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:22,959
I said, "What might you mean, bitch?"
778
00:49:25,879 --> 00:49:28,799
I was careful to call her a bitch,
'cause I didn't want to blow her cover.
779
00:49:32,386 --> 00:49:34,054
Turns out she wasn't hiding.
780
00:49:34,805 --> 00:49:36,348
She was loud, she was proud.
781
00:49:37,015 --> 00:49:38,684
She let me have it
in front of everybody.
782
00:49:38,767 --> 00:49:41,061
Screaming at me, all the talking points
from that article.
783
00:49:41,144 --> 00:49:42,646
You transphobic, this and that.
784
00:49:42,729 --> 00:49:44,272
Kept clapping her hands
in my face.
785
00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:45,691
"Let me tell you somethin'."
786
00:49:45,774 --> 00:49:47,502
I said, "Where did you learn this from,
Black bitches?" She kept going,
787
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:50,404
"Let me tell you something, honey."
788
00:49:51,697 --> 00:49:52,948
So annoying.
789
00:49:55,283 --> 00:49:58,078
She kept calling transgenders, her
people.
790
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,373
Ain't that weird?
"My people this, my people that."
791
00:50:01,456 --> 00:50:03,417
I said, "What do you mean, your
people?"
792
00:50:03,500 --> 00:50:07,170
Were you all kidnapped in Transylvanian,
brought here as slaves?
793
00:50:12,509 --> 00:50:16,888
She said, "My people have struggled
for decades, honey, decades."
794
00:50:16,972 --> 00:50:19,683
And I looked at them
gay Black dudes, like.
795
00:50:19,766 --> 00:50:22,728
"Is there anything
you niggas need to tell this bitch?
796
00:50:23,937 --> 00:50:25,439
Clifford, Clifford?"
797
00:50:31,778 --> 00:50:33,989
I am exaggerating,
she is actually a very nice person
798
00:50:34,072 --> 00:50:37,909
and I'm cool with her now,
but boy, that shit got on my nerves.
799
00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,262
And it got on my nerves because, whenever
someone says that to me
800
00:50:41,288 --> 00:50:44,958
I know they have never seen me
for themselves, they just repeat
801
00:50:45,041 --> 00:50:46,376
what they've heard.
802
00:50:46,460 --> 00:50:49,588
Any of you, who have ever watched me
know
803
00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:55,177
that I've never had a problem
with transgender people.
804
00:50:55,719 --> 00:50:58,889
If you listen to what I'm saying, clearly
805
00:50:58,972 --> 00:51:03,018
my problem
has always been with White people.
806
00:51:09,733 --> 00:51:13,195
I've been arguing with the Whites
my entire career.
807
00:51:14,029 --> 00:51:15,840
Just when I thought I had you guys
on the ropes
808
00:51:15,864 --> 00:51:16,698
you changed all the rules.
809
00:51:16,782 --> 00:51:17,949
"Oh yeah?"
810
00:51:18,033 --> 00:51:20,243
- Yeah, motherfucker!
- "Well."
811
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,748
I am a girl now, nigger.
You must treat me as such.
812
00:51:28,710 --> 00:51:30,420
"Call me a girl, nigger."
813
00:51:33,882 --> 00:51:35,509
It's annoying as fuck.
814
00:51:36,927 --> 00:51:39,679
No, no, go back, go back
815
00:51:39,763 --> 00:51:42,724
tonight after the show,
watch every special I did on Netflix.
816
00:51:42,808 --> 00:51:45,268
Listen to everything
I've ever said about that community.
817
00:51:45,352 --> 00:51:46,269
I'll go through 'em.
818
00:51:46,353 --> 00:51:49,064
I said, "How much do I have to participate
in your self image?"
819
00:51:49,147 --> 00:51:51,375
I said, "You shouldn't discuss this
in front of Black people."
820
00:51:51,399 --> 00:51:54,337
I said, "I know niggas in Brooklyn
that wear high heels just to feel safe."
821
00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:57,280
I asked you "Why is it easier
for Bruce Jenner
822
00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:58,657
to change his gender
823
00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:01,827
than it is for Cassius Clay
to change his name?"
824
00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:10,919
If you listen to what I'm saying,
I'm not even talking about them,
825
00:52:11,002 --> 00:52:16,591
I'm talking about us
and "they don't listen."
826
00:52:18,927 --> 00:52:20,387
It's very annoying.
827
00:52:21,847 --> 00:52:25,267
And they have canceled people,
more powerful than me.
828
00:52:26,393 --> 00:52:28,353
They canceled J.K. Rowling, my God.
829
00:52:28,436 --> 00:52:31,773
J.K. Rowling wrote
all the Harry Potter books by herself.
830
00:52:33,483 --> 00:52:36,236
She sold so many books,
the Bible worries about her.
831
00:52:39,614 --> 00:52:41,634
And they canceled it because,
she said in an interview
832
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:44,661
and this is not exactly what she said,
but effectually she said
833
00:52:45,328 --> 00:52:47,080
that gender was a fact.
834
00:52:47,998 --> 00:52:50,083
And then the trans community
got mad as shit,
835
00:52:50,166 --> 00:52:52,043
they started calling her a TERF.
836
00:52:52,127 --> 00:52:53,920
I didn't even know,
what the fuck that was.
837
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:58,925
But I know that trans people make up words
to win arguments.
838
00:53:02,846 --> 00:53:04,014
So I looked it up.
839
00:53:05,432 --> 00:53:07,142
TERF is an acronym.
840
00:53:07,225 --> 00:53:09,936
It stands for Trans-exclusionary
radical feminist.
841
00:53:10,020 --> 00:53:12,105
This is a real thing,
this is a group of women...
842
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:14,441
that hate transgender.
843
00:53:14,524 --> 00:53:15,918
They don't hate transgender women but
844
00:53:15,942 --> 00:53:17,110
they look at trans women
845
00:53:17,193 --> 00:53:19,404
the way we Blacks
might look at Black face.
846
00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:23,033
It offends them like, "Oh, this bitch
is doing an impression of me."
847
00:53:28,705 --> 00:53:30,415
Now I shouldn't speak on this
848
00:53:31,374 --> 00:53:34,586
because I'm not a woman
nor am I a trans.
849
00:53:35,462 --> 00:53:37,005
But as we've established...
850
00:53:38,548 --> 00:53:40,008
I am a feminist.
851
00:53:41,927 --> 00:53:43,011
That's right.
852
00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:49,809
I'm team TERF.
853
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:51,978
I agree.
854
00:53:53,021 --> 00:53:54,773
I agree, man.
855
00:53:54,856 --> 00:53:57,108
Gender is a fact.
856
00:53:57,192 --> 00:54:00,070
You have to look at it
from a woman's perspective.
857
00:54:00,153 --> 00:54:02,364
Look at it like this,
Caitlyn Jenner
858
00:54:02,447 --> 00:54:04,491
whom I have met, wonderful person.
859
00:54:04,574 --> 00:54:10,038
Caitlyn Jenner... was voted,
woman of the year.
860
00:54:10,538 --> 00:54:13,333
Her first year as a woman.
861
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:14,501
Ain't that something?
862
00:54:14,584 --> 00:54:17,837
Beat every bitch in Detroit.
She's better than all of you.
863
00:54:19,339 --> 00:54:21,841
Never even had a period,
ain't that something?
864
00:54:23,468 --> 00:54:26,471
I'd be mad as shit if I was a woman.
I'd be mad if I was me.
865
00:54:26,554 --> 00:54:28,741
If I was in the BET awards,
sitting there and they're like
866
00:54:28,765 --> 00:54:33,728
"And the winner for
nigger of the year... Eminem."
867
00:54:33,812 --> 00:54:34,813
My man.
868
00:54:43,029 --> 00:54:44,739
Gender is a fact, this is a fact.
869
00:54:44,823 --> 00:54:47,909
Every human being in this room,
every human being on Earth
870
00:54:47,993 --> 00:54:51,830
had to pass through the legs of a woman
to be on Earth.
871
00:54:51,913 --> 00:54:55,208
That is a fact.
872
00:54:57,460 --> 00:54:58,461
Now...
873
00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:06,302
I am not saying that to say,
that trans women aren't women.
874
00:55:07,012 --> 00:55:10,849
I'm just sayin,
that those pussies that they got...
875
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:14,978
You know what I mean?
876
00:55:22,318 --> 00:55:25,280
I'm not saying it is not pussy,
but that's like
877
00:55:25,363 --> 00:55:28,366
Beyond Pussy or Impossible Pussy.
You know what I mean?
878
00:55:28,450 --> 00:55:32,162
It tastes like pussy
but that's not quite what it is, is it?
879
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,248
It's not blood, that is beet juice.
880
00:55:44,049 --> 00:55:45,842
Oh buddy, I'm in trouble now.
881
00:55:54,267 --> 00:55:55,953
Before I go, I want
to share this story with you
882
00:55:55,977 --> 00:55:57,771
because it is important
to this point.
883
00:56:00,482 --> 00:56:03,777
I want your community to know
that one of the coolest people I ever met
884
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:05,820
was a transgender woman.
885
00:56:05,904 --> 00:56:08,281
And this is not a man that I knew
886
00:56:08,364 --> 00:56:12,368
that became a woman, this woman was
trans when I met her.
887
00:56:12,452 --> 00:56:15,580
Lived in San Francisco,
Daphne Dwarman is the name.
888
00:56:16,581 --> 00:56:19,125
I would do 18 shows in the Bay Area
889
00:56:19,209 --> 00:56:22,128
sometimes in Oakland
and Dirty Hood night club
890
00:56:22,212 --> 00:56:25,048
and she would be there,
white trans woman, laughing
891
00:56:25,131 --> 00:56:27,759
loud and hard, at everything I said.
892
00:56:27,842 --> 00:56:30,678
Especially the trans jokes,
very puzzling...
893
00:56:32,430 --> 00:56:34,516
because she was obviously trans.
894
00:56:36,518 --> 00:56:38,686
And one night
after one of the shows I met her.
895
00:56:39,729 --> 00:56:42,690
And what it was, turns out
896
00:56:43,358 --> 00:56:45,401
it was her dream to be a comedian.
897
00:56:45,944 --> 00:56:47,737
And I was her hero.
898
00:56:47,821 --> 00:56:48,696
It was very moving.
899
00:56:48,780 --> 00:56:52,992
I could not dislike somebody
that felt that way about me.
900
00:56:53,076 --> 00:56:54,619
We became fast friends.
901
00:56:55,245 --> 00:56:57,622
And when I made that
special Sticks and Stones
902
00:56:57,705 --> 00:57:00,708
right as it was coming out,
I happened to be in San Francisco
903
00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:02,085
and I wanted to do a show.
904
00:57:02,168 --> 00:57:04,712
But I needed an opening act,
and I remembered...
905
00:57:05,839 --> 00:57:08,675
that trans woman I had met,
so I called her on the phone.
906
00:57:09,551 --> 00:57:11,010
And I called her myself,
907
00:57:11,094 --> 00:57:12,696
I said, "Hey Daphne,
this is Dave Chappelle."
908
00:57:12,720 --> 00:57:14,264
She couldn't believe it.
909
00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:16,099
And I go, "I'm in San Francisco."
910
00:57:16,182 --> 00:57:18,810
And then she started saying
a bunch of wild stuff, I was like
911
00:57:18,893 --> 00:57:21,354
"Relax now,
I don't want any pussy, I was...
912
00:57:27,026 --> 00:57:30,321
I'm just calling, because I'm doing
a show and I need an opening act.
913
00:57:30,989 --> 00:57:32,709
And I was wondering
if you'd open the show?"
914
00:57:32,782 --> 00:57:34,826
And she was like, "Fuck, yeah."
915
00:57:34,909 --> 00:57:38,329
Now... I didn't know this at the time
916
00:57:38,413 --> 00:57:42,292
but this woman had only done
stand up comedy eight times in her life.
917
00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:44,377
This was little to no experience
918
00:57:44,461 --> 00:57:48,756
and now she's about to open a show
for what many call the GOAT.
919
00:58:03,062 --> 00:58:05,899
She's an amateur in stature, but
920
00:58:05,982 --> 00:58:08,193
in practice,
she was very professional.
921
00:58:08,276 --> 00:58:10,487
She showed up early,
which is something I appreciate
922
00:58:10,570 --> 00:58:12,322
'cause I like people to be on time.
923
00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:15,408
She was dressed
to the motherfuckin' nines, I mean,
924
00:58:15,492 --> 00:58:18,578
I'm transphobic and even I was like,
"You look nice."
925
00:58:23,791 --> 00:58:27,003
Went up on the stage with all the swag
of a professional comedian,
926
00:58:27,086 --> 00:58:29,464
grabbed that mic
and walked right down the middle
927
00:58:29,547 --> 00:58:33,009
and looked at the crowd like a gangster.
Man, you should have seen her work.
928
00:58:33,843 --> 00:58:36,638
This bitch bombed
for 45 minutes, straight.
929
00:58:38,973 --> 00:58:42,519
And I'm not exaggerating, young man.
That show was terrible.
930
00:58:43,770 --> 00:58:44,770
Stunk.
931
00:58:47,357 --> 00:58:48,357
Stunk.
932
00:58:48,733 --> 00:58:50,443
And then she brings me on,
and you know,
933
00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:52,862
I was like a glass of water
after a handful of salt.
934
00:58:52,946 --> 00:58:54,614
The crowd was happy to see me.
935
00:58:54,697 --> 00:58:55,697
I was killing it.
936
00:58:58,117 --> 00:58:59,661
But here is what impressed me.
937
00:59:00,245 --> 00:59:04,374
Any other comedian I've ever seen,
if they had bombed as bad as she did,
938
00:59:04,457 --> 00:59:07,919
would have snuck out of the back
of the theatre and went home and cried
939
00:59:08,002 --> 00:59:09,438
or something, but she didn't do that.
940
00:59:09,462 --> 00:59:11,005
Not only did she not leave,
941
00:59:11,089 --> 00:59:13,675
she found a seat, right up in front.
942
00:59:13,758 --> 00:59:16,761
You know, when a new comedian
watches an experienced comedian
943
00:59:16,844 --> 00:59:18,846
in comedy we call this "taking class."
944
00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,766
And this bitch took my whole class,
she sat up there
945
00:59:21,849 --> 00:59:24,852
and was laughing as hard
as she always laughs
946
00:59:24,936 --> 00:59:27,188
as if nothing bad
had even happened to her.
947
00:59:27,272 --> 00:59:30,692
And I saw her show.
Something bad happened to her.
948
00:59:35,446 --> 00:59:36,489
She was drunk.
949
00:59:38,032 --> 00:59:40,201
So she starts talking to me,
while I'm onstage
950
00:59:40,285 --> 00:59:43,538
but the way a person would talk
to a television when they were alone.
951
00:59:43,621 --> 00:59:44,539
She was talking to me like that.
952
00:59:44,622 --> 00:59:46,249
That didn't bother me
'cause I knew her.
953
00:59:46,332 --> 00:59:48,876
But the crowd didn't like that shit
at all 'cause she sucked.
954
00:59:51,629 --> 00:59:53,673
And a guy in the back of the room
stood up
955
00:59:53,756 --> 00:59:56,259
and Daphne's hair
was dyed blonde at the time
956
00:59:56,342 --> 00:59:59,429
and the guy screamed out,
and his energy felt wild as fuck.
957
00:59:59,512 --> 01:00:01,407
He said, "Hey Daphne!"
and everybody got clamped,
958
01:00:01,431 --> 01:00:02,473
they got tense.
959
01:00:02,557 --> 01:00:05,643
We didn't know who was a heckler
or active shooter, and...
960
01:00:08,438 --> 01:00:10,398
...he said,
961
01:00:11,107 --> 01:00:13,651
"Does the carpet match the drapes?"
962
01:00:15,153 --> 01:00:16,654
It was fucked up.
963
01:00:16,738 --> 01:00:20,867
The whole crowd kind of groaned,
'cause it was so like, mean.
964
01:00:20,950 --> 01:00:23,911
Everybody groaned, except for Daphne.
965
01:00:23,995 --> 01:00:26,289
She kind of laughed, which was weird.
966
01:00:26,372 --> 01:00:28,333
And she didn't even look all the way
back.
967
01:00:28,416 --> 01:00:31,002
She said, "Sir, I don't have carpets
968
01:00:31,085 --> 01:00:33,296
I have hardwood floors."
Just like that.
969
01:00:34,797 --> 01:00:36,215
Just like that.
970
01:00:39,969 --> 01:00:43,222
Boy, when she said that shit,
it blew the roof of the place.
971
01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:47,268
Cut through all the tension,
with that one joke.
972
01:00:47,352 --> 01:00:51,147
She had made up for 45 minutes
of a stinker of a show.
973
01:00:53,399 --> 01:00:55,401
And after that, she could do no
wrong.
974
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,696
And I kept on rocking,
and she kept on talking to me.
975
01:00:58,780 --> 01:01:03,034
And then the show
became something cooler than a show.
976
01:01:03,117 --> 01:01:04,535
It became like a conversation
977
01:01:04,619 --> 01:01:06,579
between a Black man
and a White trans woman
978
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:08,456
and we started
getting to the bottom of shit.
979
01:01:08,539 --> 01:01:11,668
All of them questions that you think about
that you'd be afraid to ask,
980
01:01:11,751 --> 01:01:13,002
I was just asking them
981
01:01:13,086 --> 01:01:15,880
and she was answering them
and her answers were funny as shit.
982
01:01:15,963 --> 01:01:17,674
The crowd was falling out of their
chairs
983
01:01:17,757 --> 01:01:20,343
and at the end of the show,
I go, "Well, Daphne"... I said
984
01:01:20,426 --> 01:01:21,427
"Well, that was fun."
985
01:01:21,511 --> 01:01:23,971
I go, "I love you to death,
but I have no fuckin' idea
986
01:01:24,055 --> 01:01:25,431
what you're talking about."
987
01:01:25,515 --> 01:01:27,475
The whole crow laughed
988
01:01:27,558 --> 01:01:29,143
except for Daphne.
989
01:01:29,227 --> 01:01:32,146
Man, she looks at me
like I'm not her friend anymore.
990
01:01:32,230 --> 01:01:35,733
Like I'm something bigger than me,
like I'm the whole world in a guy.
991
01:01:35,817 --> 01:01:39,195
Then she said, "I don't need you
to understand me."
992
01:01:39,278 --> 01:01:40,405
I said, "What?"
993
01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:42,907
She said, "I just need
you to believe..."
994
01:01:42,990 --> 01:01:46,828
Just like that she goes,
"...that I'm having a human experience."
995
01:01:47,620 --> 01:01:48,913
And when she said it
996
01:01:49,706 --> 01:01:51,666
the whole crowd kind of gasped.
997
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,711
And I gave the Fight Club look.
998
01:01:57,004 --> 01:01:58,840
I said, "I believe you, bitch."
999
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:03,886
Because she didn't say anything
about pronouns.
1000
01:02:03,970 --> 01:02:06,639
She didn't say anything
about me being in trouble.
1001
01:02:06,723 --> 01:02:09,892
She said, "Just believe I'm a person
and I'm going through it."
1002
01:02:09,976 --> 01:02:14,063
I know I believe you,
because it takes one to know one.
1003
01:02:25,908 --> 01:02:28,661
Then I told the crowd "Good night."
And they started going crazy
1004
01:02:28,745 --> 01:02:30,830
and before the applause
gets to it's crescendo
1005
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:33,750
I was saying, "Don't forget
my opening act, Daphne."
1006
01:02:34,333 --> 01:02:35,710
And the crowd stood up.
1007
01:02:36,294 --> 01:02:38,671
And I looked at her,
tears came out of her eyes
1008
01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:40,757
she couldn't believe it was
happening.
1009
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:44,010
I couldn't believe it was happening
'cause her show stunk.
1010
01:02:47,472 --> 01:02:48,514
And it was a great night.
1011
01:02:48,598 --> 01:02:50,683
And I remember, the late great Paul
Mooney was there
1012
01:02:50,767 --> 01:02:52,810
bunch of flyers, comedy niggas was
there.
1013
01:02:57,315 --> 01:02:58,733
And we all went backstage
1014
01:02:58,816 --> 01:03:00,794
and was just drinking
and talking shit and laughing
1015
01:03:00,818 --> 01:03:03,696
and Daphne stole the room,
she had everyone cracking up.
1016
01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:07,200
Spinning the yarn, telling us all these
crazy stories about shit, she'd be into.
1017
01:03:07,825 --> 01:03:09,118
We all laughing real hard,
1018
01:03:09,202 --> 01:03:10,804
and there she is telling us
and everyone is laughing.
1019
01:03:10,828 --> 01:03:13,456
I'm looking around, I'm like,
"Oh my God, she is funny."
1020
01:03:14,415 --> 01:03:16,250
I pulled her aside, I said,
"You're hilarious.
1021
01:03:16,334 --> 01:03:18,628
I didn't know that
when you were onstage."
1022
01:03:21,380 --> 01:03:23,567
I said, "You're doing some things wrong
but I can help you."
1023
01:03:23,591 --> 01:03:26,431
I said, "Anytime I'm in San Francisco
why don't you open the show for me
1024
01:03:26,511 --> 01:03:28,155
and I'll just try
to give you some pointers
1025
01:03:28,179 --> 01:03:29,656
and see if you can work
this thing out."
1026
01:03:29,680 --> 01:03:31,641
She said, "Are you serious?"
1027
01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:32,975
I was like, "Yeah."
1028
01:03:33,059 --> 01:03:37,605
And she grabbed me real tight,
hugged me, squeezed me.
1029
01:03:38,105 --> 01:03:41,442
And I pushed her off violently,
'cause I'm transphobic.
1030
01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:44,153
I said "Boundaries, bitch!"
1031
01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:54,705
When Sticks and Stones came out...
1032
01:03:56,207 --> 01:03:58,876
a lot of people in the trans community
were furious with me and
1033
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,920
apparently they dragged me on
Twitter.
1034
01:04:01,003 --> 01:04:03,422
I don't give a fuck,
'cause Twitter is not a real place.
1035
01:04:13,516 --> 01:04:16,310
And the hardest thing for a person
to do
1036
01:04:16,394 --> 01:04:18,020
is go against their tribe
1037
01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,607
if they disagree with their tribe,
but Daphne did that for me.
1038
01:04:22,316 --> 01:04:25,862
She wrote a tweet that was very beautiful
and what she said was
1039
01:04:25,945 --> 01:04:27,655
and it is almost exactly what she
said.
1040
01:04:28,155 --> 01:04:32,034
She said, "Punching down on someone,
requires you to think less of them
1041
01:04:32,118 --> 01:04:34,245
and I know him, and he doesn't.
1042
01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:37,957
He doesn't punch up,
he doesn't punch down
1043
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:43,045
he punches lines, and he is a master
at his craft." That's what she said.
1044
01:04:50,636 --> 01:04:54,098
Beautiful tweet, beautiful friend,
it took a lot of heart
1045
01:04:54,181 --> 01:04:57,143
to defend me like that,
and when she did that
1046
01:04:57,226 --> 01:05:01,689
the trans community
dragged that bitch all over Twitter.
1047
01:05:03,149 --> 01:05:06,235
For days, they was going in on her,
and she was holding her own
1048
01:05:06,319 --> 01:05:07,445
'cause she's funny.
1049
01:05:07,987 --> 01:05:11,699
But six days after that wonderful night
I described to you
1050
01:05:11,782 --> 01:05:15,119
my friend Daphne killed herself.
1051
01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:20,207
Oh yeah, this is a true story,
my heart was broken.
1052
01:05:20,917 --> 01:05:22,960
Yeah, it wasn't the jokes.
1053
01:05:23,044 --> 01:05:24,313
I don't know if was them dragging
1054
01:05:24,337 --> 01:05:25,564
or I don't know
what was going on in her life
1055
01:05:25,588 --> 01:05:27,298
but I bet dragging her didn't help.
1056
01:05:28,424 --> 01:05:30,968
I was very angry at them,
I was very angry at her.
1057
01:05:31,802 --> 01:05:33,220
I felt like Daphne lied to me.
1058
01:05:33,304 --> 01:05:35,473
She always said,
she identified as a woman.
1059
01:05:35,556 --> 01:05:37,934
And then one day she goes up
to the roof of her building
1060
01:05:38,017 --> 01:05:40,853
and jumps off and kills herself.
1061
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,229
Clearly...
1062
01:05:42,980 --> 01:05:45,816
only a man
would do some gangster shit like that.
1063
01:05:48,819 --> 01:05:49,987
Hear me out.
1064
01:05:51,113 --> 01:05:53,407
As hard as it is to hear a joke like
that
1065
01:05:53,491 --> 01:05:56,911
I'm telling you right now,
Daphne would have loved that joke.
1066
01:05:56,994 --> 01:05:59,121
That is why she was my friend.
1067
01:06:09,423 --> 01:06:11,175
I was reading her obituary
1068
01:06:12,593 --> 01:06:15,846
and I found out,
she was survived by a daughter.
1069
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:20,935
And the moment I found that out,
and this is true
1070
01:06:21,018 --> 01:06:23,938
Anderson Cooper from CNN texted me.
1071
01:06:25,022 --> 01:06:26,458
And all he says, it's very nice,
he said,
1072
01:06:26,482 --> 01:06:28,359
"I'm sorry to hear
about your friend."
1073
01:06:28,442 --> 01:06:32,238
And I texted him right back.
"New phone, who this?"
1074
01:06:36,242 --> 01:06:37,511
He said, "It's Anderson Cooper."
1075
01:06:37,535 --> 01:06:40,788
Oh, I said, "Anderson, look
I need to find her family."
1076
01:06:40,871 --> 01:06:42,331
And he texted me right back
1077
01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:44,959
with all the phone numbers
and all this information.
1078
01:06:45,042 --> 01:06:47,482
I say this to say, if you ever want to
know about anything gay
1079
01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:49,964
call Anderson Cooper from CNN.
1080
01:06:50,548 --> 01:06:52,591
This nigga is faster than Google.
1081
01:06:58,014 --> 01:07:00,057
What I did is,
I got in touch with her family
1082
01:07:00,141 --> 01:07:02,768
and I started a trust fund
for her daughter
1083
01:07:02,852 --> 01:07:06,022
'cause I know that is all
she ever really cared about.
1084
01:07:15,156 --> 01:07:17,175
And I don't know
what the trans community did for her
1085
01:07:17,199 --> 01:07:18,951
but I don't care,
because I feel like
1086
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:21,829
she wasn't their tribe,
she was mine.
1087
01:07:21,912 --> 01:07:24,040
She was a comedian in her soul.
1088
01:07:28,669 --> 01:07:31,672
The daughter is very young,
but I hope to be alive
1089
01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:34,008
when she turns 21
1090
01:07:34,091 --> 01:07:36,927
'cause I'm going
to give her this money myself.
1091
01:07:37,011 --> 01:07:38,304
And by then,
1092
01:07:38,888 --> 01:07:41,640
by then, I'll be ready to have the
conversation
1093
01:07:41,724 --> 01:07:44,101
that I'm not ready to have today.
1094
01:07:44,185 --> 01:07:46,312
But I'll tell that little girl,
"Young lady,
1095
01:07:47,104 --> 01:07:48,689
I knew your father...
1096
01:07:51,817 --> 01:07:53,611
...and he was a wonderful woman."
1097
01:08:05,247 --> 01:08:10,795
Empathy is not gay.
Empathy is not Black.
1098
01:08:12,421 --> 01:08:17,510
Empathy is bi-sexual.
It must go both ways.
1099
01:08:19,178 --> 01:08:21,472
It must go both ways.
1100
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:28,938
Remember, taking a man's livelihood
is akin to killing him.
1101
01:08:29,563 --> 01:08:33,651
I'm begging you, please do not abort
DaBaby.
1102
01:08:43,911 --> 01:08:50,459
Kevin Hart dreamt his entire life of
hosting the Oscars
1103
01:08:50,543 --> 01:08:54,338
and when he finally got the job they just
took it!
1104
01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:56,090
It's not fair.
1105
01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:59,510
They didn't kill him,
Kevin is a strong guy.
1106
01:08:59,593 --> 01:09:02,680
But I'm sure
it broke old Clifford's heart.
1107
01:09:06,475 --> 01:09:07,476
It's over.
1108
01:09:08,477 --> 01:09:12,314
LBGTQ, L-M-N-O-P-Q-Y-Z,
it is over.
1109
01:09:13,107 --> 01:09:15,359
I'm not telling another joke
about you
1110
01:09:15,442 --> 01:09:19,029
until we are both sure,
that we are laughing together.
1111
01:09:20,406 --> 01:09:23,409
I'm telling you this is done.
I'm done talking about it.
1112
01:09:23,492 --> 01:09:27,663
All I ask from your community,
with all humility
1113
01:09:27,746 --> 01:09:31,125
will you please stop
1114
01:09:31,750 --> 01:09:33,878
punching down on my people?
1115
01:09:33,961 --> 01:09:36,839
Thank you very much and good night.
1116
01:09:43,721 --> 01:09:46,765
♪ First I was afraid,
I was petrified ♪
1117
01:09:47,308 --> 01:09:51,228
♪ Kept thinking I could never live
Without you by my side ♪
1118
01:09:51,312 --> 01:09:53,647
♪ But then I spent so many nights ♪
1119
01:09:53,731 --> 01:09:56,901
♪ Thinking how you did me wrong,
and I grew strong ♪
1120
01:09:57,443 --> 01:09:59,403
♪ And I learned how to get along ♪
1121
01:09:59,486 --> 01:10:01,197
♪ And so you're back ♪
1122
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,282
♪ From outer space ♪
1123
01:10:03,365 --> 01:10:05,492
♪ I just walked in to find you here ♪
1124
01:10:05,576 --> 01:10:07,661
♪ With that sad look upon your face ♪
1125
01:10:07,745 --> 01:10:09,747
♪ I should have changed that stupid lock ♪
1126
01:10:09,830 --> 01:10:11,874
♪ I should have made you leave your key ♪
1127
01:10:11,957 --> 01:10:15,836
♪ If I had known for just one second,
You'd be back to bother me ♪
1128
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,588
♪ Go on now go ♪
1129
01:10:18,130 --> 01:10:19,256
♪ Walk out the door ♪
1130
01:10:19,924 --> 01:10:21,967
♪ Just turn around now ♪
1131
01:10:22,051 --> 01:10:24,803
♪ You're not welcome anymore ♪
1132
01:10:24,887 --> 01:10:28,349
♪ Weren't you the one who tried to
Hurt me with goodbye ♪
1133
01:10:28,432 --> 01:10:32,186
♪ You think I'd crumble
You think I'd lay down and die ♪
1134
01:10:32,269 --> 01:10:36,482
♪ Oh no not I
I will survive ♪
1135
01:10:36,565 --> 01:10:40,527
♪ Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I'll be alive ♪
1136
01:10:40,611 --> 01:10:44,698
♪ I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give ♪
1137
01:10:44,782 --> 01:10:48,661
♪ I'll survive
I will survive ♪
1138
01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:50,704
♪ Hey hey ♪
1139
01:10:50,788 --> 01:10:52,748
♪♪
1140
01:11:05,344 --> 01:11:07,346
♪ It took all the strength I had ♪
1141
01:11:07,429 --> 01:11:09,056
♪ Not to fall apart ♪
1142
01:11:09,139 --> 01:11:13,102
♪ Kept trying hard to mend the pieces
Of my broken heart ♪
1143
01:11:13,185 --> 01:11:17,398
♪ And I spent oh-so many nights
Just feeling sorry for myself ♪
1144
01:11:17,481 --> 01:11:19,316
♪ I used to cry ♪
1145
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:23,487
♪ But now I hold my head up high
And you see me ♪
1146
01:11:23,570 --> 01:11:24,905
♪ Somebody new ♪
1147
01:11:25,656 --> 01:11:29,576
♪ I'm not that chained-up little
Person still in love with you ♪
1148
01:11:29,660 --> 01:11:33,914
♪ And so you felt like dropping in
And just expect me to be free ♪
1149
01:11:33,998 --> 01:11:37,960
♪ Well, now I'm saving all my lovin'
For someone who's loving me ♪
1150
01:11:38,043 --> 01:11:41,005
♪ Go on now, go
Walk out the door ♪
1151
01:11:41,964 --> 01:11:46,552
♪ Just turn around now
You're not wanted anymore ♪
1152
01:11:47,136 --> 01:11:50,723
♪ Weren't you the one who tried to break
me with goodbye ♪
1153
01:11:50,806 --> 01:11:54,184
♪ You think I'd crumble
You think I'd lay down and die ♪
1154
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:55,268
♪ Oh no, not I... ♪