1 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,891 ♪ Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend ♪ 2 00:00:17,642 --> 00:00:20,687 ♪ I wish I had a loving man in my life ♪ 3 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,064 ♪ I wish I had a father ♪ 4 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,901 ♪ Maybe then I would've turned out right ♪ 5 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:29,112 ♪ But now I'm just crazy ♪ 6 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,614 ♪ I'm totally mad ♪ 7 00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:36,119 ♪ And maybe if I really tried With all of my heart ♪ 8 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,872 ♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪ 9 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:41,082 ♪ In love with you ♪ 10 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:48,423 ♪ Oh, I wish I had a suntan ♪ 11 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,801 ♪ I wish I had a pizza And a bottle of wine ♪ 12 00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,345 ♪ I wish I had a beach house ♪ 13 00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,058 ♪ And we could make a big fire Every night ♪ 14 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,269 ♪ And maybe if I really try With all of my heart ♪ 15 00:01:01,352 --> 00:01:03,480 - ♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪ - Yeah! 16 00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,857 ♪ In love with you ♪ 17 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,458 I'm just a sucker for a trend. 18 00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:26,044 Right now, I'm intermittent fasting. 19 00:01:26,127 --> 00:01:29,380 So I have to eat for 16 hours and then fast for eight. 20 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:31,758 I don't think that's how that works. 21 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,677 I know what I'm doing. Are we still on for tonight? 22 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,181 Yes! We're gonna finish the greatest story ever told. 23 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,850 Dawson's motherfucking Creek. 24 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:43,144 Five seasons in two weeks. We are... 25 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,228 Disappointments. 26 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,731 Crushing disappointments. 27 00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:48,149 Big news, you guys. 28 00:01:48,233 --> 00:01:52,112 The FDA's considering labeling our recent content as a sleep aid. 29 00:01:52,195 --> 00:01:54,656 Ryan, it's weeks since you wrote about your disability, 30 00:01:54,739 --> 00:01:56,741 aka, anyone cared what you had to say. 31 00:01:56,825 --> 00:01:57,951 What are you working on? 32 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:02,330 I'm actually kind of having a... a writer's block moment right now. 33 00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,166 But our new work space has an inspiration tepee. 34 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:06,292 Have you not been? 35 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:11,131 Oh, yes, many times. I-I love it there. I just, um... 36 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:14,884 I guess it's just true what they say. It's harder to create when you're happy. 37 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:15,968 You're not happy. 38 00:02:16,010 --> 00:02:18,763 Um, no, I am. I'm... I'm very happy. 39 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,558 Really? It's been two months since you spoke to your mother. 40 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,643 - How do you know? - Samantha told me. 41 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:27,313 - She tells me everything. - You don't see me, but I see you. 42 00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:31,734 - So are you okay? Do you miss Mommy? - I'm fine. 43 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,987 - Oh, you don't need Mommy? - Drop it, Olivia. 44 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:37,448 Why don't you just write about your disability again? 45 00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:40,326 You could be like the new, hot, marginalized group of people. 46 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,788 I would, but I just feel like I've already done that, you know? 47 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:48,251 I don't know what else there is to say. I guess my CP is just kind of, um, NBD. 48 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,880 Okay then. Who's getting laid? 49 00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:58,553 Willful, Graceless, I know you're not. All you do is hang out with each other. 50 00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,471 - That's not true. - That's not true. No. 51 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:03,558 - We have very full, happy lives. - Mm-hmm. 52 00:03:03,641 --> 00:03:06,060 Sure. Enjoy Dawson's Creek, lovers. 53 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:07,437 Spoiler alert! 54 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,688 Jen dies at the end. 55 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,441 - She's the best part. - I love her. 56 00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,194 Oh! Those are for me. 57 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:21,576 Oh my God. So sweet. I'm overcome with emotion. 58 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,161 Yes, it's true. 59 00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:27,457 I've taken a new lover. Rae. 60 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,586 Please stop asking me about it. No, seriously. 61 00:03:32,086 --> 00:03:33,086 Please stop. 62 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,759 Please respect my privacy at this thrilling time. 63 00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:42,847 Olivia has a boyfriend? 64 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,433 Samantha's getting laid? 65 00:03:45,516 --> 00:03:47,644 L-O-actual hell. 66 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,647 I guess tonight we should... 67 00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,148 Yeah. We're going out. 68 00:04:03,785 --> 00:04:06,120 Okay, let's play a game. 69 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,997 Gay or Just Has Kind Eyes? 70 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,542 Ry, why do we even have to be here? Jen Lindley waits. 71 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:14,003 Kim, Jen Lindley is dead. 72 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,546 Just like our love lives. 73 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:19,050 Mine's by choice. I'm not interested in dating my oppressors. 74 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:21,678 Okay, fine. Then I'll just speak for myself. 75 00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:26,266 I've been in a major dick drought. I haven't had a man's touch since Carey. 76 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:30,395 Am I totally pathetic for thinking me and him could've been together? 77 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:32,647 It's not your fault Carey moved to New York 78 00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,816 to try and become the next Ronan Farrow. 79 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:38,194 Okay. You know what? I'm meeting a guy tonight. 80 00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,405 And I suggest you do the same. 81 00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,031 Fine. 82 00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:44,200 Here we go. 83 00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:47,745 What are you... 84 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,831 What are you doing? 85 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,791 Prepping for war. 86 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:53,376 And break! 87 00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,459 Okay. 88 00:04:57,046 --> 00:05:00,341 Oh! Oh my God, I'm sorry. Got you there. 89 00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:04,345 Hello! How are you? 90 00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,100 Don't feel bad. He's straight. 91 00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:12,019 How do you know? 92 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:14,564 I overheard him telling a woman to smile. 93 00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,567 Ugh! Tale as old as time. 94 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,904 Well, reviews said this space was mixed. Gay, straight, but... 95 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:26,242 I don't know, judging by our posture, I'd say we're the only two queers here. 96 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,244 It used to be mixed, 97 00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,913 but as with San Francisco and rimming, 98 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,333 the straights took it over and made it theirs. 99 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:36,836 - Ugh, I hate that! It's appropriation! - Oh, so annoying. 100 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:42,884 Maybe we should stage a protest by making out. Right here. Right now. 101 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,346 I've always been an activist. 102 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,312 - Sorry. - It's okay. 103 00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,776 FYI, I have a boyfriend. 104 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,446 - What? - We're open. Totally aboveboard. 105 00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,405 Okay. 106 00:06:34,685 --> 00:06:36,687 - Hello. - Good morning. 107 00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:40,066 What are you... You don't have to tidy up. I mean... 108 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:43,194 I have a rule. Always leave people better than how you met them. 109 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:45,487 Okay. 110 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:48,032 So... 111 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,117 So. 112 00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:52,745 Last night, it was, um, it was super fun. 113 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:55,164 It was so fun. 114 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,584 Yeah. Definitely in the top ten of guys that I've taken home. 115 00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:02,296 And, um, you know... And, you know, had intercourse with. 116 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,214 - Right. - Yeah. 117 00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:04,549 First time, huh? 118 00:07:06,717 --> 00:07:08,136 Is it that obvious? 119 00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,930 No. You did great. 120 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:16,352 There is no food in your house. Not to be weird, but I checked. 121 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,021 Oh, that's just because cooking isn't really my journey. 122 00:07:19,605 --> 00:07:21,983 I have a solve for that. Let's get breakfast. 123 00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:29,115 Wait, your diva of choice is Sky Ferreira? 124 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,034 Yes. "Everything Is Embarrassing" is a perfect pop song. 125 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,120 Which, in its own way, is kinda embarrassing. 126 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:35,872 Yeah. I guess you're right. 127 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,000 No! Don't back down. Defend your diva! 128 00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,293 Okay, fine. 129 00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:43,212 I think her voice is incredible, she's never put out bad work, 130 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,716 and yes, she may be a little unreliable when promising new music, 131 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:49,385 but criticism of her often feels rooted in misogyny. 132 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,680 Okay, go off, gay feminist. I'm fully hard. 133 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:58,561 So, yeah, I was a backup dancer for a couple music videos, 134 00:07:58,644 --> 00:08:00,855 including Ciara! Don't be jealous. 135 00:08:00,938 --> 00:08:03,483 - No, that's actually really cool. - Thanks. 136 00:08:03,566 --> 00:08:06,277 But the work dried up, and now I teach a dance class 137 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,279 a couple of times a week at a sweat circle. 138 00:08:08,362 --> 00:08:10,448 You know what they say, "Those that can't do 139 00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:13,159 teach complicated dance choreography to hot people." What? 140 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:15,453 What do you do? 141 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:18,915 Oh, I, um... I write for this blog called Eggwoke. 142 00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,417 Or I did. 143 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,337 I'm very late, and I might be very fired. 144 00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,505 I got you. 145 00:08:26,380 --> 00:08:30,760 "I will be working from home today and writing a listicle called 146 00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:35,223 Five Reasons Why Having Sex With This Guy Named Tanner Is Better Than Going To Work. 147 00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,808 I should attach a picture of my butt, right? 148 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,311 A lot of people are visual learners. Could be helpful? 149 00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,855 - No! You cannot write any of that. - It's all true! 150 00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,191 No, it doesn't matter! You can't do it. 151 00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:50,612 What? 152 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:52,447 Nothing. 153 00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,784 You're just, like, really cool. 154 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,746 You're, like, really cool too. 155 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:09,257 I'm missing Law and Order because of you. 156 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:13,010 I'm sorry. I should never have bought this. 157 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,094 Call Ryan. 158 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,807 He's a young person. He's better at these things. 159 00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:21,227 Mom, I told you many times, Ryan and I aren't speaking. 160 00:09:21,310 --> 00:09:23,854 - What happened? - We got into a fight. 161 00:09:23,938 --> 00:09:25,815 Oh, what did you do? 162 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:31,237 Why do you always assume that it's me who screwed up? 163 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,740 Listen, remember when we didn't speak for a year? 164 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,784 Yes. You do? 165 00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:41,372 Of course. It was terrible. And over something so inconsequential. 166 00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:44,625 You did accuse me of killing the family dog. 167 00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:49,630 Well, you let Abracadabra eat chocolate-covered popcorn, 168 00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,841 two things that kill a dog, together. 169 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:56,345 I did not let him. He ate it when I wasn't looking. 170 00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,390 - Never mind. You were saying? - Look. 171 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:04,895 The point is, we are never gonna get that time back. 172 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:08,274 We wasted it because we were both too stubborn. 173 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,901 And I regret that. 174 00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:17,116 Oh my God! Ryan! 175 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,410 Is this you? 176 00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:20,911 Oh God. 177 00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:22,538 Yes. 178 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,999 I brought a picture of Lil' Kim to my hairdresser 179 00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,959 and said, "Make me look like this." 180 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,296 Lil' Ryan! You were adorable! 181 00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,591 No. I was just tragic and closeted. 182 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:34,800 When did you come out? 183 00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,053 Seventeen. Um... 184 00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:40,306 Yeah, actually, I made this coming-out video for my mom, 185 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:44,185 but it was before YouTube was a thing, so I couldn't, you know, monetize it, but... 186 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:47,021 My mom flipped. She was... She was just so happy for me. 187 00:10:47,563 --> 00:10:48,563 What about you? 188 00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,150 Oh, it was horrible. 189 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:58,449 You know what? We've been laying in bed far too long. Let's get some exercise. 190 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,951 Oh, I don't do that. 191 00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:05,289 No, I'll teach you one of my routines. It will be cute and super easy. 192 00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,750 Okay, this is really simple choreography. 193 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,628 You just bring your right arm up and your left foot back. 194 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,048 Your... Oh, wait. Okay. Right arm and then... Wait, okay. Sorry. 195 00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,800 - It's okay. Just do it again. - Sorry. 196 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:17,510 - Right arm up. - Okay. Right. 197 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,262 - Left foot back. - Wait. Okay. 198 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,265 Wait. Sorry. I'm sorry. I-I actually can't do this. 199 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,684 Literally anyone can do this. 200 00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:27,311 Yeah, well, I'm not everybody. Okay? 201 00:11:28,771 --> 00:11:30,439 I have cerebral palsy. 202 00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:33,024 Okay. 203 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:34,694 I was gonna ask. 204 00:11:35,903 --> 00:11:37,279 What... what is that? 205 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:42,451 You know, I actually... I wrote about it, so you can just Google it. Okay? 206 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,161 Okay. It's no big deal. 207 00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:46,914 We can do something else. 208 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,458 - You pick. - Okay. 209 00:11:50,084 --> 00:11:53,337 Okay, okay, okay! I'm gonna pick! I'm gonna pick! 210 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,972 You're Mommy! 211 00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:04,765 Oh! 212 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:06,475 I, uh... Excuse me? 213 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,104 I could tell by the beaten-down look in your eyes. You're Ryan's mother! 214 00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:12,523 Oh! I'm... I-I am, but... 215 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:15,609 Olivia! Um, your mother's actually on line two. 216 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:18,404 Wow. Violating the restraining order yet again. 217 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,325 Ms. Hayes! Hi! Oh! 218 00:12:24,201 --> 00:12:25,035 Kim! 219 00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,204 Um, what are you doing here? 220 00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,874 I'm looking for Ryan. Is he here? 221 00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:33,461 Actually, he's not in today, I guess. 222 00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:35,379 Oh. Ah... 223 00:12:35,463 --> 00:12:39,633 This jury summons came for him. I wanted to make sure that he got it. 224 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:42,720 Oh, well, you can give it to me. I'll make sure he gets it. 225 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:45,931 Oh... No, it's okay. I'll give it to him later. 226 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,017 Thank you. 227 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,227 I feel so silly. 228 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:54,774 I went and bought all this food to make stuffed shells because 229 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,819 they're Ryan's favorite, and, uh... 230 00:12:58,903 --> 00:13:02,156 ...I thought he might come over, but, anyway, he's not here. 231 00:13:02,656 --> 00:13:03,656 So... 232 00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:09,038 Kim, do you wanna come over for dinner tonight? 233 00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:12,458 Because otherwise the food will just go to waste. 234 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,797 I-I would, um, but I don't know if Ryan would love that. 235 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,380 Huh. 236 00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,763 - Screw it. I'm in! - Oh! 237 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,348 Yeah! Pasta, pasta! 238 00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:29,809 Yay! Okay. 239 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,852 Ciao! Yeah! 240 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:33,270 Whee! 241 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,816 - Reach for the sky! Come on. - Okay. 242 00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:38,818 Whee! 243 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:40,861 Wait, this is adorable, 244 00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,114 but how does an adult gay man develop a late-in-life swing addiction? 245 00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,451 I was going through some family stuff, 246 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,787 and I thought it'd be kinda meditative. 247 00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,206 - It is. - Okay, look away. 248 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,084 We may be older, but we have every right to be here. 249 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,339 - Is he gone? - He's gone. 250 00:14:00,422 --> 00:14:02,508 Thank God. Okay. What about you? 251 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,009 Are you close with your family? 252 00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:07,429 Not close, no. Very far away, actually. 253 00:14:07,513 --> 00:14:10,307 I'd tell you, but you'll think I'm damaged goods or something. 254 00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,852 What? No. I won't judge. I promise. 255 00:14:13,894 --> 00:14:16,397 You know I told you my coming-out story was horrible? 256 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:20,359 Well, I came out sorta late, 24, 257 00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,070 and my family, they're super religious, 258 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:26,657 and they basically said, "It's either being gay or being our child." 259 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,912 And as you can tell by my colorful socks 260 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,540 and the fact that I blew you a couple of hours ago, 261 00:14:34,623 --> 00:14:35,708 yeah, I chose gay. 262 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,920 Jesus. That's fucked up. I'm sorry. 263 00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:45,593 Um, excuse me. It's our turn. 264 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:49,680 I'm telling him about the time my parents disowned me, so show some sensitivity. 265 00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,390 Scram! Get outta here! 266 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,185 - I love children. - It shows. 267 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,022 Wait, what's the deal with your family stuff? 268 00:14:58,522 --> 00:15:01,025 Oh, it's Herbie: Fully Loaded as well. 269 00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,109 Um... 270 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,112 My dad left when I was a baby, so I never met him, 271 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,947 and my mom and I are close. 272 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,073 Or we were. 273 00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:10,492 We got into this insane fight two months ago, 274 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,912 and we haven't spoken since. 275 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,205 Not to make this the trauma Olympics, 276 00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:17,458 but I haven't heard from my parents in years. 277 00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:20,586 Which is crazy, because how do you ghost your own child? 278 00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:22,004 And the worst thing is 279 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:24,673 I still miss them. 280 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:27,635 Even after everything. Isn't that fucked up? 281 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,014 Hey, um, 282 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:36,435 do you wanna go back to my place and maybe order some food or something? 283 00:15:36,518 --> 00:15:37,518 I'd love that. 284 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,188 Okay. 285 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,982 Come on. Whee! 286 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:44,360 Get into it! 287 00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,124 Damn, Karen. 288 00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,377 These stuffed shells done fucked me up. 289 00:16:01,877 --> 00:16:04,505 I love it when carbs act as a vehicle for dairy. 290 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,757 I'm so glad you liked them. 291 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,926 Ryan's loss. 292 00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,886 How is he, by the way? 293 00:16:11,929 --> 00:16:12,929 He's good. 294 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,599 I feel kinda weird going into specifics. 295 00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:18,435 - You understand, yeah? - Oh, right, no. 296 00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,980 Of course. I understand. 297 00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:24,525 I-I didn't mean to put you in the middle. 298 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,574 Oh my God. Silver fox alert! 299 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,575 Wait! 300 00:16:33,659 --> 00:16:36,036 Is that your boyfriend? Ryan said he was hot. 301 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:37,663 Is that weird? 302 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,373 Extremely. 303 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,500 And he's not my boyfriend. 304 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,503 It was this whole thing with Ryan. 305 00:16:44,586 --> 00:16:47,214 He didn't like Phil and... 306 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:50,718 Anyway, it doesn't matter. It seems like he found someone new. 307 00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,595 Wait, did Ryan make you break up with him? 308 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,014 No. 309 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,140 Not exactly. 310 00:16:57,599 --> 00:17:00,227 Okay. Do I have permission to speak freely? 311 00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,562 Yeah, of course. 312 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,522 You two are totally codependent. 313 00:17:03,605 --> 00:17:07,359 Like, Norman Bates-type shit, except you haven't been murdered. Yet. 314 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:09,903 I don't think he'd kill me. 315 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:13,323 Look, Indians invented codependency. 316 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,201 I bet you another serving of stuffed shells 317 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:18,537 that his room still looks exactly the same. 318 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:26,253 So there is a vacancy at the Bates Motel. 319 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:32,926 - Put this into a box. - I'll... I'll do it later. 320 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,638 What about you? Are you dating? 321 00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:38,640 I date. I date all the time. 322 00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:43,562 It's Friday night, and you're packing your gay best friend's room with his mom. 323 00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,023 Wow, Karen. Drag me. 324 00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,443 Okay, you know what? We're going out. 325 00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,737 Oh, that's sweet, but I'm fine. 326 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,822 Listen, this is only 20% for you. 327 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:58,077 As much as I hate to admit it, it's time for me to come out of my retirement 328 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,537 and get my Kimojo back. 329 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,625 But I need you, Karen, to be my wing woman! Come on. 330 00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:08,962 Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll go. I just have to make a quick call first. 331 00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,089 To Ryan? 332 00:18:10,172 --> 00:18:13,717 Kim, I'm going with you to the bar. That's your win. 333 00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:15,594 Oh damn. 334 00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,387 Boundaries, we love to see it. 335 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,598 - We're still packing this shit up. - Mmm. 336 00:18:25,896 --> 00:18:29,733 Hi, you've reached Ryan Hayes. Please leave a message at the beep. 337 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,825 Karen, welcome to the fuccboi zoo. 338 00:18:37,908 --> 00:18:40,327 Don't touch the animals unless you're wasted. 339 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,412 I think I hate this place. 340 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,961 I'm taking the hot one, sorry. 341 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,045 Oh... 342 00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:04,726 Okay, so, I don't usually eat pad thai in front of people I've just had sex with, 343 00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,645 but what the hell. 344 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:09,773 Fuck, I can't stay. Richard just texted me. 345 00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:12,317 - His plane landed way early. - Who's Richard? 346 00:19:12,401 --> 00:19:13,402 My boyfriend. 347 00:19:14,027 --> 00:19:17,281 He just came in from Berlin, and I have to pick him up. It's our thing. 348 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,741 Eight years together, and we solemnly swear 349 00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:22,870 to still like each other enough to pick the other one up from the airport. 350 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:25,622 - Oh. - Sorry. This was so much fun. 351 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:27,875 Seriously, what an unexpected delight. 352 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:32,712 Bye. 353 00:19:45,684 --> 00:19:47,144 Hi, Ry. 354 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:50,439 It's Mom. I got a jury summons, 355 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:53,609 and I wanted to set up a time for you to come to get it. 356 00:19:53,692 --> 00:19:56,195 Or I can just leave it by the TV. 357 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:57,321 Uh... 358 00:19:57,404 --> 00:20:00,157 Okay, uh, call me back. Bye. 359 00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:08,290 Can I buy you another drink? Happy hour's still going on, right? 360 00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:13,253 Wow, a half-price drink just for me? What a gentleman. 361 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,005 Let me guess. 362 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:19,927 Derek, you say you like to read, but you think Barstool Sports counts, 363 00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,596 and you live in Culver City, 364 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,890 which you swear is getting cool. 365 00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:27,267 I live in the Hollywood Hills, actually. 366 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:32,022 Sure you do. Look, you don't have to lie. We're definitely gonna have sex later. 367 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:35,943 But, first, you're going to buy my friend and I drinks, 368 00:20:36,026 --> 00:20:37,778 not off the half-price menu, okay? 369 00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,112 Thank you. 370 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:43,617 You can only get away with this because you are so hot. You know that, right? 371 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,622 God, you're beautiful. 372 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,166 Wow. 373 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,459 Thank you. 374 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:54,920 You are young. 375 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,172 I'm not that young, actually. Uh... 376 00:20:57,881 --> 00:21:01,760 Got this intern at my office, you know? He doesn't even remember 9/11. 377 00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,471 I'm relieved that you do. 378 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:08,016 Yeah, I was at school, actually, and my teacher, Mrs. Stadler, 379 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:11,186 she was trying to find a TV, and she couldn't find a TV. 380 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:15,023 Uh, so we didn't know what was happening, 'cause Twitter didn't exist yet. 381 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,025 My mom picked me up. I love my mom. 382 00:21:18,485 --> 00:21:19,485 Uh-huh. 383 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,698 - Would you excuse me for a minute... - Absolutely. 384 00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:25,575 I'm gonna go. 385 00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:28,120 I just need a second. I'm about to lock this shit down. 386 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:31,665 I'm getting a strong "I have three roommates" energy from you. 387 00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:32,748 True or false? 388 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,668 I live alone. 389 00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:36,545 In the Hollywood Hills, right. 390 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,881 Well, just make sure your roommates are out of the living room 391 00:21:39,965 --> 00:21:41,341 by the time we get home. 392 00:21:41,425 --> 00:21:44,511 And if you sleep on a mattress on the floor, I'm walking. 393 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,555 Life's too short, Derek. 394 00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:51,393 Uh, I'm gonna head out, but you should stay. 395 00:21:51,476 --> 00:21:55,188 - Oh, no, no, we're ready. Right, Derek? - Again, my name is not Derek. 396 00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,774 But we can give you a ride. I have a corporate account. 397 00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,653 Corporate account? Okay, yeah, use your corporate account, Michael Clayton. 398 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,613 Thank you. 399 00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:04,990 Uh... 400 00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,743 - Well, good evening. - It was so nice to meet you, Karen. 401 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:09,953 Oh, uh... It's Ms. Hayes. 402 00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:18,461 Mom? 403 00:22:20,422 --> 00:22:21,465 You home? 404 00:22:22,299 --> 00:22:23,508 I come in peace. 405 00:23:01,129 --> 00:23:03,048 Is this your house? 406 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,552 Oh, I get it. You live with your parents. We'll be quiet. 407 00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:09,720 Follow me. 408 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,808 Okay, damn. 409 00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,310 Drown me in your pool, Daddy. 410 00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:20,816 It even smells nice in here. 411 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:24,194 Like privilege fucked some fig and vanilla. 412 00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,282 My name is not Derek. 413 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:30,991 It is Harrison. 414 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:36,498 And when I was 22, I invented this app that helped organize all your other apps. 415 00:23:36,581 --> 00:23:38,417 I know, sounds lame, 416 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:43,004 but, uh, it filled a hole in the market and made me millions of dollars. 417 00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:44,798 I'm a Taurus. 418 00:23:45,549 --> 00:23:47,092 I like to eat, but, uh, 419 00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,511 I love myself too much to identify as a foodie. 420 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,472 And, uh... 421 00:23:52,556 --> 00:23:54,266 ...as you may have already noticed, 422 00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:58,019 my penis is really, really pretty. 423 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:02,607 Now let me guess. You... 424 00:24:03,608 --> 00:24:07,028 You work in fashion or PR. 425 00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:11,783 And on the weekends you hit SoulCycle, and then, to reward yourself, 426 00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,161 you go for bottomless mimosa brunch with the girls, 427 00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:17,581 but, you know, most of them you don't actually like. 428 00:24:17,664 --> 00:24:19,249 Wow. 429 00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,418 Wrong. So wrong. 430 00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:22,711 Okay, all right. 431 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:25,297 Let me try again. Uh... 432 00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:27,757 Well, you got good taste. 433 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:29,926 Nice Louboutins. 434 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:31,219 My sister wears 'em. 435 00:24:33,221 --> 00:24:34,598 Well, thank you, Harrison. 436 00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:38,477 Say my name again. 437 00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:39,686 Harrison. 438 00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,187 Uh-huh. 439 00:24:42,355 --> 00:24:43,355 Again. 440 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:45,567 Harrison. 441 00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:01,081 Ry. 442 00:25:02,501 --> 00:25:03,501 Ry? 443 00:25:04,669 --> 00:25:05,669 Ry? 444 00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:29,611 So I realized on the 40-hour drive to and from LAX 445 00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:32,864 that, uh, I left you worse than how I met you. 446 00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,117 - Oh. - And that's against my rules. 447 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,870 That's... That's okay. 448 00:25:38,954 --> 00:25:41,873 I mean, you told me you have a boyfriend, so... 449 00:25:41,957 --> 00:25:43,792 I know. I still do. 450 00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:45,919 He's currently passed out with jet lag. 451 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:48,630 But I'd really like to see you again. 452 00:25:50,465 --> 00:25:52,008 Is that even allowed? 453 00:25:52,592 --> 00:25:55,178 Yep. I mean, only if you want to, obviously. 454 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:57,847 Do you? Want to? 455 00:26:04,479 --> 00:26:05,479 I do. 456 00:26:06,565 --> 00:26:07,440 I want to. 457 00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:08,524 - Yeah? - Yeah. 458 00:26:16,658 --> 00:26:18,285 That's my fucking pad thai. 459 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:21,162 Pretty sure it's mine. 460 00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:24,124 I'm pretty sure you were late.