1 00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,170 I like church. It's cozy. 2 00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:47,005 Of course you do. 3 00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:50,425 Inside are candles, red wine and cushions. It's basically our flat. 4 00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:53,846 Erica looks well. 5 00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:55,681 That woman's Beyoncé to me, Jason. 6 00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:58,183 Comes out of a marriage breakup stronger 7 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,352 and without once dragging me to a yoga retreat. 8 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,895 Do you know how hard that is? 9 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,480 Come on. Let's go. 10 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,069 -Why're you wearing canvas shoes? -Oh, yeah. 11 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:12,239 Well, I tried to not overthink it, all right? 12 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,867 -Then I've ended up underthinking it. -It's not very godparenty, is it? 13 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,077 It's difficult to think about things the exact right amount. 14 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,037 Anyway, don't worry. No one will notice. 15 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:20,956 See you in a bit. 16 00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:23,542 -You all right? -Yeah, yeah, fine. 17 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,587 -Why is Jason wearing those shoes? -I do not know. 18 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,720 -Okay, should we-- -Should we just pop inside? 19 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:35,804 -Yes. -Yeah. 20 00:01:35,888 --> 00:01:38,599 No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I don't care who he dates. 21 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,811 -She's very pretty. -No. 22 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,229 It's too early to tell. 23 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,231 Everyone's hot when they're 27. 24 00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:48,400 We won't know for sure until she's 35. 25 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,987 Yeah, what do they talk about? What has she done? 26 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:54,448 Women under 30 don't do anything except juice. 27 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:57,159 -And tell people they're bisexual. -Very true. 28 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,203 We're just gonna keep it simple. 29 00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:03,999 People who obsess over the wedding day are just trying to cover up the cracks. 30 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,878 Like, if the relationship's a six, the day has to be a ten, you know. 31 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,339 -Exactly, don't overthink it. Yeah. -Yeah. 32 00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:13,884 -How are you, mate? You all right? -Writing more long form now. 33 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,469 -Oh, yeah? -Yeah. 34 00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:18,222 Doctor told me to keep a food diary last month, 35 00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,141 and I just, I really leant into it, you know. Found my voice. 36 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,685 And an allergy to soy. 37 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:27,564 Yeah, so that's me, trying to crack the Great American Novel for my sins. 38 00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,650 But you're English, mate. 39 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,568 I think it gives me a unique perspective. 40 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,987 -Glad you made it. -Yeah. 41 00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,405 Lovely to see you. 42 00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,080 -When's he moving out? -Tonight. 43 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,583 I lasted six weeks. Erica, I have no idea how you did 12 years. 44 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,460 Humans are resilient. Mandela did 27. 45 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,879 Yeah, not with Freddy he didn't. 46 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,736 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, 47 00:03:14,820 --> 00:03:18,866 the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. 48 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,909 And also with you. 49 00:03:20,993 --> 00:03:24,454 -Father, we ask you to bless this water-- -Hey. 50 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:28,000 Why don't we bring your girlfriend back? Because he could do her while we're here. 51 00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,418 -Can we not? -Not what? 52 00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,752 Be that cliché. 53 00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,880 Says the midlife crisis wearing a friendship bracelet. 54 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,798 -…Christ, our Lord, amen. -Amen. 55 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:36,425 -Amen. -Amen. 56 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:39,344 Freddy and Erica, do you receive this child as a gift from God? 57 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:40,596 -Yes. -Yes. 58 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:42,472 Do you wish to give thanks to God and seek his blessing? 59 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:43,599 -Yes. -Yes. 60 00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:45,934 Do you acknowledge this day that God's love is already at work? 61 00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,352 Mate, we're not really religious, 62 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,647 so if you wanna just cycle forward to the water bit, that'd be great. 63 00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,693 What name have you chosen for this child? 64 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,861 -Samuel. -Buster. 65 00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:57,821 -What? -Buster. 66 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:00,657 -His name is Samuel. -Nope, it's not. I changed my mind. 67 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:03,243 You can't change your mind. He's named after my grandfather. 68 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,370 I never liked your grandfather, so… 69 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,128 Together, the Christian community welcomes… 70 00:04:13,795 --> 00:04:15,255 -Samuel Turner. -Buster Turner. 71 00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,339 Oh, my God. 72 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,843 Okay, guys, I'm not sure this is the ideal place for this. 73 00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,094 I'm not naming him Sam. 74 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,055 -I'm not naming him Buster. -Why not? 75 00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:25,599 Because he's not a talking bus in a children's cartoon. 76 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,644 Yeah, this really does sound more like a pre-font sort of chat. 77 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,812 What about a little compromise? What about Stan? 78 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,314 -'Cause that's got letters from each. -No. 79 00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:34,775 Marlon. 80 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,401 Stan and Marlon? That's the first two on your list, Jason? 81 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,736 I don't know. I'm panicking. 82 00:04:38,654 --> 00:04:41,156 -Luke? -It's just a sound really, isn't it? 83 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,451 John? Just-- Paul? George? I'm just doing Beatles now. 84 00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:45,953 -Parker. -No. 85 00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,663 -Why not? -Because he's not a wealthy murderer. 86 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,081 Joh-- I don't-- George. 87 00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:51,500 I'm back on Beatles again, aren't I? Christ. Sorry. 88 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:53,210 -What's your name? -My name? 89 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,962 -Yeah, your name. Yeah. -Thomas. 90 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,381 -Thomas. -I like that actually. 91 00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,966 -Yeah? -Little Tommy. 92 00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,592 Thomas Turner. 93 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,262 Yeah, okay. Yeah. 94 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:04,972 Great. 95 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:10,936 Thomas Turner, I baptize you in the name of the Father, 96 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,021 and of the Son… 97 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,024 and of the Holy Spirit. 98 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,610 -Amen. -Amen. 99 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:20,779 -Amen. -Namaste. 100 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,326 You can't rename a child out of spite. 101 00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,413 Okay, you cheat on your wife, she might rename a kid or two. 102 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,081 It is the risk that you take. 103 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:34,585 Actually, Nikki, from an evolutionary perspective, monogamy is really-- 104 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,838 Okay, stop. I'm not absolving you of your sins, okay? 105 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,590 I'm not the women's pope. 106 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,508 Well, I actually have a… 107 00:05:41,592 --> 00:05:43,343 a very interesting article on bonobos-- 108 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,262 Freddy, we've got Penny here in five, 109 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,139 and I need this not to be happening, okay? 110 00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,932 We're never going to find a kid. 111 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,058 -What? -Ellie's gone. 112 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,019 -You're kidding. -She only come on the site yesterday. 113 00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,854 -What sort of a-- -They go so quickly! 114 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,398 It's like trying to get Glastonbury tickets. 115 00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:57,900 -This is you. -What? 116 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:58,984 You took too long again. 117 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:02,154 Yeah, but it's difficult choosing a child from a photograph, isn't it? 118 00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,572 You wanna get in there, kick the tires. 119 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:06,992 -Jase. -This meeting. Is it gonna be quick? 120 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:10,120 What, the meeting that decides all of our hopes and dreams 121 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,456 and defines the rest of our lives? 122 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,750 Yeah, it's just, I need my stuff from Erica's, 123 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:16,668 and I cannot see her right now. 124 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,670 Sorry, you want us to get it? 125 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,507 I just know she's not watering my staghorn fern. 126 00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,717 -Seriously, Freddy-- -Okay. All right. 127 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,637 Fine, we'll do it. Can you give us a minute, please? 128 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,473 -Thank you. -Jase. 129 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,226 His middle name is Ivan. 130 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,479 Thomas Ivan Turner. 131 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,523 His initials are "TIT." 132 00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,484 Tit, Nikki, tit. 133 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,028 So she did name him after you then, didn't she? 134 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,493 I wish you'd back me up a bit. 135 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,954 I don't like it when you don't dislike things I dislike. 136 00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,997 You know how betrayed I felt when you started liking olives. 137 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,667 Yeah. And I stopped eating them, didn't I? 138 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,585 For you, you little weirdo. 139 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,422 Right. Okay. 140 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:05,384 Hello? Okay, all right, Penny. Come up now. Yeah. 141 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,386 -Right. -Do you think she's gonna tell us off 142 00:07:07,469 --> 00:07:08,470 for not finding a child? 143 00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:11,014 No. It takes a long time to find the right one, doesn't it. 144 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:14,393 Look at me. I had hundreds of girlfriends before I met you, and… 145 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:16,395 Okay. 146 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,188 That sounded better in your head, didn't it? 147 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,690 -Yeah. -Yeah, thought so. 148 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:21,942 Come on. 149 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,611 I just, I don't want this to slip by. 150 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:26,572 We need something in our lives that's bigger than us, 151 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:29,116 something that will outlive us, carry on after we've gone. 152 00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,868 We will, all right? 153 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,662 We have loads of plastic bags in our kitchen drawer. 154 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,581 -All right? -Yeah. 155 00:07:35,664 --> 00:07:37,291 Ready? Okay. 156 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:39,585 -Hi. -Hello. 157 00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,212 Is there CCTV on this street? 158 00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,548 No. No, I don't think there is, no. 159 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,176 Oh, good, good. That's-- 160 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,802 No, that's good. Good, it'll be fine. 161 00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,220 -Okay. -Okay. 162 00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,680 Anyway, I only have half an hour, 163 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:56,351 because my sister and her husband are having a naming party for her new puppy. 164 00:07:57,019 --> 00:08:00,606 Six months of marriage therapy, and that's the best idea they've had. 165 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:03,150 I said cut to the chase, call it "last throw of the dice" 166 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,526 'cause that's what it is. 167 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:06,653 Tea. 168 00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:09,740 Anyway, it's gonna be an absolute slog 169 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,783 because she has gone hard vegan. 170 00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,160 -Sugar? -Oh, no, thank you. 171 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,662 I'm sorry, but no amount of tofu stir-fries 172 00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,373 is going to un-hit that swan with your car last summer, 173 00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:21,084 so maybe just deal with the guilt head-on, can we, 174 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,712 and stop burying it under a lot of spinach triangles. 175 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,633 Long story. He was fine. 176 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:30,469 It was mainly his fault. He was warned. Right. 177 00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:35,807 Gather, please. 178 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,102 -Okay. -For I have news. 179 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,438 I was never here. 180 00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,858 This is an illusion. This is not happening. Okay? 181 00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,109 -Okay. -Yeah, okay. 182 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:50,030 Okay, so, there is a boy. 183 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:54,451 His name is James. 184 00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:58,497 He is a nice boy. 185 00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,415 Look. 186 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:05,254 I think he's your boy. 187 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,009 By means I do not wish to divulge, 188 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:13,679 I have advanced knowledge he will be on the system in 24 hours. 189 00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:17,182 I want us to be ready to go for him. 190 00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:18,725 James? 191 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:22,604 James. James Newman-Ross. 192 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:24,147 James Newman-Ross. 193 00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,149 "JNR." That's good. That's good. 194 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,359 Yeah. 195 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:30,237 Hi, hi. Sorry, sorry. 196 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:34,533 Just to say that she'll be doing the kids' tea from six, 197 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:39,997 so absolutely no pressure, but anytime in the next 45 minutes would be ideal. 198 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:42,457 Okay? 199 00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,132 -Look at his little face. -I know. Sweet. 200 00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:51,383 So exciting. 201 00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,307 How do we know which of this stuff's Freddy's? 202 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,767 If you can imagine a character in a Bret Easton Ellis novel owning it, 203 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:01,852 then it's his. 204 00:10:05,189 --> 00:10:08,025 -Are you okay? -Yeah. Fine. 205 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,109 Yeah? 206 00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,946 -'Cause you really don't need to be. -I'm fine. 207 00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:16,158 I have a plan for the new me. 208 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:20,746 It's a combination of taking up running, meditation and screwing other people. 209 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,666 -Are you dating? -Yeah. Maybe. 210 00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:29,713 I don't know. It's a lot of vagina admin, isn't it? But I could. 211 00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,048 That's it. The car's full. 212 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,425 He can come and get his bloody staghorn fern later. 213 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:36,887 -Does that need watering? -It does, yeah. 214 00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:52,027 I can't believe we're doing this. Have you got it? 215 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,320 Yeah. Yeah. 216 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,827 Why're you wearing all that? 217 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,287 Ran out of bags. 218 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,580 Thanks, Nikki. 219 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,501 Thought I'd lost that. 220 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:18,428 Oh, my God. No woman would ever have two blowtorches, 221 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,557 three different sets of things for cracking lobsters, 222 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,350 but no colander. 223 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:28,397 -What do you think of the flat? -I think it's like one big panic room. 224 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,731 -Horrible, innit? -Yeah. 225 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,692 So, what do you think? 226 00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:33,193 -Gorgeous, mate. -So lovely. 227 00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:34,611 -Beautiful, yeah, very-- -Yeah. 228 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,198 'Cause sometimes things can be too colorful, can't they? 229 00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:39,283 It's distracting. 230 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,993 What are you gonna do when the kids come over, mate? 231 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,661 'Cause it is quite-- Sort of-- 232 00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:44,496 I've ordered some beanbags off the Internet 233 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:46,456 and… maybe some cushions. 234 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,375 We can sort you out with cushions, can't we? 235 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,752 We've got 30 or 40 spare ones in our flat you can have, mate. 236 00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:52,087 Jase. 237 00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:54,882 Lobster crackers. 238 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,385 Four sets. 239 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,227 He likes football, Nerf guns and Minecraft. 240 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,356 And his favorite food is a chicken fajita wrap. 241 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,484 That makes me feel old. 242 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,904 My favorite food when I was a kid was fish fingers and beans. 243 00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:17,988 Yeah. 244 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,576 What's the matter? 245 00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,037 -Nothing. -Okay. 246 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,164 Why you being weird then? 247 00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,708 I'm not. I'm acting completely normally. 248 00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,001 Yeah, but that's what's weird. 249 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,754 Because normally with this sort of stuff, you'd be all hyper. 250 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:36,548 -I'm fine. -What's going on? 251 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,094 I don't wanna say, 252 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:44,681 because if I tell you, then that makes me a terrible person, 253 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:47,768 and not being a terrible person is the thing that I like most about myself, 254 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,852 so… 255 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,780 Okay, I sort of assumed that we'd be getting a girl. 256 00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:02,574 -Oh. Okay. -Yeah. 257 00:13:02,658 --> 00:13:04,868 I sort of thought that we decided that. 258 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,205 No, I didn't realize we'd decided that. 259 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,457 No, I thought that you said that you wanted a girl 260 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,584 because you wanted to learn how to do the-- 261 00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,336 What's it? The French plait thing. 262 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,171 Because the guy on the bus looked cool when he did it. 263 00:13:16,255 --> 00:13:17,965 The guy on the bus did look cool, but-- 264 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,800 How have we not discussed this? 265 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,970 Are you set on a girl, yeah? 266 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,764 Well, are you set on a boy? 267 00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,808 I'm, no-- Look, am I? 268 00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:31,478 If I had to choose, then, maybe selfishly, yeah. 269 00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:33,146 Because, you know, because there's that, 270 00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:36,024 there's that special bond between father and sons. 271 00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:39,278 Oh, really? How many conversations do you have with your dad 272 00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,072 that aren't about how to get the TV back to HDMI1? 273 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:45,242 Actually, loads recently, because he's just hurt his shoulder. 274 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,202 So now I can ask him about that too. 275 00:13:47,286 --> 00:13:49,204 Jase, I just, I don't understand them. 276 00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:50,289 -Who? Who? -Their choices. 277 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,456 Men! 278 00:13:51,540 --> 00:13:53,166 All men? Yeah? 279 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,960 I don't know, you-- 280 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:59,548 You all react weirdly to things, and you have emotions in all the wrong places. 281 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:04,136 And you watch films that are basically an hour and a half of fast driving. 282 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,888 You always like your hair loads shorter than you should. 283 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,014 What are you talking about? 284 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,516 What am I supposed to do with a boy, Jase? 285 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,895 Seriously. What? Do I fill him full of confidence, 286 00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:16,565 or do I take some of it away because society already fills him with confidence, 287 00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:19,276 so if I do it too, I'm just-- I'm gonna turn him into-- 288 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,903 -Into what? -Freddy! 289 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:25,616 That is seriously the worst-case scenario? 290 00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:26,992 Do you know, Jase, it's-- 291 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,661 It really scares me that you don't hate him 292 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:31,246 and what he's done as much as I do. 293 00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,415 He's my mate though, Nikki. What am I gonna do? 294 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,127 -And anyway, women can be dicks. -Yeah, okay. 295 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:39,213 -Myra Hindley! -Yeah. 296 00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,215 That rude woman at the post office. 297 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,344 Queen Mary I. 298 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:48,180 Okay, three women in, and you're back to the 16th century. 299 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:50,474 I could name you five men off tonight's news. 300 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,351 But none of them are four-year-old boys, are they? 301 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:55,145 Yeah, no, Jase, but they were once and then society, 302 00:14:55,229 --> 00:14:57,272 society just came in and messed them all up. 303 00:14:57,356 --> 00:15:01,360 How can I compete with society, Jase? It's bloody everywhere. 304 00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:04,071 I mean, we're the only people that get to pick a gender. 305 00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,323 Why would we not pick the best one? 306 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,408 Have this week's rankings come out already? 307 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,078 Sorry, I must've missed that. This is a ridiculous conversation! 308 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,584 -Will you get the plates? -I'm doing it. 309 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,962 Margaret Thatcher. 310 00:15:57,875 --> 00:15:59,168 Can I ask your advice? 311 00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:00,919 -Are you serious? -Yeah. 312 00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:04,298 Oh, my God, that is wild. No one has ever said that to me before. 313 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,425 It's always like, "Jen, no one asked your opinion. 314 00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,218 This is my wedding. Go back to your seat." 315 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,303 Okay… 316 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:12,139 But I will be honest with you, 'kay? I won't sugarcoat it. 317 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,016 You wouldn't want me to sugarcoat it, would ya? 318 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:16,518 Yes, I would. When have I ever said that? 319 00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:19,146 -Always sugarcoat it. -Okay, fine. Go. 320 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:21,523 Well, it's about boys. 321 00:16:21,607 --> 00:16:25,110 Okay, they look like their worst bio photo is a good rule of thumb, 322 00:16:25,194 --> 00:16:28,530 and always reply to a below-the-waist nude within… ten minutes. 323 00:16:28,614 --> 00:16:29,698 Hello. What can I get you? 324 00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:32,826 Hi. Two falafel wraps, one with extra pickle. Thank you. 325 00:16:32,910 --> 00:16:36,496 Yeah, no, raising them, not dating them. 326 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,708 Do you think I could raise a good one? 327 00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,882 -Yeah. Yeah, for sure. -Yeah? 328 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,509 -100%. -Okay. 329 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,552 Just don't let them be fussy eaters. 330 00:16:50,636 --> 00:16:53,096 My friend, Clayton, only ate toast until he was 12, 331 00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:55,057 and now he's really into S and M. 332 00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:56,350 It's not a coincidence. 333 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,810 Okay, yeah. No, that's a handy tip. 334 00:16:58,894 --> 00:17:02,481 And anyway, you know, bad parents make interesting people. 335 00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:04,273 Joel's parents divorced when he was nine, 336 00:17:04,358 --> 00:17:06,859 and he's the most interesting person I know. 337 00:17:06,944 --> 00:17:10,071 I mean, we can talk for hours, like, even when we're not high. 338 00:17:10,948 --> 00:17:12,782 He does get quite angry at stuff. 339 00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:15,661 Which is wild, 'cause I'm the lowest maintenance person in the world. 340 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:19,164 I'm so low-maintenance, I might still be going out with some people. 341 00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:21,916 Jen, does he sound like he's the right person for you? 342 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,752 Yeah, no. We're on a break at the moment. 343 00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:28,382 We couldn't agree what race Ariana Grande was, and it all just sort of spiraled. 344 00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:30,342 -There you go, ladies. Enjoy. -Thank you. 345 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,635 Thank you. 346 00:17:33,554 --> 00:17:37,224 Basically, just fill them with love, and it'll be fine. 347 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,977 Yeah. Yeah, you're right. 348 00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,979 But not too much. 349 00:17:42,062 --> 00:17:44,231 'Cause then they get too close and resent all other women 350 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,524 for not being as good. 351 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,943 It actually happens a lot with serial killers. 352 00:17:48,026 --> 00:17:50,696 Did you see that one in South Korea? He was really handsome, 353 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,781 which you don't really expect in a murderer, do you? 354 00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:53,907 No. 355 00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,203 Has this helped? 356 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,582 Yeah. Massively. 357 00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:02,499 Cool. 358 00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,309 Are we gonna talk about this or just keep pretending you wanna buy sunglasses? 359 00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:22,519 I do maybe wanna buy some sunglasses. 360 00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:24,062 There you go. 361 00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,939 I like to have a choice. 362 00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:29,193 Look, who says that our boy is gonna be boyish anyway? 363 00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:31,111 He might not be. 364 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:34,239 Gender norms are ingrained, Jase. 365 00:18:34,323 --> 00:18:35,949 Erica bought Lauren a monster truck. 366 00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,619 She put it in a dress and pushes it around in a buggy. 367 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:40,746 I'm not sure how scientific some of your arguments are. 368 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,623 So what if a monster truck wants to wear a dress? 369 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,917 Good luck to him. Her. They. 370 00:18:46,752 --> 00:18:49,129 I wanna be a guide to our child. 371 00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:52,674 I wanna be wise, and offer help and smooth their path. 372 00:18:52,758 --> 00:18:55,636 How can I do that if I don't know what it's like to be a boy? 373 00:18:55,719 --> 00:18:57,262 You'd expect me to do that for a girl. 374 00:18:57,346 --> 00:18:59,181 Yeah, because girls tell you what they're feeling. 375 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,849 -They know how to ask for help. -Do you? Bollocks. 376 00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:02,559 You just sit on the sofa hugging a cushion, 377 00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,978 sighing louder and louder until someone asks you what's wrong. 378 00:19:05,062 --> 00:19:07,439 Boys are uncomplicated, okay? 379 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:10,442 They're just, you know, bosh, straight lines. 380 00:19:10,526 --> 00:19:11,902 It's like maintaining a bit of machinery. 381 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,363 Bit of a wipe down with a damp cloth now and then, they're golden. 382 00:19:14,446 --> 00:19:18,158 -Oh, wow, another worrying opinion. -Hello, mate. 383 00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:19,952 -Hello. -How are you? 384 00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,371 Haven't seen you in ages. What you been up to? 385 00:19:22,454 --> 00:19:24,206 -No staghorn fern? -Sorry, come again? 386 00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:27,084 -You didn't bring my staghorn fern. -No, we couldn't fit it in. 387 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,002 Yeah, well, could you pop back and get it? 388 00:19:32,548 --> 00:19:35,217 -Are you actually being serious? -Yeah, I've had it since uni. 389 00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,679 We spent yesterday afternoon moving all of your stuff. 390 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,348 Not all my stuff, 'cause I am light one staghorn fern. 391 00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,432 Wow. 392 00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:45,227 Go and get it yourself then. We're not your interns, Freddy. 393 00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,312 I can't. Me and Erica aren't talking. 394 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,648 We've got lots of stuff on ourselves, okay? 395 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:54,444 And to be honest, mate, you're acting like a bit of a selfish dick. 396 00:19:54,528 --> 00:19:55,821 You think I'm selfish? 397 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,156 I once saw you unplug a café's Christmas lights 398 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,826 -so you could charge your phone. -Oh, come on! For a quick bump. 399 00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,952 There were four people-- 400 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:05,163 Freddy, you're being a dick. Okay? 401 00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:08,041 I thought you were a dick when I first met you, but I thought, 402 00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,043 "No, it's all right. Everyone's a dick in their 20s." 403 00:20:10,127 --> 00:20:11,628 But then when you were still a dick in your 30s, 404 00:20:11,712 --> 00:20:14,840 I thought, "He's under a lot of pressure. He's got a new baby." 405 00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:17,676 And let's face it, you know, Erica's not warm as toast, is she? 406 00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:18,927 But you are still being a dick, 407 00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:22,139 and there comes a point where you're not acting like a dick anymore, 408 00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,599 you're just a dick. 409 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,268 I'm not the sort of dick who walks away from someone 410 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,395 because he's being a dick, but you do need to be careful, Freddy, 411 00:20:28,478 --> 00:20:29,980 because there are not that many of us left 412 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,274 and you've already thrown one of us away. 413 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,358 Okay? 414 00:20:34,943 --> 00:20:37,029 -Nikki, can you call Erica, please? -Yeah. 415 00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:39,489 You, follow me. 416 00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:54,004 -Are you two all right? -Yeah, why? 417 00:20:54,505 --> 00:20:57,341 -You don't need to talk? -About what? 418 00:20:57,883 --> 00:20:59,510 You just had an argument. 419 00:20:59,593 --> 00:21:00,594 When? 420 00:21:01,803 --> 00:21:03,555 -What? What? -Look at this. 421 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,267 That looks very sore. 422 00:21:07,351 --> 00:21:08,560 I know, right? 423 00:21:10,062 --> 00:21:11,939 -Hello. -Hello, hello. 424 00:21:12,022 --> 00:21:13,857 One staghorn fern. 425 00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:16,944 Thanking you. 426 00:21:18,654 --> 00:21:20,322 -Okay, then. -Hang on. Wait, please. 427 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,406 -What? -Please. 428 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:22,991 The kids think they can get us back together. 429 00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,494 No, not back together, just able to talk, all right? 430 00:21:25,577 --> 00:21:27,871 I'm having enough trouble getting my own family 431 00:21:27,955 --> 00:21:29,831 without keeping your one functioning too. 432 00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:32,918 Okay, so this is neutral ground. It's halfway between where you both live. 433 00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:35,963 Well, no, technically the canal would be exactly halfway between. 434 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,340 I'm assuming no one wants to go in there, all right? 435 00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:40,259 So in that case, let's do this on dry land. 436 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:42,052 -Do what exactly? -Just sort it out! 437 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:45,556 Please! Sort it out for Lauren and… 438 00:21:45,639 --> 00:21:46,640 -Thomas. -Thomas! 439 00:21:49,059 --> 00:21:50,227 Okay, fine. 440 00:21:51,353 --> 00:21:54,815 We need to talk about childcare. You have got to take more responsibility. 441 00:21:54,898 --> 00:21:57,234 -I've been babysitting. -You have babysat twice, 442 00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:59,862 and anyway, it's not even called that when they're yours. 443 00:22:00,988 --> 00:22:02,114 -Have you been watering this? -My God. 444 00:22:02,197 --> 00:22:03,740 I've had this since uni. I don't want it neglected. 445 00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,993 You've had her since uni too and you've neglected her, so… 446 00:22:06,076 --> 00:22:07,369 That's a fair point, mate, yeah. 447 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:09,329 It's weird, the love affair you've got with that plant. 448 00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:10,998 It's not weird. It's special. 449 00:22:13,417 --> 00:22:15,252 It's been there through everything. 450 00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:21,175 All right. Fine. 451 00:22:22,843 --> 00:22:24,803 -Freddy! What are you playing at? -What are you doing? 452 00:22:24,887 --> 00:22:26,388 -What are you doing? -Freddy! 453 00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:29,808 -No, you are right. It is just a plant. -You can't just chuck it away! 454 00:22:29,892 --> 00:22:31,435 -Why? -Because it's part of our family. 455 00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:32,436 But you hate it! 456 00:22:32,519 --> 00:22:35,314 I can hate something and I can still be sad when I lose it! 457 00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,362 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! 458 00:22:42,446 --> 00:22:44,531 What are you doing, Erica? Shit! 459 00:22:45,616 --> 00:22:46,909 -Freddy! -No! 460 00:22:49,244 --> 00:22:50,787 Okay, come back! Just come back! 461 00:22:50,871 --> 00:22:52,289 I can't. She needs me! 462 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,583 -Don't die, Erica. I'm coming. -Freddy, I've got it. 463 00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:57,920 -What are you doing? -Backstroke is my best stroke! 464 00:22:58,003 --> 00:22:59,087 I can't see you. 465 00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:00,464 Help him! 466 00:23:01,215 --> 00:23:03,008 I'm gonna stay here and watch their stuff. 467 00:23:03,091 --> 00:23:04,635 Mate, I'm gonna stay up here and watch your stuff. 468 00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,470 -Okay! Thank you! -Jason! 469 00:23:06,553 --> 00:23:09,556 What? That's a very expensive jacket. Very expensive jacket. 470 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,726 Where are you? Where are you? I'm coming. I'm coming. I've got you. 471 00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:17,064 Oh, my God! I swallowed a lot of water. 472 00:23:17,147 --> 00:23:18,357 Come on. 473 00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:21,193 Oh, my God, there's a boat! Guys! 474 00:23:21,276 --> 00:23:22,277 -There's a boat! -Oh, my God! 475 00:23:22,361 --> 00:23:23,820 -There's a boat, guys! -Oh, my God! 476 00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:27,282 Okay, all right! Okay, okay, okay! Stand up! Stand up, both of you! 477 00:23:27,366 --> 00:23:28,867 Just stand up! 478 00:23:35,374 --> 00:23:36,708 -How do? -Hiya! 479 00:23:39,378 --> 00:23:41,588 -Hello, mate. -You all right? Hi! 480 00:23:50,764 --> 00:23:52,933 Okay. Yeah, that would be really helpful. 481 00:23:53,016 --> 00:23:55,060 Look at him. He's like a new man. 482 00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:57,896 -Yeah, thanks to you. -I dunno. 483 00:23:57,980 --> 00:24:01,525 I just sort of always assumed that I'd be good in a crisis. 484 00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,110 When I was young, I used to wanna be a fireman. 485 00:24:03,193 --> 00:24:04,278 Yeah? 486 00:24:05,028 --> 00:24:07,698 -I think you'd make a good fireman. -Do you think so? 487 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:11,660 Waiting outside, watching all their stuff while they're inside fighting fires. 488 00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:18,417 Yeah. Saturday would be great. 489 00:24:19,001 --> 00:24:20,794 Maybe a boy would be good. 490 00:24:21,587 --> 00:24:22,588 Yeah? 491 00:24:24,214 --> 00:24:25,799 I thought the world turned us all into monsters. 492 00:24:25,883 --> 00:24:27,134 Yeah, it has. 493 00:24:28,177 --> 00:24:30,762 So maybe the world needs one raised by us. 494 00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,307 Yeah? 495 00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:35,559 Yeah. 496 00:24:37,728 --> 00:24:42,232 -James Newman-Ross. That is good. -It is. 497 00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:47,321 Come on. 498 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,161 "Excuse me, Doctor. My son, James, has got blocked sinuses." 499 00:24:55,037 --> 00:24:56,455 "Hi, I'm James's mum. 500 00:24:56,538 --> 00:25:00,125 I think we might have met at the school fair." Yeah, I like that. 501 00:25:00,209 --> 00:25:02,753 "James is bloody shoplifting again. I just can't get through to him." 502 00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,005 Okay, well, don't ruin it. 503 00:25:05,088 --> 00:25:06,924 Still sounds good though. 504 00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:10,219 -Cheers. Bye. -Thanks. 505 00:26:07,109 --> 00:26:08,735 Go, go, go.