1 00:00:02,343 --> 00:00:05,228 Being a dog of shorter legs has its challenges. 2 00:00:05,313 --> 00:00:07,375 Can't wear boots. I pee on myself. 3 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:09,783 But it's nothing compared to the challenge 4 00:00:09,868 --> 00:00:12,774 of living up to my uniform, which I've also peed on. 5 00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:14,299 Honey, am I boring you? 6 00:00:14,384 --> 00:00:15,876 No, no, go on, Elsa. 7 00:00:15,961 --> 00:00:20,565 Is the vest an honor? Yes. A responsibility? Yes. 8 00:00:20,649 --> 00:00:23,476 Now Chico feels left out, so Kevin... 9 00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:25,318 That reminds me. Kevin... 10 00:00:25,471 --> 00:00:27,980 No. Guys, we've got to shake things up. 11 00:00:28,064 --> 00:00:30,969 Does anybody have anything new to share? 12 00:00:31,054 --> 00:00:33,610 - Well, Lindsay and I... - Damn it, Shel. 13 00:00:33,695 --> 00:00:34,746 New! 14 00:00:34,830 --> 00:00:38,331 Just looking for something new. [chuckles awkwardly] 15 00:00:38,484 --> 00:00:40,552 - This reeks of censorship. - Now, Shel... 16 00:00:40,637 --> 00:00:43,578 Lindsay is my everything, and if I'm prohibited 17 00:00:43,663 --> 00:00:45,524 from... I'm storming out. 18 00:00:45,609 --> 00:00:48,577 I'm storming out of here. Walking out right now. 19 00:00:48,661 --> 00:00:51,270 Oh, nobody stop me, 'cause I am out of here. 20 00:00:51,421 --> 00:00:52,719 Leaving in a huff. 21 00:00:52,804 --> 00:00:54,932 Here I'm going. Storming out. 22 00:00:55,017 --> 00:00:58,420 Hate it when he leaves, love to watch him go, right? 23 00:00:58,504 --> 00:01:02,090 [slow electronic music] 24 00:01:02,174 --> 00:01:04,524 Damn. 25 00:01:04,677 --> 00:01:07,037 [upbeat music] 26 00:01:07,121 --> 00:01:10,265 [dogs barking melodically] 27 00:01:10,349 --> 00:01:17,546 [♪ ♪] 28 00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:22,691 [cats and dogs vocalizing] 29 00:01:22,861 --> 00:01:29,516 [♪ ♪] 30 00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:35,589 *HOUSEBROKEN* Season 01 Episode 03 31 00:01:35,674 --> 00:01:37,674 Episode Title: "Who's Wild?" Aired on: June 14, 2021. 32 00:01:38,043 --> 00:01:41,312 [snoring] Mm. 33 00:01:41,554 --> 00:01:43,907 And how much does the French horn cost? 34 00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:47,302 Uh-huh. And do you let customers play them or...? 35 00:01:47,386 --> 00:01:49,471 Oh, yeah, of course, of course. 36 00:01:49,555 --> 00:01:51,097 [chuckles] 37 00:01:51,181 --> 00:01:52,706 [object clatters] 38 00:01:53,892 --> 00:01:56,811 [dramatic music] 39 00:01:56,895 --> 00:01:57,760 [♪ ♪] 40 00:01:57,845 --> 00:01:59,205 [object clatters] 41 00:01:59,775 --> 00:02:02,228 [gasps] Oh, Coyote. 42 00:02:02,611 --> 00:02:04,843 [electronic dance music] 43 00:02:04,995 --> 00:02:11,850 [♪ ♪] 44 00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:17,885 Whoa. 45 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:22,020 [♪ ♪] 46 00:02:22,105 --> 00:02:24,807 [munching] 47 00:02:24,892 --> 00:02:26,916 My garbage. I'm here... me. 48 00:02:27,001 --> 00:02:29,472 - [hisses] - Oh, you're a raccoon. 49 00:02:29,557 --> 00:02:31,029 Well, you seem disappointed. 50 00:02:31,113 --> 00:02:32,847 Expecting somebody else? 51 00:02:32,931 --> 00:02:34,339 What? No. 52 00:02:34,424 --> 00:02:36,149 You know there's a coyote in the area. 53 00:02:36,301 --> 00:02:38,043 A real sexy, dangerous one, too. 54 00:02:38,202 --> 00:02:39,294 - Really? - [car passing by] 55 00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:40,789 Did you hear that? What was that? 56 00:02:40,881 --> 00:02:42,292 I'll bite its danglies. 57 00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:43,776 My garbage. Me, mine. 58 00:02:43,861 --> 00:02:46,907 You seem a little anxious. Maybe I can help you with that. 59 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:50,198 Yeah? How are you gonna help me? 60 00:02:50,282 --> 00:02:53,551 Wow, oh, your paws. They are hands. 61 00:02:53,635 --> 00:02:57,760 - Oh, these bad boys? - Wow. 62 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,057 So I run a group therapy. 63 00:03:00,142 --> 00:03:02,526 Animals get together and share their struggles. 64 00:03:02,611 --> 00:03:05,396 And I just... I think you would really benefit from it. 65 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:06,738 What do you get out of this? 66 00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:10,309 I get the satisfaction of helping other animals. 67 00:03:10,393 --> 00:03:11,736 Plus, it's gotten kind of dull 68 00:03:11,820 --> 00:03:14,581 and a feral trash bandit might spice things up. 69 00:03:14,666 --> 00:03:16,833 I'd rather get run over by a Mommy Smusher. 70 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:18,076 - A car? - [hisses] 71 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,561 I won't do it. Go away. 72 00:03:19,645 --> 00:03:21,920 Okay, okay. Well, you're in a mood, 73 00:03:22,072 --> 00:03:23,507 but if you change your mind, 74 00:03:23,591 --> 00:03:26,024 we meet in this house right here. 75 00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:29,237 Wait, you're inviting me inside the house 76 00:03:29,321 --> 00:03:32,453 with a door and a shower and a fireplace? 77 00:03:32,538 --> 00:03:34,024 - Yes. - Let me ask you this. 78 00:03:34,109 --> 00:03:37,010 Who has weird little hands and will be there? 79 00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:39,698 Me. 80 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,107 He seemed so scared, but I reached him. 81 00:03:44,278 --> 00:03:45,587 A wild animal. 82 00:03:45,671 --> 00:03:48,347 It was so thrilling. Don't eat that sock, Chief. 83 00:03:48,431 --> 00:03:50,699 What? No. Eat a what? 84 00:03:50,784 --> 00:03:53,094 This is Jill's, and I... what? 85 00:03:53,178 --> 00:03:54,361 No. Come on. 86 00:03:54,513 --> 00:03:56,529 Anyway, keep talking about your boring thing. 87 00:03:56,682 --> 00:03:59,768 - I saw a raccoon. - Ooh, which raccoon was it? 88 00:03:59,852 --> 00:04:01,102 I don't know. They all look the same. 89 00:04:01,186 --> 00:04:03,730 - Species-ist. - No. 90 00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:06,798 I mean, you know, they all have that mask over their eyes. 91 00:04:06,950 --> 00:04:08,367 Mm-hmm. Sure. 92 00:04:08,451 --> 00:04:10,877 And, yes, while he may be technically wild, 93 00:04:11,029 --> 00:04:15,466 like a possum or, well, I don't know, like a coyote, 94 00:04:15,550 --> 00:04:17,619 does that mean we cannot form bonds? 95 00:04:17,703 --> 00:04:18,810 - Honey. - No. 96 00:04:18,961 --> 00:04:20,080 Oh, no. I don't want to smell it. 97 00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:21,980 The raccoon can shake things up. 98 00:04:22,132 --> 00:04:23,567 Exhilarating, right? 99 00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:25,718 He was just sitting there on our trash can, 100 00:04:25,802 --> 00:04:27,645 eating chicken on the bone? 101 00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:29,906 I wish I could eat chicken on the bone. 102 00:04:29,990 --> 00:04:31,299 Well, you can't. 103 00:04:31,383 --> 00:04:33,542 No socks and no chicken on the bone. 104 00:04:33,627 --> 00:04:34,969 The bones will choke you. 105 00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:38,798 That's why Jill feeds us delicious chicken from a can. 106 00:04:39,804 --> 00:04:41,861 - We eat it mushed. - Yes, we do. 107 00:04:41,945 --> 00:04:44,455 - And we love it. - Oh. 108 00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:46,716 All right. Now let me smell that paw. 109 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,054 [sniffing] Ooh, disgusting. 110 00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:51,179 I know, right? 111 00:04:53,565 --> 00:04:55,558 I don't hear can opening. 112 00:04:55,642 --> 00:04:56,790 Why? [gags] 113 00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,804 What is that smell? 114 00:04:58,889 --> 00:05:00,867 Excuse me? Daddy? 115 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:02,619 Brett? There have been mistake. 116 00:05:02,704 --> 00:05:05,035 I think you put kitty litter in my food bowl. 117 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:09,115 - Tabitha hates her new food. - She'll eat when she's hungry. 118 00:05:09,489 --> 00:05:11,989 Senior food for old cats. 119 00:05:12,084 --> 00:05:14,002 And, you know, I am gangster, you know this. 120 00:05:14,086 --> 00:05:18,731 I'm very beautiful, classy, but step to me, I will cut you. 121 00:05:18,815 --> 00:05:20,360 - Are you a cat? - [gasps] 122 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,657 - Oh, my. - Excuse me? 123 00:05:22,743 --> 00:05:24,260 Oh, my mistake. I'm sorry. 124 00:05:24,453 --> 00:05:26,739 - Should I be quiet? - No, rip into her. 125 00:05:26,823 --> 00:05:28,016 That's what group therapy's about. 126 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,833 If you're hungry, why don't you just go 127 00:05:29,917 --> 00:05:32,844 kill a bird and eat it like a cat? 128 00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:34,437 Whoa, whoa. Shots fired. 129 00:05:34,589 --> 00:05:36,507 I don't know what you're laughing about, piggy. 130 00:05:36,591 --> 00:05:39,752 Apparently this guy went to market and had roast beef. 131 00:05:39,836 --> 00:05:40,944 All right, that's not... 132 00:05:41,095 --> 00:05:42,421 I don't think we need to go there. 133 00:05:42,505 --> 00:05:44,090 I mean, come on, this guy's boinking a shoe. 134 00:05:44,174 --> 00:05:46,942 This guy is boinking his fiancée. 135 00:05:47,026 --> 00:05:49,053 - Locking it down! - Uh, what? 136 00:05:49,137 --> 00:05:53,023 She may not be the bride that Grandmere dreamt of for me, 137 00:05:53,107 --> 00:05:54,116 but... 138 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,118 [moaning] 139 00:05:56,202 --> 00:05:57,752 Marry me. 140 00:05:59,856 --> 00:06:01,716 I wanted to tell you last session, 141 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,552 but apparently it wasn't new enough for you. 142 00:06:04,636 --> 00:06:06,128 Whoa. Here I thought the thing 143 00:06:06,212 --> 00:06:08,379 with the umbrella would be the biggest freak. 144 00:06:08,531 --> 00:06:11,634 Ha, you are new around here. 145 00:06:11,718 --> 00:06:13,135 Ew. Honey. 146 00:06:13,219 --> 00:06:14,719 This is different. Isn't it? 147 00:06:14,871 --> 00:06:18,481 Our new member has a unique way of communicating. 148 00:06:18,633 --> 00:06:19,724 Provocative, yes? 149 00:06:19,876 --> 00:06:22,962 - Slightly intriguing. - What, this guy? 150 00:06:23,046 --> 00:06:26,315 - Yeah, I'm wild. - I'm pretty wild, too, dude. 151 00:06:26,399 --> 00:06:28,733 No collar. No depth perception. 152 00:06:28,885 --> 00:06:30,986 My worms have worms. 153 00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:34,657 Oh, cool. Hey, do you sleep in a house? 154 00:06:34,741 --> 00:06:37,143 - Yes, but... - Why, yes. 155 00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:41,422 I would like to dance with you, Catrick Swayze. 156 00:06:41,506 --> 00:06:44,741 I don't think you're asking the right questions. 157 00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:46,502 Tame. So tame. 158 00:06:46,586 --> 00:06:48,753 We may not be wild, but that doesn't mean life's 159 00:06:48,905 --> 00:06:50,172 all kibbles and bits. 160 00:06:50,256 --> 00:06:52,757 I'm constantly shuttled between my mom's condo 161 00:06:52,909 --> 00:06:54,602 and my father's craftsman. 162 00:06:54,686 --> 00:06:56,519 And I'm handled very roughly 163 00:06:56,671 --> 00:06:58,255 by the children in my classroom. 164 00:06:58,339 --> 00:07:01,000 All I heard was you have two homes, 165 00:07:01,084 --> 00:07:03,853 and you're getting a world-class education. 166 00:07:03,937 --> 00:07:06,172 You complain you don't get touched or fed enough 167 00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:10,009 or touched or fed too much, all while sitting here 168 00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:14,789 on a soft log with winter air in summer! 169 00:07:14,873 --> 00:07:17,199 That's sitting on a couch in air conditioning. 170 00:07:17,283 --> 00:07:20,043 Must be nice. 171 00:07:22,547 --> 00:07:25,708 Bravo. Oh, I like your vim and vigor. 172 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:29,695 Now, let me ask you something. First response, best response. 173 00:07:29,779 --> 00:07:31,380 Would you be my best man? 174 00:07:31,464 --> 00:07:33,975 - What the hell, Shel? - Well, that flew by. 175 00:07:34,059 --> 00:07:36,218 That is how you spice things up. 176 00:07:36,302 --> 00:07:38,220 Whoo-whoo. [giggles] 177 00:07:38,304 --> 00:07:39,722 Hey, man. 178 00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:41,207 What do you want, cat? 179 00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:45,643 Oh, nothing, just, you know, walking on the wild side, 180 00:07:45,795 --> 00:07:46,712 like you are. 181 00:07:46,796 --> 00:07:48,489 Yeah, but you're walking home. 182 00:07:48,573 --> 00:07:50,065 The streets are my home. 183 00:07:50,149 --> 00:07:51,567 Oh, you think I'm not tough? 184 00:07:51,651 --> 00:07:53,161 I ate my brother in the womb. 185 00:07:53,245 --> 00:07:55,721 - Who didn't? - Uh, my brother. 186 00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:57,488 Listen, you want to go? 187 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,168 Okay, buddy. Let's dance. 188 00:08:00,252 --> 00:08:02,752 [both hiss] 189 00:08:04,481 --> 00:08:05,414 [grunts weakly] 190 00:08:05,498 --> 00:08:07,799 - [scoffs] Lame. - [shouts] 191 00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:15,068 Oh, my God. 192 00:08:15,153 --> 00:08:18,624 Look, that disgusting raccoon is attacking that cute kitty. 193 00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:21,679 Come here, sweet guy. I'm rescuing you. 194 00:08:22,275 --> 00:08:23,458 No, no, no, no. 195 00:08:23,543 --> 00:08:26,911 I'm the wild one. I'm attacking him. 196 00:08:27,237 --> 00:08:28,586 [chuckles] 197 00:08:28,671 --> 00:08:31,333 - Activate the phone tree. - Don't make me call Linda. 198 00:08:31,418 --> 00:08:33,426 This is bigger than that thing with you and Linda. 199 00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:34,760 [cell phone ringing] 200 00:08:34,844 --> 00:08:36,349 - Hello, Jeanie. - Don't start. 201 00:08:36,434 --> 00:08:38,880 Denise found a gray male on the street being mauled 202 00:08:38,965 --> 00:08:40,456 by a disgusting raccoon. 203 00:08:40,608 --> 00:08:42,366 I'm on it. Barbara, it's Linda. 204 00:08:42,519 --> 00:08:43,878 Pam, Barbara. 205 00:08:43,962 --> 00:08:45,438 - Garrett, it's Pam. Listen... - Alex, It's Garrett. 206 00:08:45,522 --> 00:08:46,881 He's male. 207 00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:48,736 Fran, I would take him, but Pam says you have a slot. 208 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,136 Did Pam say I had a slot? 209 00:08:50,221 --> 00:08:52,419 I do not have a slot. Maybe I could take one more. 210 00:08:52,504 --> 00:08:53,888 Is he hurt? Is he cute? How hurt and cute is he? 211 00:08:53,972 --> 00:08:56,360 No, Fran. That's enough. 212 00:08:56,445 --> 00:08:59,383 I want our life back. I miss our showers. 213 00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:00,786 No, this is a mistake! 214 00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:02,621 I belong to the streets. 215 00:09:02,705 --> 00:09:04,480 [chuckles] [car door closes] 216 00:09:04,632 --> 00:09:06,899 Tell my story! 217 00:09:13,531 --> 00:09:16,986 Who says wild beasts and pets can't coexist, huh? 218 00:09:17,070 --> 00:09:19,329 Prejudiced, small-minded animals, that's who. 219 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:20,973 Me? I'm collar blind. 220 00:09:21,172 --> 00:09:22,825 Um, actually, collar blindness 221 00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:24,994 is a counterproductive ideology. 222 00:09:25,078 --> 00:09:26,420 God, I wish I could hold a pen. 223 00:09:26,504 --> 00:09:28,317 I could write a book about this. 224 00:09:28,402 --> 00:09:29,950 I know what this is really about. 225 00:09:30,035 --> 00:09:30,832 What? 226 00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:33,544 Just because I don't fertilize eggs inside my body 227 00:09:33,629 --> 00:09:35,364 doesn't mean I can't do girl talk. 228 00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:38,121 No, I'm just trying to shake the group out of their rut. 229 00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:40,551 I'd like to shake something into my rut. 230 00:09:40,644 --> 00:09:41,728 That's not girl talk. 231 00:09:41,812 --> 00:09:43,304 That's not what your mom said last night. 232 00:09:43,388 --> 00:09:45,048 [chuckles] All right, we're finished here. 233 00:09:45,132 --> 00:09:46,733 Is it wet in here, or is it just me? 234 00:09:46,817 --> 00:09:48,218 - Hey. - Nothing. 235 00:09:48,302 --> 00:09:51,505 Oh, great. I'm gonna go get in some steps. 236 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:55,058 And I'll be here acting totally normal. 237 00:09:55,402 --> 00:09:57,286 Phew. That was close. 238 00:09:57,371 --> 00:10:00,159 She's gone. Now eat me already. 239 00:10:00,244 --> 00:10:01,518 I really don't think I should. 240 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,658 I'm just saying I still taste a little bit like foot. 241 00:10:04,839 --> 00:10:06,089 [whining] 242 00:10:06,221 --> 00:10:07,748 [imitates whining] 243 00:10:07,833 --> 00:10:10,500 Ugh, that's what you sound like right now. 244 00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:15,017 Ugh! 245 00:10:15,102 --> 00:10:16,536 I can catch a bird. 246 00:10:16,621 --> 00:10:18,948 I am not 'fraid of little blood. 247 00:10:19,033 --> 00:10:20,693 I am from tigers. 248 00:10:20,838 --> 00:10:23,699 Other animals tremble in fear as I pass. 249 00:10:23,783 --> 00:10:25,282 I am queen of jungle. 250 00:10:25,433 --> 00:10:27,761 I am predator. I am like... 251 00:10:27,845 --> 00:10:29,612 [growling weakly] 252 00:10:29,696 --> 00:10:32,498 [birds chirping] 253 00:10:33,793 --> 00:10:35,952 My prey is in sight. 254 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,213 I am crouching. I'm stalking. 255 00:10:38,297 --> 00:10:39,588 I am stealth. 256 00:10:40,615 --> 00:10:41,791 [grunts] 257 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,110 I climb with all the... 258 00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:46,947 [grunts] Strength of all my... 259 00:10:47,031 --> 00:10:49,891 [grunting] Ancestors 260 00:10:49,975 --> 00:10:52,953 and the enemies that they have... 261 00:10:53,037 --> 00:10:54,978 slaughtered. [grunts] 262 00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,806 [panting] 263 00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,400 [grunting] 264 00:11:02,304 --> 00:11:03,728 Oh, no, a cat! 265 00:11:03,881 --> 00:11:05,823 Mom, it wants to eat me! 266 00:11:05,974 --> 00:11:07,150 Work it out! 267 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,636 You have any last words, bird? 268 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,829 Cheep-cheep? [chuckles evilly] 269 00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:14,249 It's getting so close. What am I gonna do? 270 00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:17,327 If only my wings could create downward air pressure and... 271 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,503 Oh, yeah. Bye! 272 00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:22,471 [grunting] 273 00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:27,353 I just humiliated you, and I don't even know 274 00:11:27,437 --> 00:11:31,767 - how to chew my own food yet. - [yowls] 275 00:11:31,851 --> 00:11:33,435 Or control my bowels. 276 00:11:33,519 --> 00:11:34,560 Ugh. 277 00:11:36,856 --> 00:11:38,348 [baby babbling] 278 00:11:38,432 --> 00:11:41,692 Keep moving, Pug. 279 00:11:41,843 --> 00:11:43,169 Cat adoption. 280 00:11:43,253 --> 00:11:45,604 No fee, no application, no home check. 281 00:11:45,756 --> 00:11:47,023 Just take a cat. 282 00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,773 Elsa? Hey! 283 00:11:48,926 --> 00:11:50,176 Elsa! Help. 284 00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:52,211 The Gray One? Is that you? 285 00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,864 Why are you dressed like the ghost of an orphan? 286 00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,699 And what is in your eye? 287 00:11:56,783 --> 00:11:57,729 It's a marble. 288 00:11:57,814 --> 00:11:59,608 Fran's husband is a glass blower. 289 00:11:59,693 --> 00:12:03,038 Pipe maker... it doesn't matter. You gotta get me out of here. 290 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,623 Pickles, who are you talking to? 291 00:12:04,775 --> 00:12:08,468 Call me Pickles one more time, and I... my eye. 292 00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:12,187 What are you doing in there? 293 00:12:12,272 --> 00:12:15,142 Raccoon and I were really going at it in the street. 294 00:12:15,227 --> 00:12:18,388 The next thing you know, I'm getting rescued. 295 00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:19,555 I've been through hell. 296 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,566 They bathed me. They trimmed my crusties. 297 00:12:22,717 --> 00:12:23,819 Oh, The Gray One. 298 00:12:23,903 --> 00:12:26,729 I have to go! I'm working! 299 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,549 They took my worms! 300 00:12:30,408 --> 00:12:33,144 Oh, well, we seem to have a little more space today. 301 00:12:33,228 --> 00:12:34,745 Don't mind if I do. 302 00:12:34,896 --> 00:12:36,079 [chuckling] Uh-huh. 303 00:12:36,231 --> 00:12:38,741 Anybody seen The Gray One or Tabitha? No? 304 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,727 Okay, well, let's... I mean, I hope they're okay. 305 00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:42,395 I guess we should just start, right? 306 00:12:42,479 --> 00:12:43,161 Yeah. 307 00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:45,173 Guys. I saw The... Oh. 308 00:12:45,257 --> 00:12:47,901 Today is the day you start on time. 309 00:12:47,985 --> 00:12:49,426 That's interesting, 310 00:12:49,577 --> 00:12:52,589 but I saw The Gray One on Tiny Fruit and Toothpick Street. 311 00:12:52,673 --> 00:12:55,361 - Is he okay? - No, he's not okay. 312 00:12:55,446 --> 00:12:56,926 Is he, Raccoon? 313 00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,912 What? How should I know? 314 00:12:58,996 --> 00:13:02,023 - Because you were fighting. - We were not fighting. 315 00:13:02,107 --> 00:13:04,107 I was attacking him to make a point, 316 00:13:04,259 --> 00:13:05,768 and then the no-hair-bear took him. 317 00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:08,346 A human took him? Why didn't you tell us? 318 00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:11,107 Raccoon, this group is like a family... 319 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,517 A pack or in your case, a gaze. 320 00:13:13,601 --> 00:13:16,954 Yes, yes, I learned the word for a group of raccoons. 321 00:13:17,105 --> 00:13:19,040 Only non-raccoons use that word. 322 00:13:19,124 --> 00:13:21,291 Here we care for each other. 323 00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:25,036 We take care of each other so that we can live better lives. 324 00:13:25,189 --> 00:13:27,290 Come on, poodle. 325 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:30,041 Life is just eat, sleep, try to make more animals 326 00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:31,961 by putting the thing in the soft place. 327 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,045 Soft place? Ugh. 328 00:13:34,198 --> 00:13:36,892 And that's it. Every animal for themselves. 329 00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:39,135 You're only acting like this because you aren't used 330 00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,637 to being cared for. 331 00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:42,138 We care for you. 332 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:43,640 I don't. I just want to watch you drink 333 00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,625 my filthy bowl water off the floor. 334 00:13:45,709 --> 00:13:47,402 - Bubbles! - Glug-glug, bitch. 335 00:13:47,486 --> 00:13:50,146 You don't care about me. You want to tame me. 336 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,966 I'm just a test run for another wild animal. 337 00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:56,970 [gasps] I-I have... I have no idea 338 00:13:57,054 --> 00:13:58,403 what you're talking about. 339 00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:02,250 Yeah, I know your type... Bored house pet, restless. 340 00:14:02,334 --> 00:14:04,827 You seemed real disappointed the other night 341 00:14:04,911 --> 00:14:06,146 when you saw me. 342 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:08,072 Who were you hoping to see? 343 00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:09,983 Power vacuum. Okay. 344 00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:11,167 It's time to shine. 345 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,002 [grunts] That's enough. 346 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,262 I think it's time you leave. 347 00:14:14,346 --> 00:14:16,080 Yep, I think you've overstayed 348 00:14:16,164 --> 00:14:17,340 your welcome, friend. 349 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,175 A real Scotty Caan move. 350 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,814 - I said get out! - Okay. 351 00:14:21,899 --> 00:14:25,152 I'll show myself to the extra-tiny glass door. 352 00:14:25,237 --> 00:14:27,033 - Window. - [smooches] 353 00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:29,150 Ugh. 354 00:14:30,486 --> 00:14:32,172 Pew, pew, pew, pew. 355 00:14:32,256 --> 00:14:34,072 [exhaling sharply] 356 00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:39,096 I cannot wait to hear his best-man speech. 357 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,783 I'm not ready to go. 358 00:14:45,877 --> 00:14:48,557 There is still so much I have not done... 359 00:14:48,642 --> 00:14:51,207 Like catch the little red light that dances on the floor 360 00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,209 and on the walls sometimes. 361 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,137 You win, little red light. 362 00:14:56,221 --> 00:14:58,889 You win. [siren wails] 363 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,966 [gasps] Red light, you are here? 364 00:15:02,119 --> 00:15:04,479 [grunting] 365 00:15:04,564 --> 00:15:06,039 Oh, my God. 366 00:15:06,123 --> 00:15:08,374 - You're beautiful. - [meows] 367 00:15:08,458 --> 00:15:10,710 Hey, Devon, you gotta get up here. 368 00:15:10,794 --> 00:15:12,235 She is exquisite. 369 00:15:12,387 --> 00:15:14,063 Saving creatures this gorgeous 370 00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:16,974 makes the risks of our job worthwhile. 371 00:15:17,058 --> 00:15:19,576 These two strippers love me. 372 00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:21,070 Come on, bitch. 373 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,538 - Get in the thing. - [gasps] 374 00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:29,912 Ah, wet food. 375 00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,588 Catch me, Daddy Stelios. 376 00:15:31,688 --> 00:15:32,872 [purrs] 377 00:15:35,054 --> 00:15:37,630 [whining] 378 00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:42,382 ♪ Sock, sock, so delicious ♪ 379 00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:47,109 ♪ Oh, no, no consequences ♪ 380 00:15:47,335 --> 00:15:49,719 ♪ Eat a sock ♪ 381 00:15:50,268 --> 00:15:51,929 Well, I tried. 382 00:15:52,749 --> 00:15:55,282 The Gray One, we're so glad to have you back. 383 00:15:55,367 --> 00:15:57,952 - How did you finally get home? - They put me up for adoption. 384 00:15:58,036 --> 00:16:00,304 Folks, our stray of day today is Pickles. 385 00:16:00,388 --> 00:16:02,232 - Uh, he's a male... - [screeching] 386 00:16:02,316 --> 00:16:04,459 Cat... Pickles, no! Stop! Come here. 387 00:16:04,543 --> 00:16:06,225 Ah! Oh, damn it! 388 00:16:06,378 --> 00:16:07,628 I want that one. 389 00:16:07,712 --> 00:16:09,313 Doesn't she know that's The Gray One? 390 00:16:09,397 --> 00:16:12,483 Other cats, we got to save that cat. 391 00:16:12,567 --> 00:16:15,227 - It's a cat. - She does not. 392 00:16:15,311 --> 00:16:20,141 Ah, yeah. I think I'll be unpacking this one for a while. 393 00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:24,921 I'm sure you all notice my absence, but I am fine. 394 00:16:25,005 --> 00:16:26,163 No more questions. 395 00:16:26,247 --> 00:16:27,672 Listen, I want to apologize 396 00:16:27,824 --> 00:16:30,151 to all of you for bringing in the Raccoon. 397 00:16:30,235 --> 00:16:33,178 I was just hoping to push us out of our comfort zones... 398 00:16:33,329 --> 00:16:34,430 Me especially. 399 00:16:34,514 --> 00:16:35,974 You did teach us a valuable lesson 400 00:16:36,058 --> 00:16:37,256 about not trusting raccoons. 401 00:16:37,409 --> 00:16:39,435 Or therapists. Am I right? 402 00:16:39,519 --> 00:16:40,845 She's terrible. 403 00:16:40,929 --> 00:16:42,105 Wedding update... 404 00:16:42,189 --> 00:16:44,689 Lindsay's cousin got donated to Goodwill. 405 00:16:44,841 --> 00:16:48,169 So, if anyone's interested in the maid-of-honor posish... 406 00:16:48,261 --> 00:16:49,944 And we're back. 407 00:16:50,088 --> 00:16:52,105 [thunder booms] 408 00:16:52,257 --> 00:16:54,525 [snoring] 409 00:16:54,609 --> 00:16:56,442 So, if I get the bundle, 410 00:16:56,536 --> 00:17:00,014 you guys will throw in the landline for free. 411 00:17:00,098 --> 00:17:01,866 [door opens] 412 00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:03,458 Huh? 413 00:17:05,212 --> 00:17:08,205 [dramatic music] 414 00:17:08,289 --> 00:17:11,216 Raccoon, what are... what... What... what are you doing here? 415 00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:13,377 Are you okay? 416 00:17:13,461 --> 00:17:16,306 [sobbing] 417 00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:19,057 No, no, I'm not okay. 418 00:17:19,208 --> 00:17:21,218 I'm so sorry about earlier. 419 00:17:21,302 --> 00:17:22,961 I know you were only trying to help. 420 00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:27,399 I just mess things up for myself all the time. 421 00:17:27,550 --> 00:17:32,063 I am just so scared of no-hair-bear... 422 00:17:32,147 --> 00:17:35,399 I mean humans? Is that right? 423 00:17:35,483 --> 00:17:38,235 Yes, it is. And I understand. 424 00:17:38,319 --> 00:17:40,620 I'm trying, you know. 425 00:17:40,705 --> 00:17:41,755 I really am. 426 00:17:41,839 --> 00:17:45,168 It's just I never knew my dad! 427 00:17:45,252 --> 00:17:48,079 Yes, it's okay, Raccoon. 428 00:17:48,163 --> 00:17:49,495 I knew I was reaching you. 429 00:17:49,648 --> 00:17:51,566 You know our environment does so much 430 00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:55,593 to determine... [thunder booms] 431 00:17:59,841 --> 00:18:01,503 That's Jill's. 432 00:18:01,588 --> 00:18:04,464 Sorry, poodle, I'm tired of waiting for the bones. 433 00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:06,771 It's time for Raccoon to get the meat. 434 00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:08,099 Wait a minute. 435 00:18:08,183 --> 00:18:10,101 You never wanted my help at all. 436 00:18:10,185 --> 00:18:11,586 You just wanted the chicken. 437 00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:15,606 That's why you unlatched the tiny glass door... window! 438 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:19,951 Get away from Jill's free-range rotisserie chicken! 439 00:18:20,102 --> 00:18:22,205 Ah! [grunting] 440 00:18:22,289 --> 00:18:25,208 [growling, barking] 441 00:18:25,292 --> 00:18:27,459 [raccoons chittering] 442 00:18:30,112 --> 00:18:33,506 [growling] 443 00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:37,128 Go ahead. 444 00:18:37,212 --> 00:18:38,446 Go on, do it. 445 00:18:38,530 --> 00:18:40,965 Taste blood for the first time in your life. 446 00:18:41,049 --> 00:18:43,716 [growling] [thunder booms] 447 00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:45,136 No. 448 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:47,246 No, you and your creepy little hands aren't worth it. 449 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:49,957 I can't believe I thought you had anything to give. 450 00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,643 All you do is take. You think you're wild, 451 00:18:52,727 --> 00:18:56,555 but you're actually the most dependent animal I've ever met. 452 00:18:56,639 --> 00:18:58,299 Get out of my house... 453 00:18:58,765 --> 00:19:01,875 after you put the chicken back. 454 00:19:03,555 --> 00:19:05,914 [grunting] 455 00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,405 Later, dog. 456 00:19:13,489 --> 00:19:14,907 [sighs] 457 00:19:14,991 --> 00:19:16,926 [sniffing] 458 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,509 I smell chicken. 459 00:19:18,594 --> 00:19:19,752 What happened? 460 00:19:19,837 --> 00:19:22,022 - Chief, we can't eat chicken. - [groans] 461 00:19:22,106 --> 00:19:24,191 Okay. 462 00:19:24,275 --> 00:19:26,434 Wait. 463 00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:34,335 Oh, man. 464 00:19:34,419 --> 00:19:37,855 Okay. Going wild, huh? 465 00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:39,864 [chuckles] A little. 466 00:19:41,426 --> 00:19:44,361 Oh, my God, this is amazing. 467 00:19:44,445 --> 00:19:45,611 Delicious. 468 00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:48,032 Well, you deserve it for not eating that sock. 469 00:19:48,116 --> 00:19:50,868 Yeah, that was tough. 470 00:19:50,952 --> 00:19:54,188 - Chief. - Yeah? 471 00:19:54,272 --> 00:19:56,729 - You're handsome. - Yo, yo, yo, yo. 472 00:19:56,814 --> 00:19:58,791 Where my gaze at? 473 00:19:58,943 --> 00:20:01,799 Oh, unbelievable. 474 00:20:01,884 --> 00:20:03,370 It happens every time. 475 00:20:03,455 --> 00:20:06,596 "Oh, there won't be any dogs there, we swear." 476 00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:08,885 Well, joke's on me, right? 477 00:20:08,970 --> 00:20:11,706 Anyway, I won't take up any more of your time. 478 00:20:11,857 --> 00:20:14,966 You two seem like a lovely couple. 479 00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:17,431 - I could help him. - No. 480 00:20:19,904 --> 00:20:23,256 [laidback music] 481 00:20:23,341 --> 00:20:24,775 [♪ ♪] 482 00:20:25,196 --> 00:20:27,474 Ah, just give him a little meat. 483 00:20:32,327 --> 00:20:33,577 - [sniffs] - Hey. 484 00:20:33,661 --> 00:20:35,875 Uh, I think that was meant for me. 485 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,045 Pretty sure it was meant for me. 486 00:20:38,142 --> 00:20:40,605 No, no. See, we had a whole thing. 487 00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:42,975 And then she said a lot of hurtful things and... 488 00:20:43,265 --> 00:20:45,038 Okay, you eat the chicken, 489 00:20:45,156 --> 00:20:46,390 and then I'll eat you. 490 00:20:46,474 --> 00:20:48,507 Either way, I'm eating the chicken. 491 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:50,208 Pew. 492 00:20:50,622 --> 00:20:54,952 Let's get this party started! 493 00:20:56,668 --> 00:20:59,022 Again? Really? 494 00:20:59,107 --> 00:21:02,285 Gah, my friends need to learn how to communicate better. 495 00:21:02,507 --> 00:21:04,166 Why am I saddling you with my problems? 496 00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:06,342 You're out here enjoying the evening. 497 00:21:06,494 --> 00:21:10,021 [laughs] I don't want to bring you down with my drama. 498 00:21:15,003 --> 00:21:16,554 That's nice, Jenna Gabby.