1 00:00:00,928 --> 00:00:02,986 Mom, we're gonna miss the movie! 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:05,399 - No, we're not. - Okay, but we've been here for hours. 3 00:00:05,484 --> 00:00:07,616 I-I don't want to hang out at the stupid horse hospital. 4 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,135 This stupid horse hospital puts dinner on your table. 5 00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,905 It wouldn't kill you to take an interest. 6 00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:16,634 W-What's this thing? I-In the middle of the room? 7 00:00:16,719 --> 00:00:17,945 With... With the hole in the end? 8 00:00:18,029 --> 00:00:20,331 That's a breeding mount. The nurses use it to collect... 9 00:00:20,416 --> 00:00:22,550 reproductive material. 10 00:00:34,767 --> 00:00:37,109 Okay, let's go see this latest piece of Marvel shit 11 00:00:37,194 --> 00:00:38,069 you kids are **** over. 12 00:00:38,154 --> 00:00:40,058 Yeah. A-About time. 13 00:00:40,143 --> 00:00:42,357 So, d-does your hospital ever need, like, 14 00:00:42,441 --> 00:00:43,958 after-school volunteers? 15 00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:46,094 Wow. Who are you and where did you put my son? 16 00:00:46,178 --> 00:00:47,429 Ha! No, no. Seriously. 17 00:00:47,513 --> 00:00:49,947 I-I'm very interested in... in your work. 18 00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,295 Morty, you dirty little doggy. 19 00:00:58,401 --> 00:01:00,966 Ugh! Come on! 20 00:01:03,608 --> 00:01:04,637 Hey, Rick. 21 00:01:04,721 --> 00:01:06,371 Oh, hey, kiddo. How's your Saturday? 22 00:01:06,455 --> 00:01:08,373 You know, super chill. W-W-Whatcha doin'? 23 00:01:08,457 --> 00:01:09,775 Eh, nothing adventurous. 24 00:01:09,859 --> 00:01:11,777 You know that race of Underground Dwelling Cannibal 25 00:01:11,861 --> 00:01:13,178 Horse People that we're always fighting? 26 00:01:13,262 --> 00:01:15,185 Yeah, the CHUDs. W-W-What about 'em? 27 00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,821 Well, don't tell anybody, but I'm working on 28 00:01:16,905 --> 00:01:18,383 a bioweapon to use against them, 29 00:01:18,467 --> 00:01:20,920 so I got this barrel of horse semen from your mom's hospital 30 00:01:21,004 --> 00:01:22,321 and I'm just gonna, you know, 31 00:01:22,405 --> 00:01:24,056 subject it to some otherworldly forces. 32 00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:26,125 Guess I should test it, make sure it's... 33 00:01:26,209 --> 00:01:27,860 - Make sure it's what?! - Horse semen, obviously. 34 00:01:27,944 --> 00:01:29,662 Okay, but it says it is right on the barrel! 35 00:01:29,746 --> 00:01:31,330 You're not being very scientific, Morty. 36 00:01:31,414 --> 00:01:33,736 Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen. 37 00:01:33,821 --> 00:01:35,517 Did you even ask Mom if you could have this?! 38 00:01:35,601 --> 00:01:37,827 Morty, if I wanted to steal horse semen, I'd... 39 00:01:37,912 --> 00:01:40,255 Yes, I asked her. What is at stake for you here? 40 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:43,257 Why don't you trust labels?! All right! Fine! I won't test it! 41 00:01:43,342 --> 00:01:46,328 God damn. Your generation really picks random hills to die on. 42 00:01:46,412 --> 00:01:47,223 Don't get too close. 43 00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:49,430 I'm running an inhuman amount of power through this semen. 44 00:01:49,514 --> 00:01:51,419 Should be safe, though, since the semen itself is, 45 00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:54,422 you know, also inhuman. Here we go. 46 00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:09,818 W-What happened?! 47 00:02:09,902 --> 00:02:10,844 The sperm, Morty! 48 00:02:10,929 --> 00:02:13,587 They're super monster sperm now! I blame myself. 49 00:02:13,672 --> 00:02:15,423 Unless there was something about the sperm I didn't know. 50 00:02:15,507 --> 00:02:17,493 Are you... Are you saying that to mess with me? 51 00:02:17,577 --> 00:02:18,827 What? Mess with you how? 52 00:02:18,911 --> 00:02:20,093 Like, trying to get me to say something? 53 00:02:20,177 --> 00:02:22,095 Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about! 54 00:02:22,193 --> 00:02:23,008 - For real? - Yes! 55 00:02:23,093 --> 00:02:25,628 Okay. Good. Then... Then it's your fault! 56 00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:56,706 *RICK AND MORTY* Season 05 Episode 04 57 00:02:56,790 --> 00:02:58,107 Episode Title: "Rickdependence Sprayn" Aired on: July 11, 2021. 58 00:02:58,192 --> 00:02:59,974 Dad, what the hell is going on?! 59 00:03:00,059 --> 00:03:01,669 Beth, sweetheart, Can you give me a minute? 60 00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:04,006 I'm trying to steer around the bodies of our neighbors. 61 00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:05,340 Oh, that felt like Gene. 62 00:03:05,424 --> 00:03:06,808 That's on you, Beth. Dad, I swear... 63 00:03:06,892 --> 00:03:08,544 Mom, it's... it's not Rick's fault, it's... 64 00:03:08,628 --> 00:03:10,412 Space Sperm. What?! 65 00:03:10,496 --> 00:03:11,613 Yeah. Space Sperm. 66 00:03:11,697 --> 00:03:13,882 I-I've seen em' before, but n-n-never like this. 67 00:03:13,966 --> 00:03:15,150 Space Sperm?! 68 00:03:15,234 --> 00:03:16,552 Sperm from Space? 69 00:03:16,636 --> 00:03:18,354 Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry. 70 00:03:18,438 --> 00:03:20,556 Holy ****. How big are space ****? 71 00:03:20,640 --> 00:03:23,491 Don't answer that! Damn, they must be huge. 72 00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:26,962 Oh! 73 00:03:30,382 --> 00:03:31,833 Oh, ****, oh, shit ****. 74 00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:38,774 Mr. Sanchez! 75 00:03:38,858 --> 00:03:42,159 The President is very eager to speak with you! 76 00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:45,945 Morty, look, you gotta do me a solid here. 77 00:03:45,977 --> 00:03:47,961 Y-you want me to keep the secret of where these things came from? 78 00:03:48,045 --> 00:03:50,031 Yes, technically, it's a lie, but I messed up, 79 00:03:50,115 --> 00:03:52,499 and I'm embarrassed 'cause it's, you know, science. 80 00:03:52,583 --> 00:03:54,702 No problem. I got your back, dawg. 81 00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:56,904 Really? Okay. Cool. And thanks, Morty. 82 00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,372 I thought that'd be a harder sell. 83 00:03:58,456 --> 00:03:59,840 Y-You did a shameful thing. 84 00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:01,775 Dwelling on it isn't gonna help, you know, am I right? 85 00:04:01,859 --> 00:04:03,711 Sometimes you just gotta wipe it off, 86 00:04:03,795 --> 00:04:06,313 toss it in the trash, and head back to study hall. 87 00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:08,649 Uh, not getting the metaphor but I'll take your hall pass. 88 00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,052 Sanchez! Get the hell in here! 89 00:04:11,136 --> 00:04:12,453 Space Sperm? 90 00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:15,188 Jesus, how big are space ****? Same page club. 91 00:04:15,272 --> 00:04:17,524 Well, Mr. President, the theory of Cosmic DNA 92 00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,860 has been around for decades... Chupacabras, Yeti, 93 00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:21,929 Stonehenge, Ancient Rome. 94 00:04:22,013 --> 00:04:24,131 Are these all myths, monsters, legends, 95 00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,800 or different names for sperm from outer space? 96 00:04:26,884 --> 00:04:28,069 I'll tell you what I think, Sanchez. 97 00:04:28,153 --> 00:04:30,003 I think either you caused this mess, 98 00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:32,073 or it's those godforsaken Horse People that dwell underground. 99 00:04:32,157 --> 00:04:33,807 CHUDs. CHUDs. That's them. 100 00:04:33,891 --> 00:04:36,143 Ugh, if they're behind this, so help me, God. 101 00:04:36,227 --> 00:04:38,079 Morty, you've always been a straight shooter. 102 00:04:38,163 --> 00:04:40,013 You can't prove that! Wait, what? 103 00:04:40,097 --> 00:04:41,815 Oh... oh. Right. I can protect you, little man. 104 00:04:41,899 --> 00:04:43,216 Blow that whistle. Toot, toot. 105 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,752 Is this your grandpa's fault? 106 00:04:44,836 --> 00:04:46,019 Here's what I know, sir. 107 00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:47,755 This is the greatest country on Earth. 108 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:49,290 It invented apple pies and lasers. 109 00:04:49,374 --> 00:04:51,625 Mm. Keep talking. And that sperm... 110 00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:52,760 We don't know nothin' about it. 111 00:04:52,844 --> 00:04:54,895 Then the CHUDs just got themselves a war. 112 00:04:54,979 --> 00:04:57,498 And you just dodged a personal drone strike. 113 00:04:57,582 --> 00:04:59,100 Hello! Hello. Sorry, I'm late. 114 00:04:59,184 --> 00:05:01,635 This is Professor Shabooboo, the world's leading expert on sperm. 115 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:03,704 Thanks for getting here so fast. My schedule was wide open. 116 00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:06,840 I have been tracking our new sperm friends since their arrival, 117 00:05:06,924 --> 00:05:08,842 a-and if my calculations are correct, 118 00:05:08,926 --> 00:05:10,243 they have gathered here. 119 00:05:10,327 --> 00:05:13,447 Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon? 120 00:05:13,531 --> 00:05:16,917 Why are you looking at me like the answer is obvious? 121 00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:19,252 Oh, you can't be serious. Are we in middle school? 122 00:05:19,336 --> 00:05:20,921 You think sperm are instinctively 123 00:05:21,005 --> 00:05:22,856 heading for America's... Don't high-road us, lady. 124 00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:23,924 It's where they went. 125 00:05:24,008 --> 00:05:25,592 Now, how do we deal with these... 126 00:05:25,676 --> 00:05:27,995 "Orgasogoblins"? No takers? 127 00:05:28,079 --> 00:05:30,464 Okay. These... "****plestiltskins?" 128 00:05:30,548 --> 00:05:32,933 No? Dumb? These, uh, "**** Boogins?" 129 00:05:33,017 --> 00:05:34,201 Oh, yeah, yeah, **** Boogins. 130 00:05:34,285 --> 00:05:35,536 - Really? - **** Boogins? 131 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:37,538 We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later. 132 00:05:37,622 --> 00:05:38,940 Mr. President, i-if I may? 133 00:05:39,024 --> 00:05:41,142 Luckily, I was able to secure a specimen. 134 00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:43,944 Now, obviously our first steps will be to analyze its DNA 135 00:05:44,028 --> 00:05:46,147 and figure out what these beautiful creat... 136 00:05:46,231 --> 00:05:49,350 Oh, why?! It-it had a gun! 137 00:05:49,434 --> 00:05:52,219 Are you out of your mind bringing an armed sperm in here? 138 00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,620 But they can't hold guns! 139 00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:55,088 The boy literally never lies! 140 00:05:55,172 --> 00:05:56,423 Look, if you want these things gone, 141 00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:58,425 give Rick and me a plane and some nukes. 142 00:05:58,509 --> 00:06:00,561 We'll wipe 'em out and leave no trace of them. 143 00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:01,762 Only one way to deal with it. 144 00:06:01,846 --> 00:06:02,963 - He's right. - I'm a scientist. 145 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:04,431 Fair enough. Blow 'em to hell. 146 00:06:04,515 --> 00:06:05,432 What are people gonna do, 147 00:06:05,516 --> 00:06:07,300 complain we made the canyon grander? 148 00:06:07,384 --> 00:06:09,970 Jerry, we're being bad parents. Do something! 149 00:06:10,054 --> 00:06:12,039 I-is this water for everyone? 150 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:15,643 Yes, and I'd love a glass. Comin' up! 151 00:06:15,727 --> 00:06:17,044 What are you doing? 152 00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:19,180 And, Rick, to make sure you don't screw anything up, 153 00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:20,848 I'm sending my best men with you. 154 00:06:20,932 --> 00:06:22,383 And women. It's a fine suggestion, 155 00:06:22,467 --> 00:06:24,718 but I doubt their leader will be a sexy queen 156 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:25,919 that needs to be kickboxed. 157 00:06:26,003 --> 00:06:28,204 100% male Marines! 158 00:06:29,274 --> 00:06:31,324 They say cutting a sperm's throat is like 159 00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:33,326 running a warm knife through butter. 160 00:06:33,410 --> 00:06:36,063 I'm gonna make these things pregnant... with death! 161 00:06:36,147 --> 00:06:37,731 No fear! No humility! 162 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,201 Zero chance of consequences! 163 00:06:40,285 --> 00:06:42,203 Hey, gentlemen's bet... which of these background Marines 164 00:06:42,287 --> 00:06:43,404 you think will last the longest? 165 00:06:43,488 --> 00:06:45,206 I'm not betting on human lives, Rick. 166 00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,874 All of these people are gonna survive, 167 00:06:46,958 --> 00:06:48,876 but obviously that guy the longest. 168 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,611 Yeah, he's my pick, too. What's his name? 169 00:06:50,695 --> 00:06:53,280 Blazen? Pretty cool. 170 00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,749 Yeah. He's, like, meditating through turbulence. 171 00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,018 Psh. I bet if something fell, 172 00:06:57,102 --> 00:06:58,619 he'd like, catch it without opening his eyes. 173 00:06:58,703 --> 00:07:00,153 Totally. Should we throw something at him? 174 00:07:00,237 --> 00:07:01,555 I-I got a pencil somewhere. 175 00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:06,894 Who-who's shooting at us?! 176 00:07:06,978 --> 00:07:09,496 Oh, wow, that's unexpected. 177 00:07:09,580 --> 00:07:10,964 The sperm made a catapult?! 178 00:07:11,048 --> 00:07:12,366 A-A-Are they getting smarter?! 179 00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:14,635 No, you're getting dumber because that's a trebuchet. 180 00:07:14,719 --> 00:07:15,969 Nobody knows the difference! 181 00:07:16,053 --> 00:07:17,838 They're reloading that textbook trebuchet! 182 00:07:17,922 --> 00:07:21,775 Time to fly! Aaaaaah! 183 00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:23,244 Oh! 184 00:07:30,201 --> 00:07:31,384 We gotta keep moving. 185 00:07:31,468 --> 00:07:32,986 So cool. Not even a scratch. 186 00:07:33,070 --> 00:07:34,588 Okay, girls, and I mean that derogatorily. 187 00:07:34,672 --> 00:07:38,926 We just took a fat "L," and what we need is a fat "P." 188 00:07:39,010 --> 00:07:40,327 A plan. 189 00:07:40,411 --> 00:07:42,796 I take the lead here. You two watch the flanks. 190 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,732 Blazen, bring up the... Hey! 191 00:07:44,816 --> 00:07:47,268 Please, one person draws the plan! 192 00:07:47,352 --> 00:07:48,469 **** 193 00:07:48,553 --> 00:07:50,003 - **** - **** 194 00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:52,005 I'm sorry, but what the hell are we calling them? 195 00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:53,274 Agh! Oof. 196 00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:56,009 Fine. I'm dying, so I get to pick the name. 197 00:07:56,093 --> 00:07:58,079 Crispy Cremes with a "C"! 198 00:07:58,163 --> 00:08:01,164 Whoa! 199 00:08:04,035 --> 00:08:06,620 Whoa. E-Easy there, little guy. It's okay. 200 00:08:06,704 --> 00:08:08,938 I-I-It's okay. 201 00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:11,892 Do you... recognize me? 202 00:08:11,976 --> 00:08:13,894 Do you know you came from me? 203 00:08:13,978 --> 00:08:15,096 I'm Morty. 204 00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,563 I'll call ya "Sticky," 205 00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:19,148 'c-'cause you're sticky and... and you're stuck. 206 00:08:21,586 --> 00:08:23,570 Oh. 207 00:08:23,654 --> 00:08:24,905 Step aside, Morty. 208 00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:27,040 It's okay. Y-You don't gotta do this. 209 00:08:27,124 --> 00:08:28,709 It's haploid genetic code, Morty, 210 00:08:28,793 --> 00:08:30,577 a biological fertilizing machine. 211 00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,845 W-What's gotten into you? 212 00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,647 Rick, let him go. 213 00:08:33,731 --> 00:08:35,382 Ugh. 214 00:08:35,466 --> 00:08:36,850 Morty, don't **** with me. 215 00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,251 What the hell's going on with you? 216 00:08:38,335 --> 00:08:41,722 I think I know exactly what's going on here. 217 00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:43,991 Kidding. This shit is totally random. 218 00:08:44,075 --> 00:08:45,993 Let's keep moving. W-Which way? 219 00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:51,332 When one sense is bound, the others are released. 220 00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:54,735 Holy ****. He... He can smell caves? 221 00:08:54,819 --> 00:08:56,269 I'm not trying to smell anything. 222 00:08:56,353 --> 00:08:59,406 The whole planet's a dorm room trash can. 223 00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:00,942 Sir, Rick Sanchez has gone dark. 224 00:09:01,026 --> 00:09:02,409 I knew we couldn't rely on him! 225 00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:04,077 Well, maybe the pilot got too horny 226 00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:05,479 as they approached America's Vagina. 227 00:09:05,563 --> 00:09:07,014 If you're gonna hang out in my war room, 228 00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:08,482 you can't just make snarky comments. 229 00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:10,351 At least do something useful, like Jerry. 230 00:09:10,435 --> 00:09:13,286 Right to the top, just the way you like it. 231 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:14,488 Here's our situation. 232 00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,623 Rick's gone, and so are all our nukes. 233 00:09:16,707 --> 00:09:17,959 Now what? 234 00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,893 None of you have an idea? I do. 235 00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:21,495 That's right, me... The girl. 236 00:09:21,579 --> 00:09:23,430 Gentlemen, what do sperm want? 237 00:09:23,514 --> 00:09:25,432 The same thing as a lumberjack in the morning 238 00:09:25,516 --> 00:09:26,634 or a fox at night. 239 00:09:26,718 --> 00:09:27,835 Pants! Eggs. 240 00:09:27,919 --> 00:09:29,436 Pancakes! Eggs. 241 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,172 You want to control giant sperm, you need a giant egg. 242 00:09:31,256 --> 00:09:32,573 W-W-Wait a minute. Wait... wait a minute. 243 00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,775 Sperm are hunters. And what do sperm hunt? 244 00:09:34,859 --> 00:09:36,309 Eggs. Exactly. 245 00:09:36,393 --> 00:09:38,379 And what would happen if we enlarged one? 246 00:09:38,463 --> 00:09:40,581 They'll head right for it! Get MIT on the phone. 247 00:09:40,665 --> 00:09:43,316 And get this guy a Nobel Prize. 248 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,119 You became a woman today. 249 00:09:49,674 --> 00:09:52,059 So, Blazen, you got kids? 250 00:09:52,143 --> 00:09:54,061 The battlefield is my family. 251 00:09:54,145 --> 00:09:55,396 So cool. Wicked badass. 252 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:57,398 Go. I'll hold 'em off. 253 00:09:57,482 --> 00:09:58,999 Blazen, you don't have to do this. 254 00:09:59,083 --> 00:10:00,934 Shh. It is my destiny. 255 00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,803 He's right, Morty. It's the price of being Blazen. 256 00:10:02,887 --> 00:10:04,071 Let him do his thing. 257 00:10:06,958 --> 00:10:08,141 Blood for blood. 258 00:10:08,225 --> 00:10:10,944 Cream for cream. 259 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,680 Oh, no. I can't reach that! 260 00:10:13,764 --> 00:10:15,749 Idiot! 261 00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,084 What?! They're comfortable! 262 00:10:17,168 --> 00:10:18,285 You should try them! 263 00:10:18,369 --> 00:10:20,221 Eh, ah! Ohhhh. 264 00:10:20,305 --> 00:10:22,623 That'll do it. I'm worm food. 265 00:10:22,707 --> 00:10:24,291 Morty, find my wife. 266 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,560 Tell her I wasn't wearing her thong. 267 00:10:26,644 --> 00:10:28,896 That's a photocopy of "Sports Illustrated" 268 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,231 swimsuit model Kathy Ireland. 269 00:10:30,315 --> 00:10:32,033 It's... it's my wife. We have sex. 270 00:10:32,117 --> 00:10:35,102 Here, hold that picture up so we can have sex one last time. 271 00:10:35,186 --> 00:10:36,970 I-I know how to **** myself. 272 00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:39,106 What?! 273 00:10:39,190 --> 00:10:40,307 Ugh, I was so wrong about this guy. 274 00:10:40,391 --> 00:10:42,175 He didn't even buy us any time. 275 00:10:43,661 --> 00:10:45,712 Morty, get ready for some fireworks. 276 00:10:49,667 --> 00:10:51,118 Ugh! 277 00:10:51,202 --> 00:10:52,986 Uh-oh. Oh, gross! 278 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,123 This is the first time I've ever regretted being taken alive. 279 00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,458 Wait, who the **** is that?! 280 00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:59,726 Silence in the presence of me. 281 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,795 I am The Sperm Queen, 282 00:11:01,879 --> 00:11:05,733 and you are of special interest to me. 283 00:11:05,817 --> 00:11:07,668 Hey, what the **** are you doing with my stuff? 284 00:11:07,752 --> 00:11:09,670 A-And why do you have the horse jerk off machine 285 00:11:09,754 --> 00:11:10,871 from my daughter's hospital? 286 00:11:10,955 --> 00:11:13,340 We need it to create our army. 287 00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:15,609 Well, you need more than that, dummy. You need a horse. 288 00:11:15,693 --> 00:11:18,411 Oh but our stallion is already here. 289 00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:20,213 Isn't that right, Morty? 290 00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:22,816 Or shall I say... Father? 291 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:25,886 Morty, you nasty, lying, little world-ending pervert. 292 00:11:25,970 --> 00:11:28,221 I-I-I'm sorry. 293 00:11:28,305 --> 00:11:30,440 What was it like? Fantastic! 294 00:11:31,909 --> 00:11:33,527 Rick, I'm sorry! 295 00:11:33,611 --> 00:11:35,262 I-I just thought maybe I could have repeated sex 296 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,063 with a horse machine without it becoming Armageddon. 297 00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:38,265 I-I realize that's on me. 298 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,067 Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies 299 00:11:40,151 --> 00:11:41,736 while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo. 300 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:44,338 This is all your fault for being ashamed of us, Morty. 301 00:11:44,422 --> 00:11:47,674 How many millions went to their graves for you, 302 00:11:47,758 --> 00:11:49,944 hurling themselves into the void, 303 00:11:50,028 --> 00:11:52,346 only to discover a grody sock 304 00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:55,750 or a carefully folded landing strip of toilet paper? 305 00:11:55,834 --> 00:11:56,817 How do you know all this?! 306 00:11:56,901 --> 00:11:59,954 Oh, honey, because we're the very essence of you. 307 00:12:00,038 --> 00:12:02,222 We are your shame incarnate. 308 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,690 And once we're through with you, 309 00:12:03,774 --> 00:12:06,693 our sperm army will take over the world! 310 00:12:06,777 --> 00:12:09,029 Put him on the machine! 311 00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,965 Rick, do something! On it. 312 00:12:14,585 --> 00:12:17,104 Wh-what did you do? I got out of your eyeline. 313 00:12:17,188 --> 00:12:18,839 Oh, no. Oh! Oh! 314 00:12:18,923 --> 00:12:21,776 Yes! The end is near! 315 00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:23,177 Any last words? 316 00:12:23,261 --> 00:12:25,780 Ohhh! 317 00:12:25,864 --> 00:12:26,913 Sticky! Gross. 318 00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:28,515 I know you're not a wordsmith, Morty, but... 319 00:12:28,599 --> 00:12:30,717 No, no, no, my-my sperm friend is here! 320 00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:32,653 Ugh, never give 'em a name. 321 00:12:35,606 --> 00:12:37,458 Fools! You can't beat me! 322 00:12:37,542 --> 00:12:40,243 You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox! 323 00:12:44,215 --> 00:12:45,848 Is that all you got? 324 00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:51,472 Damn, that's some quintessential underdog shit. 325 00:12:51,556 --> 00:12:52,807 Kill them! 326 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,484 Yeah! Whoo-hoo! 327 00:13:03,568 --> 00:13:05,219 I-I should've told you the truth, Rick. 328 00:13:05,303 --> 00:13:06,753 Let's save the world first. 329 00:13:06,837 --> 00:13:08,489 Now, reset those nukes, and let's turn this canyon 330 00:13:08,573 --> 00:13:10,290 into a can't-yon. 331 00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:14,829 There usually earthquakes in Arizona? 332 00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,301 They're heading for Vegas, 333 00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:24,104 which does track on many levels, but why now? 334 00:13:24,188 --> 00:13:25,506 What the? 335 00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,508 Let's hear it for Professor Shabooboo 336 00:13:27,592 --> 00:13:29,443 and his brilliant egg. Um, hello? 337 00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:31,578 Aren't you forgetting someone? Oh, good point. 338 00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:34,381 Big thanks to the cast of Cirque Du Soleil's "Zumanity" 339 00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,517 for the impressive and erotic routine. 340 00:13:36,601 --> 00:13:38,452 Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line. 341 00:13:38,536 --> 00:13:40,721 Good. Put that asshole on speaker. 342 00:13:40,805 --> 00:13:41,722 Well, well, well. 343 00:13:41,806 --> 00:13:43,790 No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm 344 00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:45,592 with a giant human egg, even though, 345 00:13:45,676 --> 00:13:47,728 symbolically speaking, Vegas should be enough. 346 00:13:47,812 --> 00:13:48,929 A human egg? 347 00:13:49,013 --> 00:13:50,397 Where-where-where did you get it? 348 00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,333 Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's, 349 00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,868 so at least you contributed something to this. 350 00:13:53,952 --> 00:13:55,469 Mister President! It's Morty! 351 00:13:55,553 --> 00:13:57,204 It's my sperm! I-It's all mine! 352 00:13:57,288 --> 00:13:59,406 What?! I'm a dirty little perverted maniac. 353 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,608 I spent a week pleasuring myself with animal equipment, 354 00:14:01,692 --> 00:14:03,744 and my sperm got turned into monsters on accident 355 00:14:03,828 --> 00:14:06,413 because I kept lying about it because I was ashamed! 356 00:14:06,497 --> 00:14:07,614 You should be! 357 00:14:07,698 --> 00:14:09,015 My God, man, we were all 14 once 358 00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,751 but it's called self-control. 359 00:14:10,835 --> 00:14:13,220 Don't let them reach my sister's egg, Mr. President! 360 00:14:13,304 --> 00:14:15,271 You'll be making a giant... 361 00:14:17,308 --> 00:14:18,292 Incest baby. 362 00:14:18,376 --> 00:14:19,626 What? Who told you that? 363 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:21,295 What? I-I was finishing his sentence. 364 00:14:21,379 --> 00:14:23,297 Oh. Right. Come with us. 365 00:14:23,381 --> 00:14:24,765 The sperm is Morty's! 366 00:14:24,849 --> 00:14:27,501 We're about to make a giant incest baby! 367 00:14:27,585 --> 00:14:30,371 Aw, well, now we're all in our darkest hour. 368 00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:31,972 Launch the egg! Launch it now! 369 00:14:32,056 --> 00:14:34,174 B-But that'll take 30 minutes. What?! Why?! 370 00:14:34,258 --> 00:14:36,243 That's how long every space launch takes! 371 00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,045 No one realizes because they only show you 372 00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:40,381 the last 10 seconds! 373 00:14:40,465 --> 00:14:41,782 Uh, uh, help me out here. 374 00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,384 Hey, it was your idea, right? 375 00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,921 Okay, okay, n-no need to panic, everyone. 376 00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:48,923 I have a simple solution. 377 00:14:49,007 --> 00:14:51,258 See you all in hell! 378 00:14:51,342 --> 00:14:53,327 I don't see how that's going to help. 379 00:14:53,411 --> 00:14:56,463 Form a perimeter! Protect that egg at all costs! 380 00:14:56,547 --> 00:14:58,733 I always knew your hormones would cause a world war 381 00:14:58,817 --> 00:15:00,735 between humans and Cannibalistic Horse People. 382 00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:02,669 I just didn't know it would be like this. 383 00:15:02,753 --> 00:15:03,938 I can't change my nature. 384 00:15:04,022 --> 00:15:06,006 What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable? 385 00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:07,742 Everyone can change their nature, Morty. 386 00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,476 It's what defines our species. 387 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,677 Look at Iron Man. 388 00:15:10,761 --> 00:15:12,212 That actor was an animal in the '90s, 389 00:15:12,296 --> 00:15:14,080 literally waking up in bushes. 390 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,751 His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net. Silence! 391 00:15:16,835 --> 00:15:19,286 Rick Sanchez, you know why you're here. 392 00:15:19,370 --> 00:15:20,687 Yeah, it was my grandson's fault. 393 00:15:20,771 --> 00:15:22,957 You slept with my daughter! I did? 394 00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:24,491 Oh, ****, I did. 395 00:15:24,575 --> 00:15:25,892 Forgive me, Your CHUDness. 396 00:15:25,976 --> 00:15:27,494 I'm a changed man starting now. 397 00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:30,564 You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs for forgiveness? 398 00:15:30,648 --> 00:15:32,699 CHUDs don't forgive humans. 399 00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:34,501 CHUDs eat humans! 400 00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,170 This is out there, even for us. 401 00:15:36,254 --> 00:15:37,504 They can hear you, Morty. 402 00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:39,239 Boil him up! Yum, yum! 403 00:15:39,323 --> 00:15:41,375 Spice him right! Oh, boy! 404 00:15:41,459 --> 00:15:43,510 Eat the flesh! Yum, yum! 405 00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,379 Not the bones! Oh, no! 406 00:15:45,463 --> 00:15:47,581 Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch! 407 00:15:47,665 --> 00:15:49,916 Father! Stop this at once! 408 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,853 Princess Poñeta! You can't kill Rícko! 409 00:15:52,937 --> 00:15:54,521 I... I love him! 410 00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:58,325 Right! I-I love you, too, Princess Poñeta. 411 00:15:58,409 --> 00:15:59,994 This love is forbidden. 412 00:16:00,078 --> 00:16:01,528 My daughter, you are a CHUD. 413 00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:04,264 Rick is a human and age-inappropriate. 414 00:16:04,348 --> 00:16:06,066 Then you leave me no choice. 415 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:08,869 By the 17th Article of the CHUD-stitution, 416 00:16:08,953 --> 00:16:11,872 I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity 417 00:16:11,956 --> 00:16:16,543 and demand a equestri-truce between all CHUDs and humans! 418 00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,813 On what grounds? 419 00:16:18,897 --> 00:16:22,483 On the grounds that Rícko is the father of my child. 420 00:16:22,567 --> 00:16:23,684 I have an heir. 421 00:16:23,768 --> 00:16:25,619 I have a substance-abuse problem. 422 00:16:25,703 --> 00:16:27,754 The Prophecy has come true! 423 00:16:27,838 --> 00:16:29,756 Also, did someone drop a scroll? 424 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,958 - Here we go. Over here. - Sorry. 425 00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:37,231 Where did you get all that? 426 00:16:37,315 --> 00:16:38,699 - It's Vegas. - Sir! 427 00:16:38,783 --> 00:16:39,900 The Strip has been evacuated, but I'm worried 428 00:16:39,984 --> 00:16:41,568 we won't be able to hold the perimeter. 429 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:43,037 Then deputize Las Vegas regulars. 430 00:16:43,121 --> 00:16:44,371 Everyone's a patriot today. 431 00:16:44,455 --> 00:16:45,772 Even me! 432 00:16:45,856 --> 00:16:47,441 Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan. 433 00:16:47,525 --> 00:16:49,844 Men and their guns. Metaphorical and not. 434 00:16:49,928 --> 00:16:51,778 Tell me about it. 435 00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:53,980 Get ready, boys! The last thing this world needs 436 00:16:54,064 --> 00:16:55,782 is a giant incest baby. 437 00:16:55,866 --> 00:16:57,718 - Oorah! Here they come! - Nice! 438 00:16:57,802 --> 00:17:00,987 Do not let a single sperm get through to that egg! 439 00:17:04,875 --> 00:17:07,528 Um, should we be concerned about that scary bomb-laden one? 440 00:17:07,612 --> 00:17:08,863 Honey, let the men handle this. 441 00:17:08,947 --> 00:17:11,414 I think we know a thing or two about... 442 00:17:13,818 --> 00:17:15,936 Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility 443 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:17,271 with none of the credit? 444 00:17:17,355 --> 00:17:19,740 Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch. 445 00:17:19,824 --> 00:17:21,542 Ah! 446 00:17:32,837 --> 00:17:34,354 Dammit! We can't stop them. 447 00:17:34,438 --> 00:17:35,556 We don't have the manpower! 448 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,091 What about horsepower? 449 00:17:38,776 --> 00:17:39,960 Sweet Lady Liberty. 450 00:17:40,044 --> 00:17:41,628 That sonofamare Rick has ended 451 00:17:41,712 --> 00:17:43,230 our centuries-long war with the CHUDs. 452 00:17:43,314 --> 00:17:46,033 - We made peace with the CHUDs! - The CHUDs are our buds! 453 00:17:48,519 --> 00:17:50,637 Rícko! The hoofless... They need us! 454 00:17:50,721 --> 00:17:53,440 Let's do this. CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho! 455 00:17:53,524 --> 00:17:55,976 CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho! 456 00:18:03,802 --> 00:18:06,787 Mom, I promise to use condoms, even when it's butt stuff. 457 00:18:06,871 --> 00:18:09,656 Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight. 458 00:18:28,893 --> 00:18:30,210 Is this your heart? 459 00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:31,612 It's a play on, "Is this your card?" 460 00:18:31,696 --> 00:18:33,013 You don't have a heart, 461 00:18:33,097 --> 00:18:34,548 uh, but this is probably some kind of organelle, 462 00:18:34,632 --> 00:18:36,016 in charge of pumping endoplasmic reticulum 463 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:37,884 throughout your membrane and therefore, 464 00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,820 relative to you, functions as a heart. 465 00:18:39,904 --> 00:18:43,690 So, I ask you again, is this your heart? 466 00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,025 Morty, look! 467 00:18:45,109 --> 00:18:47,161 I won't just be thrown away, Rick! 468 00:18:47,245 --> 00:18:49,363 The egg is mine! 469 00:18:49,447 --> 00:18:51,298 Sticky! It's all you, bud! 470 00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:56,837 Noooo! 471 00:18:56,921 --> 00:18:59,906 Sticky! 472 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:01,908 **** 473 00:19:01,992 --> 00:19:03,778 We got a heartbeat. Screw that! 474 00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:06,580 That's a human life, and this is an election cycle. 475 00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:08,449 You have to do something! Nope. 476 00:19:11,870 --> 00:19:13,988 It's space's problem now. 477 00:19:14,072 --> 00:19:15,722 Oh, this sucks. 478 00:19:15,806 --> 00:19:17,858 You're "Sports Illustrated" 's Kathy Ireland. 479 00:19:17,942 --> 00:19:20,060 You were with my husband, Blazen, when he died. 480 00:19:20,144 --> 00:19:23,930 Please tell me... was he wearing my thong? 481 00:19:24,014 --> 00:19:26,601 He probably told you not to tell me. 482 00:19:26,685 --> 00:19:29,604 He was ashamed of it, but he didn't need to be. 483 00:19:29,688 --> 00:19:32,139 I hope he was wearing it. 484 00:19:32,223 --> 00:19:33,474 Always be honest. 485 00:19:33,558 --> 00:19:35,009 Sometimes it will hurt people. 486 00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:38,212 Sometimes it will help. But always be honest. 487 00:19:38,296 --> 00:19:41,215 Huh. Yeah, yeah, he... he was wearing it. 488 00:19:41,299 --> 00:19:44,084 Ew! That gross animal pig! 489 00:19:44,168 --> 00:19:45,820 So, trying to boil this all down, 490 00:19:45,904 --> 00:19:47,221 I-I want to say it's import... 491 00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:48,889 Shut up, Morty, I got my own epilogue. 492 00:19:48,973 --> 00:19:51,425 Oh, Rícko, I love you. 493 00:19:51,509 --> 00:19:52,693 Prove it. 494 00:19:54,378 --> 00:19:56,763 Oh, I love kissing those big ol' horse teeth. 495 00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,299 It's like lickin' tile. 496 00:19:58,383 --> 00:20:00,100 Oh! I swear... 497 00:20:00,184 --> 00:20:02,036 it's time someone made an honest man out of me. 498 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,904 Whatever you need, the whole nine yards, 499 00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:05,039 you got it. 500 00:20:05,123 --> 00:20:07,708 The thing is, Rícko... it's time. 501 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,576 Oh, ****, oh, shit. It's time! 502 00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:10,911 Oh, my God, it's wonderful. 503 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,985 Oh, wow. So we don't have to, you know, r-raise it? 504 00:20:19,069 --> 00:20:20,987 Nah. They're ready to go right out of the box. 505 00:20:21,071 --> 00:20:23,990 Cool, cool. So... bye? 506 00:20:24,074 --> 00:20:25,392 Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick. 507 00:20:25,476 --> 00:20:27,610 Yep. Same. 508 00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:32,733 That was easy. 509 00:21:04,115 --> 00:21:06,567 Houston, permission to open the starboard panel. 510 00:21:06,651 --> 00:21:07,834 Permission granted. 511 00:21:07,918 --> 00:21:10,971 Firing breach now. 512 00:21:11,055 --> 00:21:13,374 Explorer, our readouts show a pressure spike. 513 00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:14,709 Everything alright? 514 00:21:14,793 --> 00:21:17,244 Honestly, sometimes staring back at Earth 515 00:21:17,328 --> 00:21:20,114 makes me think about the people I left behind... 516 00:21:20,198 --> 00:21:23,117 My wife, the son she had to anchor me there. 517 00:21:23,201 --> 00:21:25,252 I tried to be a parent, I really did, 518 00:21:25,336 --> 00:21:28,723 but I've come to find I'm only suited to be a spaceman. 519 00:21:28,807 --> 00:21:30,057 The nicest part of being up here 520 00:21:30,141 --> 00:21:31,926 is there are no reminders of the guilt 521 00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:35,061 I sometimes feel about abandoning my family. 522 00:21:36,414 --> 00:21:38,665 Sorry, Houston, I thought I heard something. 523 00:21:38,749 --> 00:21:40,066 Negative on our end. 524 00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:41,802 No, wait, there's something big 525 00:21:41,886 --> 00:21:43,604 and it's coming right at you! Goo, goo, gah, gah. 526 00:21:43,688 --> 00:21:46,407 Dear God. No! You can't be real! 527 00:21:46,491 --> 00:21:49,343 Explorer, what is it? What the hell do you see?! 528 00:21:49,427 --> 00:21:50,877 My conscience. 529 00:21:50,961 --> 00:21:52,479 Explorer! Explorer! Aaah! 530 00:21:52,563 --> 00:21:54,348 Are you there? Aaaaaah! 531 00:21:54,432 --> 00:21:56,883 Geez. Not gonna miss that guy. Aaaaah! 532 00:21:56,967 --> 00:21:58,935 Right? So dramatic. 533 00:22:00,638 --> 00:22:02,022 Did you get any of that?