Everyday…
I think of those nights
When we met for the first time
When are you sending the song, son?
We need to rock the weddings.
What the--
I hide my drink from you at the club Baby, you--
I hide my drink from you at the club
Baby, you won't be able to dance Your…
Fucking shit!
Can't there be weddings without songs?
I'll get you drunk at the club and…
This isn't how songs are made! Fucker--
Hey! What the fuck!
Sir! Please don't shout.
Please, I'm your fan. I'm a big fan.
-I… -What the…
Sorry, sir.
-Sorry, sir. -What are you doing?
Sir actually…
the staff is not allowed to meet you,
and I'm a die-hard fan of yours. That's why--
I'll speak to the manager and meet you later.
-No, please… -What do you think you're doing?!
Sir, please don't tell anyone. My job…
-At least step out. Please step outside. -Sir! Please, sir.
It looks like I've kidnapped you.
Come on, sir.
Sir.
May I please hug you?
Please, sir.
Yeah, sure.
Really?
You smell so good, sir.
I haven't showered all day.
Your natural scent is intoxicating.
Sorry, sir.
Sir…
would you please sing two lines of my favorite song?
"The queen of the club."
Just two, please?
Yo!
It's your boy AG the OG
Chak de!
You're the queen of the dance floor
And I'm the king of the dance floor
Come to me, baby Let's groove together
Don't go!
Please don't leave me and go
Come to me
Twerk, twerk on the floor And set it on fire
Twerk, twerk, twerk!
Set the dance floor on fire Don't--
Oh, God!
Did that really just happen?
It's a dream. A dream!
Melroy Pitroda, where is your project?
It's… not ready, sir.
I will have to talk to your father about this.
No, sir.
No. Please don't, sir. Please.
Your father will be so ashamed of you!
What will your dad have to say about this?
He is not my dad.
Whatever! What will your stepdad have to say about this?
Mr. Pitroda doesn't talk much in class,
he wouldn't have much to say.
Chill, dude.
He's just pretending.
Come on, bro, I didn't hit you that hard. Sorry.
It's okay.
I'd hurt myself earlier.
How?
While playing cricket.
Hang on. You play cricket only with these guys.
Don't lie.
Did Uncle hit you again?
The number you're trying to call is currently not reachable, please--
Idiot, always…
-Melu! -Hello.
So good to see you.
-Look at you… -Yavar hasn't come?
He will. Why are you so worried?
How have you been, Melu?
-How has she been? -Granny, look who's come!
Your darling, Melu is here.
And what's happening?
I've made fish curry.
-Mom! -I hope he'll like it.
Now you don't get stressed about this, Ma.
Just a little nervous.
It's the first time you're bringing someone home.
Ma, relax.
My boyfriend is coming for lunch,
not the President of India.
Well…
he should like us, son.
So tell me, what does Yavar do?
Ditches me… every time!
Never mind…
we'll meet him later.
We could go over to his house.
Ma, he'll never invite us over.
So…
Melu…
love makes all the wrong things feel right.
Just… be careful, son.
I try Ma.
I really do.
But…
I think bad choices are just genetic in our case.
You're never going to get over it, will you?
I'll never get over it. No.
How can I?
The pie is ready.
The pie?
-Yes! -Oh, then let's have some pie.
Fuck the ones who didn't turn up.
Yes, we'll have some pie.
-Come on time for once? -Sorry, I had a meeting.
Ants! You're the best!
How does she do this, man?
Lavu, I think you should learn.
Go, Mom!
What's wrong?
I think something's wrong with her.
Come on, let's go.
Sorry.
Hello.
-What's wrong? -I got my period.
Oh, your stomach is hurting? It's okay, right?
No, it isn't!
I had to stay in the sick room for two hours!
Preet's mummy always comes to pick up Preet
when she's on her period.
Preet's mummy doesn't work like I do, Lavu.
Go inside, let me get you a hot water bottle.
How many cycles have you missed?
Two.
-I don't know. -What?!
How did you not know?
I didn't pay much attention.
I've been busy for the last three months.
Doing what?
Anish.
You know, he says I'm his muse.
Mom, I don't want to know.
You know, we do afternoon delight nowadays.
Okay.
Do you even know what an "afternoon delight" is?
Yes, Mom. I know what it is.
Your stories are getting more dangerous than Preet's!
-I try. -Hello.
Due to the complications in your menopause,
we'll need to do a hysterectomy.
Because I think your condition may turn malignant.
Yeah, whatever!
Hurry up and do the needful.
My daughter's getting married and I plan on getting very drunk,
and partying like crazy at her wedding.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
What?
Getting my uterus removed?
-No! -Ma'am?
Thanks.
-It's okay. -Thanks.
By getting married.
Not at all.
Why are you asking me?
You know that I personally think that marriage is a shit show, darling.
It's the easiest and the fastest way to start disliking the person that you love.
But that's for me.
For you, marriage is perfect.
It's the right combination of boredom and control.
And you're telling me this now?
You asked that's why.
Come on, it's your life, darling. Don't overthink it.
Exactly, Mom. It's my bloody life.
-That's what I'm saying! -What should I do?
It's your life, don't overthink it.
And definitely don't listen to me.
We make an entry.
Oh my, God! You know this song, right?
No, it's one of those typical dance numbers.
-We can't… -So what, man?
-We can't dance to it. -We can absolutely do it.
Exactly.
Baby, we're the main attraction of the wedding.
Exactly. Center stage, buddy!
-My showstopper. -Preet, it's always been your fantasy,
that a cute guy spots you at a wedding,
and you fall madly in love.
-Drinking up. -Choose a nice song.
-Can I have a beer, please? -But, Sheets, think of it practically.
Choreographing a dance number is very easy,
'coz everyone knows the hook step.
By everyone you mean Preet, right?
-Yeah. -This one.
Nice.
Guys, the elders from both families will be present.
We cannot scandalize them with our dance.
-We cannot! -Ants and old?
No, hang on, guys.
You guys won't compromise at all. Got it?
Keep your rage mode on.
-I'll handle it. -Preet, bring it on. We're raging!
Why would they need to compromise?
It's our job, after all.
I was thinking of bringing Aayat to the wedding.
-Of course, bro. -Yeah, go for it.
Half the country is coming anyway.
Come on, Lavu.
My parents have a say in this.
They can invite whomever they want.
Then ask them to get married again.
Then they can do whatever they want.
This is my fucking wedding.
Our fucking wedding.
Listen, I know you're stressed
because you've been organizing the whole wedding.
I told her…
I told her to get a wedding planner.
Because doing everything alone--
Had we got a wedding planner on board,
your parents would've gone way overboard!
My God, Lavanya, why is it such a big deal?
Money is not an issue.
-Right. -We'll handle it, okay?
I'm handling everything.
I've just invested in an app,
when it goes live, I'll get the returns. Just don't--
-Rishabh Rathore, are you forgetting? -Oh, God!
If we have to buy a house with our own money,
we need to save some money.
And what is this floozy app shit anyway?
What even is this thing?
Sorry.
Shahid, did you get permission to bring Aayat?
Dude, I have my doubts if Rishabh will get permission to come!
Hope she doesn't run away from her own wedding.
-That will be fun. -What a bitch!
Just kidding. I'm joking.
Shahid, Your Majesty!
What's up, darling?
Ajju, bro, where are you?
In Delhi, for a show.
I'll be back in three days.
Tell me, what's up?
Bro, it's all set.
Before she becomes the mother of my child,
I want to propose to her.
What do you mean?
She's your fan and I want to use you, dude.
Of course, Shahid.
I am meant to be used.
Fucker!
I'd even dance naked for you, you fool.
No need for all that.
Please just answer my call next week,
I'll tell you what to do.
-You guys go ahead. -Yes.
-Yeah. Sheetu and I will be there soon. -Alright.
I want to go with them.
-Come. I'll give you a chocolate. -No!
Sorry, Sheetu.
I couldn't make it to the movie.
It's okay.
I'm also sorry.
We're going for a mini vacation.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
-Let's go to the terrace. -Terrace.
Hi.
Sameer bhai, please don't tell Papa. Please.
Relax.
I have the keys to the terrace.
You can take them from me.
No one goes to the terrace in the afternoon.
Even we slink away to the terrace.
Send me a message when you're going,
so that we don't end up going at the same time.
-Bye. -Bye.
What's the deal with you and Kkrish Malhotra?
How the hell do you know about Kkrish?
I saw your photo with him on some gossip site.
The caption read, "Kkrish's next".
I think he's dumb.
Sid, I can't speak to you about all this.
Just remember, you're amazing!
Yes, I will.
And how are your parents?
Usual.
Like two horny teenagers always away with their lovers.
Have you been practicing the exercises I gave you?
Working on it.
I'll speak to you soon.
-Hey, babe. -Hi, you're opening the door?
Like a gentleman?
Let's go?
Why don't you park the car somewhere?
Don't worry, babe. I'm a superhero.
I can multitask.
Kkrish!
Shit!
Oh, God!
He's bleeding!
Open the door.
Kkrish, open the door. We have to take him to the vet.
Babe, everyone will recognize me there.
Come on, no one recognizes you anyway.
Fuck!
One, two, three, and…
touch the sky, let's go!
-YOLO! -YOLO!
Why is everyone so bloody happy early in the morning?
Let them be, sister.
What epic shit are we doing with our lives anyway?
I mean, what am I even doing?
A demigod with a six-pack, to start with!
Isn't he your patient?
Was.
And that's so over.
But why?
Let me guess. Is he an alcoholic?
-Or the obsessive type? -I wish he was one of the two.
At least the sex would have been good.
He's a self-conscious protein shake!
Fucking shit!
Girls!
-Sorry, ma'am. -Sorry, ma'am.
Nothing will ever make you happy.
That super hot fuck buddy of yours,
he's too average.
The super rich-clients that you have,
are too depressed.
And what about those 100 dating apps that you can be on?
These dating apps have more garbage than garbage trucks,
you know, right?
Like, what do men worry about?
The girl shouldn't look different from her pictures.
Do you know what I have to be worried about?
Besides being roofied and found in a dumpster,
sapiosexual men
who read Chetan Bhagat.
And how can I forget, manic-depressive artists?!
And the ones who are mentally stable
their emotional stability is so little.
Just like Sheetal's tits from school!
-Or hers. -Hello!
I was a late-bloomer, bitch!
I still haven't bloomed.
Fine, these dating apps are fuck all, I get it.
But what about those apps
in which the girl can make the first move?
As if I don't have enough struggles,
now I have to make the first move as well!
You sound like Lavu's mom
giving us a sex talk in sixth grade.
The egg never swims to the sperm!
-Girls, never chase a man! -Girls, never chase a man!
-Girls?! -Arjun is having a biryani party.
These parties and stuff are for big city people,
-not me. -Oh!
For once, hang out with people who matter to me.
Yes?
Oh!
By the way, Mom made fish curry that day.
You didn't show up, fucker.
You go ahead and hang out with your friends,
party, and chill with them. Have fun!
You don't have any real responsibilities.
Fuck!
You're the one who flies down to this "big city" every Thursday, to get high.
You are a gay man who can't even accept his own identity.
-Right? -Melroy, don't.
-Now you're pushing it. -Oh.
Stay on the weekends and solve their problems.
You're here every Sunday to fuck.
Do their problems disappear on Sundays?
Coming here, fucking, and doing cocaine won't change
-whatever the fuck you're on about. Mr-- -I said, don't push it.
-That's what you are. -Don't push it!
Why the hell are you scared of being seen in public with me, dude?
Melroy.
Don't push it!
If your people find out, they'll hack you to pieces.
-Isn't that what this is? -I said, don't push it.
Can't you… fucking tell them?
Hold me
Why don't you hold me, love
With thoughts in your head
And thorns in your hands
It hurts me
It hurts me to the stars and back
That you don't see my heart
Burning in the dark
O my blood moon
Shine on me, shine on me red
Come, shine on me, shine on me red
Hold me
-Yes? -We're here to meet Melroy.
He is sick.
He's got a very bad viral.
Why don't you all come back later?
He hasn't come to school for three days,
can we please meet him once?
Listen, kids.
I don't want any of you to fall sick too.
-Chop some mint. Hey! -Hello!
My baby!
Go find Arjun, he must be sleeping.
-I'll get him. -Wait.
Come here.
-Where's Sheets? -Late as usual.
I've cooked biryani, especially for you.
Taste it and tell me if you like it.
Guys.
Yavar couldn't make it so he sent us sevaiyan.
-Auntie, you-- -Oh wow!
-So sweet. -Please thank him on our behalf
-for not coming. -Hello.
Tahira Auntie, Aayat.
Greetings, Auntie. You have such a gorgeous home.
-Thank you so much. -Greetings, Ms. Aayat!
Greetings!
Arjun, you go first.
I am not. Come on, take it off.
This much?
When I see you, I feel like eating you up!
-Come over then. -Who is it? Who?
-I want to say hi. -One second.
-Hello? -Just for a second, show me.
Listen… What are you doing, Mum?
-I want to see it. -Listen.
There's a biryani lunch now. I'll eat this biryani later.
Hi!
-Fuck, man! Lavu! -Why won't you let me see who it is?
Hurry up, everyone's waiting.
You could've said that and left.
Why were you staring?
Because you're so damn hot!
I can't help it, I can't control myself.
Listen.
Behave yourself.
Now you're getting married and Rishabh's body is your temple.
-You won't get anything from me. -Oh, shut up!
-Hurry up and come out. -Take this.
Take my pictures.
I want to send them to a friend.
Cover yourself.
How do I look?
Ajju, you're not looking good from any of these angles.
Seriously?
How about now?
Tell me, Arjun with clothes or without?
Go ask your mummy.
Why would I ask Mummy?
Hurry up!
Where's our hero?
He was trying some dirty phone sex.
-Crazy! -Guys, I have one more.
"The sexy stud from Haryana
who will soon be seen in a superhero film
is biting more than he can chew."
About time, the girlfriends catch up.
Is it that fucking actor, Kkrish?
Really?
The guy who had come to Arjun's party, bro.
-Yeah. -He was trying his luck that night too.
Really? You were partying or watching him?
Boo!
Why are you so irritating?!
What's happening?
What's up? Found a guy yet, or are you still single?
There's someone I meet on the weekends.
It's called prostitution.
I don't pay, okay?
That's because you are the prostitute!
Hi, sexy.
There's a lot of dirty talk happening, Ma.
-Keep quiet, naughty boy. -I shushed them.
Auntie, the biryani is so good.
-Thank you. -I told you.
AG's dad--
I mean, isn't Arjun's dad at home?
No, there's no dad.
-Hello! -Hey, sorry we're late.
Welcome!
-Hi. -So late!
What is this? What took you so long?
Actually, Asit's son had diarrhea.
They had to take him to the hospital.
We had to rush to take care of the other one, so…
-Diarrhea? -You should give him salted sugar water.
Why doesn't anyone talk about these things that happen after marriage?
About what? Diarrhea?
Just look at them, they're a mess.
Everyone has to adjust to a new family.
Right, Sameer?
-Please stop it. Please. -I didn't start it.
Tell me, bro, why doesn't your boyfriend ever show up?
Is he even real? Or a fantasy?
He doesn't live in Bombay,
and he is the best thing in my life.
To us also.
Guys, I need a selfie for my page.
-Sure. -Listen, don't tag me.
Else all your unhygienic fans will be like,
"Ma'am, since you're Ajju's friend,
can you be my friend also, dear?"
I'll tag you first.
Can you please promote my boutique page as well?
Sure, I'll dance in one of your skirts if you want.
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm really proud of this idiot.
Smile.
One, two, three.
Sorry, I came too early.
It's okay.
Think about it, Sam.
This can be our reality.
Living in a hotel?
Living by ourselves.
If we live by ourselves,
move out of our family home,
Papa won't buy me another house, no way.
Hello, Papa.
Yes, Papa.
Jai Shri Krishna.
We'll offer our prayers and
be back soon.
No, we're staying today.
We'll reach tomorrow.
Right.
Sheetu.
You told him that we're going to offer prayers?
For a child, yes.
You make me happy and disappoint me immediately after, every time.
-What do you want me to do? -Take a risk sometimes.
Like your share-trading tycoon Papa?
Millionaire turned pauper!
At least I earn enough from the sweet shop to run our home.
Sheetu… sorry, Sheetu.
I didn't mean it.
Sheetu.
Hello.
How are we today?
Damn, I haven't seen you--
Hey!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I took the flight over the weekend to see your stupid face and…
While you were out, Mel,
I was in this shithole.
Listen, I told you we had an emergency at work.
And Yavar, babe, just because you want to come here and fuck
that doesn't mean I stop working.
What's up with you?
What happened?
Okay, I can't deal with this.
I've had a shit day at work too.
They're getting me married, Mel.
To a girl.
Mel.
Mel!
Hey.
Listen, I wanted to be the one to tell you this.
-Listen to me. -Hold me
Look at me.
-Why don't you… -You know what, amazing.
-Just fucking go get married. -Hold me, love
Get married.
-Good that you got some practice… -With thoughts in your head
making out with that girl.
-Because your new wife… -And thorns…
-In your hands -or whoever the fuck she is,
-it'll help her right? -It's not like that.
-It's not like that, listen to me. -It hurts me
Fuck off, man!
-Mel, listen to me. -It hurts me to the stars…
-and back -Fuck off!
Not right--
-Know what, get the fuck out of my house. -That you don't see
-My heart -Not right now. Mel, listen.
-You know what you mean to me. -Burning in the dark
-What? -You know what you mean to me.
-Yeah, I know! I know! -O my blood moon
-I know what I mean to you. -Shine on me
-I'm your fucking whore! -Shine on me red
I'm your whore!
-Stop acting like that, Mel! -Fuck you.
-Shut up! -Shine on me…
-Red -Fucking hypocrite!
-Mel, I swear… -Come shine on me
-Shine on me red -You're a gay man,
you can't fucking accept it.
Fuck you!
-Get the fuck out of my house. Get out! -O my blood moon
Shine on me, shine on me red
O my blood moon