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♪ Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend ♪
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♪ I wish I had a loving man in my life ♪
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♪ I wish I had a father ♪
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♪ Maybe then I would've turned out right ♪
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♪ But now I'm just crazy ♪
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♪ I'm totally mad ♪
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♪ And maybe if I really tried
With all of my heart ♪
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♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪
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♪ In love with you ♪
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♪ Oh, I wish I had a suntan ♪
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♪ I wish I had a pizza
And a bottle of wine ♪
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♪ I wish I had a beach house ♪
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♪ And we could make a big fire
Every night ♪
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♪ And maybe if I really try
With all of my heart ♪
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- ♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪
- Yeah!
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♪ In love with you ♪
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I'm just a sucker for a trend.
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Right now, I'm intermittent fasting.
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So I have to eat for 16 hours
and then fast for eight.
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I don't think that's how that works.
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I know what I'm doing.
Are we still on for tonight?
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Yes! We're gonna finish
the greatest story ever told.
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Dawson's motherfucking Creek.
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Five seasons in two weeks. We are...
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Disappointments.
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Crushing disappointments.
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Big news, you guys.
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The FDA's considering labeling
our recent content as a sleep aid.
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Ryan, it's weeks
since you wrote about your disability,
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aka, anyone cared what you had to say.
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What are you working on?
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I'm actually kind of having a...
a writer's block moment right now.
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But our new work space has
an inspiration tepee.
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Have you not been?
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Oh, yes, many times.
I-I love it there. I just, um...
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I guess it's just true what they say.
It's harder to create when you're happy.
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You're not happy.
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Um, no, I am. I'm... I'm very happy.
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Really? It's been two months
since you spoke to your mother.
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- How do you know?
- Samantha told me.
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- She tells me everything.
- You don't see me, but I see you.
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- So are you okay? Do you miss Mommy?
- I'm fine.
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- Oh, you don't need Mommy?
- Drop it, Olivia.
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Why don't you
just write about your disability again?
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You could be like the new,
hot, marginalized group of people.
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I would, but I just feel
like I've already done that, you know?
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I don't know what else there is to say.
I guess my CP is just kind of, um, NBD.
48
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Okay then. Who's getting laid?
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Willful, Graceless, I know you're not.
All you do is hang out with each other.
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- That's not true.
- That's not true. No.
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- We have very full, happy lives.
- Mm-hmm.
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Sure. Enjoy Dawson's Creek, lovers.
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Spoiler alert!
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Jen dies at the end.
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- She's the best part.
- I love her.
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Oh! Those are for me.
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Oh my God. So sweet.
I'm overcome with emotion.
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Yes, it's true.
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I've taken a new lover. Rae.
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Please stop asking me about it.
No, seriously.
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Please stop.
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Please respect my privacy
at this thrilling time.
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Olivia has a boyfriend?
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Samantha's getting laid?
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L-O-actual hell.
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I guess tonight we should...
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Yeah. We're going out.
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Okay, let's play a game.
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Gay or Just Has Kind Eyes?
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Ry, why do we even have to be here?
Jen Lindley waits.
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Kim, Jen Lindley is dead.
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Just like our love lives.
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Mine's by choice. I'm not interested
in dating my oppressors.
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Okay, fine.
Then I'll just speak for myself.
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I've been in a major dick drought.
I haven't had a man's touch since Carey.
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Am I totally pathetic for thinking
me and him could've been together?
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It's not your fault
Carey moved to New York
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to try and become the next Ronan Farrow.
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Okay. You know what?
I'm meeting a guy tonight.
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And I suggest you do the same.
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Fine.
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Here we go.
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What are you...
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What are you doing?
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Prepping for war.
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And break!
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Okay.
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Oh! Oh my God, I'm sorry. Got you there.
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Hello! How are you?
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Don't feel bad. He's straight.
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How do you know?
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I overheard him telling a woman to smile.
93
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Ugh! Tale as old as time.
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Well, reviews said this space was mixed.
Gay, straight, but...
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I don't know, judging by our posture,
I'd say we're the only two queers here.
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It used to be mixed,
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but as with San Francisco and rimming,
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the straights took it over
and made it theirs.
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- Ugh, I hate that! It's appropriation!
- Oh, so annoying.
100
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Maybe we should stage a protest
by making out. Right here. Right now.
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I've always been an activist.
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- Sorry.
- It's okay.
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FYI, I have a boyfriend.
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- What?
- We're open. Totally aboveboard.
105
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Okay.
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- Hello.
- Good morning.
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What are you...
You don't have to tidy up. I mean...
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I have a rule. Always leave people
better than how you met them.
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Okay.
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So...
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So.
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Last night, it was, um, it was super fun.
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It was so fun.
114
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Yeah. Definitely in the top ten
of guys that I've taken home.
115
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And, um, you know...
And, you know, had intercourse with.
116
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- Right.
- Yeah.
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First time, huh?
118
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Is it that obvious?
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No. You did great.
120
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There is no food in your house.
Not to be weird, but I checked.
121
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Oh, that's just because cooking
isn't really my journey.
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I have a solve for that.
Let's get breakfast.
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Wait, your diva of choice is Sky Ferreira?
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Yes. "Everything Is Embarrassing"
is a perfect pop song.
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Which, in its own way,
is kinda embarrassing.
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Yeah. I guess you're right.
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No! Don't back down. Defend your diva!
128
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Okay, fine.
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I think her voice is incredible,
she's never put out bad work,
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and yes, she may be a little unreliable
when promising new music,
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but criticism of her
often feels rooted in misogyny.
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Okay, go off, gay feminist.
I'm fully hard.
133
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So, yeah, I was a backup dancer
for a couple music videos,
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including Ciara! Don't be jealous.
135
00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:03,483
- No, that's actually really cool.
- Thanks.
136
00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,277
But the work dried up,
and now I teach a dance class
137
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,279
a couple of times a week
at a sweat circle.
138
00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,448
You know what they say,
"Those that can't do
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teach complicated dance choreography
to hot people." What?
140
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What do you do?
141
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,915
Oh, I, um...
I write for this blog called Eggwoke.
142
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Or I did.
143
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I'm very late, and I might be very fired.
144
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I got you.
145
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"I will be working from home today
and writing a listicle called
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Five Reasons Why Having Sex With This Guy
Named Tanner Is Better Than Going To Work.
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I should attach a picture of my butt,
right?
148
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A lot of people are visual learners.
Could be helpful?
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- No! You cannot write any of that.
- It's all true!
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No, it doesn't matter! You can't do it.
151
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What?
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00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,447
Nothing.
153
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You're just, like, really cool.
154
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You're, like, really cool too.
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I'm missing Law and Order because of you.
156
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I'm sorry.
I should never have bought this.
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Call Ryan.
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He's a young person.
He's better at these things.
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00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,227
Mom, I told you many times,
Ryan and I aren't speaking.
160
00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,854
- What happened?
- We got into a fight.
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00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,815
Oh, what did you do?
162
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:31,237
Why do you always assume
that it's me who screwed up?
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Listen,
remember when we didn't speak for a year?
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Yes. You do?
165
00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:41,372
Of course. It was terrible.
And over something so inconsequential.
166
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,625
You did accuse me
of killing the family dog.
167
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:49,630
Well, you let Abracadabra
eat chocolate-covered popcorn,
168
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,841
two things that kill a dog, together.
169
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:56,345
I did not let him.
He ate it when I wasn't looking.
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- Never mind. You were saying?
- Look.
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The point is,
we are never gonna get that time back.
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00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:08,274
We wasted it
because we were both too stubborn.
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And I regret that.
174
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,116
Oh my God! Ryan!
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00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,410
Is this you?
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Oh God.
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00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,538
Yes.
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00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,999
I brought a picture of Lil' Kim
to my hairdresser
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and said, "Make me look like this."
180
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,296
Lil' Ryan! You were adorable!
181
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,591
No. I was just tragic and closeted.
182
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:34,800
When did you come out?
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00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,053
Seventeen. Um...
184
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,306
Yeah, actually,
I made this coming-out video for my mom,
185
00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:44,185
but it was before YouTube was a thing,
so I couldn't, you know, monetize it, but...
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00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,021
My mom flipped. She was...
She was just so happy for me.
187
00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,563
What about you?
188
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,150
Oh, it was horrible.
189
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:58,449
You know what? We've been laying in bed
far too long. Let's get some exercise.
190
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,951
Oh, I don't do that.
191
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:05,289
No, I'll teach you one of my routines.
It will be cute and super easy.
192
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,750
Okay, this is really simple choreography.
193
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,628
You just bring your right arm up
and your left foot back.
194
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,048
Your... Oh, wait. Okay.
Right arm and then... Wait, okay. Sorry.
195
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,800
- It's okay. Just do it again.
- Sorry.
196
00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,510
- Right arm up.
- Okay. Right.
197
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,262
- Left foot back.
- Wait. Okay.
198
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,265
Wait. Sorry. I'm sorry.
I-I actually can't do this.
199
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,684
Literally anyone can do this.
200
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,311
Yeah, well,
I'm not everybody. Okay?
201
00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,439
I have cerebral palsy.
202
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,024
Okay.
203
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,694
I was gonna ask.
204
00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,279
What... what is that?
205
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:42,451
You know, I actually... I wrote about it,
so you can just Google it. Okay?
206
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,161
Okay. It's no big deal.
207
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,914
We can do something else.
208
00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,458
- You pick.
- Okay.
209
00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,337
Okay, okay, okay!
I'm gonna pick! I'm gonna pick!
210
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,972
You're Mommy!
211
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,765
Oh!
212
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,475
I, uh... Excuse me?
213
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,104
I could tell by the beaten-down look
in your eyes. You're Ryan's mother!
214
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,523
Oh! I'm... I-I am, but...
215
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,609
Olivia!
Um, your mother's actually on line two.
216
00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,404
Wow.
Violating the restraining order yet again.
217
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,325
Ms. Hayes! Hi! Oh!
218
00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,035
Kim!
219
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,204
Um, what are you doing here?
220
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,874
I'm looking for Ryan. Is he here?
221
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:33,461
Actually, he's not in today, I guess.
222
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,379
Oh. Ah...
223
00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:39,633
This jury summons came for him.
I wanted to make sure that he got it.
224
00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,720
Oh, well, you can give it to me.
I'll make sure he gets it.
225
00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,931
Oh... No, it's okay.
I'll give it to him later.
226
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,017
Thank you.
227
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,227
I feel so silly.
228
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:54,774
I went and bought all this food
to make stuffed shells because
229
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,819
they're Ryan's favorite, and, uh...
230
00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,156
...I thought he might come over,
but, anyway, he's not here.
231
00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,656
So...
232
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:09,038
Kim, do you wanna come over for dinner
tonight?
233
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,458
Because otherwise
the food will just go to waste.
234
00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,797
I-I would, um,
but I don't know if Ryan would love that.
235
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,380
Huh.
236
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,763
- Screw it. I'm in!
- Oh!
237
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,348
Yeah! Pasta, pasta!
238
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,809
Yay! Okay.
239
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,852
Ciao! Yeah!
240
00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,270
Whee!
241
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,816
- Reach for the sky! Come on.
- Okay.
242
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,818
Whee!
243
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:40,861
Wait, this is adorable,
244
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,114
but how does an adult gay man
develop a late-in-life swing addiction?
245
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,451
I was going through some family stuff,
246
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,787
and I thought it'd be kinda meditative.
247
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,206
- It is.
- Okay, look away.
248
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,084
We may be older,
but we have every right to be here.
249
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,339
- Is he gone?
- He's gone.
250
00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,508
Thank God. Okay. What about you?
251
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,009
Are you close with your family?
252
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,429
Not close, no. Very far away, actually.
253
00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,307
I'd tell you, but you'll think
I'm damaged goods or something.
254
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,852
What? No. I won't judge. I promise.
255
00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,397
You know I told you
my coming-out story was horrible?
256
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:20,359
Well, I came out sorta late, 24,
257
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,070
and my family, they're super religious,
258
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,657
and they basically said, "It's either
being gay or being our child."
259
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,912
And as you can tell by my colorful socks
260
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,540
and the fact that I blew you
a couple of hours ago,
261
00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,708
yeah, I chose gay.
262
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,920
Jesus. That's fucked up. I'm sorry.
263
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,593
Um, excuse me. It's our turn.
264
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:49,680
I'm telling him about the time my parents
disowned me, so show some sensitivity.
265
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,390
Scram! Get outta here!
266
00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,185
- I love children.
- It shows.
267
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,022
Wait,
what's the deal with your family stuff?
268
00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,025
Oh, it's Herbie: Fully Loaded as well.
269
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,109
Um...
270
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,112
My dad left when I was a baby,
so I never met him,
271
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,947
and my mom and I are close.
272
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,073
Or we were.
273
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,492
We got into this insane fight
two months ago,
274
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,912
and we haven't spoken since.
275
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,205
Not to make this the trauma Olympics,
276
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,458
but I haven't heard from my parents
in years.
277
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,586
Which is crazy,
because how do you ghost your own child?
278
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,004
And the worst thing is
279
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,673
I still miss them.
280
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,635
Even after everything.
Isn't that fucked up?
281
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,014
Hey, um,
282
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:36,435
do you wanna go back to my place
and maybe order some food or something?
283
00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:37,518
I'd love that.
284
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,188
Okay.
285
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,982
Come on. Whee!
286
00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,360
Get into it!
287
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,124
Damn, Karen.
288
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,377
These stuffed shells done fucked me up.
289
00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:04,505
I love it
when carbs act as a vehicle for dairy.
290
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,757
I'm so glad you liked them.
291
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,926
Ryan's loss.
292
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,886
How is he, by the way?
293
00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:12,929
He's good.
294
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,599
I feel kinda weird going into specifics.
295
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,435
- You understand, yeah?
- Oh, right, no.
296
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,980
Of course. I understand.
297
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,525
I-I didn't mean to put you in the middle.
298
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,574
Oh my God. Silver fox alert!
299
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,575
Wait!
300
00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,036
Is that your boyfriend?
Ryan said he was hot.
301
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,663
Is that weird?
302
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,373
Extremely.
303
00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,500
And he's not my boyfriend.
304
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,503
It was this whole thing with Ryan.
305
00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,214
He didn't like Phil and...
306
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:50,718
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
It seems like he found someone new.
307
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,595
Wait, did Ryan make you break up with him?
308
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,014
No.
309
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,140
Not exactly.
310
00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,227
Okay.
Do I have permission to speak freely?
311
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,562
Yeah, of course.
312
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,522
You two are totally codependent.
313
00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:07,359
Like, Norman Bates-type shit,
except you haven't been murdered. Yet.
314
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,903
I don't think he'd kill me.
315
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:13,323
Look, Indians invented codependency.
316
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,201
I bet you
another serving of stuffed shells
317
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,537
that his room
still looks exactly the same.
318
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,253
So there is a vacancy at the Bates Motel.
319
00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,926
- Put this into a box.
- I'll... I'll do it later.
320
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,638
What about you? Are you dating?
321
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,640
I date. I date all the time.
322
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:43,562
It's Friday night, and you're packing
your gay best friend's room with his mom.
323
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,023
Wow, Karen. Drag me.
324
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,443
Okay, you know what? We're going out.
325
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,737
Oh, that's sweet, but I'm fine.
326
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,822
Listen, this is only 20% for you.
327
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:58,077
As much as I hate to admit it, it's time
for me to come out of my retirement
328
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,537
and get my Kimojo back.
329
00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,625
But I need you, Karen,
to be my wing woman! Come on.
330
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:08,962
Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll go.
I just have to make a quick call first.
331
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,089
To Ryan?
332
00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,717
Kim, I'm going with you to the bar.
That's your win.
333
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,594
Oh damn.
334
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,387
Boundaries, we love to see it.
335
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,598
- We're still packing this shit up.
- Mmm.
336
00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:29,733
Hi, you've reached Ryan Hayes.
Please leave a message at the beep.
337
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,825
Karen, welcome to the fuccboi zoo.
338
00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,327
Don't touch the animals
unless you're wasted.
339
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,412
I think I hate this place.
340
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,961
I'm taking the hot one, sorry.
341
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,045
Oh...
342
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:04,726
Okay, so, I don't usually eat pad thai
in front of people I've just had sex with,
343
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,645
but what the hell.
344
00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,773
Fuck, I can't stay.
Richard just texted me.
345
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,317
- His plane landed way early.
- Who's Richard?
346
00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,402
My boyfriend.
347
00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:17,281
He just came in from Berlin,
and I have to pick him up. It's our thing.
348
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,741
Eight years together,
and we solemnly swear
349
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,870
to still like each other enough
to pick the other one up from the airport.
350
00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,622
- Oh.
- Sorry. This was so much fun.
351
00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,875
Seriously, what an unexpected delight.
352
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,712
Bye.
353
00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,144
Hi, Ry.
354
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:50,439
It's Mom. I got a jury summons,
355
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,609
and I wanted to set up a time
for you to come to get it.
356
00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,195
Or I can just leave it by the TV.
357
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,321
Uh...
358
00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,157
Okay, uh, call me back. Bye.
359
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,290
Can I buy you another drink?
Happy hour's still going on, right?
360
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:13,253
Wow, a half-price drink just for me?
What a gentleman.
361
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,005
Let me guess.
362
00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:19,927
Derek, you say you like to read,
but you think Barstool Sports counts,
363
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,596
and you live in Culver City,
364
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,890
which you swear is getting cool.
365
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:27,267
I live in the Hollywood Hills, actually.
366
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:32,022
Sure you do. Look, you don't have to lie.
We're definitely gonna have sex later.
367
00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:35,943
But, first, you're going to buy
my friend and I drinks,
368
00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,778
not off the half-price menu, okay?
369
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,112
Thank you.
370
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:43,617
You can only get away with this because
you are so hot. You know that, right?
371
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,622
God, you're beautiful.
372
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,166
Wow.
373
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,459
Thank you.
374
00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,920
You are young.
375
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,172
I'm not that young, actually. Uh...
376
00:20:57,881 --> 00:21:01,760
Got this intern at my office, you know?
He doesn't even remember 9/11.
377
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,471
I'm relieved that you do.
378
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:08,016
Yeah, I was at school, actually,
and my teacher, Mrs. Stadler,
379
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,186
she was trying to find a TV,
and she couldn't find a TV.
380
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:15,023
Uh, so we didn't know what was happening,
'cause Twitter didn't exist yet.
381
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,025
My mom picked me up. I love my mom.
382
00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:19,485
Uh-huh.
383
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,698
- Would you excuse me for a minute...
- Absolutely.
384
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,575
I'm gonna go.
385
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:28,120
I just need a second.
I'm about to lock this shit down.
386
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,665
I'm getting a strong
"I have three roommates" energy from you.
387
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:32,748
True or false?
388
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,668
I live alone.
389
00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:36,545
In the Hollywood Hills, right.
390
00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,881
Well, just make sure
your roommates are out of the living room
391
00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,341
by the time we get home.
392
00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:44,511
And if you sleep on a mattress
on the floor, I'm walking.
393
00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,555
Life's too short, Derek.
394
00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,393
Uh, I'm gonna head out,
but you should stay.
395
00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:55,188
- Oh, no, no, we're ready. Right, Derek?
- Again, my name is not Derek.
396
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,774
But we can give you a ride.
I have a corporate account.
397
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,653
Corporate account? Okay, yeah, use
your corporate account, Michael Clayton.
398
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,613
Thank you.
399
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:04,990
Uh...
400
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,743
- Well, good evening.
- It was so nice to meet you, Karen.
401
00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,953
Oh, uh... It's Ms. Hayes.
402
00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:18,461
Mom?
403
00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,465
You home?
404
00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,508
I come in peace.
405
00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:03,048
Is this your house?
406
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,552
Oh, I get it. You live with your parents.
We'll be quiet.
407
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,720
Follow me.
408
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,808
Okay, damn.
409
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,310
Drown me in your pool, Daddy.
410
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:20,816
It even smells nice in here.
411
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:24,194
Like privilege
fucked some fig and vanilla.
412
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,282
My name is not Derek.
413
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:30,991
It is Harrison.
414
00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:36,498
And when I was 22, I invented this app
that helped organize all your other apps.
415
00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,417
I know, sounds lame,
416
00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:43,004
but, uh, it filled a hole in the market
and made me millions of dollars.
417
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:44,798
I'm a Taurus.
418
00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,092
I like to eat, but, uh,
419
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,511
I love myself too much
to identify as a foodie.
420
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,472
And, uh...
421
00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,266
...as you may have already noticed,
422
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:58,019
my penis is really, really pretty.
423
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,607
Now let me guess. You...
424
00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:07,028
You work in fashion or PR.
425
00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:11,783
And on the weekends you hit SoulCycle,
and then, to reward yourself,
426
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,161
you go for bottomless mimosa brunch
with the girls,
427
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:17,581
but, you know,
most of them you don't actually like.
428
00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:19,249
Wow.
429
00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,418
Wrong. So wrong.
430
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:22,711
Okay, all right.
431
00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:25,297
Let me try again. Uh...
432
00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:27,757
Well, you got good taste.
433
00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:29,926
Nice Louboutins.
434
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,219
My sister wears 'em.
435
00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,598
Well, thank you, Harrison.
436
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:38,477
Say my name again.
437
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:39,686
Harrison.
438
00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,187
Uh-huh.
439
00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:43,355
Again.
440
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:45,567
Harrison.
441
00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:01,081
Ry.
442
00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,501
Ry?
443
00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:05,669
Ry?
444
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:29,611
So I realized
on the 40-hour drive to and from LAX
445
00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:32,864
that, uh,
I left you worse than how I met you.
446
00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,117
- Oh.
- And that's against my rules.
447
00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,870
That's... That's okay.
448
00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,873
I mean, you told me
you have a boyfriend, so...
449
00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,792
I know. I still do.
450
00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,919
He's currently passed out with jet lag.
451
00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:48,630
But I'd really like to see you again.
452
00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,008
Is that even allowed?
453
00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:55,178
Yep.
I mean, only if you want to, obviously.
454
00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,847
Do you? Want to?
455
00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:05,479
I do.
456
00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:07,440
I want to.
457
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:08,524
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
458
00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,285
That's my fucking pad thai.
459
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:21,162
Pretty sure it's mine.
460
00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:24,124
I'm pretty sure you were late.