1 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:17,145 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:46,429 --> 00:00:48,097 Gentlemen! Lock and load! 3 00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:58,842 Connie Kaminski, you're under arrest. Show me your hands. Show 'em! 4 00:00:58,908 --> 00:01:01,110 Yep, that's me. Connie Kaminski. 5 00:01:01,177 --> 00:01:02,579 And holy shit, that was scary. 6 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:05,748 I mean, I almost wet the bed. I don't know why they didn't just knock. 7 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:09,819 I mean, this is a story about coupons. Little old coupons. They j... 8 00:01:09,886 --> 00:01:13,189 You know what? I should probably start from the beginning. 9 00:01:14,891 --> 00:01:16,559 Hiya. Me again. 10 00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:19,229 Okay, yeah. This is the perfect place to start. 11 00:01:22,432 --> 00:01:24,400 Here's a fun fact: 12 00:01:24,467 --> 00:01:27,537 I'm a three-time gold-medal-winning Olympic racewalker. 13 00:01:27,604 --> 00:01:30,406 And you know what that's worth out in the real world? 14 00:01:30,473 --> 00:01:32,876 Absolutely nothing. 15 00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:35,745 Did you know most Olympic athletes aren't famous? 16 00:01:35,812 --> 00:01:37,881 And they sure as heck aren't rich. 17 00:01:37,947 --> 00:01:42,185 Go ahead, look it up. I mean, not now, but, you know, later. 18 00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:45,555 And, yeah, I may have retired, but I don't quit. 19 00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:48,825 I figure no matter what you do, give it all you got. 20 00:01:48,892 --> 00:01:52,095 - Hola. - Hola, Mrs. Flores. 21 00:01:52,762 --> 00:01:54,163 Do you have my coupons? 22 00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,837 Oh. Super-duper. 23 00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:05,942 Hey. 24 00:02:14,517 --> 00:02:16,386 You know what, 25 00:02:16,452 --> 00:02:19,289 you can never have too much toilet paper, right? 26 00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,291 Okay, enjoy. 27 00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:28,665 You might wanna pack a jacket. The weather showed rain in Cleveland. 28 00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:33,436 Oh, um, hey, did I just see you giving the paper lady a bunch of stuff for free? 29 00:02:33,503 --> 00:02:35,538 Rick, she's barely getting by. 30 00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,941 Yeah, but at least she has a job. 31 00:02:38,007 --> 00:02:40,577 And you are spending money that we don't have. 32 00:02:40,643 --> 00:02:43,780 I am not spending money. I am saving us money. 33 00:02:43,846 --> 00:02:45,648 - This is my husband Rick. - You literally are. 34 00:02:45,715 --> 00:02:47,984 He works for the IRS. 35 00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:50,420 And his job is to look for people's mistakes. 36 00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:51,588 I'll get it. 37 00:02:51,654 --> 00:02:53,389 What's this? Is this new? 38 00:02:54,057 --> 00:02:55,959 There's, like, 50 jugs of Tide. 39 00:02:56,025 --> 00:02:57,226 It's couponing 101. 40 00:02:57,293 --> 00:03:02,231 When Tide hits a six-month stock-up price, you stock up, okay? 41 00:03:02,298 --> 00:03:06,336 That's 400 dollars' worth of detergent that I got for $57. 42 00:03:06,402 --> 00:03:08,338 My mom used coupons... 43 00:03:08,404 --> 00:03:10,607 We didn't always argue about money. 44 00:03:10,673 --> 00:03:13,343 It was only after we tried to start a family. 45 00:03:13,409 --> 00:03:16,679 And we tried. And we tried. 46 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,615 And we tried. 47 00:03:19,482 --> 00:03:21,818 And then, it finally happened. 48 00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:25,288 We were going to have a girl. 49 00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:28,858 But I just couldn't get to the finish line. 50 00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:35,732 After that, for a while we didn't argue about anything. 51 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:38,968 Then Rick discovered he could travel more for work. 52 00:03:39,035 --> 00:03:41,904 Now he's gone three weeks out of every month. 53 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,406 But that's okay. 54 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,974 'Cause if that didn't happen, 55 00:03:45,041 --> 00:03:47,443 I might not have met my best friend, JoJo. 56 00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:51,381 Yo, yo, yo! It's time to save with JoJo. 57 00:03:51,447 --> 00:03:54,884 Here is the thing I love about coupons. 58 00:03:54,951 --> 00:03:58,354 I control my time, I control my income, 59 00:03:58,421 --> 00:04:00,056 I control my life. 60 00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,659 So, JoJo's deal of the week is right here... 61 00:04:02,725 --> 00:04:05,895 You sure as shit doing a good job controlling your income. 62 00:04:05,962 --> 00:04:08,731 - Mom. - 'Cause you ain't got no money. 63 00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,900 Stop. Mama, no. Stop it! 64 00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:13,936 You know I'm just... I'm over here busy trying to build my brand 65 00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,972 as a successful entrepreneur. 66 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:18,474 I'm my own CEO. 67 00:04:18,541 --> 00:04:22,312 CEO! What the F are you talking about? 68 00:04:22,378 --> 00:04:24,547 You nothing but a saleswoman that don't make no sales. 69 00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:27,483 Yeah, Mama, that's a business. Sometimes you don't make sale... 70 00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:28,885 You ever heard of Steve Jobs? 71 00:04:28,951 --> 00:04:30,787 What do you know about a job? 72 00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:33,489 Okay, Mama. You be like that. I'm going next door. 73 00:04:33,556 --> 00:04:35,892 Why you gotta spend so much time with that girl? 74 00:04:35,958 --> 00:04:38,561 You and her carting around all them food stamps. 75 00:04:38,628 --> 00:04:40,697 They're not food stamps. They're coupons. 76 00:04:40,763 --> 00:04:42,598 White people use them. Why can't we? 77 00:04:42,665 --> 00:04:44,867 Oh, so if white people were jumping off a bridge... 78 00:04:44,934 --> 00:04:46,502 Oh, my gosh. Again. 79 00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:48,071 No, if white people were jumping off a bridge, 80 00:04:48,137 --> 00:04:50,506 - I would not jump off a bridge. - Why you got such a damn attitude? 81 00:04:50,573 --> 00:04:53,076 You're always talking about white people! Like, no, of course not! 82 00:04:53,142 --> 00:04:54,911 Get on my nerves. 83 00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:02,085 Oh, hallelujah, praise the Lord. Look who's here. 84 00:05:02,151 --> 00:05:04,754 - The savior of savings. - What up, Rick Dick? 85 00:05:04,821 --> 00:05:06,689 Oh, hey, I had a question for you. 86 00:05:06,756 --> 00:05:09,358 Um, has anybody ever been happy to see you? 87 00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:12,128 Like, have you ever walked into a room and someone's gone like, 88 00:05:12,195 --> 00:05:15,465 "Hey, everybody, look! My cool IRS auditor just walked in"? 89 00:05:15,531 --> 00:05:17,100 - Yeah, they don't have to be happy. - Oh, okay. 90 00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,068 I'm respected. I'm valued. 91 00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:20,536 Mmm. 92 00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:22,105 - I'm leaving. - There you go. 93 00:05:22,171 --> 00:05:24,073 Those are the two words we love to hear you say. 94 00:05:24,140 --> 00:05:25,975 All right, now. Bye, Rick. 95 00:05:26,042 --> 00:05:28,010 - Hey, Rick, I had one more question. - Don't slam... 96 00:05:29,011 --> 00:05:31,147 - Hey, girl. - Hiya, JoJo. 97 00:05:31,214 --> 00:05:35,418 All right, I have got some stuff for you. 98 00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,886 - Look at all these. - Oh, my gosh. 99 00:05:36,953 --> 00:05:38,821 - Big day. - Big day. 100 00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:46,896 - Buy one, get one. - BOGO! 101 00:05:46,963 --> 00:05:48,998 Rick should be happy I taught you how to stockpile. 102 00:05:49,065 --> 00:05:51,801 Yeah, he doesn't get any of this. 103 00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:55,471 Oh, lookee. I only need one more Colgate proof of purchase 104 00:05:55,538 --> 00:05:57,740 - to get a free AT&T gift card. - You see that? 105 00:05:57,807 --> 00:06:01,544 You think Rick knows how to pay a phone bill with toothpaste? No. 106 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,613 You're winning. 107 00:06:03,679 --> 00:06:06,616 Hey, did you know that winning actually changes the way your brain works? 108 00:06:06,682 --> 00:06:09,619 Like, every time you win, you get a teensy bit smarter. 109 00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:11,487 They call it the winner effect. 110 00:06:11,554 --> 00:06:15,124 You know, basically, the more you win, the more you will win. 111 00:06:15,191 --> 00:06:16,759 Winning becomes habit. 112 00:06:18,761 --> 00:06:19,896 I really need a win. 113 00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:32,542 Yes! 114 00:06:53,196 --> 00:06:55,097 You doing okay today, Greg? 115 00:06:57,767 --> 00:07:00,736 You know, I read that if you're lucky, 116 00:07:00,803 --> 00:07:04,207 you only get about 30,000 days on planet Earth. 117 00:07:04,273 --> 00:07:05,875 - Right. - That's not a lot. 118 00:07:07,043 --> 00:07:08,878 Maybe you should try to make every day count. 119 00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:11,047 Total is $138.55. 120 00:07:12,915 --> 00:07:13,983 Is it? 121 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:16,652 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 122 00:07:18,287 --> 00:07:20,690 It's like a thousand coupons, man. 123 00:07:42,311 --> 00:07:46,916 Well, good for you, lady. You saved $122.10. 124 00:07:46,983 --> 00:07:49,986 It is good for me, Greg. It is good for me. 125 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,855 "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves." 126 00:07:52,922 --> 00:07:55,258 - All right. - Sorry about the wait. 127 00:07:55,324 --> 00:07:57,526 Don't be. That was impressive. 128 00:07:58,194 --> 00:07:59,228 Change. 129 00:08:01,697 --> 00:08:02,765 Your trophy. 130 00:08:33,696 --> 00:08:34,830 "Dear General Mills, 131 00:08:34,897 --> 00:08:36,799 I recently purchased a box of Wheaties cereal 132 00:08:36,866 --> 00:08:39,335 from my local A&G Family Mart here in Phoenix. 133 00:08:39,402 --> 00:08:43,706 When I opened it, I discovered, to my chagrin, that the cereal was stale. 134 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:47,143 As a former Olympic athlete, I was very disappointed. 135 00:08:47,209 --> 00:08:49,578 'Breakfast of champions'? 136 00:08:49,645 --> 00:08:52,949 With cereal this stale, it's more like 'breakfast of chump-ions.'" 137 00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:56,252 No shade, but, um, we both know the before we were working with. 138 00:08:56,319 --> 00:08:58,321 But why don't you take a little look 139 00:08:58,387 --> 00:09:01,924 - at the after! - Oh, my God! 140 00:09:01,991 --> 00:09:04,627 - Wow. - Yes, girl! Look at you! 141 00:09:04,694 --> 00:09:08,297 Who is that? Is that Halle Berry from 2002? 142 00:09:09,732 --> 00:09:11,067 So what I've used here 143 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:14,003 is the Back-2-Black executive package. 144 00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:17,239 I try to tell people, like, that white-girl makeup does not work for us. 145 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:18,374 You know what I mean? Okay. 146 00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:20,176 - Mm-hmm. - You need your own stuff. 147 00:09:20,242 --> 00:09:23,346 So, do we have a sale? 148 00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:24,947 Do you take credit cards? 149 00:09:25,014 --> 00:09:27,116 Unfortunately, I can only accept cash. 150 00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:29,685 I have a history with identity theft. 151 00:09:29,752 --> 00:09:31,988 - What? - No. Girl. No, no, no. 152 00:09:32,054 --> 00:09:34,757 No, I did not steal anybody's identity. No way. 153 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,859 I had my identity stolen. 154 00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:38,894 My credit's trash. I can't even walk into a bank. 155 00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:40,396 - Mmm. - It's a whole thing. You don't even need 156 00:09:40,463 --> 00:09:42,398 to worry about that right now, so... 157 00:09:43,699 --> 00:09:45,034 I need to think about it. 158 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:13,763 Fun trip? 159 00:10:13,829 --> 00:10:16,165 Fun? What's fun about work? 160 00:10:16,232 --> 00:10:20,703 Hey, what do you say we go out for a nice dinner tonight? Maybe sushi? 161 00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,171 Sushi's expensive. 162 00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:24,173 Didn't you say you had some kinda coupon thing 163 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,341 from TGI Fridays? 164 00:10:27,109 --> 00:10:29,178 Mm-hmm. 165 00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:32,148 Looks like the Arizona fans will stay on their feet 166 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:35,918 as Harris steps to the plate with a chance to tie it up. 167 00:10:35,985 --> 00:10:40,156 Pitch... Oh, inside! And near his head. 168 00:10:50,399 --> 00:10:52,334 - Earl! - Hey there, JoJo. 169 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:55,071 You better not have a bunch of bills in there for me. 170 00:10:55,137 --> 00:10:56,972 Ugh. Oof. 171 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,075 - You got this? - Oh. 172 00:10:59,141 --> 00:11:02,778 - I don't know nothing about this. - Okay. Damn. 173 00:11:02,845 --> 00:11:05,381 - Oh, I loved your new YouTube video, JoJo. - Oh, yeah? 174 00:11:05,448 --> 00:11:08,451 Yeah. You know, I keep asking myself, "How does she do it?" 175 00:11:08,517 --> 00:11:09,985 It's like you can read my mind. 176 00:11:10,052 --> 00:11:11,887 That's 'cause I can. Come here. 177 00:11:11,954 --> 00:11:14,023 I'm gonna tell you what you're thinking. Look at me. 178 00:11:22,031 --> 00:11:23,432 Oh. Uh... 179 00:11:23,499 --> 00:11:25,501 - Oh, boy. - I'm just playing with you, Earl. 180 00:11:25,568 --> 00:11:27,770 - I can't tell what you're thinking. - I should be going. 181 00:11:27,837 --> 00:11:28,938 - Okay. - Yeah. 182 00:11:32,241 --> 00:11:33,309 Bye! 183 00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:44,487 I'm leaving. I'll see you in a couple of weeks. 184 00:11:44,553 --> 00:11:45,754 Mm-hmm. 185 00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:48,824 You had a choice. 186 00:11:48,891 --> 00:11:53,195 We could've been eating out at expensive and fancy places all the time. 187 00:11:53,262 --> 00:11:58,067 Instead, you chose four rounds of IVF treatments. 188 00:11:58,134 --> 00:12:01,137 You knew I wanted to quit after one, but... 189 00:12:02,938 --> 00:12:05,508 You're trying to replace what you lost with coupons. 190 00:12:05,574 --> 00:12:08,878 Are you kidding me right now? We lost a baby. 191 00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:11,814 Get out of this room. 192 00:12:12,081 --> 00:12:13,182 And get a job. 193 00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,126 Mail's here. 194 00:13:00,663 --> 00:13:02,598 Oh, my... 195 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,636 See that, Greg? 196 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,972 "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves." 197 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:11,907 Why do you always say that? 198 00:13:11,974 --> 00:13:14,376 'Cause it's the little things that matter. 199 00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:16,512 Mmm. Little things. 200 00:13:16,579 --> 00:13:19,381 Like wasting your time writing a stupid complaint letter? 201 00:13:19,448 --> 00:13:22,251 - How did you know that? - You're not special. 202 00:13:22,318 --> 00:13:25,988 They always send you coupons for free shit when you bitch to the manufacturer. 203 00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:45,407 "Fifty percent less fat? More like 100% less flavor." 204 00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,409 "How about new and unimproved?" 205 00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:50,012 "Your trash bags are garbage." 206 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:52,014 "Your cookie isn't soft, and it sure as heck ain't chewy." 207 00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:54,183 "Your rising crust pizza falls flat." 208 00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,418 "If you meant for the cheese flavor to taste like feet, 209 00:13:56,485 --> 00:13:58,954 then bravo, my friend, you nailed it." 210 00:14:31,553 --> 00:14:34,189 - Okay, don't... don't peek. Okay. - Okay. 211 00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,292 Okay, open. 212 00:14:37,426 --> 00:14:40,696 What? No, Connie! 213 00:14:40,763 --> 00:14:41,530 You told me you wrote that letter 214 00:14:41,597 --> 00:14:43,499 - 'cause your cereal was stale. - Yeah. 215 00:14:43,565 --> 00:14:45,701 So, what, the whole fucking house has gone stale? 216 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,370 - Not exactly... - Oh, shit! 217 00:14:48,437 --> 00:14:50,039 - You got Cottonelle Ultra? - Yeah. 218 00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:52,408 - You got 36 family rolls for free? - Yeah. 219 00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,476 That coupon's worth, like, 40 bucks. 220 00:14:54,543 --> 00:14:57,012 Well, you can get one too. Just write a letter to Cottonelle. 221 00:14:57,079 --> 00:14:58,614 And say what? "Dear Cottonelle, 222 00:14:58,681 --> 00:15:01,216 your supersoft toilet paper scratched up my ass"? 223 00:15:01,283 --> 00:15:02,685 Please, they're not gonna believe me! 224 00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:05,220 Or, better yet, just pay me for the coupon. 225 00:15:05,287 --> 00:15:07,323 Okay. 226 00:15:07,389 --> 00:15:10,192 Actually, how much would you pay me for this Cottonelle coupon? 227 00:15:10,259 --> 00:15:12,695 Would you pay maybe half of what it's worth? 228 00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:15,364 Twenty bucks? Yeah, why not? 229 00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:18,434 So you'd give me 20 bucks for this coupon that I got for free? 230 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,170 That's quite a profit, don't you think? 231 00:15:21,236 --> 00:15:24,273 Imagine if we got more of these, and we sold them to people for half. 232 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,675 That would... That'd be a real business. 233 00:15:28,143 --> 00:15:30,279 How is that a real business? 234 00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:34,049 Even if you wanted to, how would you ever get enough to sell? 235 00:15:34,116 --> 00:15:37,086 I think I know where we can get 'em in bulk. 236 00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:41,023 Advanced Solutions works with the top Fortune 500 companies 237 00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:43,325 to handle all of your coupon printing needs. 238 00:15:43,392 --> 00:15:46,462 Each week, when customers redeem your coupons, 239 00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:50,032 they'll be sent back to our Advanced Solutions printing facility 240 00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,135 and coupon clearinghouse in Chihuahua, Mexico. 241 00:15:54,503 --> 00:15:57,005 Chihuahua, Mexico. That's not far from here. 242 00:15:57,072 --> 00:15:58,741 Okay, Chihuahua. What's your point? 243 00:15:58,807 --> 00:16:00,542 That's where all the coupons are. 244 00:16:00,609 --> 00:16:02,144 So what, you want to rob the place? 245 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,579 - No. - Oh. 246 00:16:03,645 --> 00:16:08,150 No, no. Not rob. Just remove or just separate some. 247 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:10,619 No. No. Uh-uh. Are you crazy? 248 00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:12,755 JoJo, I need you. 249 00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:15,090 There's no one better at selling people stuff. 250 00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,358 Then how come I'm so broke? 251 00:16:16,425 --> 00:16:19,461 Yeah. Exactly. It's not fair. 252 00:16:19,528 --> 00:16:22,598 Like, all you wanted was a successful business. 253 00:16:22,664 --> 00:16:26,735 But because someone ruined your credit, you can never fix that? 254 00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:28,537 And all I wanted was a baby, 255 00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:31,540 and I... now I gotta pay for that the rest of my life? 256 00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:33,809 No one is gonna help us. 257 00:16:33,876 --> 00:16:35,744 You know who gets rewarded? 258 00:16:35,811 --> 00:16:38,514 People who don't follow the rules. 259 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,716 It's time we start bending 'em a little. 260 00:16:44,319 --> 00:16:46,688 I want you to know you don't have to keep selling me on it, 261 00:16:46,755 --> 00:16:48,590 - 'cause I'm in. - I'm just saying, 262 00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:51,126 you know, you lodge one complaint, they send you a free coupon. 263 00:16:51,193 --> 00:16:53,395 - They're handing them out like hot cakes. - Mm-hmm. 264 00:16:53,462 --> 00:16:55,731 And... And we're just taking a few extra. 265 00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:57,533 Mmm. Well, we're stealing them. 266 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:59,168 And all we're doing is making them more accessible. 267 00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:00,669 - By smuggling them. - That... 268 00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:03,405 Honestly, these companies make bazillions of dollars, 269 00:17:03,472 --> 00:17:06,542 so it's not like they're gonna miss a couple of coupons. 270 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:12,281 I'm just telling you that it is stealing, smuggling and selling illegally. 271 00:17:12,347 --> 00:17:14,550 It sounds bad when you say it like that. 272 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:17,085 - It is bad, girl. - Well, don't say it like that. 273 00:17:17,152 --> 00:17:18,487 It doesn't have to sound bad. 274 00:17:18,554 --> 00:17:20,556 I think it's gonna be good. 275 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,124 No, it's gonna be good. 276 00:17:22,191 --> 00:17:25,093 It's gonna be good. I can feel it. 277 00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,733 Hey, congratulations, Sunil. 278 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,302 Congrats on being a grandfather. 279 00:17:33,368 --> 00:17:35,471 - Thank you. - Not everybody's got a... 280 00:17:36,438 --> 00:17:38,607 Not everybody's got a family. 281 00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:40,542 Attention, shoppers. If you have our club card, 282 00:17:40,609 --> 00:17:43,846 you can save 10% today in our deli department. 283 00:17:43,912 --> 00:17:46,381 Get 10% off today in the deli department... 284 00:17:47,749 --> 00:17:49,618 - No, just... - It's still not working. 285 00:17:49,685 --> 00:17:52,387 Yeah, I see that. Just punch it in manually 286 00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:55,858 - and give her the coupon price. - Dave. Dave. Hold on. Wait. 287 00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:59,361 Can I... Can I take a look at that before you make the transaction? 288 00:17:59,428 --> 00:18:01,330 - Before you punch it in. - Sorry, folks. 289 00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:04,466 We're just gonna be a minute. Alice will help you on one. 290 00:18:04,533 --> 00:18:07,202 Yeah. No. This is, uh, this is not a real coupon. 291 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:08,837 I-I don't understand. 292 00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,305 It's a fake, ma'am. 293 00:18:10,372 --> 00:18:12,608 How is it fake? Look, uh, who are you? 294 00:18:13,375 --> 00:18:14,910 I am, uh, Ken Miller. 295 00:18:14,977 --> 00:18:16,645 I'm the loss prevention officer 296 00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:19,515 for all the A&G Family Marts across the Southwest. 297 00:18:19,581 --> 00:18:22,217 You're lucky I was here today to spot this little guy. 298 00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:25,354 Take a look here. See that expiration date? 299 00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,890 Does that look familiar to you? November 31st? 300 00:18:27,956 --> 00:18:31,426 It shouldn't. There's only 30 days in the month of November. 301 00:18:31,493 --> 00:18:33,629 So whoever tried to replicate this little guy, 302 00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:35,497 clearly, they didn't look at a calendar. 303 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:36,932 Probably out of China. 304 00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:39,501 You know, they screw up the dates all the time. There's always a flaw. 305 00:18:39,568 --> 00:18:41,937 You know, if you know what to look for, it's easy to spot. 306 00:18:42,004 --> 00:18:44,373 Well, can you just make an exception? 307 00:18:44,439 --> 00:18:46,842 I mean, we could just honor it, Ken, this one time. 308 00:18:46,909 --> 00:18:49,711 She's been coming here for, like, 150 years. 309 00:18:49,778 --> 00:18:52,748 Yeah, I don't care if she's Dame Judi Dench, Dave. 310 00:18:52,814 --> 00:18:54,883 You leave the food out, the critters will get it. 311 00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,885 This is how this starts. I'm just saying. 312 00:18:56,952 --> 00:18:59,288 Sorry to compare you to rodents, ma'am. I didn't mean that. 313 00:18:59,354 --> 00:19:02,524 I just mean to say that rules are rules. But if it helps, I... 314 00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,427 If it helps? I have hemorrhoids. 315 00:19:05,494 --> 00:19:08,430 You know what helps, honey? Preparation H. 316 00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:10,666 Well, we're happy to sell it to ya at full price. 317 00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,401 Well, then why don't you buy it? 318 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,369 Because you're a giant asshole! 319 00:19:17,506 --> 00:19:19,408 That's a good one, ma'am. 320 00:19:19,474 --> 00:19:22,578 But as Dave will attest, I've been told that before. 321 00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:26,915 You should put that in the burn pile. See you, Dave. I'll be back next month. 322 00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:34,256 Hey, sorry. Um, would you mind if we switched seats, just for this last part? 323 00:19:34,323 --> 00:19:36,925 She really likes to watch out the window as we land. 324 00:19:36,992 --> 00:19:39,628 - And it helps calm her down. - Mmm. Yeah. 325 00:19:39,695 --> 00:19:41,930 No, even if I wanted to switch, 326 00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:46,768 I think it's more important that your daughter learn a valuable lesson. 327 00:19:46,835 --> 00:19:50,906 That's not how the world works, you know. You don't always get your way. 328 00:19:50,973 --> 00:19:54,910 - Are you for real, dude? - Okay. 329 00:20:33,448 --> 00:20:37,052 Fuck! 330 00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,455 Fuck. 331 00:20:50,732 --> 00:20:53,502 So, what, we're just gonna eeny, meeny, miny, mo, 332 00:20:53,568 --> 00:20:57,406 pick some random dude and be like, "Could you steal for us?" 333 00:20:58,373 --> 00:21:00,942 Yeah. We need someone on the inside. 334 00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:03,045 We need an inside man. 335 00:21:03,111 --> 00:21:06,415 Ooh, what about that guy? He looks like that badass dude from Machete. 336 00:21:06,481 --> 00:21:08,917 - Too sketchy. - We want sketchy. 337 00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:11,920 We want him to help us, not chop us up into tiny pieces. 338 00:21:11,987 --> 00:21:14,790 What about this Cesar Millan-looking motherfucker? 339 00:21:15,457 --> 00:21:16,525 Too square. 340 00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:21,863 We need that guy. 341 00:21:21,930 --> 00:21:24,332 That guy? Why that guy? 342 00:21:24,399 --> 00:21:26,601 'Cause he's already bending the rules. 343 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:32,641 Look at that. We got two for the price of one. 344 00:21:33,475 --> 00:21:35,343 - BOGO. - BOGO. 345 00:21:35,410 --> 00:21:37,879 Are you interested in a way to make some more money? 346 00:21:37,946 --> 00:21:40,415 No, that sounds creepy. Just be like, "Oh, hey, we have a"... 347 00:21:40,482 --> 00:21:41,983 - We have a business opportunity for you. - Yes, yes. 348 00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,552 - Okay. That's better. - That's it, that's it. 349 00:21:47,956 --> 00:21:50,759 - Okay. Here goes nothing. - All right. 350 00:21:56,098 --> 00:21:57,399 Why is she running? 351 00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:59,134 - Shit! Shit, shit. - Oh, my God. Wait! 352 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,371 We have money. Money. Dinero. Dinero. We have it! 353 00:22:05,841 --> 00:22:08,043 No! Dinero. We have dinero for you. We have it. 354 00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:09,911 For you, yeah. 355 00:22:09,978 --> 00:22:11,880 - For me? Oh. - Yeah, man. Yeah. 356 00:22:19,454 --> 00:22:21,389 What is she doing? 357 00:22:21,456 --> 00:22:23,391 - Hey, wait, wait, wait! - Oh, no, no, no! 358 00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:25,927 Stop! What... 359 00:22:25,994 --> 00:22:27,429 Alejandro! 360 00:22:27,496 --> 00:22:29,397 These women are trying to help us. 361 00:22:32,033 --> 00:22:33,668 - Uh. - It's okay. It's okay. 362 00:22:33,735 --> 00:22:35,403 Oh! 363 00:22:38,740 --> 00:22:40,542 Okay, here we go. 364 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:43,478 - Hi. - Mmm. 365 00:22:44,646 --> 00:22:47,816 Okay, here we go. You good? Okay, here we go. 366 00:22:50,485 --> 00:22:54,890 You never trail someone in Mexico. Ever. 367 00:22:54,956 --> 00:22:56,158 You estúpida. 368 00:23:00,629 --> 00:23:03,832 My... My wife is angry. But she's right. 369 00:23:03,899 --> 00:23:05,700 She is angry. 370 00:23:05,767 --> 00:23:08,436 And also... pregnant? 371 00:23:08,503 --> 00:23:11,873 - It is very early. But yes. - Oh, wow. 372 00:23:11,940 --> 00:23:13,942 Minimum wage is only two dollars an hour. 373 00:23:14,009 --> 00:23:16,077 Do you really have a way for us to make some money? 374 00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:19,915 Wait, your wage is two dollars an hour? 375 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:22,150 That's a crime. You gotta talk to somebody about that. 376 00:23:22,217 --> 00:23:24,052 I should talk to my boss and ask for a raise? 377 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:25,587 - Yes. - Yes. 378 00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:27,889 Yes, you should definitely talk to your boss. 379 00:23:27,956 --> 00:23:30,659 Are you crazy? This company's American. 380 00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:33,728 They only moved here so they could take advantage of us. 381 00:23:33,795 --> 00:23:36,164 That's all the more reason you should hear us out. 382 00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:42,504 These coupons. They all come from your factory, yes? 383 00:23:42,571 --> 00:23:44,806 Sí, sí, we make all kinds of coupons. 384 00:23:44,873 --> 00:23:48,476 We don't need all kinds. Just the ones for free stuff. 385 00:23:48,543 --> 00:23:49,778 Can you get more of these? 386 00:23:50,712 --> 00:23:52,814 Are you asking me to steal? 387 00:23:52,881 --> 00:23:59,688 Again, everyone is making it sound so bad, but it's... 388 00:23:59,754 --> 00:24:01,223 - Technically, yes. - Yeah. 389 00:24:01,289 --> 00:24:03,258 - Uh. - Okay, okay. 390 00:24:03,325 --> 00:24:05,126 It's like Robin Hood, okay? 391 00:24:05,193 --> 00:24:07,996 You are gonna take these coupons from this company 392 00:24:08,063 --> 00:24:09,998 that pays you chump change, 393 00:24:10,065 --> 00:24:12,601 and then we're gonna get them to families who really need them. 394 00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,670 She's right. Do you have any idea how expensive diapers are? 395 00:24:15,737 --> 00:24:18,240 And, obviously, you would be sharing in the profits. 396 00:24:18,306 --> 00:24:20,609 - Yeah. - La puta's right. 397 00:24:20,675 --> 00:24:25,013 But we don't need your Robin Hood. We have Jesús Malverde. 398 00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:27,816 He took from the rich and gave to the poor families. 399 00:24:27,883 --> 00:24:30,151 We will follow in his footsteps. 400 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:33,722 Okay, yeah. Go with him. I mean, this dude is dope as hell. I love it. 401 00:24:33,788 --> 00:24:34,990 Rosa, no. 402 00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:51,039 A wise man once said, 403 00:24:51,106 --> 00:24:55,777 "Family is not an important thing. It is everything." 404 00:24:55,844 --> 00:24:58,013 Was that Jesús Malverde as well? 405 00:24:58,079 --> 00:25:01,683 It is the words of Michael J. Fox. 406 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:03,084 Michael J. Fox? 407 00:25:04,085 --> 00:25:06,054 The damn actor? 408 00:25:06,121 --> 00:25:08,790 - Like, Marty McFly? - Doesn't matter who said it, JoJo. 409 00:25:08,857 --> 00:25:09,858 He's right. 410 00:25:10,725 --> 00:25:12,294 Michael J. Fox is right. 411 00:25:20,201 --> 00:25:22,837 Okay. 412 00:25:22,904 --> 00:25:24,339 - Yes. - Yes? 413 00:25:24,406 --> 00:25:25,974 - I will do it. - You will? 414 00:25:26,041 --> 00:25:29,077 For real? Like for... Oh. Oh, wow. 415 00:25:29,144 --> 00:25:31,947 I mean, 'cause it took me a while to get on board, and I know her. 416 00:25:32,013 --> 00:25:34,082 You are ready, huh? 417 00:25:34,149 --> 00:25:36,017 And here is how we will do it. 418 00:25:36,084 --> 00:25:39,721 The factory is split in two. Printing and redemption. 419 00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:43,792 And the right hand does not know what the left hand does. 420 00:25:43,858 --> 00:25:46,728 Rosa works on the coupon redemption side. 421 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:50,999 All day counting used coupons, very tedious. 422 00:25:51,066 --> 00:25:53,268 And I work on the print side. 423 00:25:53,335 --> 00:25:57,005 It is man's work. Heavy lifting, dangerous. 424 00:25:57,072 --> 00:26:00,675 - Just get to the point. - Don't boss me. 425 00:26:01,443 --> 00:26:03,244 Anyway. 426 00:26:03,311 --> 00:26:07,015 With each coupon we print, there is always extra. 427 00:26:07,082 --> 00:26:10,018 Even with the free coupons. 428 00:26:10,085 --> 00:26:14,055 It is normal for us to destroy these extra coupons. 429 00:26:15,390 --> 00:26:17,058 But no more. 430 00:26:17,125 --> 00:26:19,728 Oh, Alejandro, you very sexy right now. 431 00:26:21,129 --> 00:26:23,398 Instead, I will send them to you. 432 00:26:23,465 --> 00:26:26,368 Our trucks ship coupons all across the US. 433 00:26:26,434 --> 00:26:29,270 And as for the border, this is no problem. 434 00:26:29,337 --> 00:26:32,774 They stop drugs because there is a war on drugs. 435 00:26:33,375 --> 00:26:35,343 But who cares about coupons? 436 00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:42,017 Gracias. 437 00:26:48,123 --> 00:26:50,425 Okay, Mama, just please be quiet, okay? 438 00:26:50,492 --> 00:26:53,294 I ain't saying a word. 439 00:26:53,361 --> 00:26:56,931 Yo, yo, yo. It's time to save with JoJo. 440 00:26:56,998 --> 00:27:00,068 Is it hot in here, or is it just me? 441 00:27:00,135 --> 00:27:01,770 It's you. 442 00:27:02,404 --> 00:27:04,005 I have to start again now! 443 00:27:04,072 --> 00:27:06,741 I'm getting my Cheetos fix 444 00:27:06,808 --> 00:27:10,879 thanks to my flamin' hot site for coupons, 445 00:27:10,945 --> 00:27:13,281 savvysupersaver.com. 446 00:27:13,348 --> 00:27:16,951 You get a bunch of coupons. All of them are gonna be half off, okay? 447 00:27:17,018 --> 00:27:20,955 So, go there, get your coupons, make your savings, okay? 448 00:27:30,331 --> 00:27:31,866 $47.99. 449 00:27:32,467 --> 00:27:34,135 Whoa, look at that. Free! 450 00:27:41,142 --> 00:27:42,143 Okay. 451 00:27:48,316 --> 00:27:51,019 - Hey, I got it. - Thank you, Earl. 452 00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:53,388 Savvy Super Saver, huh? 453 00:27:54,456 --> 00:27:57,792 Now, did I say save, or did I say save? 454 00:27:57,859 --> 00:28:00,161 You get a free coupon! You get a free coupon! 455 00:28:00,228 --> 00:28:01,463 You get a free coupon! 456 00:28:16,344 --> 00:28:17,979 Keep an eye on that for me, okay? 457 00:28:34,229 --> 00:28:37,031 Okay. 458 00:28:37,098 --> 00:28:41,002 You have 74 new voice messages. First voice message. 459 00:28:41,069 --> 00:28:42,837 I'm calling from General Mills 460 00:28:42,904 --> 00:28:46,107 about a fraudulent, um, uh, coupon for Cocoa Puffs. 461 00:28:46,174 --> 00:28:47,442 Coupon for Cocoa Puffs. 462 00:28:47,509 --> 00:28:49,511 That sounds funny, I guess. Anyway... 463 00:28:49,577 --> 00:28:51,212 There's been a run on Schick razors. 464 00:28:51,279 --> 00:28:53,781 In the past month, this one counterfeit coupon 465 00:28:53,848 --> 00:28:56,217 has cost us hundreds of thousands of dollars. 466 00:28:56,284 --> 00:28:59,521 Uh, we've had, uh, several of your A&G stores 467 00:28:59,587 --> 00:29:02,423 attempting to redeem this counterfeit coupon for Huggies diapers. 468 00:29:02,490 --> 00:29:04,125 - There's no flaw. - If you're looking at 469 00:29:04,192 --> 00:29:05,860 these redemption numbers, 470 00:29:05,927 --> 00:29:07,896 this is quickly becoming a serious issue. 471 00:29:07,962 --> 00:29:10,064 Which is why we're calling on all LPOs 472 00:29:10,131 --> 00:29:12,867 to look into these fraudulent Tide coupons. 473 00:29:12,934 --> 00:29:14,335 This is code red. 474 00:29:14,402 --> 00:29:16,004 - I've mailed you... - There's no flaw. 475 00:29:16,070 --> 00:29:17,839 ...of the fraudulent coupon. If Gerber didn't... 476 00:29:17,906 --> 00:29:21,843 Eleven days. No sleep. Just me and the receipts. 477 00:29:21,910 --> 00:29:25,413 On a diet of coffee and heartburn. 478 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:29,517 The key was finding discounts that matched the coupons in question. 479 00:29:30,285 --> 00:29:32,053 It was no small task. 480 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:35,356 Aha! Yes! 481 00:29:35,423 --> 00:29:37,559 Then, accessing our financial database, 482 00:29:37,625 --> 00:29:41,362 I was able to trace the credit card number back to you, back here. 483 00:29:41,429 --> 00:29:42,830 And here we are today. 484 00:29:42,897 --> 00:29:44,599 But you're not a detective. 485 00:29:44,666 --> 00:29:47,368 'Cause you sort of look like a detective. 486 00:29:47,435 --> 00:29:50,104 Detective... Do I look like a detective? 487 00:29:50,171 --> 00:29:53,341 Huh. I'll pocket that compliment for a rainy day. 488 00:29:53,408 --> 00:29:57,111 I, uh, no, I work for A&G Family Mart. 489 00:29:57,178 --> 00:30:00,048 Anyways, let's cut to the Chevy Chase here. 490 00:30:00,114 --> 00:30:02,584 If I ask a question, just assume I know the answer. 491 00:30:02,650 --> 00:30:04,953 So, stick to the facts, would you, ma'am? 492 00:30:05,019 --> 00:30:07,121 Spill it. Where'd you get the coupons? 493 00:30:07,188 --> 00:30:09,123 Uh, okay. 494 00:30:09,190 --> 00:30:13,127 Well, a friend sent me this video of this Black woman going on and on 495 00:30:13,194 --> 00:30:15,129 about all this stuff she got for half off 496 00:30:15,196 --> 00:30:18,533 with these coupons from some website. 497 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,101 I'm sorry. I'm gonna stop you there. 498 00:30:20,168 --> 00:30:23,037 You purchased these coupons off a website? 499 00:30:23,104 --> 00:30:26,241 Do you have any idea how many Cheerios a one-year-old goes through? 500 00:30:26,307 --> 00:30:27,976 Well, what's the name of this website? 501 00:30:28,042 --> 00:30:32,280 Uh, Super Snappy Saver? 502 00:30:32,347 --> 00:30:35,149 Super Snazzy something. 503 00:30:35,216 --> 00:30:37,418 - Snazzy Super Saver. - Uh... 504 00:30:37,485 --> 00:30:39,921 I remember thinking, "What a dumb name." 505 00:30:39,988 --> 00:30:42,457 Yeah. Sp-Speedy Shopper? Could that be it? 506 00:30:42,523 --> 00:30:44,225 Speedy Shopper? No. That's not even close. 507 00:30:44,292 --> 00:30:46,027 Well, I'm trying to be helpful. 508 00:30:46,094 --> 00:30:47,595 You said you already knew the answers. 509 00:30:47,662 --> 00:30:49,964 - I-I know a lot of 'em, but the point... - One minute. 510 00:30:58,539 --> 00:31:00,541 Savvy! 511 00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:03,244 S... Are you talking to me, ma'am? 512 00:31:03,311 --> 00:31:04,612 Savvy Super Saver. 513 00:31:04,679 --> 00:31:06,914 Savvy, is that one V or two? 514 00:31:06,981 --> 00:31:10,018 Oh, no, I guess one would be "savy." So it's two. Two V's. 515 00:31:14,255 --> 00:31:17,058 "Watch the pennies, and the dollars will take care of themselves." 516 00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:20,662 Savvy Super Saver. 517 00:31:24,565 --> 00:31:26,067 My hands hurt. 518 00:31:26,134 --> 00:31:28,236 We're filling hundreds of orders a day. 519 00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:30,705 Don't you feel like this is all happening way too fast? 520 00:31:30,772 --> 00:31:33,374 No, fast is good. Fast is... 521 00:31:34,375 --> 00:31:36,177 - Oh, crap. - What? 522 00:31:36,244 --> 00:31:39,347 Frozen? No. No. 523 00:31:39,414 --> 00:31:42,583 Connie, I told you this is all happening too fast! 524 00:31:42,650 --> 00:31:44,552 I'm like, "Whoop, whoop, whoop!" 525 00:31:44,619 --> 00:31:46,521 Alarm bells are just going off in my mind. 526 00:31:46,587 --> 00:31:47,955 - Let me refresh it. - So just... 527 00:31:48,022 --> 00:31:49,390 Okay, close the page. Start again. 528 00:31:49,457 --> 00:31:50,658 Did we lose all that money? 529 00:31:50,725 --> 00:31:52,660 - I don't know. - Fuck! 530 00:31:52,727 --> 00:31:54,962 Uh-huh. 531 00:31:55,029 --> 00:31:57,632 Uh-huh, yep. So... 532 00:31:57,699 --> 00:32:02,403 Abnormally large amounts of money in the account. Right. 533 00:32:02,470 --> 00:32:05,640 Okay, and... and how do we unfreeze it? 534 00:32:07,675 --> 00:32:09,577 Uh-huh. 535 00:32:09,644 --> 00:32:12,747 Oh, so we just have to prove that it's a legitimate business. 536 00:32:12,814 --> 00:32:15,983 Okay. Got it. 537 00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:17,752 Yes. 538 00:32:17,819 --> 00:32:21,022 All good. Okay. Okey dokey. Thanks so much. Bye. 539 00:32:21,723 --> 00:32:23,991 I knew this was too good to be true. 540 00:32:24,058 --> 00:32:25,526 Is it though? 541 00:32:25,593 --> 00:32:28,496 The PayPal rep made it seem simple enough. 542 00:32:28,563 --> 00:32:31,199 We just need someone who's had experience with this sort of thing. 543 00:32:31,265 --> 00:32:34,635 Like selling stolen shit for abnormally large amounts of money. 544 00:32:34,702 --> 00:32:36,337 - Like that sort of thing? - Exactly. 545 00:32:36,404 --> 00:32:39,540 Oh, okay. 546 00:32:39,607 --> 00:32:41,776 What about that girl who stole your identity? 547 00:32:41,843 --> 00:32:44,345 Tempe Tina? Really? 548 00:32:44,412 --> 00:32:48,182 You wanna go to the little brat who ruined my entire life? 549 00:32:49,684 --> 00:32:51,319 JoJo... 550 00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:53,554 - Girl, this is unnecessary. - I know, but we need her. 551 00:32:53,621 --> 00:32:54,455 What the fuck is this about? 552 00:32:54,522 --> 00:32:56,290 Just to clear the air, 553 00:32:56,357 --> 00:32:59,026 the shit I did to you as a kid, that was a side gig, okay. 554 00:32:59,093 --> 00:33:00,795 I dabble in the dark web. 555 00:33:00,862 --> 00:33:04,565 Okay, well, just to clear the air on my side, just so you know, 556 00:33:04,632 --> 00:33:07,668 after that little stunt you pulled, I went to the police. 557 00:33:07,735 --> 00:33:09,470 - They didn't help me. - That's true. 558 00:33:09,537 --> 00:33:11,606 I went to social security. They didn't believe me. 559 00:33:11,672 --> 00:33:13,608 And I went to my bank. And guess what? 560 00:33:13,674 --> 00:33:15,610 Those motherfuckers didn't trust me. 561 00:33:15,676 --> 00:33:18,579 Girl, you know, I had so much debt because of you. 562 00:33:18,646 --> 00:33:20,481 I had to move back home with my mama. 563 00:33:20,548 --> 00:33:24,085 You know how embarrassing that shit is? I'm a grown-ass woman. 564 00:33:24,152 --> 00:33:25,653 I'm really sorry about that. 565 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,655 I-I really... I had no idea. 566 00:33:27,722 --> 00:33:29,157 Yeah, well, okay. 567 00:33:29,690 --> 00:33:32,059 - Electric car? - What? 568 00:33:32,126 --> 00:33:35,329 Is this an electric car? It's just so quiet, isn't it? 569 00:33:35,396 --> 00:33:37,198 I mean, I've never been blindfolded before, 570 00:33:37,265 --> 00:33:39,066 and it's true what they say. 571 00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:41,436 All your other senses are so heightened. 572 00:33:42,403 --> 00:33:44,338 Ooh... 573 00:33:44,405 --> 00:33:46,207 - Did we just go over train tracks? - I felt that. 574 00:33:46,274 --> 00:33:47,742 - Did you feel that? - Yeah. 575 00:33:47,809 --> 00:33:50,111 - They are heightened, I... - That's so weird. 576 00:33:50,178 --> 00:33:52,647 Are you eating Juicy Fruit? The gum. Is that what you eatin'? 577 00:33:52,713 --> 00:33:54,615 You smell that? Oh, I love Juicy Fruit. 578 00:33:54,682 --> 00:33:57,318 - Oh, I haven't had it in forever. - Me either. Me either. 579 00:33:57,385 --> 00:33:58,786 Can you guys just shut the fuck up? 580 00:33:58,853 --> 00:34:00,154 Okay, rude. 581 00:34:00,221 --> 00:34:02,123 My specialty is cybersecurity. 582 00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:04,559 You guys have any idea what that means? 583 00:34:04,625 --> 00:34:05,860 - No. Not a clue. - No. 584 00:34:05,927 --> 00:34:08,463 Okay. Governments and global corporations 585 00:34:08,529 --> 00:34:11,332 deal with security attacks every single day. 586 00:34:11,399 --> 00:34:14,302 My job is to identify 'em, prevent 'em, 587 00:34:14,368 --> 00:34:18,139 or, if they pay me enough, to create 'em. 588 00:34:19,774 --> 00:34:21,342 Humblebrag. 589 00:34:25,813 --> 00:34:28,649 How the fuck did you make this kind of coin from coupons? 590 00:34:28,716 --> 00:34:29,750 Take 'em off. 591 00:34:30,551 --> 00:34:32,320 Whew. 592 00:34:32,386 --> 00:34:34,222 You can't have this much money flowing in a single account. 593 00:34:34,288 --> 00:34:36,657 I can unfreeze this for you, but we gotta spread this shit out. 594 00:34:36,724 --> 00:34:39,694 I'm talking MoneyPak, PayPal, Venmo, Google Pay. 595 00:34:42,430 --> 00:34:44,432 Okay, wow. 596 00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:46,567 You're cashing in with this craptacular site, 597 00:34:46,634 --> 00:34:48,169 Savvy Super Saver? 598 00:34:48,236 --> 00:34:50,471 - It was a template. - Right. 599 00:34:50,538 --> 00:34:53,241 And the site isn't savvy, the shoppers are. 600 00:34:53,307 --> 00:34:54,408 There we go. That part. 601 00:34:54,475 --> 00:34:55,610 The site is registered 602 00:34:55,676 --> 00:34:57,712 to a Charles Barkin from Hackensack. 603 00:34:57,778 --> 00:35:01,148 Charlie Barkin. It's from All Dogs Go to Heaven. 604 00:35:01,215 --> 00:35:04,485 - And the address is a Petco in New Jersey. - Boom. 605 00:35:04,552 --> 00:35:08,556 Well, look at you. We got ourselves a couple of queenpins in the making. 606 00:35:08,623 --> 00:35:11,425 - Damn, you hear that? - Mm-hmm. 607 00:35:11,492 --> 00:35:13,661 We queenpins, bitch. 608 00:35:13,728 --> 00:35:16,397 Relax, 'cause it's still way too easy to trace back to you. 609 00:35:16,464 --> 00:35:19,667 Is there anything else I should know about? 610 00:35:19,734 --> 00:35:22,436 Yo, yo, yo. It's time to save with JoJo. 611 00:35:22,503 --> 00:35:24,839 You know what makes your booty so fine? 612 00:35:24,906 --> 00:35:28,910 Half-off booty from savvysupersaver.com. 613 00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:32,580 Seriously? 614 00:35:32,647 --> 00:35:34,415 You see, my YouTube's a part of my brand, so... 615 00:35:34,482 --> 00:35:36,684 That's 48 real rolls, okay, y'all? 616 00:35:36,751 --> 00:35:38,953 Head over to Savvy Super Sa... 617 00:35:39,020 --> 00:35:44,458 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Where you go, girl? 618 00:35:44,525 --> 00:35:47,295 Trust me, nobody gives a bag of dicks about your brand. 619 00:35:47,361 --> 00:35:49,764 What you guys need is a front for your business. 620 00:35:49,830 --> 00:35:50,965 All of this money is dirty, 621 00:35:51,032 --> 00:35:53,467 so don't go spending dough on shit you can't write off. 622 00:35:53,534 --> 00:35:54,902 Give it six months, 623 00:35:54,969 --> 00:35:57,538 and make sure it ain't Alarm-ageddon out there. 624 00:35:57,605 --> 00:36:01,309 You got that? And to start, we need aliases, and lots of 'em. 625 00:36:01,375 --> 00:36:04,412 From there, we open up bank accounts, apply for credit cards, 626 00:36:04,478 --> 00:36:07,381 and don't be doing this shit at home. 627 00:36:07,448 --> 00:36:09,383 Rent a stash house, okay? 628 00:36:09,450 --> 00:36:12,253 And from now on, use this. It's an IronKey. 629 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,655 It's military-grade encryption. Just stick it in your USB. 630 00:36:14,722 --> 00:36:18,326 Uh, for my help, I take 10% of everything you make. 631 00:36:18,392 --> 00:36:19,827 Girl, what? 632 00:36:19,894 --> 00:36:21,262 Well, I'm worth it. 633 00:36:21,329 --> 00:36:23,297 The good news is, ladies, 634 00:36:23,364 --> 00:36:25,399 is you are entering a real growth industry, okay. 635 00:36:25,466 --> 00:36:28,402 Pink-collar crime, it's fly as fuck right now. 636 00:36:28,469 --> 00:36:31,405 We get you square, and this coupon hustle, 637 00:36:31,472 --> 00:36:33,674 it's gonna pay off in a big, big way. 638 00:36:35,009 --> 00:36:37,678 Could you say it all again and, like, much slower? 639 00:36:37,745 --> 00:36:39,847 I don't know what half those things you said were. 640 00:36:39,914 --> 00:36:42,316 - And do you have a pad and pen maybe? - Pen and paper, yeah. 641 00:36:42,383 --> 00:36:44,418 Or give me my phone back. I'll take notes. 642 00:36:44,485 --> 00:36:46,887 - Just to write it down. - No. No. 643 00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,956 - We don't got it, but we got it. - We will wing it. 644 00:36:58,032 --> 00:36:59,734 Yeah, I mean, you and me are... 645 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,969 We're standing on the tip of the iceberg here. 646 00:37:02,036 --> 00:37:04,772 Ah, it's probably just... ...China. 647 00:37:04,839 --> 00:37:07,808 Oh. Can't be China. 648 00:37:07,875 --> 00:37:09,610 Why not China? 649 00:37:09,677 --> 00:37:12,380 Ah, no, China's just... You gotta trust me on this one. 650 00:37:12,446 --> 00:37:14,682 I mean these... these are gall-damn perfect. 651 00:37:14,749 --> 00:37:17,718 You know this... China couldn't pull this one off. No. 652 00:37:17,785 --> 00:37:19,687 These... It's all in the file folder. 653 00:37:19,754 --> 00:37:21,589 - I mean, the, uh, coupon warning sheets... - Yeah. Okay. 654 00:37:21,656 --> 00:37:23,557 ...the website, the interview with the mother. 655 00:37:23,624 --> 00:37:25,793 - It's... It's... It's a real bombshell. - Yeah. 656 00:37:25,860 --> 00:37:29,597 Don't say bombshell in an FBI building. 657 00:37:29,664 --> 00:37:32,933 - I thought maybe don't say bomb. - Don't say bomb anything. 658 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,835 - Sorry. - What's wrong with you? 659 00:37:34,902 --> 00:37:38,606 No, I just... I'm trying to relay the severity of the case. 660 00:37:38,673 --> 00:37:39,807 I just, uh... 661 00:37:39,874 --> 00:37:41,709 This is a crisis at a national level. 662 00:37:41,776 --> 00:37:44,311 - This is my Pelican Brief. - Okay. Okay. 663 00:37:44,378 --> 00:37:46,380 - Okay. Ken? Ken, okay. - Yes, sir. 664 00:37:46,447 --> 00:37:49,850 Ken, you have my attention. You have her attention. 665 00:37:49,917 --> 00:37:51,452 Oh. Hey. 666 00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:55,056 I think we should run this up the chain to HQ. 667 00:37:56,424 --> 00:37:59,427 - That's, uh, it's good to hear that. - Yeah. 668 00:37:59,493 --> 00:38:01,362 'Cause, I mean, that's great. 669 00:38:01,429 --> 00:38:02,963 Uh, we're gonna need a whole team working on this thing. 670 00:38:03,030 --> 00:38:04,498 Yep, yep. Mm-hmm. 671 00:38:04,565 --> 00:38:07,635 - Is... Do you do tours? - Uh, we d... We don't. 672 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,603 Well, you got my card. I gave you my card and that. 673 00:38:09,670 --> 00:38:10,638 Yeah, we got your card. 674 00:38:10,705 --> 00:38:12,039 - We got your email. - Email. 675 00:38:12,106 --> 00:38:14,375 We got your... your snail mail. We got everything. 676 00:38:14,442 --> 00:38:15,876 - Trust me, trust me. - That's good. 677 00:38:15,943 --> 00:38:17,878 You're going to be hearing from DC real soon. Yeah. 678 00:38:17,945 --> 00:38:20,514 - Okay. Thanks so much, guys. This is fun. - Thank you. 679 00:38:20,581 --> 00:38:22,450 - Appreciate it, uh... - We'll do it again. 680 00:38:22,516 --> 00:38:24,118 Ken. See you, Ken. 681 00:38:26,554 --> 00:38:31,692 Who the fuck let that kook in here? I mean, come on. Coupons? Coupons? 682 00:38:31,759 --> 00:38:33,928 Dealing with national security, terrorism, 683 00:38:33,994 --> 00:38:36,363 and this nutbag is babbling on about coupons. 684 00:38:36,430 --> 00:38:37,698 I can't... Just... Here. 685 00:38:37,765 --> 00:38:41,602 Why don't we let that shit get lost in DC? 686 00:38:43,637 --> 00:38:45,072 This is Ken Miller. 687 00:38:45,139 --> 00:38:48,442 Salt Lake City referred my coupon case to HQ. 688 00:38:48,509 --> 00:38:52,680 Uh, whether I gotta fax or email or what have you, uh, you let me know, 689 00:38:52,747 --> 00:38:56,050 'cause I would love to get in touch with, uh, you guys and gals, 690 00:38:56,117 --> 00:38:57,952 whoever's working the beat. 691 00:38:58,018 --> 00:39:00,087 All right. Ken Miller. 692 00:39:05,793 --> 00:39:07,595 - Looking for someone? - I was told to find 693 00:39:07,661 --> 00:39:10,064 the lowest rung on the ladder. Is that you? 694 00:39:16,036 --> 00:39:17,705 - This is for you. - Thank you. 695 00:39:17,772 --> 00:39:18,773 Mm-hmm. 696 00:39:44,598 --> 00:39:46,834 - Nice truck! - Nice new house! 697 00:39:46,901 --> 00:39:49,937 - So big! - Thank you. 698 00:39:50,004 --> 00:39:51,806 Had to rent it for the business. 699 00:39:51,872 --> 00:39:55,442 Uh, just leaving message number umpteenth. 700 00:39:55,509 --> 00:39:57,745 Uh, hoping y'all are gonna give me a call back. 701 00:39:57,812 --> 00:40:00,748 I am sitting here waiting. I think you know my number by now. 702 00:40:00,815 --> 00:40:02,917 Okay, what's with all the free fucking coupons? 703 00:40:11,525 --> 00:40:12,660 Hey, this is Ken Miller. 704 00:40:12,726 --> 00:40:14,562 I... Shit. 705 00:40:14,628 --> 00:40:17,498 I just spilled some coffee. I'm gonna call you guys back. 706 00:40:20,935 --> 00:40:24,205 This is Ken. Just checking in again. 707 00:40:24,271 --> 00:40:26,740 Um, Miller, it's Ken Miller. 708 00:40:26,807 --> 00:40:29,777 The "I" still stands for investigation, right? 709 00:40:39,687 --> 00:40:42,656 - It's been six months! - I know. 710 00:40:42,723 --> 00:40:47,761 Today's the day we finally get to spend our money! 711 00:40:47,828 --> 00:40:50,831 I know. Hey, I added up everything in all of our accounts. 712 00:40:50,898 --> 00:40:52,666 - Mm-hmm. - You wanna know what we've got? 713 00:40:54,568 --> 00:40:57,104 - 5,230,000... - What? 714 00:40:57,171 --> 00:40:58,772 ...and 55 cents. 715 00:40:58,839 --> 00:41:00,241 - We're millionaires! - I know! 716 00:41:00,307 --> 00:41:03,077 We're filthy fucking rich! 717 00:41:03,143 --> 00:41:05,512 - ♪ Hey, Dirty ♪ - What? 718 00:41:05,579 --> 00:41:08,515 ♪ Baby, I got your money Don't you worry ♪ 719 00:41:08,582 --> 00:41:09,984 - ♪ I said hey ♪ - Sing it! 720 00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:14,622 ♪ Baby, I got your money Hey Dirty ♪ 721 00:41:14,688 --> 00:41:17,591 ♪ Baby, I got your money Don't you worry ♪ 722 00:41:17,658 --> 00:41:19,093 - Hey. - Wait. Dirty. 723 00:41:19,159 --> 00:41:22,162 Didn't Tempe Tina say that all the money is dirty? 724 00:41:22,229 --> 00:41:25,099 - What? - We still have to clean it. 725 00:41:26,300 --> 00:41:27,735 Fuck! 726 00:41:27,801 --> 00:41:30,938 Did she? Wha... Call her ass up. 727 00:41:35,075 --> 00:41:36,744 We're sorry. You have reached a number 728 00:41:36,810 --> 00:41:39,613 that has been disconnected or is no longer in service. 729 00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:40,848 If you feel you have re... 730 00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:42,983 Think she's using a burner phone? 731 00:41:43,050 --> 00:41:45,319 What do we do now? I'm a multimillionaire 732 00:41:45,386 --> 00:41:46,987 and I can't spend any of my money? 733 00:41:47,054 --> 00:41:48,255 That's fucking bullshit. 734 00:41:48,322 --> 00:41:50,257 Wait a minute. 735 00:41:50,324 --> 00:41:52,326 - Rick. - What about him? 736 00:41:53,394 --> 00:41:55,296 Rick is always griping to me 737 00:41:55,362 --> 00:41:57,765 about how these different companies hide their money. 738 00:41:57,831 --> 00:42:00,868 They funnel money through, like, offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands. 739 00:42:00,935 --> 00:42:03,304 Honestly, I try to tune out all of the audit talk, 740 00:42:03,370 --> 00:42:08,142 but there was this one story about this comptroller guy in Tacoma, Washington, 741 00:42:08,208 --> 00:42:10,077 who embezzled $25 million. 742 00:42:10,144 --> 00:42:14,281 And the only reason I remember is because his name was Guy Rich. 743 00:42:14,348 --> 00:42:16,150 - Guy Rich? - That's what I said. 744 00:42:16,216 --> 00:42:18,052 Rick was like, "Yeah." 745 00:42:18,118 --> 00:42:22,356 Anyway, he said that Guy's stupidity actually helped him. 746 00:42:22,423 --> 00:42:24,792 'Cause he didn't know anything about the Cayman Islands account. 747 00:42:24,858 --> 00:42:27,895 So what he did instead was bought a bunch of stuff. 748 00:42:27,962 --> 00:42:29,863 And then he went out and sold it, 749 00:42:29,930 --> 00:42:33,600 and whatever he made from selling it was clean. 750 00:42:33,667 --> 00:42:36,870 JoJo, we need to get all of our money out of these different bank accounts, 751 00:42:36,937 --> 00:42:40,607 buy a bunch of expensive stuff and then sell it. 752 00:42:40,674 --> 00:42:42,743 And all the money we make from selling it 753 00:42:42,810 --> 00:42:44,244 - will be clean. - Will be clean. 754 00:42:45,346 --> 00:42:47,348 Okay. All right. 755 00:42:47,414 --> 00:42:50,851 But you can't just walk into a bank and take out a shitload of money. 756 00:42:51,819 --> 00:42:53,020 Can you? 757 00:42:53,087 --> 00:42:55,856 Ooh. Girl, we are gonna get you together. 758 00:42:55,923 --> 00:42:57,324 Really? This dress with that blazer? 759 00:42:57,391 --> 00:43:00,661 Yes! A hundred percent! Just trust me, okay? 760 00:43:00,728 --> 00:43:02,363 Just let JoJo work her magic. 761 00:43:02,429 --> 00:43:03,897 Yes! 762 00:43:25,886 --> 00:43:27,354 Hi. Joseph Johnson, please. 763 00:43:27,421 --> 00:43:29,356 Straight ahead through that door. 764 00:43:35,763 --> 00:43:37,431 And you must be Melissa. 765 00:43:37,498 --> 00:43:39,666 - Very nice to meet you. - Pleasure. 766 00:43:39,733 --> 00:43:40,834 I'll be honest with you, Melissa. 767 00:43:40,901 --> 00:43:42,336 I was pretty suspicious at first. 768 00:43:42,403 --> 00:43:44,438 You moving around this kind of money. 769 00:43:44,505 --> 00:43:47,207 With this being a border state, we're extra vigilant, Nancy, 770 00:43:47,274 --> 00:43:49,943 because we're dealing with some pretty dangerous people. 771 00:43:50,010 --> 00:43:51,311 Lucky for us, Stephanie, 772 00:43:51,378 --> 00:43:53,380 the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network 773 00:43:53,447 --> 00:43:55,382 has established dollar amount thresholds 774 00:43:55,449 --> 00:43:56,984 to guard against money laundering. 775 00:43:57,051 --> 00:43:59,386 But obviously you're not the cartel. 776 00:43:59,453 --> 00:44:03,991 You're not hiring mules, smuggling what have you across the border. 777 00:44:04,058 --> 00:44:08,729 No, no. You're just a hardworking, successful, female entrepreneur. 778 00:44:08,796 --> 00:44:13,267 Now, your business. What is Back-2-Black exactly? 779 00:44:13,333 --> 00:44:16,403 It's a cosmetics line 780 00:44:16,470 --> 00:44:18,972 for... ...people of color. 781 00:44:20,174 --> 00:44:22,042 People of color? 782 00:44:22,476 --> 00:44:23,477 Huh. 783 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:30,751 Well, if there's a demand, why not you? 784 00:44:30,818 --> 00:44:33,954 Hey, Barbara, we're gonna need some help carrying Ms. Russell's money over here. 785 00:44:35,956 --> 00:44:38,158 Let's go get you your money. 786 00:44:38,225 --> 00:44:40,127 Will hundreds be a problem? 787 00:44:41,962 --> 00:44:43,230 Super-duper. 788 00:44:48,168 --> 00:44:49,436 Oh, my God. 789 00:44:49,503 --> 00:44:51,371 - Look at all this money. - I know. 790 00:44:51,438 --> 00:44:53,440 How are we gonna clean it all? 791 00:44:53,507 --> 00:44:57,311 You know we gotta go shopping. What would a guy buy with all this cash? 792 00:44:57,377 --> 00:44:59,813 Yeah. Like, what would Rick buy? 793 00:45:05,352 --> 00:45:07,321 What's up? I'm kind of in the middle of something. 794 00:45:07,387 --> 00:45:09,256 Hey, quick question. 795 00:45:10,290 --> 00:45:14,361 What would I buy if money was no object? 796 00:45:14,428 --> 00:45:17,030 Why are you asking me? You know what, doesn't matter. 797 00:45:17,097 --> 00:45:20,767 I guess I would buy a Lamborghini. 798 00:45:46,360 --> 00:45:48,562 And finally, the Lamborghini Urus 799 00:45:48,629 --> 00:45:51,165 merges the soul of a sports car 800 00:45:51,231 --> 00:45:53,433 with the functionality of an SUV. 801 00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:56,270 You truly can't call yourself a real American 802 00:45:56,336 --> 00:45:59,139 till you've been behind the wheel of a Marathon Coach 803 00:45:59,206 --> 00:46:01,942 - built on a Prevost chassis. - How much for this one? 804 00:46:02,009 --> 00:46:05,846 This beauty is priced at $265,000. 805 00:46:05,913 --> 00:46:07,581 Oh, uh, don't forget the boat. 806 00:46:07,648 --> 00:46:09,283 Oh, yeah. How much for the boat? 807 00:46:09,349 --> 00:46:11,451 What do you say, ladies? Which one do you want? 808 00:46:12,653 --> 00:46:13,921 We'll take them all. 809 00:46:25,065 --> 00:46:28,135 - Whoo! - Whoo! 810 00:46:35,475 --> 00:46:40,280 You know, every A&G store in America is affected as well, so I hear ya. 811 00:46:40,347 --> 00:46:41,982 - I hear ya. - Do you, Ken? 812 00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:43,483 Do you understand the trickle-down 813 00:46:43,550 --> 00:46:46,019 if corporations like us don't make money? 814 00:46:46,086 --> 00:46:49,289 We can't pay taxes. Then suddenly the roads aren't getting fixed. 815 00:46:49,356 --> 00:46:51,425 Teachers are losing their jobs. 816 00:46:51,491 --> 00:46:54,261 Before you know it, John Q. Public is getting mugged at gunpoint, 817 00:46:54,328 --> 00:46:55,996 - maybe gang-raped. - Uh... 818 00:46:56,063 --> 00:46:58,165 And where are the cops? There are no more cops. 819 00:46:58,232 --> 00:46:59,499 Okay, Craig, I... 820 00:47:00,100 --> 00:47:01,568 Oh, 7:00 a.m. 821 00:47:01,635 --> 00:47:03,937 Yeah, one sec, Craig. I gotta call you back. 822 00:47:04,004 --> 00:47:05,606 We're supposed to be the good guys here, 823 00:47:05,672 --> 00:47:07,608 giving everybody a great deal. Shit... 824 00:47:07,674 --> 00:47:11,411 Yeah. Hey, you know, Bill, I... I actually got another call coming in. 825 00:47:11,478 --> 00:47:13,080 I'm going to switch over, okay? 826 00:47:13,146 --> 00:47:15,115 It's a goddamn priority we find out who... 827 00:47:16,250 --> 00:47:17,951 Hello? 828 00:47:18,018 --> 00:47:19,620 Oh, hi. Yes, I'm calling for Ken Miller. 829 00:47:19,686 --> 00:47:21,154 Speaking. 830 00:47:21,221 --> 00:47:23,390 Ken, hi. My name is Albert Anderson. 831 00:47:23,457 --> 00:47:25,525 I'm calling from the Federal Bureau of Investigations 832 00:47:25,592 --> 00:47:27,894 about your counterfeit coupon case. 833 00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:30,330 Thank God you're calling me. Hey, wait a sec. 834 00:47:30,397 --> 00:47:34,935 I have been calling you guys, leaving messages ad nauseam, 835 00:47:35,002 --> 00:47:36,670 and here you are, finally getting back to me. 836 00:47:36,737 --> 00:47:38,572 This is "real soon"? Let me tell you what. 837 00:47:38,639 --> 00:47:41,341 We need boots on the ground ASAP right now. Okay, bud? 838 00:47:41,408 --> 00:47:42,943 Uh, 839 00:47:43,010 --> 00:47:45,212 I'm an intelligence analyst 840 00:47:45,279 --> 00:47:49,049 working out of a sub-subbasement. 841 00:47:49,116 --> 00:47:52,252 My field experience is literally zero. 842 00:47:52,319 --> 00:47:55,322 Yeah, that sounds about right. You got to be fucking kidding me. 843 00:47:55,389 --> 00:47:59,226 Unfortunately, no. But I am calling you because I think I can help. 844 00:47:59,293 --> 00:48:02,029 Yeah, don't... don't let me stop ya. 845 00:48:02,095 --> 00:48:03,964 Give me the master plan here, bub. 846 00:48:04,031 --> 00:48:07,401 Okay, uh, well, this Savvy Super Saver website. 847 00:48:07,467 --> 00:48:10,337 Now, the interface is complete amateur hour, 848 00:48:10,404 --> 00:48:13,073 but the problem is with the site's back end. 849 00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:15,575 I've used every possible tool at my disposal 850 00:48:15,642 --> 00:48:17,644 and I am meeting nothing but dead ends. 851 00:48:17,711 --> 00:48:19,579 The IP address is untraceable, 852 00:48:19,646 --> 00:48:22,349 there's no analytics, no cookie trails. 853 00:48:23,350 --> 00:48:25,218 Guess what I'm trying to say is... 854 00:48:26,219 --> 00:48:29,156 none of it really adds up. 855 00:48:29,222 --> 00:48:32,359 Okay, so how's that supposed to help me, Albert? 856 00:48:32,426 --> 00:48:36,163 Oh, well, I guess it doesn't. But, um... 857 00:48:36,229 --> 00:48:39,199 The fuck, Albert? Talking about cookie trails. 858 00:48:39,266 --> 00:48:40,701 I don't know this shit. 859 00:48:40,767 --> 00:48:43,170 Do you realize that these counterfeit coupons, 860 00:48:43,236 --> 00:48:45,305 tens of thousands of 'em, have been mailed out all over the country? 861 00:48:45,372 --> 00:48:47,674 - And I'm the one who's supposed to... - Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. 862 00:48:47,741 --> 00:48:49,276 Did you say mail? 863 00:48:49,343 --> 00:48:53,413 Like, postal, snail mail, not by email? 864 00:48:53,480 --> 00:48:57,617 Mail. Like... Like through the post office. 865 00:48:57,684 --> 00:49:00,754 Okay. Help is on the way. 866 00:49:00,821 --> 00:49:03,490 Yeah, you're gonna have those boots on the ground within 48 hours. 867 00:49:03,557 --> 00:49:07,627 Okay, so now we're talking. Now what are we... 868 00:49:07,694 --> 00:49:09,429 And he hung up. Goddamn. 869 00:49:25,445 --> 00:49:26,513 Ken Miller? 870 00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:28,715 Oh, yeah. And you are? 871 00:49:28,782 --> 00:49:31,752 - Simon Kilmurry, US postal inspector. - Oh, with the Federal Bureau... 872 00:49:31,818 --> 00:49:33,720 US... Sorry, say that again? 873 00:49:33,787 --> 00:49:36,590 I'm with the US Postal Service. 874 00:49:36,656 --> 00:49:40,460 The Postal Service? No. No, no. They said that they were sending the FBI. 875 00:49:40,527 --> 00:49:44,064 This is unacceptable. They... I... 876 00:49:44,131 --> 00:49:47,067 So what do you do? You, like, carry mail around or something? 877 00:49:47,134 --> 00:49:51,071 That would be a mailman. They carry the mail. I carry a gun. 878 00:49:51,138 --> 00:49:54,040 This company, Kimberly-Clark, 879 00:49:54,107 --> 00:49:56,510 issues just under a thousand of these coupons. 880 00:49:56,576 --> 00:50:01,314 As of this week, over 15,000 of them have been redeemed. 881 00:50:01,381 --> 00:50:04,117 As if that wasn't bad enough, we can't tell the difference 882 00:50:04,184 --> 00:50:06,753 between the real, legitimate coupons and the counterfeits. 883 00:50:06,820 --> 00:50:10,357 Well, I do appreciate you contacting the FBI, 884 00:50:10,424 --> 00:50:13,427 but the postal inspectors will take it from here. 885 00:50:14,294 --> 00:50:16,129 I appreciate your initiative, 886 00:50:16,196 --> 00:50:18,298 but this is my case. All right? 887 00:50:18,365 --> 00:50:20,233 You're gonna need me on this one. 888 00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:22,769 You can't just waltz in here and take the food off my plate. 889 00:50:22,836 --> 00:50:26,406 This is my thing. This is my deal. Unless you wanna be partners. 890 00:50:26,473 --> 00:50:28,642 - We could be partners on this. - No. No, we can't be partners. 891 00:50:28,708 --> 00:50:30,710 And you wanna know why we can't be partners? 892 00:50:30,777 --> 00:50:32,779 'Cause I'm a federal law enforcement officer. 893 00:50:32,846 --> 00:50:36,383 I carry a firearm, I solve crimes, and I arrest people. 894 00:50:36,450 --> 00:50:39,619 You're a private citizen who chases around 15-year-old girls 895 00:50:39,686 --> 00:50:42,656 for lifting packs of Juicy Fruit. 896 00:50:42,722 --> 00:50:45,492 That's one thing I do of many. 897 00:50:45,559 --> 00:50:49,463 I-I know coupons. I live coupons. 898 00:50:49,529 --> 00:50:52,532 So what happened when you tried to order some off the website? 899 00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:54,835 What are you... I didn't. 900 00:50:54,901 --> 00:50:56,203 So you've done nothing? 901 00:50:56,269 --> 00:50:57,471 I did someth... 902 00:50:57,537 --> 00:50:59,673 - I did a lot of things. - I did... 903 00:50:59,739 --> 00:51:02,209 You know what I did? Here's what the fuck I did. 904 00:51:02,275 --> 00:51:04,611 I called the FBI, and I said, "Can you help me out?" 905 00:51:04,678 --> 00:51:07,814 They said, "Sure, boots on the ground." And then they brought me a postman. 906 00:51:07,881 --> 00:51:12,319 All right, Ken, I tell you what. You seem to know a lot about coupons. 907 00:51:12,385 --> 00:51:17,190 So, why don't you order some off the website, and they'll come in the mail. 908 00:51:17,257 --> 00:51:19,226 And then we can all see where they're from. 909 00:51:19,292 --> 00:51:23,296 But, uh, just to be clear so there's good boundaries in place, 910 00:51:23,363 --> 00:51:24,798 we're not partners. 911 00:51:24,865 --> 00:51:28,802 But what about you making me, uh, 912 00:51:28,869 --> 00:51:31,671 some sort of a deputized citizen or something? 913 00:51:31,738 --> 00:51:33,573 Just from a placard standpoint. 914 00:51:34,975 --> 00:51:37,577 - A deputized citizen? - Yeah. 915 00:51:37,644 --> 00:51:39,880 So what am I doing? Am I forming a posse here? 916 00:51:39,946 --> 00:51:41,915 No, I'm sorry. It's... 917 00:51:42,649 --> 00:51:44,784 What's your action item? 918 00:51:44,851 --> 00:51:48,255 - My... My actionable item? - What is your action item? 919 00:51:48,321 --> 00:51:51,258 Action item is to order the coupons off the website. 920 00:51:53,326 --> 00:51:55,929 That's a good i... That was a good idea too. 921 00:51:59,866 --> 00:52:01,635 Oh, yes. 922 00:52:04,271 --> 00:52:06,373 Guns? No. No way. 923 00:52:06,439 --> 00:52:08,875 Not happening. Never. 924 00:52:08,942 --> 00:52:11,478 We can go to Shake Baby after and get a milkshake. 925 00:52:14,314 --> 00:52:16,283 What has the best resale value? 926 00:52:16,349 --> 00:52:18,818 We're looking for a good investment. 927 00:52:18,885 --> 00:52:21,555 All right, well, that'd probably be this here. 928 00:52:21,621 --> 00:52:24,858 This is a KelTec KSG tactical shotgun. 929 00:52:24,925 --> 00:52:27,460 It's pump-action. Right? 930 00:52:27,527 --> 00:52:29,829 Now y'all seen John Wick, right? John Wick movies? 931 00:52:29,896 --> 00:52:31,765 - Yes. Absolutely. - Yeah, yeah. 932 00:52:31,831 --> 00:52:33,333 There ain't no better commercial for a gun 933 00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:34,834 than a John Wick movie. 934 00:52:34,901 --> 00:52:38,838 The moment Keanu used this sexy bad boy, 935 00:52:38,905 --> 00:52:40,874 the price just went straight through the roof. 936 00:52:40,941 --> 00:52:43,343 Is it cheaper if we buy them in bulk? 937 00:52:47,514 --> 00:52:49,583 - Ah. - Mmm. 938 00:52:50,383 --> 00:52:51,718 Mmm. 939 00:52:51,785 --> 00:52:53,520 That probably shouldn't have been that easy. 940 00:53:02,662 --> 00:53:04,531 Champagne? 941 00:53:17,444 --> 00:53:18,545 Oh. Ah! 942 00:53:19,012 --> 00:53:20,347 Oh, yeah! 943 00:53:20,413 --> 00:53:22,682 - Coupons! Coupons! - Coupons! Coupons! 944 00:53:29,889 --> 00:53:31,491 Mmm, mmm, mmm. 945 00:53:31,558 --> 00:53:33,627 What are you going to do with your half of the money? 946 00:53:33,693 --> 00:53:35,362 Oh, okay. 947 00:53:35,428 --> 00:53:37,430 Um, I'm gonna pay off Mama Josie's mortgage... 948 00:53:37,497 --> 00:53:39,666 - Mmm, mm-hmm. - ...hire her a live-in housekeeper, 949 00:53:39,733 --> 00:53:41,935 and then, I don't know. 950 00:53:42,002 --> 00:53:45,271 I wanna go somewhere exotic. Like somewhere with a beach. 951 00:53:45,338 --> 00:53:46,840 - You know? - Mmm. 952 00:53:46,906 --> 00:53:48,675 What about you? What are you gonna do with your share? 953 00:53:48,742 --> 00:53:50,777 Well... 954 00:53:52,479 --> 00:53:54,814 - Okay. You want to hear something crazy? - Always. 955 00:53:54,881 --> 00:53:58,952 I made an appointment at the fertility clinic. 956 00:54:00,453 --> 00:54:02,288 And I know it's a long shot, 957 00:54:02,355 --> 00:54:04,691 but I just figured, why not? You know? 958 00:54:04,758 --> 00:54:07,994 Yeah, okay. Uh... What did Rick say? 959 00:54:08,695 --> 00:54:10,330 I didn't tell Rick. 960 00:54:11,064 --> 00:54:12,932 I was kinda hoping you'd go with me. 961 00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:17,671 Connie. Of course! You know I gotta go. 962 00:54:17,737 --> 00:54:19,806 - You will? - Yes! 963 00:54:19,873 --> 00:54:22,475 'Cause when this little girl asks her auntie JoJo the story of her life, 964 00:54:22,542 --> 00:54:25,845 I'm gonna say, "Girl, this all started with a coupon." 965 00:54:27,647 --> 00:54:32,752 Okay, so what we got here is a address for a pet store, 966 00:54:32,819 --> 00:54:34,054 a Petco in Kansas. 967 00:54:34,120 --> 00:54:35,622 I Google Mapped it. 968 00:54:35,689 --> 00:54:38,091 The nearest airport is Kansas City, Missouri. 969 00:54:38,158 --> 00:54:41,695 So I took the liberty of booking us a little red-eye flight over there. 970 00:54:41,761 --> 00:54:43,663 Booked us? Okay. 971 00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:46,633 Ken, we are not doing this. We are not... 972 00:54:46,700 --> 00:54:49,669 Kansas, huh? Did you check the postage? 973 00:54:49,736 --> 00:54:52,839 - What, like the stamp? - Well, there is no stamp. 974 00:54:52,906 --> 00:54:55,108 They're using an online postage service, 975 00:54:55,175 --> 00:54:57,444 which also means there's no postmark. 976 00:54:57,510 --> 00:55:00,613 - Okay, so... - Okay, so the zip code on the postmark 977 00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,349 and the zip code on the return address, well, they don't match. 978 00:55:03,416 --> 00:55:06,720 So, the return address, well, that's Kansas, anything starting with 6-6. 979 00:55:06,786 --> 00:55:09,456 And the postage, 8-5-0-1-3, 980 00:55:09,522 --> 00:55:11,691 anything starting with 8-5, that's Arizona. 981 00:55:11,758 --> 00:55:15,028 And the last three digits, 0-1-3, that's Phoenix. 982 00:55:15,095 --> 00:55:17,097 So screw what the return address says. 983 00:55:17,163 --> 00:55:18,765 These things were mailed... 984 00:55:18,832 --> 00:55:21,134 Mailed from Phoenix. That's impressive. Holy shit. 985 00:55:21,201 --> 00:55:22,569 I'm sorry. 986 00:55:22,635 --> 00:55:24,704 Did you actually memorize the zip code 987 00:55:24,771 --> 00:55:25,872 for every city in the country? 988 00:55:25,939 --> 00:55:28,007 I'm a postal inspector, Ken. 989 00:55:28,074 --> 00:55:30,477 And all things being equal, 990 00:55:30,543 --> 00:55:32,746 the simplest explanation tends to be the right one. 991 00:55:32,812 --> 00:55:34,447 Oh, my God. 992 00:55:34,514 --> 00:55:35,749 So if those things were mailed out of Phoenix, 993 00:55:35,815 --> 00:55:37,484 then the criminal outfit behind these are... 994 00:55:37,550 --> 00:55:38,952 - From Phoenix. - ...also in Phoenix. 995 00:55:39,018 --> 00:55:40,954 Yeah, that's... You gotta let me in on this thing. 996 00:55:41,020 --> 00:55:43,490 I'm Mr. Phoenix. I'm there every month. 997 00:55:43,556 --> 00:55:45,925 There's nine A&G stores in the area. I can help. 998 00:55:45,992 --> 00:55:48,461 - Ken, we've been through it. - Please, come on. 999 00:55:52,699 --> 00:55:55,168 All right. I shouldn't be doing this. 1000 00:55:55,969 --> 00:55:57,637 - What are you... - Okay. 1001 00:55:57,704 --> 00:55:59,639 Put your left hand on my badge and raise your right hand. 1002 00:55:59,706 --> 00:56:02,575 - Oh, holy shit. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. - Repeat after me. 1003 00:56:02,642 --> 00:56:04,644 I, Ken Miller, do solemnly swear... 1004 00:56:04,711 --> 00:56:06,713 I, Ken Miller, do solemnly swear... 1005 00:56:06,780 --> 00:56:08,181 That I'm being fucked with. 1006 00:56:08,248 --> 00:56:10,917 That I'm being... Oh, fuck you, man. Come on! 1007 00:56:10,984 --> 00:56:12,552 - What did you think was gonna happen? - I don't know. 1008 00:56:12,619 --> 00:56:15,054 I don't have the power to make you a deputy on anything. We've talked about it. 1009 00:56:15,121 --> 00:56:17,957 Thought you might give me a chance. I thought maybe you would... 1010 00:56:18,024 --> 00:56:20,460 Okay, listen. Y-You're right. 1011 00:56:20,527 --> 00:56:24,831 Fifteen years I've spent tracking lowlifes shoving shit in their pockets. I get it. 1012 00:56:24,898 --> 00:56:28,468 But it's a real case. I... I... 1013 00:56:28,535 --> 00:56:31,604 I thought you'd give me a chance at doing something that actually mattered. 1014 00:56:33,873 --> 00:56:36,676 I... Oh, shit. 1015 00:56:37,644 --> 00:56:38,912 Maybe you can help. 1016 00:56:38,978 --> 00:56:40,513 You do know Phoenix, and you already gave me 1017 00:56:40,580 --> 00:56:42,015 a really good lead with those coupons. 1018 00:56:42,081 --> 00:56:43,983 And I don't want you to feel bad. 1019 00:56:44,050 --> 00:56:46,186 ATF, DEA, FBI, 1020 00:56:46,252 --> 00:56:48,955 most of those assholes would already be on a plane to Kansas by now. 1021 00:56:50,123 --> 00:56:51,858 But you can't cheat the mail. 1022 00:56:51,925 --> 00:56:53,760 And you can't cheat Father Time. 1023 00:56:53,827 --> 00:56:57,130 There is a price to pay for all your training over the years. 1024 00:56:57,197 --> 00:57:01,801 - I hate to say it. - This is... your last shot. 1025 00:57:03,770 --> 00:57:05,171 Well... 1026 00:57:05,238 --> 00:57:07,640 I'm egg-cited to give it a go. 1027 00:57:07,707 --> 00:57:11,044 Egg humor. Well, here's one for you. 1028 00:57:11,110 --> 00:57:12,612 Uh, last time we tried this, 1029 00:57:12,679 --> 00:57:16,082 your average yield was only four or five eggs. 1030 00:57:16,149 --> 00:57:18,251 Whew. Damn, girl. 1031 00:57:18,318 --> 00:57:20,620 But the good news is that we still have 1032 00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:22,755 some of Rick's sperm from last time. So... 1033 00:57:22,822 --> 00:57:26,092 Uh, do we have to use his sperm? 1034 00:57:27,660 --> 00:57:30,263 Well, no, but... 1035 00:57:30,330 --> 00:57:33,166 I mean, he is your husband. 1036 00:57:34,567 --> 00:57:36,903 Yeah, I think we'd like to shop around. 1037 00:57:36,970 --> 00:57:39,973 - Okay, so there's no photos? - No photos. 1038 00:57:40,039 --> 00:57:41,908 - It feels like a huge flaw in the system. - Aw. 1039 00:57:41,975 --> 00:57:45,178 - What about that one? - Oh. Well, let's take a closer look. 1040 00:57:50,016 --> 00:57:51,651 Geez. 1041 00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:54,888 This donor was very active. We have over 400 vials. 1042 00:57:55,855 --> 00:57:57,523 - 400? - Yeah. 1043 00:57:57,590 --> 00:57:59,225 6'2", high IQ, 1044 00:57:59,292 --> 00:58:01,561 - extremely high motility levels. - Ooh. 1045 00:58:01,628 --> 00:58:03,630 His little guys are like Olympic swimmers. 1046 00:58:03,696 --> 00:58:05,832 - Olympic? - Uh-huh. 1047 00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:07,967 Hello, Mr. Baby Batter. 1048 00:58:08,034 --> 00:58:10,837 You know what? 1049 00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:13,640 I bet a lot of women can't afford high-quality sperm. 1050 00:58:13,706 --> 00:58:16,075 We could get it to them at a discount price. 1051 00:58:16,142 --> 00:58:17,977 Do you take cash? 1052 00:58:24,284 --> 00:58:27,887 Did we just spend $330,000 on one man's sperm? 1053 00:58:30,156 --> 00:58:33,026 You know, I bet we'll be the first people to launder money selling semen. 1054 00:58:33,092 --> 00:58:34,594 Right? 1055 00:58:34,661 --> 00:58:36,562 I don't know. 1056 00:58:36,629 --> 00:58:38,731 Getting a call from Switzerland. 1057 00:58:38,798 --> 00:58:39,832 Weird. 1058 00:58:40,633 --> 00:58:41,834 Hello? 1059 00:58:43,169 --> 00:58:44,837 Oh, hey, Tina. 1060 00:58:44,904 --> 00:58:46,306 Are... Are you in Switzerland? 1061 00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:49,776 Oh, no, right. You're here. 1062 00:58:49,842 --> 00:58:51,277 Oh, you're here, here. 1063 00:58:51,344 --> 00:58:54,080 Yeah, okay. Uh, we'll be out in a jiff. 1064 00:58:56,049 --> 00:58:57,050 - She's here. - Oh. 1065 00:59:05,391 --> 00:59:07,860 Tempe, Juicy Fruit? 1066 00:59:18,004 --> 00:59:20,807 Any idea why I brought you guys here? 1067 00:59:20,873 --> 00:59:21,941 - No. - No. 1068 00:59:22,008 --> 00:59:23,910 Where the fuck is all your money? 1069 00:59:24,744 --> 00:59:26,879 - Oh, that. We... - Oh. 1070 00:59:26,946 --> 00:59:29,649 - Um, relax. - Girl, we got it. 1071 00:59:29,716 --> 00:59:31,918 We took care of everything. I mean, we're self-starters. 1072 00:59:31,985 --> 00:59:34,721 - We're queenpins. Remember you said? - That's who you're looking at. 1073 00:59:34,787 --> 00:59:36,222 - You said it. - "Queenpins." 1074 00:59:36,289 --> 00:59:37,657 We're cleaning it! 1075 00:59:37,724 --> 00:59:41,060 Okay. And, uh, why are you cleaning it? 1076 00:59:41,127 --> 00:59:45,198 - Because it's... dirty. - It's dirty, Tina. 1077 00:59:45,264 --> 00:59:48,768 You don't have any dirty money. Do you know why? 1078 00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:52,705 'Cause your front company Back-2-Black's sole purpose 1079 00:59:52,772 --> 00:59:54,240 is to clean your money. 1080 00:59:54,307 --> 00:59:57,210 So, you're... you're telling us that w... 1081 00:59:58,478 --> 00:59:59,512 - Wait. - That we don't... 1082 00:59:59,579 --> 01:00:01,914 - All the fucking money is already clean? - Oh, my God. 1083 01:00:01,981 --> 01:00:03,783 I'm just, like, over you guys. 1084 01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:05,852 - Can I be honest? - Yeah. 1085 01:00:05,918 --> 01:00:07,754 - I wish you would've let me write... - That's what I'm saying. 1086 01:00:07,820 --> 01:00:09,789 You didn't let her write it down, so we didn't know. 1087 01:00:09,856 --> 01:00:12,325 I asked for a pad. You said it was dirty. I got home. I... 1088 01:00:12,392 --> 01:00:14,927 All right. You're gonna go to the bank every couple of days. 1089 01:00:14,994 --> 01:00:17,063 Just take the money in small increments. Okay? 1090 01:00:17,130 --> 01:00:18,731 And put it in the bank in small increments. 1091 01:00:18,798 --> 01:00:20,666 Can you do that? And not fuck that up? 1092 01:00:20,733 --> 01:00:23,036 We can... That's something we can totally do. 1093 01:00:23,102 --> 01:00:25,171 - We st... - We, um... 1094 01:00:25,238 --> 01:00:28,141 We still have some of it left, but... 1095 01:00:29,142 --> 01:00:30,877 We bought a few things. 1096 01:00:31,411 --> 01:00:33,413 A few things? 1097 01:00:33,479 --> 01:00:37,683 You guys said a few things. This is not a few things. 1098 01:00:37,750 --> 01:00:41,220 This is a big red flag. You need to sell this shit now. 1099 01:00:41,287 --> 01:00:42,922 Okay. Yeah. 1100 01:00:42,989 --> 01:00:44,457 We also bought a bunch of guns. 1101 01:00:44,524 --> 01:00:47,393 Guns? Where are you gonna sell guns? 1102 01:00:48,428 --> 01:00:50,029 We're gonna figure that out. 1103 01:00:50,897 --> 01:00:52,165 Or eBay. 1104 01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,134 - Or eBay. - Was my first thought. 1105 01:00:56,436 --> 01:00:58,805 There's nothing more important than the mail, Ken. 1106 01:00:58,871 --> 01:01:02,175 People put pen to paper with their innermost thoughts. 1107 01:01:02,241 --> 01:01:05,111 And then they seal it in an envelope, and they put a stamp on it. 1108 01:01:05,178 --> 01:01:07,413 They trust us with their secrets, and we deliver. 1109 01:01:07,480 --> 01:01:09,015 Yeah, no, I guess... 1110 01:01:09,082 --> 01:01:11,417 I have a hard time believing anybody gives a hoot 1111 01:01:11,484 --> 01:01:13,719 when they get a letter in the mail. 1112 01:01:13,786 --> 01:01:16,089 Yeah. 1113 01:01:22,261 --> 01:01:26,299 I have a feeling that Leo F. Sullivan 1114 01:01:26,365 --> 01:01:28,734 gave a hoot about getting a letter in the mail. 1115 01:01:32,839 --> 01:01:35,942 Marked October 16th, 1918. 1116 01:01:39,378 --> 01:01:41,280 "Dear Mary, 1117 01:01:41,347 --> 01:01:44,217 I received two of your letters a couple weeks ago, 1118 01:01:44,283 --> 01:01:47,019 and they brought the usual amount of good cheer. 1119 01:01:47,086 --> 01:01:50,223 Those letters made the trip with me to the front, 1120 01:01:50,289 --> 01:01:54,127 and now all I have to do is put my hand in my pocket, 1121 01:01:54,193 --> 01:01:55,761 and there you are. 1122 01:01:55,828 --> 01:01:57,830 I spoke to Father Tom Holbrook 1123 01:01:57,897 --> 01:02:00,766 about my big desire within to return to you 1124 01:02:00,833 --> 01:02:05,338 and the ache in my heart to meet our little Irene and hold her in my arms. 1125 01:02:06,172 --> 01:02:07,874 I took my last confession 1126 01:02:07,940 --> 01:02:10,977 and now head out to battle with a clear conscience 1127 01:02:11,043 --> 01:02:15,448 and a heart full of thoughts of you, my dear, sweet Mary. 1128 01:02:15,515 --> 01:02:19,485 As ever I remain, Leo F. Sullivan." 1129 01:02:26,592 --> 01:02:29,262 I think some people do care about getting a letter, Ken. 1130 01:02:31,998 --> 01:02:35,134 - Wait, wha... what happened? - What do you mean what happened? 1131 01:02:35,201 --> 01:02:36,536 Did he make it? 1132 01:02:36,602 --> 01:02:39,805 You know, did he, um... did he survive the battle? 1133 01:02:39,872 --> 01:02:42,108 Doesn't matter if Leo made it or Leo didn't make it. 1134 01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:45,878 What matters is that the letter survived. The letter made it. 1135 01:02:45,945 --> 01:02:47,980 And it's something that we take very seriously. 1136 01:02:48,047 --> 01:02:50,950 Yeah, I get that. I just... 1137 01:02:51,017 --> 01:02:53,819 It's hard not to think about the Sullivan family. 1138 01:02:53,886 --> 01:02:56,956 What... Whatever happened to Mary? Did she become a widow? 1139 01:02:57,023 --> 01:02:59,058 Ken. Ken, it was a hundred years ago. 1140 01:02:59,125 --> 01:03:00,960 All the Sullivans are probably dead. 1141 01:03:01,027 --> 01:03:04,063 I wonder. Did he ever get to hold Irene? 1142 01:03:04,130 --> 01:03:06,299 Are these relatives of yours? Are they... 1143 01:03:06,365 --> 01:03:08,968 I think we're all related in some ways. Don't you, Ken? 1144 01:03:09,969 --> 01:03:10,970 Hmm? 1145 01:03:12,104 --> 01:03:13,839 Welcome to Phoenix. 1146 01:03:13,906 --> 01:03:17,610 5,000 square miles of hot-as-shit desert, suburban sprawl. 1147 01:03:17,677 --> 01:03:20,613 Yeah, well, some haystacks are bigger than others, 1148 01:03:20,680 --> 01:03:22,982 but the bad guys are out there. 1149 01:03:23,049 --> 01:03:24,383 Trouble for them, 1150 01:03:24,450 --> 01:03:27,286 they decided to do bad things through the mail. 1151 01:03:27,353 --> 01:03:29,855 Now we're gonna handle this the post office way. 1152 01:03:29,922 --> 01:03:32,124 Yeah, I kinda wish you hadn't read me that letter. 1153 01:03:32,191 --> 01:03:34,994 I can't stop thinking if that guy survived or not. 1154 01:03:35,061 --> 01:03:37,230 Oh, Ken, you're missing the point of it. 1155 01:03:37,296 --> 01:03:41,167 ...where the temperature is currently 89 degrees, southwest winds... 1156 01:04:10,429 --> 01:04:13,399 Hey. What's going on around here? 1157 01:04:15,968 --> 01:04:18,037 Did we get a new TV? 1158 01:04:18,104 --> 01:04:21,374 I can't get anything past you. 1159 01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,175 It was supposed to be a surprise. 1160 01:04:23,242 --> 01:04:26,312 You know, you telling me to get a job 1161 01:04:26,379 --> 01:04:29,115 was exactly the push I needed to realize I could do better. 1162 01:04:29,181 --> 01:04:31,584 So I marched out there, and I got a job. 1163 01:04:31,651 --> 01:04:33,586 A job doing what? 1164 01:04:33,653 --> 01:04:36,555 Sales. Just a boring old sales job. 1165 01:04:36,622 --> 01:04:39,425 You know, filling orders and stuffing envelopes mostly. 1166 01:04:39,492 --> 01:04:42,261 And the couponing? What's going on with that? 1167 01:04:42,328 --> 01:04:44,463 Oh, I don't use coupons anymore. 1168 01:04:44,530 --> 01:04:45,464 You're shitting me. 1169 01:04:45,531 --> 01:04:47,166 I hope you don't mind. 1170 01:04:47,233 --> 01:04:49,969 I used my first paycheck to buy you your 4K TV. 1171 01:04:50,036 --> 01:04:52,371 Why would I mind? I mean... 1172 01:04:52,438 --> 01:04:56,175 ...got a brand-new TV and a brand-new wife. 1173 01:04:58,377 --> 01:05:01,047 Yep. Connie 2.0. 1174 01:05:01,113 --> 01:05:02,281 Enjoy. 1175 01:05:05,017 --> 01:05:07,320 Are you sure you don't wanna discuss this with your husband 1176 01:05:07,386 --> 01:05:09,322 before I implant the embryos? 1177 01:05:09,388 --> 01:05:11,557 Remember, I can't un-bake the cake. 1178 01:05:11,624 --> 01:05:14,193 Dude. It's her body. It's her choice. 1179 01:05:15,728 --> 01:05:17,163 No. 1180 01:05:17,229 --> 01:05:19,365 We didn't use any of his ingredients. 1181 01:05:19,432 --> 01:05:21,701 He doesn't deserve a piece of my cake. 1182 01:05:21,767 --> 01:05:25,304 You all know Ken Miller, the store's LPO. 1183 01:05:25,371 --> 01:05:28,507 And with him is Simon Kilmurry. 1184 01:05:28,574 --> 01:05:30,743 He's an FBI agent who wants to ask you... 1185 01:05:30,810 --> 01:05:33,179 - A postal inspector. - What's that? 1186 01:05:33,245 --> 01:05:35,348 I'm a US postal inspector. 1187 01:05:35,414 --> 01:05:39,251 Oh. He's a postal inspector, whatever that means. 1188 01:05:39,318 --> 01:05:42,388 We're just looking for any customers with strange coupon habits, 1189 01:05:42,455 --> 01:05:46,992 any irregular coupon activity, uh, frequency of use, 1190 01:05:47,059 --> 01:05:50,363 any customers who have unusually high savings. 1191 01:05:50,429 --> 01:05:53,999 First of all, people literally forget you're even a human being. 1192 01:05:54,066 --> 01:05:57,136 Then she's gonna lecture me on how plastic bags are killing our planet 1193 01:05:57,203 --> 01:05:59,238 like I'm the asshole who invented plastic. 1194 01:05:59,305 --> 01:06:02,174 We call her the "Oh, wait. I have a coupon" lady 1195 01:06:02,241 --> 01:06:06,145 'cause she only remembers she has a coupon in her hand after she's paid. 1196 01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:09,215 We call him "Mr. Bullshit" 'cause he makes you check in the back for stuff. 1197 01:06:09,281 --> 01:06:14,153 And every time we tell him we're out, he always screams out, "Bullshit!" Yeah. 1198 01:06:14,220 --> 01:06:17,123 Well, I guess that's it. Hope it helps. 1199 01:06:17,189 --> 01:06:19,692 Oh, wait. We do have one other cashier. 1200 01:06:19,759 --> 01:06:22,695 I call her the "Crazy Coupon Lady." 1201 01:06:22,762 --> 01:06:25,197 Got this smile plastered across her face, 1202 01:06:25,264 --> 01:06:28,300 ridiculous amount of coupons in her hand every time. 1203 01:06:28,367 --> 01:06:32,405 And, of course, everybody's backed up, waiting, waiting, waiting. 1204 01:06:32,471 --> 01:06:36,575 And they're getting pissed at me. At me! 1205 01:06:36,642 --> 01:06:38,210 - And the worst part... - Okay. 1206 01:06:38,277 --> 01:06:40,713 ...she had this fucking catchphrase, okay, 1207 01:06:40,780 --> 01:06:44,750 this little saying she would spew at me every time before she left. 1208 01:06:44,817 --> 01:06:46,519 "Watch the pennies, 1209 01:06:46,585 --> 01:06:48,354 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." And I'm like... 1210 01:06:48,421 --> 01:06:50,456 I'm sorry, I gotta back you up there. 1211 01:06:50,523 --> 01:06:52,458 Did you say... Was the phrase, 1212 01:06:52,525 --> 01:06:56,162 "Watch the pennies, and then the dollars will take care of themselves"? 1213 01:06:56,796 --> 01:06:59,098 Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it. 1214 01:06:59,165 --> 01:07:01,467 Okay, we're connecting then now. We're connecting here. 1215 01:07:01,534 --> 01:07:04,203 So let me ask you this. What is her name? What is this woman's name? 1216 01:07:04,270 --> 01:07:05,805 I don't know her name, man. I fucking hate her. 1217 01:07:05,871 --> 01:07:08,207 But you've done the transactions. You see the card. 1218 01:07:08,274 --> 01:07:10,743 - I'm sure you got her name, right? - Crazy Coupon Lady. 1219 01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:13,646 - Description. What does she look like? - She's, like, three feet tall. 1220 01:07:13,712 --> 01:07:15,281 - Call a sketch artist! - Okay. 1221 01:07:15,347 --> 01:07:17,216 We gotta have somebody down here. 1222 01:07:17,283 --> 01:07:19,185 Can you stay there for a second? 1223 01:07:19,251 --> 01:07:21,554 Ken, Ken. I'd like to talk to you for just a minute. 1224 01:07:21,620 --> 01:07:23,656 This is good. Don't forget the... 1225 01:07:23,722 --> 01:07:25,424 - Remember where we were at. - Come on. Let's go. 1226 01:07:25,491 --> 01:07:27,226 You can't be screaming at him. 1227 01:07:27,293 --> 01:07:29,495 What did you scream at the guy, "Call a sketch artist"? 1228 01:07:29,562 --> 01:07:32,465 - Yeah, I... - Who do you think she is, Keyser Söze? 1229 01:07:32,531 --> 01:07:34,467 Ken, just take it down a notch. 1230 01:07:34,533 --> 01:07:38,571 - Slow it all down. Okay? - I'm slowing it down, 1231 01:07:38,637 --> 01:07:42,475 and I'm going to slowly tell you exactly what happened there. 1232 01:07:42,541 --> 01:07:46,712 He gave us the seed that's gonna become the fucking branches, okay? 1233 01:07:46,779 --> 01:07:48,481 - That lady, that's the gal. - What does it... 1234 01:07:48,547 --> 01:07:50,749 That's the gal! That phrase. Did you not hear it? 1235 01:07:50,816 --> 01:07:53,853 "Watch the pennies. Dollars take care of themselves." That's... 1236 01:07:53,919 --> 01:07:58,624 I mean, that is literally plastered on the Savvy Super Saver website. 1237 01:08:00,326 --> 01:08:03,496 Okay. Well, that is interesting. That's helpful. 1238 01:08:04,630 --> 01:08:08,767 And did you know that your average shopper 1239 01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:13,506 travels 2.27 miles to their nearest local grocery store? 1240 01:08:13,572 --> 01:08:16,609 - Is that true? Are you right about that? - Yeah. That's a fact. 1241 01:08:16,675 --> 01:08:19,612 If you are, that means our haystack just went from 5,000 square miles 1242 01:08:19,678 --> 01:08:21,814 - down to a two-mile radius... - We're shrinking it. 1243 01:08:21,881 --> 01:08:24,283 ...and we should get boots on the ground. Look at me. 1244 01:08:25,451 --> 01:08:28,587 - That's good, Ken. That's great. - Thanks. 1245 01:08:28,654 --> 01:08:30,556 Now do it without the screaming, okay? 1246 01:08:30,623 --> 01:08:32,825 It's just passion. I'm a passionate man. 1247 01:08:32,892 --> 01:08:34,793 You can be passionate without being an idiot. 1248 01:08:39,365 --> 01:08:41,200 Whew. 1249 01:08:41,267 --> 01:08:43,536 - Hey. - Hi. 1250 01:08:43,602 --> 01:08:45,271 Ugh, girl, eBay is a bust. 1251 01:08:45,337 --> 01:08:47,540 It's just too much. I can't sell it fast enough. 1252 01:08:47,606 --> 01:08:51,277 What are we gonna do? It's not like we can have a yard sale for all this shit. 1253 01:08:56,916 --> 01:08:59,585 We are investigating a counterfeit coupon ring 1254 01:08:59,652 --> 01:09:03,222 that we believe is operating somewhere within your postal routes. 1255 01:09:03,289 --> 01:09:05,758 Now, the mail that's being picked up is primarily envelopes 1256 01:09:05,824 --> 01:09:09,628 with a Kansas return address and marked "Savvy Super Saver." 1257 01:09:09,695 --> 01:09:14,266 Suspect is a Caucasian female, late 30s, approximately 5'1". 1258 01:09:14,333 --> 01:09:18,637 One witness described her as overly cheerful with a superiority complex. 1259 01:09:18,704 --> 01:09:21,907 She may or may not have accomplices. 1260 01:09:21,974 --> 01:09:25,878 Hey, Earl, what about that gal you won't stop blabbing about? 1261 01:09:25,945 --> 01:09:28,781 Um, not sure I know what he's talking about. 1262 01:09:28,847 --> 01:09:31,584 You know, the girl. She makes all these coupon videos. 1263 01:09:31,650 --> 01:09:33,419 I'm sorry. Did you say "coupon videos"? 1264 01:09:33,485 --> 01:09:36,822 I don't know nothing about nobody, uh... 1265 01:09:36,889 --> 01:09:39,592 The girl. Yeah, she lives over on, uh, Clayton Avenue. 1266 01:09:39,658 --> 01:09:43,395 What's her name? Uh, Coco? JoJo? It's JoJo, right? Or is it Coco? 1267 01:09:43,462 --> 01:09:46,665 Hold on. You said she's Caucasian? Whoopsie-daisy. Never mind. 1268 01:09:46,732 --> 01:09:50,269 She's a Black gal. A Black woman. Lady. So... 1269 01:09:51,470 --> 01:09:53,539 Oh, shit. Look. These open carry dudes. 1270 01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:54,807 Hi. Do you have oat milk? 1271 01:09:54,873 --> 01:09:56,442 Oat milk is over there. 1272 01:09:56,508 --> 01:09:58,711 Oh. Maybe they want to buy our guns? 1273 01:09:58,777 --> 01:10:01,847 - Morning. What can I get for you two? - Hey, what's up, baby? 1274 01:10:01,914 --> 01:10:05,651 - Let me grab a skinny caramel macchiato. - Connie. 1275 01:10:05,718 --> 01:10:08,954 - Large coffee. Black. - What are you doing? 1276 01:10:09,021 --> 01:10:10,789 Mmm. 1277 01:10:10,856 --> 01:10:12,324 Nice. 1278 01:10:12,391 --> 01:10:16,996 Couldn't help but notice. Are you fellas part of some sort of gun club? 1279 01:10:17,062 --> 01:10:19,498 Just practicing our right to bear arms... 1280 01:10:19,565 --> 01:10:21,500 - Oh, okay. - ...while we pick up coffee. 1281 01:10:21,567 --> 01:10:25,738 - I got two macchiatos for Stephanie. - Oh, that's me. 1282 01:10:25,804 --> 01:10:27,940 - Stephanie. Hiya. And you are? - Hey. 1283 01:10:28,007 --> 01:10:29,408 I'm Rattlesnake. 1284 01:10:30,109 --> 01:10:31,677 That's catchy. Rattlesnake. 1285 01:10:31,744 --> 01:10:33,712 - Sandman. - That's a good one too. 1286 01:10:35,347 --> 01:10:37,750 Hey, I was wondering... 1287 01:10:37,816 --> 01:10:39,051 We don't know where we're going. We don't know who these people are. 1288 01:10:39,118 --> 01:10:41,654 Yes, we do. He dropped me a pin. 1289 01:10:41,720 --> 01:10:43,555 - Oh, he dropped you a pin. - Yeah. 1290 01:10:43,622 --> 01:10:46,058 - So we know... We're good now. That's it. - JoJo. 1291 01:10:46,125 --> 01:10:49,028 What do you want me to say? It's not like we can have a yard sale, okay? 1292 01:10:49,094 --> 01:10:52,031 And you just do what you do on your sales calls, like you taught me. 1293 01:10:52,097 --> 01:10:53,732 You make the customer the hero. 1294 01:10:53,799 --> 01:10:55,401 - The hero? - Yeah. 1295 01:10:55,467 --> 01:10:57,936 These guys could be KKK, Aryan Brotherhood, anything. 1296 01:10:58,003 --> 01:11:00,039 And you want me to make them the heroes? 1297 01:11:00,105 --> 01:11:04,076 I highly doubt that, okay? Did you see what Rattlesnake ordered? 1298 01:11:04,143 --> 01:11:06,779 A caramel macchiato doesn't sound very KKK to me. 1299 01:11:06,845 --> 01:11:10,315 Am I in any kind of trouble here, or... 1300 01:11:11,116 --> 01:11:14,053 Well, it's kind of up to you, Earl. 1301 01:11:14,119 --> 01:11:16,088 You gonna dance with the tiger? 1302 01:11:17,056 --> 01:11:19,525 - You gonna play some ball? - I'm sorry... 1303 01:11:19,591 --> 01:11:22,661 I'm not quite sure who the tiger is that someone would be dancing with, Earl. 1304 01:11:22,728 --> 01:11:24,530 - Are you? - No, sir. 1305 01:11:24,596 --> 01:11:26,398 - It's about cooperation. - Do you mind if I call you Earl? 1306 01:11:26,465 --> 01:11:27,866 Oh, no. No problem. 1307 01:11:27,933 --> 01:11:30,402 Earl, how long have you been with the post office? 1308 01:11:30,469 --> 01:11:33,539 - Oh, well, it's going on eleven years now. - Eleven years. 1309 01:11:33,605 --> 01:11:35,074 And have you had the same route for most of it? 1310 01:11:35,140 --> 01:11:36,942 Oh, yes, sir. That's how I like it. 1311 01:11:37,009 --> 01:11:40,045 Okay. And probably getting pretty close to your pension here? 1312 01:11:40,112 --> 01:11:41,680 Oh, you bet. Yes. 1313 01:11:41,747 --> 01:11:43,849 Who's the Earl, girl? 1314 01:11:46,885 --> 01:11:49,655 - Who's the girl, Earl? - Whoa, am I under arrest here? 1315 01:11:49,722 --> 01:11:52,825 No, you're not under arrest. God, that was loud. It scared me too. 1316 01:11:52,891 --> 01:11:54,426 But we need some answers. 1317 01:11:54,493 --> 01:11:57,396 The guy out there is talking about coupon videos. 1318 01:11:57,463 --> 01:11:59,665 You seem to not know a darn thing about it. 1319 01:11:59,732 --> 01:12:02,468 That had nothing to... I don't know what he was talking about. 1320 01:12:02,534 --> 01:12:05,704 You might want to talk to Adam, 'cause I have no idea about any girl... 1321 01:12:05,771 --> 01:12:07,840 - Adam. What's his last name? - Phillips. 1322 01:12:07,906 --> 01:12:09,842 Adam Phil... Two L's? 1323 01:12:09,908 --> 01:12:11,744 You're not giving me enough here! 1324 01:12:11,810 --> 01:12:13,879 I think it's pretty clear that Earl doesn't know anything. 1325 01:12:13,946 --> 01:12:16,582 I think your coworker must have got his signals crossed somehow. 1326 01:12:16,648 --> 01:12:19,985 - Yes, sir. - Unfortunately, there is one kind 1327 01:12:20,052 --> 01:12:22,154 of uncomfortable question pertaining to this. 1328 01:12:22,221 --> 01:12:23,522 Yes, sir. 1329 01:12:25,057 --> 01:12:26,725 Have you ever danced with a tiger? 1330 01:12:28,827 --> 01:12:30,162 It was his joke. It wasn't... 1331 01:12:30,229 --> 01:12:32,898 - Tiger dance. - What are you... Don't dance. 1332 01:12:32,965 --> 01:12:34,933 Anyway, thank you so much. I appreciate you. 1333 01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:37,002 - Sure thing. No problem. - Sorry about the confusion. 1334 01:12:37,069 --> 01:12:39,338 - Oh, no. It's cool. - Have a good time out there. 1335 01:12:43,175 --> 01:12:46,879 The hell was that? I had him on the ropes. 1336 01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:48,947 Screaming at somebody doesn't make 'em tell you the truth. 1337 01:12:49,014 --> 01:12:51,450 He could've been sweating bullets. I had him bent, man. 1338 01:12:51,517 --> 01:12:53,786 Let's agree to disagree. We're gonna go for a ride. 1339 01:13:04,496 --> 01:13:05,664 Hey, Earl! 1340 01:13:05,731 --> 01:13:08,634 Oh, hey! 1341 01:13:08,700 --> 01:13:10,736 There you go. Yeah. 1342 01:13:10,803 --> 01:13:13,472 Uh, that top one right there for JoJo is real, real important, Ms. Johnson. 1343 01:13:13,539 --> 01:13:16,108 Oh, that girl been up to something. 1344 01:13:16,175 --> 01:13:18,777 You just gotta promise that she get that letter, Ms. Johnson. 1345 01:13:18,844 --> 01:13:21,847 Oh, yeah, yeah, you the mailman. Now, I get how this shit works. 1346 01:13:26,919 --> 01:13:28,887 Yeah, I don't know about that interaction. 1347 01:13:28,954 --> 01:13:31,156 And now he's just standing there. 1348 01:13:31,223 --> 01:13:35,127 The DMV database lists two names at 1579 Clayton. 1349 01:13:35,194 --> 01:13:37,830 Josephine Johnson, 60 years of age, 1350 01:13:37,896 --> 01:13:40,566 and Joanna Johnson, 33 years of age. 1351 01:13:40,632 --> 01:13:42,134 Joanna Johnson. 1352 01:13:43,268 --> 01:13:44,970 The fuck's that sound? 1353 01:13:46,238 --> 01:13:49,241 It's 120 degrees. Car's overheating, and the fan's dying. 1354 01:13:49,308 --> 01:13:53,679 Go ahead. Roll down your windows, and, uh, I gotta kill the engine here. 1355 01:13:53,745 --> 01:13:56,081 That's no good. 1356 01:13:57,616 --> 01:13:59,751 Ooh. Okay. 1357 01:14:00,786 --> 01:14:06,191 Joanna Johnson. Joanna John... JJ. Jo... 1358 01:14:06,258 --> 01:14:08,894 Oh! JoJo? 1359 01:14:08,961 --> 01:14:12,664 We must be crazy. Oh, my God. I don't have any cell service. Do you? 1360 01:14:12,731 --> 01:14:16,902 Will you relax? I promise I will not let anything happen to you. 1361 01:14:16,969 --> 01:14:19,104 You can't promise that. 1362 01:14:19,171 --> 01:14:21,573 You have no idea what you're asking me to do here. 1363 01:14:21,640 --> 01:14:22,841 I understand. 1364 01:14:22,908 --> 01:14:24,877 No, you do not understand. 1365 01:14:26,144 --> 01:14:30,115 - All right. - What the fuck is this? 1366 01:14:30,182 --> 01:14:32,117 Okay. 1367 01:14:32,184 --> 01:14:34,720 Wait. Is that a helicopter? What? 1368 01:14:34,786 --> 01:14:36,755 Talk about a stockpile. Yikes. 1369 01:14:36,822 --> 01:14:38,523 Oh, my God. Is that a missile? 1370 01:14:39,157 --> 01:14:41,560 Okay. 1371 01:14:41,627 --> 01:14:43,228 - We got it. - All right. Oh, you're gonna get... 1372 01:14:43,295 --> 01:14:45,097 Gentlemen. Thank you. Whoop. 1373 01:14:45,764 --> 01:14:46,932 Oh, sure. 1374 01:14:49,167 --> 01:14:51,236 This is Captain Pain. 1375 01:14:51,303 --> 01:14:53,739 These are the guns I was telling you about. 1376 01:14:53,805 --> 01:14:56,174 Captain Pain. Connie. 1377 01:14:56,241 --> 01:14:59,144 Stephanie Kaminski. Nice to m... meet you. 1378 01:14:59,211 --> 01:15:01,546 This is a cool place you guys have. 1379 01:15:05,150 --> 01:15:08,020 - What the fuck is this? - All right, boys. 1380 01:15:08,086 --> 01:15:10,689 I think you guys love guns as much as I love guns, right? 1381 01:15:10,756 --> 01:15:14,293 So, uh, like we told your friend Rattlesnake, 1382 01:15:14,359 --> 01:15:16,762 we just happen to have a surplus in our stockpile. 1383 01:15:16,828 --> 01:15:18,330 - One too many. - Personal favorite. 1384 01:15:18,397 --> 01:15:20,632 This here is the KelTec pump-action shotgun. 1385 01:15:20,699 --> 01:15:22,334 - Easy, easy. - It's cool. 1386 01:15:22,401 --> 01:15:24,903 It's not loaded. You can ch... Connie, just show 'em. 1387 01:15:24,970 --> 01:15:27,906 Easy to handle, quickest reload on the market. You know, even... 1388 01:15:27,973 --> 01:15:30,309 Do you wanna take a look at that, Sandman? 1389 01:15:30,375 --> 01:15:35,047 - So hot. I'm gonna faint. - I just found it. It's, uh... 1390 01:15:35,113 --> 01:15:37,082 She says, and I quote, 1391 01:15:37,149 --> 01:15:42,187 "A friend sent a video of an African-American woman going on and on." 1392 01:15:42,254 --> 01:15:46,258 That woman was in a coupon video. 1393 01:15:46,325 --> 01:15:49,695 - And all things being equal... - Uh, the... Don't say it. 1394 01:15:49,761 --> 01:15:53,065 "The simplest explanation tends to be the right one." Yeah. 1395 01:15:53,131 --> 01:15:55,734 - So, where are you, JoJo? - Where are you, JoJo? 1396 01:16:06,111 --> 01:16:08,113 No deal. 1397 01:16:08,180 --> 01:16:10,349 - All right. Let's wrap it up. Let's go. - Wait, wait. 1398 01:16:10,415 --> 01:16:13,018 No. It's just... We thought the money was dirty, so w... 1399 01:16:13,085 --> 01:16:14,753 What did you say? 1400 01:16:14,820 --> 01:16:16,288 - Whose money's dirty? Our money's dirty? - Wait! 1401 01:16:16,355 --> 01:16:18,790 - We thought our money... - What did you just say? 1402 01:16:18,857 --> 01:16:21,893 Don't even... What she meant was, we came into a bunch of fucking money. 1403 01:16:21,960 --> 01:16:24,096 It doesn't matter how. 1404 01:16:24,162 --> 01:16:26,131 We thought it was dirty. It was not. 1405 01:16:26,198 --> 01:16:28,333 We bought all these guns, and now we have to off-load them. 1406 01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,068 That's it. 1407 01:16:32,004 --> 01:16:34,006 And we'll give you a really good discount. 1408 01:16:34,072 --> 01:16:35,707 What kind of discount? 1409 01:16:38,010 --> 01:16:40,879 - Eleven hundred each? Seventy thousand? - That's retail. 1410 01:16:40,946 --> 01:16:42,381 - That is not retail! - Get outta here, dude. 1411 01:16:42,447 --> 01:16:43,782 Fifty. 1412 01:16:44,316 --> 01:16:46,818 - Sixty-five. - Sixty. 1413 01:16:46,885 --> 01:16:49,321 Sixty-five. It's a good deal. 1414 01:16:55,060 --> 01:16:57,796 Okay. You got a deal. 1415 01:16:58,930 --> 01:17:00,198 We'll take 'em all. 1416 01:17:11,777 --> 01:17:13,278 Don't do that. Ken. 1417 01:17:13,345 --> 01:17:14,980 - I'm sorry. - Don't do that. 1418 01:17:15,947 --> 01:17:17,115 Don't do that. 1419 01:17:20,519 --> 01:17:22,921 Yo, heads up. Heads up. 1420 01:17:23,455 --> 01:17:25,057 Okay. 1421 01:17:25,123 --> 01:17:27,325 Is that her? Is that J... That's JoJo? 1422 01:17:27,392 --> 01:17:29,428 Yeah. Well, she pulled in the right driveway. 1423 01:17:29,494 --> 01:17:31,963 Well, we'll see in a minute here. 1424 01:17:35,133 --> 01:17:38,170 JoJo! JoJo! JoJo! 1425 01:17:38,236 --> 01:17:42,207 JoJo! JoJo! JoJo! 1426 01:17:42,274 --> 01:17:44,042 JoJo! Jo... 1427 01:17:44,109 --> 01:17:46,912 Okay. You got a deal. 1428 01:18:01,126 --> 01:18:03,762 What the hell is she doing? 1429 01:18:15,006 --> 01:18:18,143 Happiness is when what you think, say and do... 1430 01:18:19,478 --> 01:18:21,213 Think that's Joanna Johnson? 1431 01:18:25,183 --> 01:18:27,018 That's JoJo. 1432 01:18:27,085 --> 01:18:28,987 Now we just gotta see who she's working with. 1433 01:18:36,228 --> 01:18:39,865 Wow. That was quite a show. 1434 01:18:42,033 --> 01:18:45,871 Yeah. The hell? So, okay, now what? 1435 01:18:45,937 --> 01:18:49,274 Now. Now we wait. 1436 01:18:49,841 --> 01:18:50,742 Wait? 1437 01:18:50,809 --> 01:18:52,210 Isn't that what we been doing all damn day? 1438 01:18:52,277 --> 01:18:56,314 Why don't we just go on her front lawn, knock on the door and arrest her? 1439 01:18:56,381 --> 01:18:59,251 Arrest her? Arrest her for what? 1440 01:18:59,317 --> 01:19:02,787 For putting on a damn show in her driveway? 1441 01:19:02,854 --> 01:19:05,257 You know, Ken, you actually do have to collect evidence. 1442 01:19:05,323 --> 01:19:07,926 Okay, well, if we're gonna be here all dang night, 1443 01:19:07,993 --> 01:19:11,163 then I'm just gonna pull my trousers up. 1444 01:19:16,501 --> 01:19:17,869 What's that noise? 1445 01:19:18,270 --> 01:19:19,404 That noise. 1446 01:19:19,471 --> 01:19:22,841 That's the... Oh, God. 1447 01:19:22,908 --> 01:19:24,943 Geez. Are you regular? 1448 01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:26,411 Huh? 1449 01:19:26,478 --> 01:19:29,581 Every morning, I shit like clockwork. 1450 01:19:29,648 --> 01:19:32,150 So what is that, some kind of a shit alarm? 1451 01:19:32,217 --> 01:19:34,052 - No... - What's with the chimes? 1452 01:19:34,119 --> 01:19:37,088 Yeah, well, the chimes are soothing. They set things in motion. 1453 01:19:37,155 --> 01:19:39,157 I'm just trying to find out what's going on. 1454 01:19:39,224 --> 01:19:41,459 - Ma, it's none of your business. - No, hey, hey! 1455 01:19:41,526 --> 01:19:44,829 I'm not one of your little friends... Ow. 1456 01:19:44,896 --> 01:19:48,099 Oh. Every time I yell at you, it hurts. 1457 01:19:48,166 --> 01:19:51,836 I call it my JoJo pain. 1458 01:19:51,903 --> 01:19:53,171 Ma. 1459 01:19:53,238 --> 01:19:54,606 I'm sorry. Okay, Mama? Come here. 1460 01:19:54,673 --> 01:19:57,108 - Oh! - My mama. 1461 01:19:57,175 --> 01:19:59,244 - I'm sorry. I'm just working hard, okay? - Mm-hmm. 1462 01:19:59,311 --> 01:20:02,847 How you think I'm able to buy all this new stuff and pay all these bills? 1463 01:20:02,914 --> 01:20:04,950 Another stack of them bills shown up here yesterday. 1464 01:20:05,016 --> 01:20:06,618 Okay. I'm gonna take care of it later. 1465 01:20:06,685 --> 01:20:08,520 - Love you, Ma. See you later, yeah? - Mm-hmm. 1466 01:20:09,588 --> 01:20:11,590 Don't come in here late! 1467 01:20:14,593 --> 01:20:16,561 Hold up. Target's on the move. 1468 01:20:16,628 --> 01:20:20,165 - Eyes open. Just stay alert here. - All right. 1469 01:20:20,232 --> 01:20:22,033 Okay. 1470 01:20:22,100 --> 01:20:25,570 Hold it together, Ken. This is your white whale. 1471 01:20:43,521 --> 01:20:45,023 You ever hear of Mr. Zip? 1472 01:20:45,090 --> 01:20:46,424 No, I haven't heard of that guy. 1473 01:20:46,491 --> 01:20:47,926 - Robert A. Moon. - Mmm. 1474 01:20:50,395 --> 01:20:53,231 You don't get to the top of Mount Everest by following... 1475 01:20:55,267 --> 01:20:57,402 He's the genius behind the zip code. 1476 01:20:58,436 --> 01:21:00,305 The journey is the destina... 1477 01:21:08,179 --> 01:21:10,248 We'll turn around up here and circle back. 1478 01:21:10,315 --> 01:21:12,617 Yeah, I'm just saying it's not good to hold it in. 1479 01:21:29,301 --> 01:21:31,002 - Oh, God. - Hang on. 1480 01:21:31,069 --> 01:21:33,104 Where'd the minivan come from? 1481 01:21:34,105 --> 01:21:36,941 I don't wanna startle you, Simon, 1482 01:21:37,008 --> 01:21:38,677 but, uh, you should know 1483 01:21:38,743 --> 01:21:43,248 that I'm prepared to take this thing the whole way. 1484 01:21:45,083 --> 01:21:46,117 What? 1485 01:21:47,118 --> 01:21:49,254 What are you saying? 1486 01:21:49,321 --> 01:21:52,490 I'm gonna shit my pants, but that's okay. 1487 01:21:52,557 --> 01:21:55,493 No. Actually, Ken, that's not okay. 1488 01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:59,097 Okay? There's not a world that exists where that would be okay. 1489 01:21:59,164 --> 01:22:02,734 Well, in this world it does exist. This is real. 1490 01:22:02,801 --> 01:22:05,270 You gotta embrace it 'cause I'm not getting out of this vehicle. 1491 01:22:05,337 --> 01:22:06,571 Ken. 1492 01:22:06,638 --> 01:22:08,273 Ken. 1493 01:22:08,340 --> 01:22:11,076 You don't shit... You don't shit in the car. 1494 01:22:11,142 --> 01:22:14,346 Okay, I'm gonna do a bank run. I'll be back in a jiff. 1495 01:22:14,412 --> 01:22:16,247 Perfect. 1496 01:22:16,314 --> 01:22:19,718 All men are forced to make difficult decisions. This is mine. 1497 01:22:19,784 --> 01:22:22,454 We're too close, and I have come too far. 1498 01:22:22,520 --> 01:22:24,189 I hear everything you're saying. 1499 01:22:25,056 --> 01:22:26,658 You don't shit in the car, Ken. 1500 01:22:26,725 --> 01:22:28,593 You don't shit in the car. 1501 01:22:28,660 --> 01:22:31,262 It's a rental. You pay a cleaning fee. Everybody moves on. 1502 01:22:31,329 --> 01:22:33,131 Yeah, it's a rental that I rented. 1503 01:22:33,198 --> 01:22:35,467 Most people wouldn't even tell me that they had to shit. 1504 01:22:35,533 --> 01:22:38,002 They just would make up an excuse and they'd get out of the car, okay? 1505 01:22:38,069 --> 01:22:39,204 You're a grown man, Ken. 1506 01:22:39,270 --> 01:22:41,005 Go walk to the restroom. 1507 01:22:41,072 --> 01:22:42,774 Go shit in the fucking brush. 1508 01:22:42,841 --> 01:22:45,310 I really don't care. Just figure it out and go and take a... 1509 01:22:46,211 --> 01:22:47,445 Holy shit. 1510 01:22:48,146 --> 01:22:49,447 Late 30s. 1511 01:22:49,514 --> 01:22:54,085 Slim build, 5'1". Seems cheerful enough. 1512 01:22:54,619 --> 01:22:56,588 My white whale. 1513 01:22:57,789 --> 01:22:59,257 Ah. There she blows. 1514 01:22:59,324 --> 01:23:03,328 Jesus Christ! 1515 01:23:03,395 --> 01:23:05,463 Fucking animal. 1516 01:23:06,097 --> 01:23:07,465 Are you serious? 1517 01:23:07,532 --> 01:23:10,268 Are you fucking crazy? 1518 01:23:10,335 --> 01:23:14,038 Jesus Christ! You can't just take a shit in a car. 1519 01:23:14,105 --> 01:23:16,541 I know. I'm sorry. 1520 01:23:16,608 --> 01:23:19,043 To be fair, this is like my beach in Normandy... 1521 01:23:19,110 --> 01:23:21,713 No, it's not. This isn't heroic. This is bad stomach management. 1522 01:23:21,780 --> 01:23:24,315 Your ass smells like a fucking outhouse at a carnival. 1523 01:23:24,382 --> 01:23:26,084 Go wipe your ass like a puppy on the grass. 1524 01:23:26,151 --> 01:23:27,519 Get that fucking ass out of here. 1525 01:23:28,520 --> 01:23:30,054 I don't wanna get it on the seat, 1526 01:23:30,121 --> 01:23:32,690 so I'm gonna sit up like this, or something. 1527 01:23:34,726 --> 01:23:36,261 Well, we got her. 1528 01:23:39,697 --> 01:23:42,200 A silver 2010 Dodge Caravan. 1529 01:23:42,267 --> 01:23:46,404 Now, that is registered to Connie Kaminski, 1530 01:23:46,471 --> 01:23:48,640 born Connie Stevens of Olathe, Kansas, 1531 01:23:48,706 --> 01:23:53,344 uh, both parents deceased, and get this, former Olympian. 1532 01:23:53,411 --> 01:23:56,247 - Olympian? What event? - Racewalking. 1533 01:23:56,314 --> 01:24:00,151 That's not real. Did you say racewalking? That's a real thing? 1534 01:24:00,218 --> 01:24:03,755 It's a largely ignored but often ridiculed event, 1535 01:24:03,822 --> 01:24:05,557 kinda like couponing. 1536 01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:08,593 Why are you wearing pajama pants? 1537 01:24:09,794 --> 01:24:12,730 - I took one for the team. Yeah. - He had an accident. 1538 01:24:12,797 --> 01:24:15,467 Nothing wrong with a little elasticity. 1539 01:24:15,533 --> 01:24:17,735 Except in a professional environment. 1540 01:24:17,802 --> 01:24:20,405 - I wish I was dressed different. - Moving on. 1541 01:24:20,472 --> 01:24:23,541 Now, cashier Greg Garcia corroborated. 1542 01:24:23,608 --> 01:24:28,313 Ooh! That's her. That giant fucking smile. 1543 01:24:30,181 --> 01:24:32,150 I think I got something here. 1544 01:24:32,217 --> 01:24:36,354 It's an invoice. A lease on an airplane hangar. 1545 01:24:36,421 --> 01:24:38,556 An airplane hangar? 1546 01:24:38,623 --> 01:24:41,259 What the hell are they doing with an airplane hangar? 1547 01:24:42,861 --> 01:24:44,629 Let's go, boys! Gear up. 1548 01:24:44,696 --> 01:24:46,831 I think I owe you an apology. 1549 01:24:46,898 --> 01:24:49,701 You guys are like the FBI. 1550 01:24:49,767 --> 01:24:52,837 Negative. FBI's like us. 1551 01:24:52,904 --> 01:24:55,707 Don't fuck with the post office. 1552 01:24:55,773 --> 01:24:58,476 Uh, you know, careful out there. 1553 01:24:58,543 --> 01:25:00,879 Good luck, you know. Do your thing. 1554 01:25:04,349 --> 01:25:05,817 Wanna do a ride-along? 1555 01:25:08,486 --> 01:25:10,355 You messing with me? 1556 01:25:10,822 --> 01:25:12,490 That's a 10-4. 1557 01:25:14,859 --> 01:25:17,228 Just stay out of the way and listen. 1558 01:25:42,820 --> 01:25:44,622 So what are we dealing with? 1559 01:25:44,689 --> 01:25:47,659 Drug runners? Arms dealers? 1560 01:25:48,393 --> 01:25:49,928 It's coupons. 1561 01:25:52,297 --> 01:25:54,299 Come again? 1562 01:25:54,365 --> 01:25:59,270 It's coupons. It's two women counterfeiting coupons. 1563 01:26:02,674 --> 01:26:04,842 I mean, this feels like a lot. 1564 01:26:04,909 --> 01:26:07,879 You don't think we're coming in a little hot here, boss? 1565 01:26:07,946 --> 01:26:10,615 - Boss. - All right, gentlemen. Lock and load! 1566 01:26:17,555 --> 01:26:20,792 Good Lord have mercy, Jesus. 1567 01:26:20,858 --> 01:26:23,394 My own child fixing to suffocate me. 1568 01:26:23,461 --> 01:26:25,430 Ma. Oh, my gosh. 1569 01:26:25,496 --> 01:26:27,932 - Help me with this thing. - Okay, okay. 1570 01:26:27,999 --> 01:26:30,668 Ma, I'm not trying to suffocate you. 1571 01:26:30,735 --> 01:26:32,637 I thought you stopped breathing or something. 1572 01:26:32,704 --> 01:26:34,906 - I was trying to save your ass. - Mm-hmm. 1573 01:26:34,973 --> 01:26:39,377 Ma, I can't sleep. I don't know. I'm just anxious. I... 1574 01:26:39,444 --> 01:26:41,279 I fear something bad must have happened. 1575 01:26:41,346 --> 01:26:42,880 - Ken. - Yes, sir. 1576 01:26:42,947 --> 01:26:44,983 - Do not go near that house. - No, sir. 1577 01:26:45,049 --> 01:26:46,718 I want you staying by the vehicles. 1578 01:26:46,784 --> 01:26:48,319 I will fall back, sir. 1579 01:26:48,386 --> 01:26:50,555 - You are not in the military, Ken. - Yes, sir. 1580 01:26:50,622 --> 01:26:52,957 Do not get caught up in this moment. 1581 01:27:02,600 --> 01:27:03,601 Mmm. 1582 01:27:04,936 --> 01:27:06,871 Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm. 1583 01:27:11,809 --> 01:27:12,877 Hmm. 1584 01:27:18,683 --> 01:27:21,352 Dear JoJo, you in some serious shit, girl. 1585 01:27:21,419 --> 01:27:23,921 You need to shake your booty out of town 'cause the Feds are on to you. 1586 01:27:23,988 --> 01:27:25,623 From your number one fan. 1587 01:27:25,690 --> 01:27:26,891 - Hugs and kisses. - Feds? 1588 01:27:29,794 --> 01:27:31,562 How was your trip? 1589 01:27:31,629 --> 01:27:33,831 Connie Kaminski. You're under arrest. 1590 01:27:33,898 --> 01:27:36,034 Show me your hands! Show 'em! 1591 01:27:37,735 --> 01:27:39,437 Keep 'em up. Don't move. 1592 01:27:41,005 --> 01:27:43,408 Freeze! Freeze! 1593 01:27:43,474 --> 01:27:44,842 What the hell is going on here? 1594 01:27:44,909 --> 01:27:46,611 Okay. Oh, my God. Okay. 1595 01:27:46,678 --> 01:27:49,380 Okay. This is Joanna Johnson. The po-po got in my house... 1596 01:27:49,447 --> 01:27:51,449 - Stop! - Joanna Johnson! We have a warrant! 1597 01:27:51,516 --> 01:27:55,086 - Girl, I knew you was up to something. - Ma, don't say anything. Ma! 1598 01:27:55,153 --> 01:27:58,856 In all my life I never had no police up in my house like this. 1599 01:28:46,671 --> 01:28:49,040 Move! Go, go, go! 1600 01:28:49,107 --> 01:28:51,609 - With me! Move, move, move! - Stairs clear! 1601 01:28:57,715 --> 01:29:00,151 This is a fuck ton of coupons, sir. 1602 01:29:00,218 --> 01:29:02,987 Look, baby diapers. 1603 01:29:03,054 --> 01:29:04,856 Could use these. Just had one. 1604 01:29:14,165 --> 01:29:16,868 - I got the computer. - Sir, what about this room full of food? 1605 01:29:16,934 --> 01:29:19,170 What about it? It's food. Leave it. 1606 01:29:22,940 --> 01:29:26,010 Coming up, an anonymous tip helps police seize a stockpile of guns 1607 01:29:26,077 --> 01:29:27,845 from a Phoenix militia. 1608 01:29:27,912 --> 01:29:30,782 But first, two local coupon queens behind bars tonight 1609 01:29:30,848 --> 01:29:32,183 in what authorities are calling 1610 01:29:32,250 --> 01:29:35,620 the largest counterfeit coupon scam in history. 1611 01:29:35,686 --> 01:29:37,622 US postal inspectors raided the women's... 1612 01:29:45,163 --> 01:29:46,731 How are you? 1613 01:29:46,798 --> 01:29:49,433 Look, let's get down to brass tacks. 1614 01:29:50,268 --> 01:29:53,871 What do I get if I turn state's evidence? 1615 01:29:53,938 --> 01:29:56,841 You really want me to believe you don't have anything to do with this? 1616 01:29:56,908 --> 01:30:01,112 All you've told me is my wife's been arrested for something involving coupons. 1617 01:30:01,179 --> 01:30:03,014 What, she used an expired coupon? 1618 01:30:03,080 --> 01:30:06,751 Well, your wife ran an intricate financial scam 1619 01:30:06,818 --> 01:30:09,453 involving over 240 companies, 1620 01:30:09,520 --> 01:30:12,089 costing them tens of millions of dollars, right under your nose. 1621 01:30:12,156 --> 01:30:15,726 And you're an auditor for the Internal Revenue Service. 1622 01:30:17,862 --> 01:30:19,664 We have separate bank accounts. 1623 01:30:19,730 --> 01:30:21,532 I'm sorry, what did you say the site was? 1624 01:30:21,599 --> 01:30:25,102 It's Savvy Shopper or some... 1625 01:30:25,169 --> 01:30:28,739 No, it doesn't... It does not ring a bell. I'm sorry. 1626 01:30:28,806 --> 01:30:31,576 We recovered your YouTube videos. 1627 01:30:31,642 --> 01:30:36,747 So shake your little booty on down to savvysupersaver.com, okay? 1628 01:30:36,814 --> 01:30:41,586 Savvy. Super. Savvy. Super. Savvysupersaver.com. 1629 01:30:41,652 --> 01:30:44,622 I'ma get a jingle for that so y'all remember it forever. Okay? 1630 01:30:44,689 --> 01:30:47,625 Savvysupersaver.com. We got... 1631 01:30:47,692 --> 01:30:49,560 I thought we deleted that shit. 1632 01:30:49,627 --> 01:30:52,163 Have you ever heard the term, "Savvy Super Saver"? 1633 01:30:52,230 --> 01:30:55,066 - Well, quite obviously, yes. - Okay. 1634 01:30:57,101 --> 01:30:59,103 I want you to go in there with me. 1635 01:30:59,704 --> 01:31:01,906 What? Really? 1636 01:31:01,973 --> 01:31:05,276 I think you understand this woman more than I do, so yeah. 1637 01:31:08,045 --> 01:31:09,780 Okay. 1638 01:31:25,329 --> 01:31:26,864 Connie, this is Ken Miller. 1639 01:31:26,931 --> 01:31:28,866 This is the, uh, loss prevention officer 1640 01:31:28,933 --> 01:31:32,003 that was pivotal in tracking you down. 1641 01:31:32,069 --> 01:31:35,873 - For starters, let's talk coupons. - Okay. 1642 01:31:37,208 --> 01:31:39,277 What do you wanna know? 1643 01:31:39,343 --> 01:31:42,280 I mean, most people undervalue coupons. 1644 01:31:42,346 --> 01:31:45,082 I don't undervalue coupons. 1645 01:31:45,816 --> 01:31:48,886 No. I guess you don't. 1646 01:31:48,953 --> 01:31:51,155 I suppose that's why I'm here. 1647 01:31:51,222 --> 01:31:53,024 But, you know, most people do. 1648 01:31:53,090 --> 01:31:57,295 Well, here's what I think. I think you preyed on people. 1649 01:31:57,361 --> 01:32:02,667 I think nobody understands better than you that people use coupons to save money 1650 01:32:02,733 --> 01:32:05,803 or to buy things that they need, and I think you took advantage of that. 1651 01:32:05,870 --> 01:32:08,039 No. No, you're wrong. 1652 01:32:08,105 --> 01:32:09,774 Tell me how I'm wrong. 1653 01:32:09,840 --> 01:32:11,642 - That's not really why... - That's not what... 1654 01:32:11,709 --> 01:32:14,211 That's not really why people use coupons. 1655 01:32:14,278 --> 01:32:18,916 It's not about what you buy. It's about the, uh... the feeling you get. 1656 01:32:19,650 --> 01:32:20,952 They've done studies. 1657 01:32:21,018 --> 01:32:23,788 When folks use coupons, their oxytocin levels, 1658 01:32:23,854 --> 01:32:27,325 they kinda spike and they get that little tingly sensation. 1659 01:32:27,391 --> 01:32:29,894 They call it the "coupon high." 1660 01:32:29,961 --> 01:32:34,832 Supposedly, it's better than intimacy with another person, or so I've been told. 1661 01:32:36,834 --> 01:32:39,370 Sorry, I... I'm unclear. Did you... 1662 01:32:39,437 --> 01:32:42,139 Have you not used a coupon or have you not had sex? 1663 01:32:42,840 --> 01:32:45,109 T... What happened? 1664 01:32:45,176 --> 01:32:49,613 No, that's... Oh, no. This is not about me. This is about you. 1665 01:32:49,680 --> 01:32:53,050 You... you had... You had a good life, Connie. 1666 01:32:53,117 --> 01:32:56,087 You had the nice house and loving husband. 1667 01:32:56,153 --> 01:32:58,389 Wha... Why... Why would you risk losing all of that? 1668 01:33:02,760 --> 01:33:05,396 I knew I was worth more. 1669 01:33:05,463 --> 01:33:07,131 And what do you know about my life? 1670 01:33:07,198 --> 01:33:09,400 Just 'cause you've watched me from a distance 1671 01:33:09,467 --> 01:33:11,702 does not mean you really know me. 1672 01:33:12,737 --> 01:33:15,706 You happy with the life that you're living? 1673 01:33:15,773 --> 01:33:18,809 Haven't you ever wanted just a little bit more out of life? 1674 01:33:21,312 --> 01:33:23,848 Maybe we just value different things. 1675 01:33:25,449 --> 01:33:28,052 Well, I'll tell you what I value, Connie. I value the law. 1676 01:33:28,119 --> 01:33:30,654 Just because you want a little more out of life 1677 01:33:30,721 --> 01:33:33,124 does not give you an excuse to break those laws. 1678 01:33:33,190 --> 01:33:35,960 Now, it is not my job to judge you. 1679 01:33:36,027 --> 01:33:38,062 And you seem like a nice enough lady. 1680 01:33:38,129 --> 01:33:40,231 But I want to make sure that you are grasping 1681 01:33:40,297 --> 01:33:43,000 the gravity of the situation that you're in. 1682 01:33:43,067 --> 01:33:47,104 It is one year for every $100,000 of fraud. 1683 01:33:47,171 --> 01:33:50,674 So, with what you've stolen, your sentencing is off the charts. 1684 01:33:50,741 --> 01:33:53,811 You are facing 40 years to life. 1685 01:33:54,779 --> 01:33:55,813 What? 1686 01:33:58,349 --> 01:34:00,217 - Uh... - Thank you. 1687 01:34:05,990 --> 01:34:09,460 You should, uh, probably get yourself a really good lawyer. 1688 01:34:09,527 --> 01:34:13,230 And if I were you, I would pay full price for this one. 1689 01:34:24,075 --> 01:34:25,709 They said 40 years to life. 1690 01:34:26,844 --> 01:34:28,813 Forty years to life? 1691 01:34:28,879 --> 01:34:32,917 But they said that if I took full responsibility for starting all of it, 1692 01:34:32,983 --> 01:34:34,218 they would go easy on you. 1693 01:34:34,285 --> 01:34:36,120 No, Connie. What about you? 1694 01:34:36,187 --> 01:34:38,856 I'm up a creek either way. It doesn't... 1695 01:34:40,124 --> 01:34:41,926 I did rope you into it, 1696 01:34:41,992 --> 01:34:45,262 and if I can make it easier on you, then... 1697 01:34:45,329 --> 01:34:47,798 Can you believe they are calling what we did fraud? 1698 01:34:47,865 --> 01:34:49,500 I know, that's so stup... 1699 01:34:49,567 --> 01:34:51,735 - It's like, we didn't defraud anybody. - No. 1700 01:34:52,903 --> 01:34:55,473 - Now, theft... Maybe. A little. - Maybe theft. Maybe. 1701 01:34:55,539 --> 01:34:57,141 Joanna Johnson? 1702 01:34:57,208 --> 01:34:58,476 That's me. Hi. 1703 01:34:58,542 --> 01:35:00,277 You made bail. Let's go. 1704 01:35:02,980 --> 01:35:04,348 Mama Josie. 1705 01:35:09,587 --> 01:35:11,722 - Connie Kaminski? - Ooh! That's me! 1706 01:35:13,891 --> 01:35:16,160 - I made bail too? - No. You got a visitor. 1707 01:35:20,331 --> 01:35:21,832 What the fuck, Connie? 1708 01:35:23,434 --> 01:35:25,503 I told you that I stopped using coupons. 1709 01:35:25,569 --> 01:35:28,539 I just didn't tell you that I started selling them. 1710 01:35:28,606 --> 01:35:30,274 Look, it's a good job. 1711 01:35:30,341 --> 01:35:31,976 It's not a job! 1712 01:35:32,042 --> 01:35:34,411 Would you... Would you just bail me out? 1713 01:35:34,478 --> 01:35:36,514 Oh, you don't have a coupon for that? 1714 01:35:40,017 --> 01:35:42,086 Rick, next time you walk into a room 1715 01:35:42,153 --> 01:35:44,321 and you think everyone there is sorry to see you, 1716 01:35:44,388 --> 01:35:46,257 just know it's not 'cause you're an auditor. 1717 01:35:46,323 --> 01:35:48,392 It's 'cause you're an asshole. 1718 01:35:49,426 --> 01:35:51,328 I'd like a divorce. 1719 01:36:12,316 --> 01:36:13,517 Earl? 1720 01:36:14,618 --> 01:36:16,187 - Hey! - Hey. 1721 01:36:16,253 --> 01:36:18,455 - These are for you. - I... Oh, thank you. 1722 01:36:18,522 --> 01:36:20,524 I thought you were my mama, so... 1723 01:36:20,591 --> 01:36:23,928 Yeah, well, I think your mama's cooperating with the authorities. 1724 01:36:24,595 --> 01:36:26,997 - That makes sense. - Yeah. 1725 01:36:27,064 --> 01:36:30,067 - Well, thank you. This is nice. - You're welcome. 1726 01:36:30,634 --> 01:36:32,536 How you doing? 1727 01:36:32,603 --> 01:36:36,407 - Um... I'm doing. Yeah. - Yeah. 1728 01:36:36,473 --> 01:36:38,042 Better days. 1729 01:36:38,108 --> 01:36:39,610 Just got the official tally. 1730 01:36:39,677 --> 01:36:43,180 Over 40 million dollars' worth of counterfeit coupons. 1731 01:36:43,247 --> 01:36:45,216 We traced it back to a facility in Mexico, 1732 01:36:45,282 --> 01:36:47,618 a US company called Advanced Solutions. 1733 01:36:47,685 --> 01:36:50,087 It's the same place that makes the real coupons, yeah. 1734 01:36:50,154 --> 01:36:52,189 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Used to be up in Michigan. 1735 01:36:52,256 --> 01:36:55,960 Moved down to Mexico to save some money. They got a factory overseas too. 1736 01:36:56,026 --> 01:36:57,628 We know who their Mexican counterparts were? 1737 01:36:57,695 --> 01:37:00,431 Uh, yeah. Advanced Solutions employees 1738 01:37:00,497 --> 01:37:03,200 Alejandro and Rosa Diaz, husband and wife. 1739 01:37:03,267 --> 01:37:06,637 One of Kaminski's aliases would wire money orders 1740 01:37:06,704 --> 01:37:10,541 totaling well over a million dollars, and that's a lot of pesos. 1741 01:37:10,608 --> 01:37:12,376 Mexican government gonna pursue 'em? 1742 01:37:12,443 --> 01:37:14,245 Nope. Trail's gone cold. 1743 01:37:14,311 --> 01:37:16,981 Uh, when news of the arrests broke, these two disappeared. 1744 01:37:17,047 --> 01:37:19,883 They're probably sitting on a beach somewhere drinking mai tais. 1745 01:37:19,950 --> 01:37:22,987 My lawyer, this super expensive fella, 1746 01:37:23,053 --> 01:37:25,155 sure had an interesting way of looking at things. 1747 01:37:25,222 --> 01:37:27,992 All you did was take advantage of a loophole. 1748 01:37:28,058 --> 01:37:31,428 These corporations you're accused of exploiting use loopholes all the time 1749 01:37:31,495 --> 01:37:33,197 and take advantage of a broken system. 1750 01:37:33,264 --> 01:37:35,132 He always liked to say... 1751 01:37:35,199 --> 01:37:38,002 Just because someone says something, doesn't make it true. 1752 01:37:38,068 --> 01:37:40,170 The funny thing is, whenever he said it, 1753 01:37:40,237 --> 01:37:42,406 most everyone took it to be fact. 1754 01:37:42,473 --> 01:37:47,911 My client is just following the lead of a successful corporation. 1755 01:37:47,978 --> 01:37:50,247 Will the defendants please rise? 1756 01:37:53,617 --> 01:37:56,053 Through all this, I've learned more about coupons 1757 01:37:56,120 --> 01:37:59,256 and America's shopping habits than I ever cared to know. 1758 01:37:59,323 --> 01:38:04,628 The court has considered the nature and circumstances of the offense 1759 01:38:04,695 --> 01:38:09,500 in arriving at a sentence for Ms. Johnson and Mrs. Kaminski. 1760 01:38:11,235 --> 01:38:14,071 The court sentences the defendant Joanna Johnson 1761 01:38:14,138 --> 01:38:19,043 to ten days in jail suspended and one-year probation. 1762 01:38:20,444 --> 01:38:23,347 As for the defendant, Connie Kaminski, 1763 01:38:23,414 --> 01:38:27,418 she will be incarcerated in the Arizona Department of Corrections 1764 01:38:27,484 --> 01:38:32,690 for a term of 11 months, with the possibility of parole. 1765 01:38:32,756 --> 01:38:34,725 That's all. 1766 01:38:34,792 --> 01:38:36,026 Oh, my G... 1767 01:38:36,627 --> 01:38:38,128 Well, lookee there. 1768 01:38:38,195 --> 01:38:40,964 First time in history a Black woman gets off 1769 01:38:41,031 --> 01:38:43,734 and a white woman gets to do some time. 1770 01:38:43,801 --> 01:38:46,036 That loss prevention guy was right. 1771 01:38:46,103 --> 01:38:47,738 You get what you pay for. 1772 01:38:47,805 --> 01:38:49,573 Not 40 years to life. Just... 1773 01:38:49,640 --> 01:38:52,142 Eleven fucking months! 1774 01:38:52,209 --> 01:38:55,245 All right. Look, you didn't hear this from me, 1775 01:38:55,312 --> 01:38:59,416 but we may have received multiple phone calls from numerous corporations, 1776 01:38:59,483 --> 01:39:02,086 saying, you know, uh, "We don't want our logo on the news. 1777 01:39:02,152 --> 01:39:04,021 - Our shareholders... Keep it quiet." - Oh, God. 1778 01:39:04,088 --> 01:39:06,323 Bottom line, they just want this to go away. 1779 01:39:06,390 --> 01:39:08,559 The damage she's done, we're gonna throw the rules out the window? 1780 01:39:08,625 --> 01:39:12,329 They don't matter? She cost P&G alone $80 million. 1781 01:39:12,396 --> 01:39:15,466 For P&G and for every other company, this was just a write-off. 1782 01:39:15,532 --> 01:39:18,068 And, uh, it'll probably be eight with good behavior. 1783 01:39:18,135 --> 01:39:19,770 Oh, God. 1784 01:39:19,837 --> 01:39:22,740 Oh, my God. I-I just... I don't get it. 1785 01:39:22,806 --> 01:39:26,310 So, uh, you're telling me that's it? Move on, it's over? 1786 01:39:26,377 --> 01:39:28,379 Well, that's all there is. That's law enforcement. 1787 01:39:28,445 --> 01:39:31,782 You just do the best that you can, Ken. You try to be fair. 1788 01:39:31,849 --> 01:39:35,652 You follow the law and if everything goes well, you get to go home safe, 1789 01:39:35,719 --> 01:39:39,256 and hopefully to someone that you love. 1790 01:39:39,323 --> 01:39:41,358 Which reminds me, I need to call my wife. 1791 01:39:42,192 --> 01:39:43,594 See you later. 1792 01:39:47,598 --> 01:39:50,634 - Oh, one more thing. - Wow. 1793 01:39:51,735 --> 01:39:53,704 I almost forgot. 1794 01:39:59,643 --> 01:40:04,615 Dated December 3rd, 1918. 1795 01:40:04,681 --> 01:40:09,453 "My dearest Leo, when word arrived from Pastor Holbrook 1796 01:40:09,520 --> 01:40:11,588 that your injuries were not life-threatening, 1797 01:40:11,655 --> 01:40:14,491 and that you were on your way back home to us, 1798 01:40:14,558 --> 01:40:16,693 my heart leapt from my chest. 1799 01:40:16,760 --> 01:40:22,433 Our little Irene could not decipher my tears as those of pure joy. 1800 01:40:22,499 --> 01:40:26,603 My only hope now is that you receive this letter before you depart, 1801 01:40:26,670 --> 01:40:29,840 and that my words will accompany you 1802 01:40:29,907 --> 01:40:31,809 on your arduous journey back home. 1803 01:40:31,875 --> 01:40:35,479 With grace, faith and love. Mary." 1804 01:40:37,748 --> 01:40:39,082 This one's for you. 1805 01:40:39,516 --> 01:40:43,086 What? Really? 1806 01:40:43,153 --> 01:40:47,391 - Oh... Not the letter. - You can't separate the letters. 1807 01:40:47,458 --> 01:40:49,827 What good would the letters be if they weren't together? 1808 01:40:49,893 --> 01:40:51,728 - Right. - The letters are kind of archival. 1809 01:40:51,795 --> 01:40:54,198 What I mean is that this lesson is for you. 1810 01:40:55,265 --> 01:40:57,301 The lesson's for you, Ken. 1811 01:40:57,935 --> 01:40:59,636 You're a good man. 1812 01:40:59,703 --> 01:41:01,538 I enjoyed working alongside you. 1813 01:41:03,707 --> 01:41:06,643 Don't go searching for too much. You're pretty great the way you are. 1814 01:41:28,699 --> 01:41:31,335 Could you just make an exception? 1815 01:41:34,304 --> 01:41:37,374 Uh, honor it. Yeah. Give her a discount. 1816 01:41:38,442 --> 01:41:40,177 You may be asking yourself, 1817 01:41:40,244 --> 01:41:42,779 "Who won and who lost through all of this?" 1818 01:41:44,448 --> 01:41:47,718 And I guess that's really for you to decide. 1819 01:41:48,752 --> 01:41:50,420 Yes! 1820 01:41:52,222 --> 01:41:53,690 Rick and I got a divorce. 1821 01:41:53,757 --> 01:41:56,860 So, yeah. I guess I lost my husband. 1822 01:41:56,927 --> 01:41:59,663 But not in the way you lose something important, 1823 01:41:59,730 --> 01:42:02,399 like your car keys or your cell phone or something like that. 1824 01:42:03,734 --> 01:42:06,436 - Please, take it all. - I just wanna get rid of it. 1825 01:42:06,503 --> 01:42:08,438 Definitely don't need those. 1826 01:42:08,505 --> 01:42:10,874 Ah, careful now. You don't know what you need till it's gone. 1827 01:42:10,941 --> 01:42:13,410 Sage advice. You get that from your parole officer? 1828 01:42:15,012 --> 01:42:17,447 And after paying the fancy lawyer, 1829 01:42:17,514 --> 01:42:21,385 we still have a little money left over. 1830 01:42:21,451 --> 01:42:25,722 As for JoJo, she finally figured out exactly what Earl was thinking. 1831 01:42:29,660 --> 01:42:31,662 Have you ever been to Montenegro? 1832 01:42:32,462 --> 01:42:33,497 We need that guy. 1833 01:42:33,564 --> 01:42:35,265 Why that guy? 1834 01:42:35,332 --> 01:42:37,200 'Cause he's already bending the rules. 1835 01:42:37,267 --> 01:42:40,671 JoJo says I'm gonna love it when I get there. 1836 01:42:40,737 --> 01:42:43,640 In fact, she's already found the perfect spot 1837 01:42:43,707 --> 01:42:46,710 for our new and improved business. 1838 01:42:50,480 --> 01:42:55,485 Oh, and did you know Montenegro has no extradition to the US? 1839 01:42:58,922 --> 01:43:02,292 If you ever find yourself doing a stretch in the slammer, 1840 01:43:02,359 --> 01:43:04,728 you should still try to make every day count. 1841 01:43:09,600 --> 01:43:11,935 Especially your last day. 1842 01:43:20,344 --> 01:43:22,613 Sometimes you look back and you think, 1843 01:43:22,679 --> 01:43:26,683 "Well, if that didn't happen and that didn't happen and that didn't happen, 1844 01:43:26,750 --> 01:43:28,885 I wouldn't be who I am today." 1845 01:43:33,457 --> 01:43:35,926 Betcha I can walk a mile faster than you can run one. 1846 01:43:44,568 --> 01:43:46,770 And it turns out, 1847 01:43:46,837 --> 01:43:48,872 it really doesn't matter how you get to the finish line. 1848 01:43:48,939 --> 01:43:51,508 Just as long as you get there. 1849 01:44:22,487 --> 01:44:27,487 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull